You Found Me
by brighteyes87
Summary: When her marriage started to fall apart, she ran into a beautiful stranger on the streets of London. Can he show her what love is supposed to be and help her move on? Edward x Bella A/H Warning: Dark, mature themes. Continuation of one-shot Dimes.
1. You Found Me

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

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_**Chapter One**_

_Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late, you found me, you found me._

_But in the end everyone ends up alone  
Losing her, the only one who's ever known  
Who I am, who I'm not and who I want to be  
No Way to know how long she will be next to me_

The Fray, "You Found Me"

* * *

She missed the States and her life there. She missed being able to call up her best friends just to chat or to meet for a casual lunch in Seattle. She missed Charlie and Renee. She missed Billy, her father-in-law. But mostly, she missed the relationship that had been lost since arriving in the country, so many miles away from the place that she had once called home. London had changed everything and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it hadn't been the adventure that she had hoped it would have been. They weren't the same people, money had changed him and she had taken a back seat to his job, something he promised wouldn't happen when she had agreed to make the move.

She didn't know many people there, only Rosalie who she had met at a company party one night. Like herself, Rosalie had uprooted her life in the States to follow her husband. However, unlike her situation, her relationship had only been made stronger; something Bella envied more than she would have liked to admit. Still, she couldn't fault her for that, it wasn't her fault that her relationship with Emmett was able to withstand the trials that she and Jake couldn't. Maybe her relationship wasn't meant to be. Maybe Jake wasn't the man that she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. It was a thought that had been popping into her mind more and more as the time passed.

So why was it so hard for her to leave him? She had been unhappy for two years now. Why was it so hard to just pack her things up and head back to the States where her family was? She had had a few conversations with Charlie and he had told her that her room would always be available for her if she were to ever need it again. Giving up had never been an option for her though, if she couldn't make it work with her best friend, what were the chances of her making it work with anyone else?

It was just after the lunch hour rush on a rare sunny spring day in London when Bella stumbled into a Starbucks in Chelsea. She was a ways away from the townhouse that she shared with Jacob in Notting Hill, and of course it would have been easy to have gotten coffee there, in fact, there was a small little café steps from their home, but she had felt restless and the air there had been stifling. It was easy to convince herself that she had gone to Chelsea because Soho would have been too crowded, but she would have been lying to her gut. Deep down, she had felt drawn to the area from the moment that she stepped into the tube station and saw Sloane Square on the circle line; she knew she had to go there; it was almost as though everything would fall apart if she didn't.

Kings Road was crowded, though it was much calmer than anything would have been had she gone into the heart of the city. She reveled in the calm chaos around her: the business men, dressed in their smart suits as they hurried back to their offices, the women pushing their prams down the street while cooing at their little bundle that was nestled in the soft blankets under the protective cover that shielded their sensitive skin from the harmful rays of sun. It was those women she envied the most. They could have been the nannies or the mothers, but it was all the same to her; she wanted a child and Jake told her it wasn't the right time for them. She knew better than that, it wasn't that they weren't ready, it was that _he_ wasn't ready. It was just another thing that she resented him for, but then again, bringing a baby into the world with the strained relationship that they had wouldn't have been smart and it wouldn't have been fair to the innocent child.

She must have been too absorbed in the thoughts that were swimming through her mind, the cluttered combination of the pain and regret of the life she was living and how trapped she felt in her own surroundings, because the next thing she knew, she had bumped into something hard as she walked out the door and onto the street. She was experienced in the way of falling, but it seemed that every time it happened, it always managed to surprise her, though this time she wasn't sure it was all her fault.

The hot coffee burned her skin and she cursed her decision to buy a hot drink now that it was all over her. She didn't want to look down, to see the dark stains that were probably seeping into the expensive fabric of the shirt Jacob had bought her in his attempt to assimilate her into the trophy wife category. It was a role she was uncomfortable with but as the stress on their relationship grew, she molded herself to fit what she thought he wanted in order to appease him. Now, her wardrobe was filled with clothes that were Jacob approved: various shirts by Marc Jacobs and Diane Von Furstenberg, jeans that were slim and tight as opposed to the loose ones she use to wear in Washington, dresses by Dior and Moschino. They were trivial, a reminder of the fact that he had become materialistic and a man that she barely recognized anymore, and she hated them but wore them because she knew it was what he wanted.

"I am so sorry!" His voice sounded like what she imagined velvet would sound like if it made noise. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

She was still wiping at the liquid as he spoke and she knew that she would be in trouble if she saw his face. A man with a voice that beautiful was likely to have a face, equally as stunning. She picked up the now empty cup that had fallen from her hands to the dirty sidewalk and tossed it into one of the trash bins that was outside of the establishment. "It's okay. I'm prone to accidents."

"American?" He mused and she knew she couldn't keep averting her eyes from him and she instantly regretted it when she looked up to see what was probably the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She noticed his eyes first, his piercing, because there was no other way to describe the intensity of the color, emerald eyes, lit up his entire face. And it wasn't until she was able to move beyond them that she saw his high cheekbones, his strong, chiseled jaw, and the mop of bronze, shaggy hair that she could only describe as sex hair. She had a sudden urge to run her fingers through it to see if it was as soft as it looked but she refrained, thrusting her hands into the pockets of her jeans instead.

"Is it that obvious?" She surprised herself when she found her voice, even more astonished that she managed to speak without stuttering.

"The accent is a dead giveaway." He smiled and she thought she might had died and gone to heaven. His smile was just as vibrant as his eyes and she wondered how it was fair that someone as beautiful as him existed in the world. "Let me buy you another coffee."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that." She was trying to give him an out, but he just stood there, grinning and she felt her heart beating wildly in her chest.

"Please?" Her cheeks flushed and she knew that speaking wasn't going to be possible, so she just nodded her head and followed him back into the coffee shop, trying not to faint as she felt his hand press against the small of her back as they stood looking at the menu, deciding what they would order.

If she thought she was alone in her attraction, she was sorely mistaken. He was certain that he had never found a woman that he had been so instantaneously drawn to. She wasn't attractive in the supermodel sense, she was in a class all her own. Never had he felt as though the sheer force of someone's eyes could knock him off his feet, but when she looked at him, he felt the air leave his lungs and the world around him began to spin.

"What will it be?" He asked, looking down at her and fighting the urge to pull her against him when he saw the way the barista was looking at her. She was absorbed in her thoughts and he took the opportunity to scowl at the man behind the counter, watching as he took a step back and visibly tensed.

"What?" She asked, realizing that his eyes were on her which caused her cheeks to redden once again.

"What would you like?"

"Oh. Skinny, vanilla latte?" She said, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"I don't think that's what you should have." He grinned.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you always phrase every sentence as a question?"

"No."

"Okay. Just checking." He turned his attention back to the barista. "One skinny vanilla latte and a cappuccino." He watched as he wrote the order on the cups and turned to look down at the woman at his side. "Would you like something to eat?" She shook her head.

"Will that be all?"

"A chocolate chip cookie as well please."

"Eight pound, twenty five."

Bella reached for her wallet to pay her share but he waved a hand in front of her and tossed a Tenner on the counter, pointing to an empty table. She huffed slightly but complied and he watched as her hips swayed as she walked. There was something about her spunk that seemed to attract him even more. He took the change that the man had placed on the counter and took their drinks in his hands heading back over to the woman who was waiting for him.

"I could have paid for my own drink." She commented and he chuckled lightly.

"Can't you just say thank you and accept it?"

"Thank you."

"It was the least I could do. Your shirt, after all, is ruined because of me."

She looked down and saw the dark brown stains in the cream colored blouse that she was wearing. To say she had forgotten would have been an understatement. It wasn't that she had merely forgotten, there seemed to be something more, something about him that made her mind go fuzzy and the rest of the world disappear. For the first time since she had started her relationship with Jacob, she had to remind herself that she wasn't available.

"It's not a big deal… I have plenty more at home, though I probably won't be going to Trafalgar Square now." She laughed before taking a sip of the drink that he had placed in front of her.

"Trafalgar? You don't seem like a tourist."

"I'm not. I moved here three years ago." She shrugged. Neither had realized that they still didn't know each other's names. "I just like the National Gallery. I could spend hours there. Well, actually I _do_ spend hours there."

"You don't work?"

"No." She sighed. She wished she had a job but Jacob had forbidden it, saying that he would have been embarrassed if his wife had taken up a job when he was more than able to take care of her. "My husband doesn't exactly want me working."

He choked on his drink when she said husband and he coughed violently to get the liquid out of his lungs.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, reaching across the table to place her hand on his, ignoring the tingling that she felt as their skin touched and she tried to convince herself that it was all in her head.

"You're married?" His eyes flickered to her left hand, and there sat the incriminating evidence. The ring was enormous, and somehow, it didn't seem like something that she would wear. It seemed, ostentatious. It was the only word that came to his mind. It was probably purchased at Tiffany or Cartier, or some large, overpriced jeweler and was an easy two carat diamond. It was beautiful, yes, but even though he had only known her all of ten minutes, he knew that this ring was a far cry from her.

"Is it strange that I've allowed you to buy me a drink, and you know that I'm married but we don't know each other's names?" She mused, flashing him a heart stopping smile. He hated that she was married; it meant she was off limits, though that seemed to be the problem with his life. He was always wanted things that could never belong to him. She was the forbidden fruit, but it had to count for something that he had wanted her long before he had found that out, right?

"Cullen… Edward Cullen." He knew he sounded like a tool, and he didn't know what it was that prompted him to respond like that, but it had escaped his mouth like word vomit before he could stop himself.

"I think someone has watched a bit too many James Bond movies… Or do all strikingly handsome British men speak that way?"

"If I said that I _was_ the real James Bond would it make it sound better?" He cocked his eyebrow at her, carrying on with her witty banter while reveling in the fact that she considered him handsome.

She laughed and shook her head and a wave of pride washed over him knowing that he had caused that musical laugh to escape her full, soft lips. He closed his eyes as he tried to rid his mind of all fantasies that were currently forming that involved those lips.

"Well, Edward Cullen… I'm Bella Black." She finally managed to choke out once the laughter had calmed.

He knew he shouldn't have asked, but just as before, the words had managed to escape his mouth before he could take them back. "What was your maiden name?"

"Swan. Bella Swan." She imitated him before she found herself giggling once again.

"Haha, make fun of the man who bought you a drink."

"Sorry." She grinned as she brought the coffee back to her lips.

"That's some ring." He nodded his head to her hand.

She paused and looked at it, as though she was contemplating his words and he watched her carefully. "I suppose it's nice… It's awfully large, but if you ever see my husband please don't mention that to him."

"It's a bit ostentatious."

Her jaw dropped and he took the shock the wrong way, thinking that she believed he had overstepped his boundaries seeing as they had just met. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that." He spoke quickly, afraid that he had offended her.

"No… Really it's okay. I told Jake the exact same thing when he gave it to me. I wanted to keep the original ring he had given me but when we moved here… I don't know… He wanted _more_ I guess." Her eyes shifted back to the ring on her finger. "I don't feel comfortable wearing this… It's too large. I'm afraid that someone is going to see it and cut of my finger or something."

"Just don't go over to the East End." He grinned. "Or if you do, at least take the thing off."

"I thought they had cleaned up the area."

He snorted. "I suppose it's cleaner than it was five years ago but it's still not exactly the safest place in London."

"But Brick Lane has the most wonderful Indian food I have ever tasted." She closed her eyes and moaned softly as she imagined the taste of the Tikka Masala at Bengal Cuisine.

"You are something else Bella Black. But please tell me you didn't go there alone."

"No I didn't go alone. My only friend here in London took me."

"Only friend? You've been here for three years and you only have one friend?"

"One friend that I trust." She commented and he pulled his eyebrows together, confused by her words. "Most of the women that I'm around are all the wives of my husband's colleges and well… I suppose the only way I could describe them is the ultimate in Stepford wives. They all have bleached blonde hair or brown hair that they have had streaked with gold highlights… They are all a perfect size zero, and teeter on their Manolo's and Jimmy Choo's… It's disgusting really, and the more time I spend with them the more I feel as though my brain cells are slowly dying." He chuckled and she found herself smiling. "I met Rose two weeks after we moved into our townhouse in Notting Hill at a company party. She moved with her husband Emmett from New York when AEG transferred him to London."

"So what makes her different?" He asked playing with the empty paper cup that he held in his hands.

"She doesn't take their crap."

"That's always an enduring quality."

"It is… All these women, they are all obsessed with money and youth… They don't think twice about taking the metaphorical knife and stabbing it in their so called 'friends' back."

"Sounds horrible."

"You have no idea." She sighed and looked down at the table. "I guess it doesn't help that Jake wants me to be like them."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess he is just wrapped up in the scene… I don't know… He wants me to dress like them, to act like them… But it's not me. It's never been me and he's known that all along. I've always been the girl who prefers to stay in with a cup of tea, reading a novel than going out and drinking at this week's hottest club. I'd rather be in my pajamas then wearing skin tight jeans and designer tops…" She dropped her head into her hands and he was fighting every urge in his body to move to the other side of the table and wrap her up in his arms, to tell her that she should never change because she was perfect just as she was.

"God look at me, pouring my heart out to a complete stranger." She groaned.

"I don't mind." He whispered. "Sometimes you just need to let it out."

"I suppose you are right." She glanced down at her watch, it was nearly two. "You don't have to go to work do you?"

He laughed. "No. I'm in a band so we really only work at night much to my parents dismay."

"Is that who you were talking to on the phone?"

"By talking do you mean arguing?" He laughed and she nodded her head. "Yeah, it was. My dad isn't thrilled that I'm wasting my medical degree and thinks that I should just suck it up and go work in one of the hospitals."

"But that's not what you want." It was a statement, not a question and he smiled at her.

"Exactly! I've always wanted to make music… For it to reach others and inspire them like it always has done for me. There is something, I feel, completely noble in that task. I can't tell you how many times music has helped me get through my darkest moments."

"Then that's what you should do."

"Try convincing that to my father."

"What does he do?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

"He's a doctor I take it."

"He's a surgeon." Her lips formed an "oh" shape and he smiled ruefully. "I suppose he is just looking out for me, I'm twenty five and I should have a proper career but I can't give up."

"Don't."

"For you, I won't."

"No, you need to do it for you." She grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"Alright, I'll do it for me."

"I should probably get going, I've already managed to monopolize enough of your time." She spoke as she stood up, buttoning her jacket to hide the stains.

"You don't have to go." His voice was urgent, not ready for her to leave. He wanted to get to know her more. It was masochistic at best; knowing that he desired her and nothing could ever come from it. He had been raised properly; his mother would have scolded him for even thinking the thoughts that had been racing through his mind, in which she was the starring role.

"I really do though…" She sighed and he thought he could hear her reluctance to leave him as well. "I'm due to meet Rose back in Notting Hill."

"Oh." He said softly and stood as well, taking his empty cup into his hand and tossing it into the trash bin that was nearest to their table as they walked towards the door. London was a large city and he knew that there was a very good chance that he might never see her again and he had to find a way to make sure that he would.

"Thank you, for the coffee… And for listening to me rant."

"Anytime." He clenched his fist to keep himself from brushing the hair that had fallen into her eyes off her face.

They both stood there on the sidewalk, shifting their weight uncomfortably on their feet, neither wanting to leave but both knowing that they had to. She knew that her attraction to him was wrong, that her intense desire to be with him was punishable and she felt guilty for even thinking about him in that light. He knew that she was married and that nothing could ever happen, but she seemed unhappy with the status of her relationship so maybe there was a glimmer of hope. Still, he knew he couldn't be the one to break them up, she would probably only come to resent him if he did.

He watched her tug at the front of her coat and remembered the stains on her shirt. "I don't want to sound forward, I know you are married but I would love to pay to have your shirt cleaned properly. It was, after all, my fault that it is stained."

"It's okay, really."

"I insist. My mother would never let me hear the end of it if I didn't do the proper thing. I could give you a ring so I can see how much I owe you?"

Her heart was fluttering in her chest, though she knew he was asking for her number, she was doing all she could to convince herself that he was purely interested in a platonic relationship, still, she couldn't help but entertain the thoughts that he might have been attracted to her in the same way that she was to him. She enjoyed the moment as best as she could even though she knew that she would regret it later when the guilt would settle in. "That sounds… reasonable." She nodded as her hand found its way into her purse, pulling from it, a pen. "Do you have any paper?"

He reached into his pockets and pulled out the receipt from their coffee and handed it to her, watching as she scribbled the number neatly before passing it back to him.

"I'll call you soon." He smiled, putting the number in his pocket so he wouldn't lose it.

"It was nice meeting you Edward." She smiled before turning her back on him to walk down the street towards the tube station.

"It was nice to meet you too Bella." He grinned, watching as she looked over her shoulder as he spoke and tossed her hand into the air in a gentle wave.

When she disappeared around the corner, he reached into his pocket, pulling the paper out and looking at the number. He was anxious already, willing himself to refrain from grabbing his cell phone that was in his other pocket to dial the number now, if only to hear her voice. He shook his head, as though he was trying to shake the thoughts from his mind and pushed the paper back down into his pocket. He would give it a few days. He didn't want to seem too eager. She was, after all, married.

* * *

She tossed her keys on the table in the entrance hall. The house was dark, a sure sign that Jake had not returned home from work yet which would give her enough time to prepare dinner before he would arrive. It wasn't that he expected dinner to be ready when he finally managed to walk through the door, but she knew he appreciated it.

The rest of her afternoon had been tame at best. She and Rose had done a little shopping, something Jacob would have encouraged, but she couldn't get Edward off her mind. It was stupid, nothing would ever come of it, and she was fairly certain that he would never even call. She was married and men didn't phone women with husbands. Still she checked her phone anytime she thought she felt it vibrate in her pocket, cursing the 'phantom' rings when she realized that it had only been her overactive imagination and subconscious desire to hear his musical voice.

"_You are checking your phone an awful lot this afternoon. I'm sorry I'm not entertaining enough." Rose joked as she thumbed through a rack of shirts. Bella hadn't had time to go home to change so they had resorted to purchasing a new shirt. It hadn't been hard to find one, but it had wet Rose's appetite to shop, so what was supposed to be an afternoon of relaxing, turned into a shopping expedition much to Bella's displeasure. _

"_What?" Bella asked, realizing that Rose had said something._

"_I said that you are checking your phone a lot. Does Jacob have you on house arrest or something?" _

"_No." She laughed._

"_That man is a modern day Neanderthal. I swear he even glares at Emmett when he goes to hug you." Rose commented and Bella knew that there was truth behind her words. "How do you deal with it? I can't put up with that kind of shit. Emmett would be out on his ass."_

"_Hey Rose?" _

"_Yes Bella?"_

"_Have you ever been attracted to another man? I mean, since you've been with Emmett?" The question was sure to spark Rose's interest but she had to know that she wasn't the only one that this happened to, that even women in happy relationships found their minds consumed by the strangers that they bumped into, figuratively and well, in Bella's case, literally._

_Rose shrugged. "I mean, I've seen men I thought were attractive but I've never really thought much about it. Why?"_

"_Just asking." _

"_Isabella Marie Black, don't you shut that pretty mouth of yours now. I'm not an idiot and I know when you're lying. Is that why you keep checking your phone?" Bella blushed and Rose's jaw dropped before she covered it with her hand to keep her squeal from disturbing the other patrons in the shop._

"_Who is he?"_

"_Just some guy who accidentally bumped into me this afternoon."_

"_So that's how you got the coffee stains?" Bella nodded. "Keep talking."_

"_It's nothing really, he probably doesn't even think of me like that."_

"_He asked for your number."  
_

"_Because he wanted to pay for the dry cleaning."_

"_Bella you are so naïve." Rose chuckled. "He was using that as an excuse to get your number because if you were acting like I think you probably were, he was probably scared shitless that you were going to reject him. Though I'll have to admit, using his fuck up to get your number was pretty genius."_

"_Rose, he knows I'm married."_

"_So?" She shrugged, as she took another item from the rack before handing it to the doting sales girl who had been following them around the store._

"_Nothing, and I mean, nothing, could ever come of it." _

"_Bella, are you happy with Jake?"_

"_Of course I'm happy." It was the perfunctory response, and it wasn't the truth._

"_Liar."_

"_He's my husband Rose… For better or worse…"_

"_Is he the same man you married?"_

"_What does that matter? We said vows; I can't very well go and break them."_

"_I still bet he calls… I give him three days before he gives in."Rose grinned widely and Bella merely rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to the rack of clothes that stood before her.  
_

Bella placed the bags from her afternoon purchases by the stairs figuring she would take them to her closet later. She couldn't be bothered to put forth the effort to go up the two flights of stairs at that moment and instead, walked into the kitchen.

There wasn't much in their cupboards since she hadn't made her usual trip to Whole Foods for a few days but she would figure something out. Even if it was simple, Jake would have to deal with that. She pulled out two chicken breasts from the freezer and placed them in the microwave to thaw them before shifting things around in the refrigerator to find some vegetables to cook with it.

"Bella?" She heard Jake's voice from the hallway as she pulled the green beans from the vegetable locker.

"Hi." She said when she heard his footsteps on the tile floor of the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck as she washed the beans in the sink. "How was your day?"

"It was great!" She was certain that he loved his job more than he loved her, when he spoke of his job his whole face lit up with excitement. There was a time when she remembered that that look had been reserved for her and her alone. "I have to go to Munich though for a few days."

"When?" She questioned, slightly irritated that he hadn't even bothered to ask her how her day went. It was the little things like that, which upset her. In the beginning of their relationship, even when they had been living in Seattle and he had been working in AEG's Seattle office, he had always asked her how her day had gone. It seemed that since moving, he had become so wrapped up with his promotion and new status with the company that everything else just fell into the background, including her.

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh." She replied, wiggling from his embrace to pull a pot from the pot rack that hung over the counter island.

"I know I just got back from Paris but they want me to go."

"It's fine." She said, her tone even.

"Maybe you could get a dog." He mused and she felt the anger as it began to course through her veins from his comment.

"A dog? You think I should get a dog!" She was shouting when she turned around and put the pot on the burner, some of the water sloshing out of it and onto the now hot surface from the force with which she carried out the action.

"It would keep you company and protect you when I'm not here."

"Nice stand in." She muttered, fighting the tears that she could feel forming in her eyes.

"Don't be like that Bella."

"Like what Jacob?" She snapped.

"All needy and emotional. Jesus Christ, it's my fucking job! What do you want me to do? Quit?"

"Fine, make your own dinner Jacob. I'm suddenly not very hungry." She retorted, storming past him before picking up both her jacket and purse that was hanging by the door and slamming it behind her, leaving him alone in the house. More than ever, she was hoping that Edward would call.

* * *

**A/N:**

**So because I enjoyed writing the one-shot so much, I realized that I wanted to extend on it... To write all the stuff that happened between it all and the history behind Bella and Jacob's relationship as well... To watch it fall apart and to watch everything blossom between Bella and Edward in a heartbreakingly beautiful way. So you already know how it's going to end if you read 'Dimes' but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless. I'm having a really, really fun time with this because it's a little less dramatic than 'Baby You Can Stop Running' and allows me to explore a different kind of emotion. **

**I've never been through anything like this. I'm merely a 22 year-old college student, so I'm not versed on the ways with which affairs begin, but I will try my hardest to make this as realistic as possible. There will be a lot of internal conflict and a pelthora of angst. So if angst isn't you thing, this probably won't be the best story for you to read. Still, I hope that if you do read it, that you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it! **

**Any help regarding this story would be fantastic. My life experiences are limited, mainly becasue I am still fairly young and have only seen so much. I am very familiar with London though, having lived there last year and my plan is to move back in Setpember. And I hope that I haven't offended anyone with my comments about London's East End. I lived in Mile End last year so I know the location like the back of my hand and have had a great deal of experiences there that I never knew I would... I'd consider writing about them but I'm not sure they are relevant to this story.**

**As for an updating schedlue for this story as it is just something I'm doing on the side, I hope to update at LEAST once a week. Though it could be much more frequently depending on the reaction that I recieve, so please, review! I thrive on knowing what you all think! Don't be shy! A preview of the next chapter will accompany reviews, unless you do not want me to respond, in which case, please say so and I will respect your wishes and thank you formally in my author's notes! So, click that little box and review!  
**


	2. I've Been Lonely For So Long

**Hey guys! Just so you know, I'm not abandoning "Baby You Can Stop Running." The only reason why this one is getting a chapter is because I already had it written and figured since it was there I should just post it. So anyways, I hope that you are enjoying the story. I hope to post a new chapter of Baby this weekend... I need to get through this week first and then I should have more time on my hands. I promise that after this month is over I'll have more time!**

**A special thanks to those who took the time to review: A Cullen Wannabe, Vampires Don't Sleep, SWChica2005, Luvntwilight, MyriadProBold, Sarah Lynn 86 and lorit. Thank you so much! I'd also like to thank those who have added this story to your favorites and alerts! You all make my day!**

**I'm kind of a feedback whore, so if you feed that part of me, you're more likely to get updates! Just so you know!**

**I'd also like to thank zgirl21 for her help/encouragement to go with this story! Check out some of her stories, they are great and I'm sure that you'll love them!  
**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

_**Chapter Two**_

_I've been lonely for so long  
Don't seem like happiness will come along  
Well I've been lonely for so long  
Don't seem like happiness will come along_

_These ain't rain clouds over my head  
Everybody's throwing rocks in my bed  
Just can't seem to get ahead in life  
Nothing I do seems to turn out right  
Somebody help me now_

Mick Jagger, "I've Been Lonely For So Long"

* * *

He was never the kind of man to need a woman, the kind who ever felt the desire to settle down, have children, move to the suburb. Then again, he had never experienced that life altering moment where you just know, when you are one hundred percent certain, that your heart belongs to that one person, and that one person alone. He couldn't even fathom what that would feel like regardless of the thousands of times that his best friend and sister tried to explain it to him. It had been easy for them; they had fallen for each other the moment that he had introduced Jasper to Alice when she was up visiting him at Oxford for the weekend during their first year.

But he was getting older, there was no denying that, and the more pressure that his mother and father placed on him to 'grow up,' get a 'proper' job, and settle down, the more the idea repelled him. But it was also blatantly obvious that his lifestyle was not as compatible to his friends anymore as he watched them move and mature; they were all settling down and if it wasn't for Garrett, he would have been the only bachelor left. He was alone, and for the first time, he was unhappy about it and even made angrier by the fact that he finally had found someone who he thought the possibility of more could exist with and that possibility was next to nonexistent. It seemed to be the story of his life; a climactic build up but never the proper release, instead, merely a disappointing conclusion.

Edward sat on his couch and pulled his Gibson SJ-200 into his lap, his fingers stroking the wood for a few moments as he reacquainted himself with the instrument. It was his baby, the love of his life, and he didn't know what he would do if anything ever happened to it. His mother joked that any woman would have to settle with second place and there had been a time when he would have believed that but as his fingers pulled at the strings, he realized that maybe that wasn't the case. Since he had met Bella, the music just didn't seem to flow as naturally as it once had, for once, a girl was taking priority in his jumbled mess of a mind, no longer able to focus on the chords.

The week passed much slower than Edward had been hoping that it would and the piece of paper that contained Bella's phone number only seemed to taunt him. When he had arrived back at his flat that afternoon, he had placed it on his kitchen table to keep it safe, knowing that so long as neither he nor the cleaning woman he had come once a week to tidy up touched it, that it would remain there, no possibility of it being misplaced. He would only have one chance with this, one chance to call her and get her to meet him. But there was more pressure than that because he would have to find a way to weasel his way into her life, to be her friend and possibly, one day, if it seemed likely, more than that.

Still, he didn't touch the number on the table, even after three days had passed. It was hard, there was no denying that, it seemed that every time he would glance at a phone his heart would start to race and his mind would turn back to that damn piece of paper. He wanted nothing more than to pick up his phone and call her, but he still wasn't convinced that it was the right thing to do, that he could live with himself if he were to break them up, even if it was something that he wanted more than anything else. _She's just a girl_, he repeated what seemed like twenty times a day in his head like a mantra, trying to convince himself that it was the truth, that she didn't have some mystical pull on him.

There was a knock on his door, which caused Hudson to bark, a futile attempt to scare off any imposing threat as he hadn't actually moved from his place on the carpet, merely lifting his head to glance at Edward and then fall back against the plush surface.

"Some guard dog you are." He chuckled as he stood up, pausing only a moment to pat the head of his Chocolate lab. The dog pushed into his hand but when the knocking on the door resumed, followed by the loud voice of his sister shouting at him to answer the door, he trudged over to it, Hudson not bothering the move with him.

"What's going on Alice" He opened the door and watched as she slipped by him, not even waiting for him to invite her in. Her hands were full, bringing with her a carrier tray of coffee and a large paper bag, more likely than not filled with sustenance from the small coffee shop down the street, the same one that he had been to with Bella.

"I haven't heard from you in days and I just wanted to check up on you to make sure you were okay." She handed him one of the cups and he took a sip, pleased that she had remembered how he preferred his coffee.

"I'm fine."

"I don't believe you. Jasper said you've been cancelling practices." She pressed and he knew that there was no way he was going to get out of this conversation.

There was no way that he could tell her the truth; that he had been taking Hudson for long walks in Notting Hill during the day and frequenting a few of the local pubs in that area with Garrett at night, hoping that on the off chance he might run into her, hell, he would have been satisfied with just catching a glimpse of her. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her about Bella, it was more, he knew, or at least, thought he knew, how she would react as soon as he came clean about her being married. It didn't matter that her husband seemed to be a complete and utter wanker, the fact was, she was married.

"I've been busy." He lied and she kept her eyes trained on him and he fought every urge in his body to pull at his unruly hair; his sign of discomfort. She would have known immediately if he did that simple act that he was lying. Though even his stoic stature did nothing to deter her.

"Liar."

"I'm not lying Al."

"You met someone." He winced and she grinned widely as she flopped down onto his couch, pulling a scone out from one of the paper bags. The smell must have convinced Hudson to finally wake up, because he was on his feet in minutes and sitting at her side, his head resting on her knee and looking up at her with his large, black eyes. "Didn't you teach him not to beg?"

The comment was offhand, and he decided to continue it, hoping to divert her attention. "You know him… He's like me, when he wants something he goes after it."

She laughed. "If that was your attempt at steering the conversation, you should have chosen to reply in a different manner. I do know you! I know you well enough to know that you are probably stalking the poor girl in your attempt to 'go after it.'"

"There isn't any girl Alice."

"That's bullshit. Who is she?" There would be no winning. She would merely continue to loiter around his living room, pestering him into submission.

"It's really nothing. I just met a girl a few days ago under a rather, unfavorable situation."

"Unfavorable situation?"

"Dad was laying into me about putting to use the medical degree… Needless to say I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going and she was coming out of the coffee shop when I crashed into her. She could have burned herself for fucks sake." He shook his head. It was true, although she had walked away rather unscathed, he could have given her pretty terrible burns had the coffee been scalding.

"Is she here?"

"No she isn't here. She has never been here."

"You must really like her then if you haven't taken her home." It was true. He wasn't one to wait for a girl to put out, in fact, he usually got exactly what he wanted on the first date and then the woman would be entered into their usual biweekly rotation. Still, he was already willing to give it all up, to throw away the little black book that he stored in his bedside table. He also knew that he would never expect to get sex from Bella and even thinking about taking her back to his place would have been preposterous. Bella wasn't that kind of girl.

"She is married Alice." He sighed, falling down into the couch and burying his head in the palms of his hands. Sensing his discontentment, Hudson walked towards him, pushing his wet nose against the backs of his hands, as if trying to tell him that it would be okay.

"Oh Edward…" Alice's hand was on his back, her hand rubbing circles on his back. It hadn't been the reaction he was expecting, he knew how she valued monogamy. In fact, since Jasper had proposed, she seemed to be obsessed with marriage.

They were silent for a while. Edward sitting there, his face still in his hands, Hudson resting his head between his masters legs, and Alice rubbing his back to steady his erratic breathing. It was only then that she seemed to find something funny and her quiet chuckles turned into a full on laugh.

"Figures that the first girl you fall for is someone you can't have. Mum will have a field day with this one." She managed to choke out, using her free hand to wipe the tears that had been produced from her fit.

"Shut it Alice. You think I don't realize how sick this whole situation is?"

"How does she feel?"

"Fuck if I know… I only met her a few days ago and I got her number but I'm still not sure if I should call it."

"She gave you her number?" Edward nodded, looking up from his hands and out the window. "Did she say anything about her husband?"

"It's more like what she didn't say." She lifted her eyebrows, waiting for him to exaggerate. "Just offhand comments about how he was trying to change her and how he isn't really the same man that she had married… Small things like that."

"So you think it's over between them?" He shrugged and leaned back against the back of the sofa, closing his eyes. In an attempt to see darkness, he was shown a vague outline of her face and he groaned. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her, he just wanted to her stop haunting his mind, he wanted her to show up there only when he permitted it.

"Oh how the mighty Edward has fallen!"

"Impossible! I don't even know her."

"But you can't get her out of your mind right? And it feels like your heart is about to explode, and that you might just die if you don't see her again, or hear her voice again, right?"

He nodded and she grinned even more. "Now you know."

"Know what?"

"What it feels like." He didn't respond, instead choosing to stroke the soft fur on Hudson's head.

"Come on." She said suddenly, jumping off the couch and grabbing his arm, tugging with all her might to get him to stand up.

"What?"

"You're coming out with Jasper and I." He gave in, knowing full well that there was no way she would ever let him stay at home. She was always like that, and he welcomed the opportunity to try and rid his mind of her, even if it was for only a short period of time.

* * *

She glanced out the window of her living room and saw the flakes of snow that were falling but not sticking to the ground. When she had first moved to London, she had the romantic notion in her head that it snows each and every winter. It was a thought that had been created not by experience but rather through films and she was slightly upset that it didn't snow; she had always imagined walking in Hyde Park with Jake as the snow fell around them, occasionally stopping to kiss and wipe the white flakes from his dark hair. Then again, even if it were to snow like that, Jake wouldn't have been around anyways.

Her eyes fell to the large bouquet that was sitting on the side table. It was another gift from Jacob, his 'I'm sorry I'm not going to be home for our anniversary but I'll make it up to you' gift. Though he had finished early in Munich, they had sent him back to Paris and he had gone without protest. He had forgotten all about their anniversary, only remembering when she had been so quiet. It was just another thing that she was beginning to resent him for, another example of how things had changed between them and she wasn't sure if they would ever get back to the way that they once were.

Rose had called her earlier that day, had begged her to go out, claiming that it would be good for her to get out and enter the world for a little while. She had declined, saying that she hadn't felt up for it and that she would only bring the crowd down.

"_He forgot again, didn't he?" Her voice was soft on the other end of the line and Bella could feel the tears as they began to pool in her eyes. She hated crying and she didn't want to. Somehow she felt guilty for being so angry with him over it, but she couldn't help it. _

"_Yes." She managed to squeak out._

"_Oh Bella… I'm going to come over."_

"_No… I don't want to spoil your night. I think I'd rather be alone."_

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_What's there to talk about?"_

"_The fact that he promised he wouldn't do this again after last year?"_

"_He's busy…"_

"_Don't you dare make excuses for him Isabella!" Rose could hear her friend sobbing on the other end and it broke her heart, but it made her appreciate her own husband. Emmett worked just as hard as Jacob did, but he always managed to be there for her when she needed him and what killed her the most, was that it seemed that before the move, Jacob and Bella had seemed to have an unbreakable bond. _

"_Bella, please come to dinner with Emmett and I… We really want to see you." She spoke, realizing that her friend wasn't going to say a word. "It will just be the three of us."_

"_No… You both go and have a good evening. I'm just really in the mood to be alone. I'll call you tomorrow." She hung up abruptly, not giving Rose the opportunity to change her mind. She just wanted to sulk, to put on a movie and just cry._

She was finally settling into an episode of Grey's Anatomy when she heard the door bell. She hadn't a clue as to who it could have been and she could feel her heart race in her chest with the thought that maybe it was Jacob. It was a stupid thought and she knew better than to get her hopes up but somehow, she had hoped that he would have understood just how important it was to her that they spend the day together. It was to be their fourth wedding anniversary and it wasn't a milestone or anything but she just wanted to be with him, to celebrate each other.

She pulled herself up from the couch, wishing that she hadn't changed into sweats quite so soon. As she trudged to the door, her foot hitting a pair of Jacobs shoes on the way and she yelped in pain as she pulled her foot into her hand and rubbed the toes while glaring at the offending shoes. That was going to be a pain that she would feel for a few days and she cursed him in her head for not putting them away like she had asked.

"I heard that! Bella are you okay?" She heard a familiar voice shout from the other side of the door and when she opened it, she found Rose standing there with a brown paper bag in her arms.

"I'm fine. Jake left his shoes out and I tripped on them." She sighed, disappointed in herself for even thinking that it could have been Jake. "What's up?"

"Emmett had to work late after all and since Jake isn't here, I thought I'd come by and we can watch movies and pig out." She smiled as she walked into the entrance hall. "Though it appears you've started without me."

"I figured you'd be going to Boujis tonight with Emmett and the other couples."

"And spend more time with the drones than I have to? No thanks. Emmett told me to come here anyways, he might stop by later." She grinned as they made their way into the kitchen. "I've brought Chinese from Mr. Chow."

"You are too good to me Rosalie McCarty, though I thought I told you to stay with your husband tonight."

"You needed me more than he did. Besides, he is working late and he is probably going to stop by. You know how protective of you he is. He's fuming… I had to talk him down from calling your husband and yelling at him."

Bella nodded and watched as Rose placed the bags on the table, pulling the various cartons out.

"Have you heard from him?" Rose commented as she stood on one side of the counter island, watching as Bella reached for the plates in the top cupboard.

"A few times." She replied, completely missing the fact that Rose wasn't talking about Jacob.

"A few times?"

"Yea, the usual 'I'm really sorry that I'm not going to be there tomorrow.' And my personal favorite, 'It's just a date, we can celebrate anytime we want.''"

"Bella…"

"I know that my relationship with Jake is messed up Rose… I know it's not like yours with Emmett but there isn't anything I can do about that." She interrupted as she began to spoon some of the food on her plate while Rose just stood there, looking at her with amused eyes.

"I was talking about Coffee Boy."

"Oh." She blushed. "No. But I never expected him to."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Nothing could have ever come of it anyways Rose." Bella held up her hand. "I'm married remember."

"That's just a small detail Bella… You aren't happy. You should be happy."

"I don't really want to talk about it…" Rose nodded and they walked into the living room, taking a seat on the couch before digging into the food and watching the episode that Bella had started. It was trivial but as the episodes began, all Bella could think about were Meredith's opening lines.

_Pain, it comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain that we live with everyday. Then there is the kind of pain you just can't ignore, a level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else, makes the rest of your world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt, how we manage our pain is up to us. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it._

Bella knew how the episode ended, knew what was coming. It had become her sad episode. The one she would turn to when she was feeling down about Jake but it was only now that she was beginning to take things seriously, to listen to the lines that were being spoken and to somehow identify with them. All this time, for the past two years at least, Bella had been in denial. Denying that there was anything at all wrong with her marriage, with her husband, she was lying to herself and she couldn't keep doing it. It was tearing her apart. She was hurting, and Jake didn't know that. She had never told him just how much he hurt her when he chose work, when he belittled her for wanting the things that she wanted. If love were enough then things could have worked out because despite it all, she did love him, but the truth was, unless something changed she knew she was going to be stuck there, and miserable for the rest of her life. What kind of a life would that be? She had already spent the past two years ignoring everything, ignoring how she felt and she couldn't do that anymore, but she wasn't sure how she could confront him either.

_Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, not easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more._

"That was depressing." Rose commented, leaning back against the couch before turning her eyes to Bella who was crying with her newfound epiphany. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I… Nothing it was just an emotional episode." She lied and Rose lifted her eyebrows, suspicious of her answer but knowing her well enough to not push the subject. Bella would come around when she was ready and it was obvious that whatever it was that was going through her head, she wasn't ready to talk about it just yet.

The doorbell rang and Rose jumped off the couch to let Emmett in giving Bella a few moments to compose herself. She was surprised at how easy it was to do, though she had been doing it for years. As soon as the tears had stopped she took a few steadying breaths and turned to the hall as she watched her best friend walk into the room with her husband.

"Hey kid, how's it going?" He asked, flopping down on the oversized arm chair after setting a bag down on the coffee table.

"It's good."

"You sure? Rose asked me to bring Ben and Jerry's and though I'm not a girl, I do know what that means…"

"I'm sure… But what kind did you bring?" She grinned reaching to the bag but he snatched it away from her before she had the chance.

"Cherry Garcia, Half Baked and Chunky Monkey."

"I assume the last is for you sweetheart." Rose grinned and Emmett nodded.

Bella could hear her phone ringing in the background.

"Are you going to get that?" Rose questioned, reaching for the phone that was resting on the coffee table.

"I'm sure it's just Jake… And to be honest, I don't want to talk to him so just let it ring." She commented but watched as Rose pressed the accept button and activated the speakerphone.

"Isabella Black's phone, this is Rosalie."

"Uh, hi. This is Edward… Is Bel – I mean Isabella there?" Bella's eyes were wide with shock and she shook her head furiously, not prepared for a conversation with him. He wasn't supposed to call, she had never expected it, she had counted on him _not_ calling.

"Edward?"

"Um, yeah I accidentally spilled her coffee on her…"

"Oh yes of course! She's right here, hold one moment please." Rosalie was grinning and Bella glared, grabbing the phone from her and taking him off speakerphone.

"Hi Edward." She was doing everything she could to keep her voice calm and steady, not wanting him to hear that she was both excited and furious that he had called. "Sure, tomorrow sounds good. I'll see you there at one."

"I do believe that is the first genuine smile I have seen on your face in months." Rose laughed as she watched Bella place the phone down on the table in front of her.

"Am I missing something? Who's Edward?"

"Oh monkey, you remember… I told you that Bella met that guy who caused her to spill her coffee all over her." His brow was furrowed as she recounted the story. "He got her number by telling her he wanted to pay for her dry cleaning."

Emmett's smile lit up his entire face. "That's right… I remember telling Rose that he was a fucking genius for using the dry cleaning as his way of getting your number."

Bella blushed, "That's not what it's about… Truly he just wants to talk."

"Bella you know it's way more than that."

"Are you going to tell Jake?" Emmett asked.

"There isn't anything to tell! The only thing that's going to come out of this is friendship! That's it!"

"Denial sweetheart… Denial…" Rose laughed and Bella just shook her head.

* * *

He sat on the steps in front of the National Gallery, his eyes on the fountains and the lion statues as he watched the tourists take pictures. He glanced down at his watch and saw that she was ten minutes later. He wasn't sure, but he was almost positive that he was being stood up. He was cursing Alice for making him call her and ask to meet her. She had every right to back out because she must have known that he was interested in her, that he felt something for her that friendship would only complicate things.

"I'm so sorry I was late!" He heard her voice from behind him and turned to see her standing there. His eyes lingered a little too long on her legs but he was thankful that she hadn't noticed.

"It's okay." He smiled as he stood up. Something was off though, and he noticed it immediately. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and he frowned. "I know that we don't know each other that well but something is wrong… Please, you can tell me. I'll listen."

"It's just…" She sighed. "It's a difficult day."

"Do you want to talk about it." She shrugged her response, not sure how much she wanted to divulge to him. It was true that she felt comfortable around him and that she trusted him, but she had just met him and the last thing she wanted to do was burden him with her plethora of problems. She didn't want him to go running thinking that she was some crazy, insane human, or worse, that she was needy.

"Let's go get something to eat… We can talk there… It will be quieter." He didn't give her the chance to respond but took her hand in his and led her away from the crowds.

His grip on her hand didn't let up, even after they were away from the majority of the people but she didn't care. In fact, from the moment that he took her hand, she didn't seem to remember what it was that she had been unhappy about to begin with. The only thing that she was thinking about was how perfect her hand seemed to feel in his and how safe she felt when she was with him.

"I know how ridiculously touristy this place is, and I know you aren't from Texas but this place is about as American as it comes and you look like you might be a bit homesick." He smiled softly at her as he opened the door to the Texas Embassy Cantina.

She smiled back, surprised at his thoughtfulness. "That was really nice Edward."

They were seated a few minutes later towards the back of the restaurant and after ordering she realized that he was expecting her to talk.

"I really am sorry for being late."

"It's okay, really. Are you sure you're okay?" She wasn't sure if it was the soft tone of his voice or the complete look of total concern in his eyes but she knew she wanted to tell him because she was certain that no one had looked at her like that in years.

"Today is my anniversary."

"Of?"

"My wedding anniversary… Four years." She sighed and looked down at the table.

"Oh… God I'm sorry I never thought that you had plans…"

"It's okay… He isn't even here." She whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"He's in Paris… For work."

"But?"

"He forgot…"

"Bella I'm sorry."

"There's really no reason for you to be sorry." She sighed and leaned back against the chair. She found the courage to look up at him and when she did she was shocked to see a look of compassion and something else, something darker.

"I just feel bad."

"Don't really… It wasn't your day to remember." She smiled. "Really, let's just forget all about it."

"If that's what you want." He smiled back at her but all the while feeling his heart reach out for her. His assumptions about her husband were right, he was a wanker. He wasn't sure how the man who called himself her husband could ever do that to her, how he could forget the day that they walked down the aisle. It disgusted him because all he could think about was how she deserved better than that, and he wasn't even saying that he was better because he wasn't sure that he was, but he did know that if he had the opportunity to be her husband, he would have made sure each and every day that she was taken care of and happy, he would remember their anniversary and he would be sure to know just how much she was loved. He couldn't believe that her husband would let someone like her feel this much pain.

* * *

"I think you're a little bit drunk." He grinned, his arm wrapped around her waist for support. The afternoon had turned into evening and they found themselves having dinner and dinner turned into drinks and now they were both intoxicated. He couldn't have denied the fact that he was thrilled she was with him, but even in his somewhat inebriated state, he knew that what he was doing wasn't the best thing in the world. He was taking advantage of her in the worst possible way. He knew how upset she was and he took pleasure in the fact that she seemed happy when he was around.

"Me! I think you're drunk!" She laughed, stumbling slightly but not falling to the ground thanks to his grip on her waist. Her phone started to ring and she reached into her purse to see who was calling. It was Jake and she frowned.

"Are you okay?"

"My asshole of a husband… Fuck it… Fuck him." She replied, ignoring the call and putting it back in her purse. "Bastard can sweat it out for a while."

"Are you sure you don't want to take it?"

"I don't want to take it. I want another drink." She looked at him, a smile bright on her face and he couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked. He nodded and leaned over the counter to get the bartenders attention and order them two more drinks.

"To a good afternoon." He smiled, holding his drink up and she touched hers to his.

"To a good evening." She countered and brought the drink to her lips. She was surprised by how easy it was with him, how comfortable he made her feel and how happy she was. She was certain that she hadn't smiled that much in a long time.

"To a good evening." He repeated, not taking his eyes off her.

"It's nice to have another friend." She said after she placed the drink on the bar.

He held back the sigh when she said friend because he knew that he wanted more than that but he was willing to take what he could get. "I hope that we can do this again."

"We definitely can." She smiled. "Thank you, for making a really crappy day, a really fun one."

"I'm just glad to have been able to cheer you up."

* * *

Something was different when she walked in the front door of her house but she couldn't quite place it. The lights were off, just as she had left them, and the coats were hanging by the door, but something _felt_ different. She did feel a bit guilty for not answering Jacob's phone call but she had her reasons. Why should she stop living her life because he was off in France for work? Was it really her job to make him feel better about himself when he had hurt her?

She kicked her shoes off as she walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before she would go to bed, but she tripped and let out a string of curse words. She had forgotten how drunk she was because she had someone helping her stand earlier and now she was all on her own.

"Bella! Is that you?" Jake's voice filled the room and she stood up and she was certain that her face showed her surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came home early." He replied, his eyes scanning her for any signs of injury.

"Why?"

"Because I knew you were upset… Emmett called and really laid into me and I deserved it."

"I told him not to." She sighed.

"I tried calling, where have you been?"

"I was out."

"Obviously." He replied, his voice dripping with distain. "I didn't exactly enjoy coming home to an empty house and a wife who wouldn't answer her phone."

"I didn't want to talk to you."

"Are we really going to fight about this?"

"I'm just sick of taking a back seat to your job. I'm sick of you forgetting about me. I'm sick of being hurt because of something you've done."

"Have I not always made sure that you were well provided for?"

"I don't care about the money Jake… I want my husband back."

"I'm here."

"No… You're not." She sighed.

"Where the fuck were you tonight?"

"I said I was out."

"With who?" He sneered.

"Rose."

"Answer your phone next time."

"I'll do what I please Jake. You don't own me and right now, you have no right to talk to me the way that you are."

"If I want to know where my wife is, I think I am within my boundaries to ask."

"Then maybe you should start treating me like your wife and not someone that you live with while you aren't on work trips." She sighed. "You can sleep in the guest bedroom tonight. I don't really want to share a bed with you."

"Bella."

"Goodnight Jake. I'll see you in the morning. I suggest you do as I say."

She didn't let him respond, but merely turned on her heels and walked up the stairs to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. She knew that she probably should have felt guilty for spending the night hanging out with Edward, but she didn't, especially not after the exchange that she had just shared with Jake in the hallway.

She stripped off her clothes and put on her pajamas before sliding into the bed and closing her eyes. It was the first night that she dreamed of Edward and it wouldn't be the last.

* * *


	3. Beautiful Eyes

**This will be the last update until I update Baby You Can Stop Running and that's because this is the last chapter that I have that's already finished!**

**I want to thank my reviewers: SWChica2005, ba2006, MyriadProBold, A Cullen Wannabe, flecour, Luvntiwlight, StrawberriesandBrunettes, and Rach91**

**Your comments mean the world to me! Please continue to let me know what you think!**

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**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Three**_

_Your beautiful eyes, Stare right into my eyes  
And sometimes, I think of you late at night  
I don't know why_

_I want to be somewhere where you are  
I want to be where_

_You're here  
Your eyes are looking into mine  
So baby make me fly  
My heart has never felt this way before  
I'm looking through your, I'm looking through your eyes_

Taylor Swift, "Beautiful Eyes"

* * *

Jacob stood in the hallway of their Notting Hill townhouse listening to the sounds in the kitchen with his thoughts focused intently on his wife who he had barely seen. He wasn't exactly sure what it was that had happened to them, what had changed the couple that they had once been, but he was, in that moment, determined to figure it out, if only for his own sake. She had smelled of alcohol when she stumbled into their home the previous night, and though he wasn't entirely convinced that she was out with Rose at all, he still had no reason to suspect anything else. Bella was, above all things, loyal. He wished he could have said the same thing about himself.

He wasn't having an affair in the literal sense of the word, but he might as well have been fooling around on the side. Work, however, was the only thing that he thought about, so much so that often times it even seemed to creep into his subconscious dreams. Still, if work were a woman, a living, breathing, tangible thing, he would have without a doubt been considered unfaithful.

It's not to say that he was entirely innocent either, in fact, the temptation always existed for him and he very nearly acted on it on one trip that had sent him back to the states, to New York. She was a beautiful woman, exotic in a way that Bella never was, but when she had learned that he was married, she had backed away, saying that she had been heartbroken by a man who had left her for another woman and she refused to be in that situation again. He understood, and in fact, he was thankful that she had pulled away because he wasn't sure he would have had the strength to do likewise.

She was standing, her back to him, in the kitchen clad in long, cotton pajama pants and a matching tank top, pouring herself a cup of coffee. He was tentative to approach her, she had been so angry and upset the night before and if he was being honest with himself, he knew she had every right to it. He hadn't been treating her the way he should have been and more often than not, he even forgot that she was around and things would have remained that way if it weren't for the silver band on his finger.

"I know you're there." She sighed before turning around and meeting his eyes. The distance between them was as wide and as deep as a canyon and though they didn't want to admit it, they both were unsure as to if it could ever be crossed.

He pressed his hand against the back of his neck, rubbing the skin there trying to think of something to say, something that would at least ease some of the thick tension that surrounded them. "I saw you went shopping."

"I did." She replied.

"La Perla?" His thoughts shifted to the bag that was still sitting by the stairs. He had rifled through it when he had gotten home the night before and found an extremely un-Bella like chemise with matching thong. It was a far cry from her usual comfort level and he knew that it was a gesture that she was doing selflessly for him. He found that he had to adjust himself with the thought of her wearing the revealing outfit and he wondered if he would ever actually get to see it.

"Oh yea… I'm going to return that."

"Wh-Why?" He managed to choke out. "You won't ever use it?" Her eyebrows furrowed together.

"Probably not."

"I couldn't convince you to?" He urged and he saw that she was biting the inside of her cheek, her discomfort visible and yet he couldn't help but push, hoping that he might get his way, even if he didn't deserve it.

"No. I don't think you can." She replied and he stifled the groan and the urge to call her a tease for even bringing it into the house if she had no intention of wearing it. Though he knew that it was his fault, that he would have been able to see it on her had he not gone and fucked up their anniversary.

The silence between them grew once again before he had the courage to speak again. "I-uhm. What are your plans today?"

She shrugged, walking to the island counter and placing her favorite mug down on the marble top. "I'm not entirely sure right now." She had woken to a text message from Edward asking how she was feeling and though her head was pounding, she replied that she was great. It wasn't a far cry from the truth either, in fact, for the first time in two years, she _did_ feel great. Her good temperament only grew when he responded, only a few moments later, saying that he would be at Hyde Park walking his dog later that afternoon and asked if she wanted to join him, she had said she would try to see if she could slip away for a bit.

Jacob took a shy step forward before pulling out one of the bar stools and sitting down, his eyes grazing over the front page of the Times that she must have brought into the house when she woke, there was some front page article about one of the MPs. "Would you maybe want to go somewhere today? The weather is supposed to be nice, we could drive to Brighton for a few hours or something, have dinner at that restaurant you love."

"I don't know…"

"Come on Bella… I'm really trying here to make things right."

"Do you really think getting away from London for a few hours is going to make everything okay?"

"I'm not sure what I think really." He sighed. "I just don't like this." He pointed at her and then himself. "Maybe we should get counseling or something?"

She barked a laugh at the suggestion. "For counseling to work, you have to be around."

"You know there isn't anything I can do about that."

"I know." She replied, tossing the remaining liquid from her cup down the sink. "I just don't know if I can keep doing this."

The silence between them grew again and she shook her head. "I'm going to go out for a bit. I just want to be alone. Call Emmett and Rose and maybe we can go out with them tonight."

"I want to be alone with you."

"That never gets us anywhere. I'm so angry with you Jacob… I need someone else there to keep me from lashing out."

"Lash out at me now! Fuck Bella, if you aren't honest with me, if you can't tell me what you are thinking, how can we ever move past this?"

"I think you know as well as I do that maybe we won't be able to move past this. Just give me some space okay?"

His eyes were trained on her and he could see the sadness behind her eyes. He nodded, "I'll just go to the office then to do some work."

She didn't respond and he watched her back as she retreated from the kitchen to their bedroom. The kitchen was silent, like the house. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

"Seth!" His voice was light and cheerful, masking the emotions that were swimming through his system. "Do you still want help showing Leah around the office?"

* * *

Hyde Park was swarming with people and he was thankful that he had suggested it. The likelihood of them being spotted was slim amongst the crowd. He didn't really know how many people here knew who she was, or knew that she was married so it was best if they could just get lost amongst the crowd. It also helped that it was a platonic meeting ground and if they were sober and in public, he knew that making any kind of move on her would have been impossible. He had morals to uphold and until she gave him any reason to think he had a chance, he would settle into a friendly relationship with her, all the while hoping that she might someday have the courage to leave her husband.

Edward sat down on a bench near the gate where Bella had promised she would meet him at. He knew it was wrong, knew that he shouldn't have sent the text message that he had, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He had thoroughly enjoyed himself with her the night before and he just wanted to continue spending time with her. She was unlike anyone else that he had ever met before and he couldn't seem to get enough of her, even his dreams seemed to be filled with her face. Still, the text message hadn't been his intentions, it just seemed that his body was working without thought for what his mind knew was right and the message had been sent before he even had the chance to take it back.

Not happy with having stopped, Hudson looked up at him with a questioning gaze. He seemed to have grown accustomed to the long walks that had taken place over the course of the week, reveling in it and enjoying each and every second. Though Edward loved his dog, he knew that he wasn't always around as much as he should have been so it was obvious that he was loving all the attention that he was getting.

"We're just waiting for a few minutes Buddy." Seemingly appeased by his owner's response, Hudson sat on his back haunches and just watched the people as they passed by, more likely than not, trying to get them to stop and pat his head.

"Hey!" He heard her voice break through the crowd and he turned to his right to see her walking towards him. Her face was lit with a blinding smile and he could feel his heart race in his chest as his eyes took in everything about her: her long legs that were confined by the tight jeans that hugged her hips, the loose black shirt that dipped into a low v that exposed the delicate line of her collarbone, and the grey sweater that she had draped on her left arm.

"Hi."He smiled back and watched as Hudson stood back up, realizing that this was who they had been waiting for, and walked towards her.

"And who is this?" She smiled, reaching down to touch his soft fur.

"Hudson."

"Well aren't you a pretty boy?" She grinned, bending her knees so her face was a few inches above his own. Hudson, never one to refuse attention, lifted his nose and began to lick at her cheek and neck, not leaving an inch of skin dry, while she laughed, placing one hand on the ground to keep her balance as he threatened to knock her over with his excitement.

"Hudson stop that!" Edward growled and the dog stopped his attack on her face to look at him, his head cocked to the side, not understanding why he was so upset. It wasn't as though he hadn't done that exact act to many other females over the time that Edward had had him.

"It's okay." She smiled, standing up and picking up the shopping back that she had set down.

"No it's not. I taught him better than that." His lips were still pulled into a tight line and Bella had to stifle the laugh that was about to escape.

"Are you jealous?" She joked, casually touching his arm as they began to walk. It was an act that she hadn't realized she had even done until she felt him stiffen under her touch which caused her to retract her hand just as quickly as she had put it there.

_Fuck yes I'm jealous_, he thought before realizing just how foolish that sounded. "No. I just don't want him attacking anyone." He said, pushing his foul mood away, realizing that he just wanted to have another pleasant afternoon with her and he didn't want his temper to scare her away. His eyes fell on the back that she was holding. "Shopping?"

She blushed and turned to look at the lingerie bag in her hand. "I figured that you would be walking towards Chelsea and I need to stop at the store and return this."

"What is it?" He questioned, not knowing what the hell La Perla even stood for, he figured it was just some boutique where she had probably purchased a shirt from.

She bit the side of her lip, contemplating what she would tell him. "It was supposed to be for last night… But seeing as those plans seemed to fall through, there isn't any reason to keep it."

"Last night?" He asked before realization dawned on him that it had been her wedding anniversary. His lips formed an o-shape and he watched the blush deepen making her creamy skin a beautiful shade of rose. "Why not keep it?"

"It's not exactly me…"

"Why'd you buy it?"

"I guess I was trying to spice things up? I guess I thought it would make him want me." She shrugged."You know he had the audacity to try and convince me to keep it? I guess he saw it last night and thought he would still benefit from it."

"He came home?" He asked, turning his head to look at her and he watched as she nodded. "God I'm so sorry for keeping you out. That must have been why he kept calling you." And it was the truth, he was sorry. Though the selfish side of him wanted her all to himself, he didn't want to cause her trouble and he could only imagine how he would have reacted had he been in her husband's place.

"I'm a big girl Edward. I made the decision to go out with you and I made the decision to ignore his calls. Besides, if he thinks I'm just going to drop everything because he changes his plans, he has another thing coming to him. And it didn't matter anyway, he got angry with me, I shoved it back in his face and told him that he wasn't to come to bed and he could sleep in the guestroom."

He chuckled at her comment, thankful that she hadn't let him share her bed. It was so absurd for him to feel jealous and he knew he had absolutely no right to. She was married to the guy, she had every right to sleep with him in whatever way she wanted to but the thought of someone's hands on her, especially someone who didn't seem to appreciate her, made his skin crawl.

"If you don't mind me asking…" He said softly. "What are you doing here with me? Shouldn't you be with him if he is home?"

"If you want to get rid of me all you have to do is tell me to leave." She replied, stopping and looking down at the ground.

He felt his heart lurch at the thought that he had just upset her and brought his free hand to her chin and lifted her face up so her eyes would meet his. "That's not what I'm saying at all. I just want to make sure that you know you didn't have to come here today."

"I wanted to come here. I told him that I needed to be away from him for a bit." They didn't say anything but rather just continued to study each other's faces. She was taking in his eyes, the greenness of them and how they seemed to penetrate into her, as though he could read each and every thought that she was thinking and she found herself thankful that he couldn't. She wasn't thinking thoughts that a married woman should have been having. He found himself looking into her eyes as well, and he loved how they seemed to sparkle with something he couldn't quite place and how it seemed that even though she was married, it seemed like she wasn't thinking about anyone else but him.

Her phone rang, interrupting the moment that they were having and she reached into her purse and extracted it. Sighing before she pressed the answer button.

"Hello?"

"Isabella Black you better have gone home last night!" Rosalie's voice boomed.

"I did." Bella squeaked back and Edward looked around uncomfortably, listening through trying to appear as though he wasn't.

"Where the hell were you? Jacob said you weren't answering your phone!'

"I was out for drinks."

"Were you with him?"

"Yes."

"It's a damn good thing I was with Emmett when he called."

"Thank you… For covering for me."

"Anytime sweetheart. Do you want to go shopping this afternoon?"

"I can't… I'm kind of already out."

"You aren't with Jake… Oh Bella! Are you with him again?" Bella was certain that Rose was grinning widely at the situation.

"Yes."

"Oh man I can't wait to talk to you. Have a good afternoon and I'll see you tonight!"

"See you tonight." Bella smiled and pressed the end button.

"Everything okay?" He asked, looking down at her.

"Everything is great."

* * *

Edward stood outside the lingerie shop while Bella had gone in to return whatever it had been that she had purchased. He would have been lying if he said he wasn't interested in seeing what it was that she was getting rid of, but he knew it was better that way, which is why, when she asked if he was going to come in, he had shook his head and instead leaned against the side of the building, content to wait for her there.

"God damn it." She growled as she stepped out of the shop and he looked over and saw that she still had the bag in her hand.

"What's wrong?"

"They won't let me return it. Something about since I can't find the receipt they won't accept it. The tags are still on it for Christ's sake!" He could see the tension in her body, she was as stiff as a pole. "I can't take this damn thing home! He's going to expect me to wear it."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have a girlfriend do you?" She asked, realizing for the first time that he had never mentioned that before.

"What?" He was completely taken aback. He thought he had been pretty obvious about his attraction to her and yet, she seemed to think that he was in a relationship.

"I mean… A really attractive man like you… You must have a girlfriend."

"No… No I don't." He stuttered. _And I'll probably never have one anymore as no one will ever be able to compare to you._ He thought to himself.

"Do you have a sister?"

"Yes…" He said slowly, not sure if he liked where this was going.

"Here, give this to her." She smiled, shoving the bag at his hands.

"No way! I'm not giving my sister lingerie!" He shouted, holding the bag back out to her. He didn't want to tell her that it wasn't only that, but it was the fact that if she did leave it with him, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from looking into the bag to see just what it was she had intended to wear for her husband and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Please!" She pouted and he could feel his resolve weaken. "I can't take it home…"

He just stood there, his eyes on her lips before he heard her voice, soft, almost as though she was afraid. "He'll want me to wear it and I don't think I can do that."

"Fine… But I refuse to give it to my sister… I'll just keep it safe… In case some day you decide you want to use it." _With me_, he added in his head.

* * *

"So where did you grow up?" She asked, sinking into the back of her chair as she sipped on her tea.

"Alderley Edge… It's in Cheshire. My father, before my sister and I were born, was a private surgeon in London but my mum wanted to move to the country to raise her family and it is close enough to Manchester that my dad was able to take a job at a hospital there."

"Do they still live there?"

"No. When Alice went to London City University to study journalism and I went to Oxford, both my mum and dad decided to move back to the city to be closer to us, though they kept the place in Cheshire for holidays."

"That sounds nice."

"I suppose." He shrugged. The truth was, he seldom went there, usually just for Christmas and Easter when his mother insisted. "What about you… Where did you grow up?"

"I was born in Forks, Washington."

"Forks?"

"It's about four hours south of Seattle… But my parents split when I was about three and my mom took me with her. We lived in California for a bit before she moved to Phoenix but when she remarried I moved back with my father."

"Is that where you met your husband?"

She nodded. "Our fathers are best friends and I'm not sure… We just kind of grew into it I suppose. For the longest time I considered him my best friend… Though now I'm not sure I really know who is he."

"When did you get married?"

"Right after our freshman year of college… I hadn't intended on that to happen, but there were some unforeseen circumstances?" He lifted his eyebrows as he took a sip of his own drink. "I got pregnant and it seemed like the best option. We loved each other… We were both at the same school … It just seemed like the right thing to do."

"So you have a child too?"

"No."

"But?" He started to question but she held her hand up to silence him.

"Two months before I was due there was an accident… We thought it was going to be okay but my body must have been too stressed and the baby died…" She said softly. "We were going to have a girl."

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"It's okay… It was hard at first but our relationship was the strongest it probably ever was… We got through it and I suppose it was for the best really. I'm not sure I would have ended up finishing school and we were both too young to be parents."

"Still."

"Really… It was four years ago."

"So what prompted the move here?"

"He got promoted and they wanted him here. I honestly thought it would be okay… I was looking forward to it, thinking that it would be a good thing for us, a new adventure." She sighed. "It's been an adventure that's for sure."

"Do you like London though?" He was hoping she would say yes. That, just because it seemed to be a catalyst for the demise of her relationship, she didn't feel any animosity for the city.

"I do like it… I just miss home sometimes."

"That's understandable." He smiled softly watching her as she looked down at her wrist to check the time.

"Oh man, I really have to be heading back." She said while standing up.

"It was really nice to see you again Bella."

"I'll call you later this week? Maybe grab a cup of coffee or something?" She asked, as she reached down to pick up her purse.

"I'll be looking forward to it." He smiled, leaning down to wrap her into a hug and place a kiss against her cheek. "Enjoy the rest of your weekend."

"You too." She grinned before turning her back on him and walking out the door.

He was about to walk out the door when the waitress shouted at him. "Sir! You're girlfriend forgot her shopping!"

"Thanks. Wouldn't want to leave that behind." He smiled politely, taking it from her.

"I'm sure you wouldn't." She grinned knowingly before he turned from her and began the walk back to his flat.

* * *

When he walked through the door of his flat, he saw Hudson sitting there waiting for him and he could have sworn the dog looked upset that Bella didn't walk through that door with him. Then again, it could have merely been his own projection. He couldn't deny the fact that he hated watching Bella walk away from him and the fact that he was holding her lingerie was even worse.

Hudson walked over to him and sniffed at the bag, which presumably had Bella's scent on it.

"I'm not opening that." Edward said firmly and the dog began to whine.

He didn't say anything else, instead he just sat the bag down on the ground and walked into the living room to pick up his guitar to play for a little while. Hudson however, wasn't interested in anything but that damn bag and Edward groaned when he watched the dog carry it into the room and place it at his feet.

"I said no." He replied though his dog seemed to merely keep looking from the bag to him.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He mused aloud and reached down to open it.

His hands reached inside and felt the soft, lace against his fingers. He knew already that he was going to regret opening it up but he took a deep breath and pulled it up and out. He nearly fainted when he looked at the damn thing, if you could even call it that. It was sexy, damn sexy that was for sure, almost completely see through. _What a fucking idiot_, he thought when he considered the fact that her husband had missed out on that.

Still, he couldn't help but notice that it didn't seem like her at all. It was far too racy. Not that that fact alone kept him from thinking what it would look like on her.

"Oh fuck…" He sighed and tossed it back in the bag, regretting ever opening the damn thing in the first place. His eyes found his dog who just sat there, looking at him with wide, innocent eyes. "Thank a lot buddy. You're fucking castrated so you have no idea how badly this hurts." He groaned, pointing to his lap.

* * *

**A/N: **

**So I think this is the length that most chapters will be from here on out… and I want to add that I do not condone affairs of any kind… The only reason that I'm writing this is because the song that inspired the one-shot just seemed to call me to write this and because it is so completely out of my comfort zone… I realized that I needed to do something bold…**

**Now… Hudson and Edward's relationship. I wanted to give the dog a human kind of personality… Mainly because Edward doesn't have many close friends. All his old friends have settled down and his best friend is dating his sister… The only friend he has is Garrett, who we will see in one of the upcoming chapters, that he can relate to. This means the Hudson has become his best friend basically and the dog knows it too. I hope that people don't feel that this is too unrealistic but I feel this way about my own dog… Dogs are very perceptive… **

**Now, I can't promise what might happen in the next chapter because I'm not entirely too sure… Seeing as it hasn't been written… But I think that it will take place about two months after this chapter… Edward and Bella are much closer than they were before but NOTHING has happened yet, just a lot of sexual tension. Jacob and Bella's relationship had improved slightly… Though that is going to change when Bella meets Leah (because if you hadn't already put it together, Leah was the girl from New York). That's about all I can tell you for now but please review and let me know what you think! It makes me really happy when I have those review alerts in my inbox and you make me want to continue to write this story!**

**I'm hoping to get a new chapter of Baby up by Monday!**


	4. Awake

**Hey guys! So here is the next installment… It's the longest chapter yet and we are starting to get into the story… **

**I will make this short and sweet since you have a lot of reading ahead of you… But thank you, everyone of you who is taking the time to read, to put this on your alerts/favorites and especially to all of you who take the time to review! You all make me smile and I hope that you are enjoying this as much as I am enjoying writing this!**

**This chapter is dedicated to all you who reviewed on the last chapter (especially all you who have followed me for a while now, from my Buffy stories to here, you all rock!): Luvntwilight, lorit, dusk3ttex01, ba2006, A Cullen Wannabe (I hope this chapter makes you feel better about the Jacob situation), MyriadProBold (thank you for always having something great to say! I love getting your reviews!), SWChica2005 (No need to apologize! I'm just glad you are enjoying it!), Emotional Hummingbird (I love this Edward too…), Rach91.**

**Also… Please, please… All of you who read Baby You Can Stop Running, don't kill me for not updating that first… I've gotten half of the next chapter done but I was stuck for a while and what is going to happen in this chapter needed to come out of my head first… There should be a Baby update on Sunday… I PROMISE!**

**Now… Onto the story! Take note, this is 2 and 1/2 months since the last chapter!  
**

* * *

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… Or Secondhand Serenade's "Tested and True"**

_**Chapter Four**_

_I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,  
But I'm feeling alive and with every breath that I take,  
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival_

_And if it's a hero you want,  
I can save you. Just stay here.  
Your whispers are priceless.  
Your breath, it is dear. So please stay near_

_Will you stay awake for me?  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I will share the air I breathe,  
I'll give you my heart on a string,  
I just don't wanna miss anything._

_Say my name. I just want to hear you.  
Say my name. So I know it's true  
You're changing me. You're changing me.  
You showed me how to live._

Secondhand Serenade, "Awake"

* * *

"I don't get it." Edward grumbled under his breath. "It looks like a giant mess."

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear that." Bella smiled, taking a few steps back from the painting that they had been standing in front of. It was her favorite, or at least, one of her favorites. Over the past three years that she had been frequenting the National Gallery, she had accumulated a list of them but this was the first time she was telling him which ones they were, the first time she was telling anyone for that matter.

Her eyes gazed over him and she had to remind herself that nothing could ever happen between them. He was handsome, sinfully so, and she hated that she felt this way for him. She hated that with one look her insides seemed to melt, or how that damn crooked smile of his seemed to make her knees buckle, or when he unleashed the full force of his green eyes on her unsuspecting brown ones she felt an intense pull to tell him that she wanted to be more than friends. It was made even more worse by the fact that she was certain she had never met anyone as perfect as he was.

"You can't make anything out!"

"Stand back." She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him backward, careful to avoid the leather bench that was resting in the middle of the room for people who wanted to just sit and look. She made sure to put a few feet of space between him and the painting, the distance helping with the confusion. "Now look again."

He shook his head. "Nope, still looks like a bunch of rubbish."

Her chin dropped to her chest as she shook her head slowly. He wasn't seeing what she was; he needed a different perspective, to look beyond what was before him and to see the depth that existed within it. "Do you know how amazing this really is? He painted this while he was going blind!"

"You can tell." He snorted and she smacked his shoulder with the back of her hand, afraid that using her palm would have made too much noise. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to them.

"Come here." She reached her hand out and he took it, reveling in the way her small hand fit perfectly in his own. "See, the bridge is right here." She was using her other hand to point to the middle of the painting, and though he could make out some of the lines, the darkness of the whole thing, the similar color pallet made it difficult to make anything out. "And here is the water and you can see the slight reflection of the bridge on it… And the water lilies," her voice trailed off wistfully.

Edward was no longer looking at the painting; Monet had no hold on him. How could it when she was standing so close to him? When her hand was still resting in his own? His eyes were trained on the softness of her brow, how here, among all the paintings, she finally seemed comfortable and relaxed. He took in her soft, pink lips that formed a natural pout and the long strands of chocolate brown hair that framed her delicate heart-shaped face that he just wanted to pepper with kisses.

"You like Beethoven right?"

He nodded his head. "It's the same kind of thing… Imagine composing your music if you were going deaf… Monet painted this from memory… He couldn't see the stokes of his brush…"

"Okay, okay you convinced me." He smiled as she looked up to meet his eyes. He was excited about her enthusiasm and tried to commit to memory the way her face was lit with enjoyment from just talking about the piece of art before them. Happiness was beautiful on her and he hated knowing that sometimes, most of the time, that look wasn't there.

"You just want to drop it."

"No… You make a very good point." She beamed up at him and he realized that he had forgotten to breathe for a moment. "Come on, I've had enough of this place for the day, let's go get coffee."

She nodded and he squeezed her hand with his own, pulling her through the maze of the rooms before stepping out into the bright light of day, the sun beating down on the summer tourists who were enjoying the square.

* * *

"So we have a gig tonight." He commented as he watched her sip her coffee. He never spoke about his gigs to her, never waiting to her think she had an obligation to come and see him, though he knew she never would have seen it that way. It was just easier for him not to mention it, she would have shown, he knew that, but he wasn't sure he wanted her too, especially since in the past two and a half months that they had known each other, more and more of the songs that they were playing were about her, his unrequited love and how he longed for her, and he was certain that she would figure it out. It was a gamble that he wasn't ready to take, he wasn't ready to have his heart crushed anymore than it already was.

"Really?" He could hear the excitement in her voice and it warmed his heart. "Where is it at?"

"The Huntsman."

"That's so great Edward! I wish I could come."

"Plans?" He asked, his voice soft. He watched her nod her response to his question and he arched his left eyebrow, silently asking her to exaggerate. He knew it probably had something to do with her husband. Much to his dismay the wanker seemed to be trying to make amends with her and all his own plans of swooping in and saving her seemed to fall to the wayside. Still, he wasn't giving up hope completely, he knew men, and more specifically, he knew men like Jake. It would only be a few more months before he reverted back to his old ways. At least, that was what Edward kept telling himself.

"Jake is coming home this afternoon from a business trip and we are supposed to go to dinner."

He had to fight back the scowl that was trying to take up residence on his face but he merely nodded. "How are things with you two?" He knew asking was only going to hurt him. He knew that he was inflicting it on himself but he didn't care. He had to know, had to know what was going on so he could gage when he could step in and try and show her that they were right, that she belonged with him and not her dip shit of a husband. It was killing him to hear about this guy when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and keep her there.

"Things are better… He seems to be trying harder and I assume I can credit that to my kicking him out of our bedroom for a week. He's home more which is nice… I guess it's more like we are married and not just roommates." She was biting the inside of her cheek because as much as she was thankful that things were better between her and Jake, she was angry with herself for the feelings that she was having for Edward.

"That's good then." He was doing all he could to keep the smile on his face, to be the supportive friend that he knew she needed but it broke his hear to tell her such things. The thing was, he still couldn't figure out why she would just settle for what she had, or how even Jake could treat her the way he was.

"Yeah…" She sighed and looked down at her coffee cup. "So what about you… Any women?"

He shrugged, having always avoided the topic. There hadn't been a single woman in his life or even in his bed since he had met Bella. No one ever seemed to compare, his heart was taken and anything else, with anyone but her would have felt wrong. He wanted to tell her, to spill his heart out but he knew not to. "Not really."

"Not a single girl? A fling? Nothing?" She wanted to keep hearing him tell her that he wasn't with anyone because even though she couldn't have him, she didn't want anyone else to have him either.

"Nothing." He replied and her heart soared. The high soon dropped though when he continued. "I mean… There is someone I'm interested in but it's really pointless."

She was biting her lip, trying hard to ignore the ache that had settled into the pit of her stomach. "Why?"

"Because she doesn't want me."

"Then she is an idiot." She replied, looking down at the table, doing all she could to avoid his eyes, she was certain that everything she was trying to hide from him could be easily seen in the tears that were beginning to well up at the thought of him wanting some girl. There was no doubt in her mind that she would be beautiful, and no doubt in her mind that if he was given the chance, he would take the girl up in his arms and probably never let go. The problem was, she wanted to be that girl more than she would have liked to admit. If she was being genuinely honest with herself, it was more than that. She wanted to be that girl more than anything else in the world and she had no right to even think that.

* * *

Edward wasn't sure if he wanted to kiss or kill Alice when he walked into his flat to see her sprawled out on his couch flipping through a magazine while Hudson rested his head on her stomach. He had been looking forward to decompressing in silence before heading out for the gig he had that night, but his conversation with Bella had sent his head reeling.

"What are you doing here Al?"

"My place was too quiet. Jasper is out with Tanya who came in for the week."

"How is Tanya?" He asked, flopping his body down into the oversized arm chair. Hudson moved from his place near Alice to Edward's feet, nudging his hand for attention. Edward complied, resting his hand on top of the dogs head and stroked the soft patch of fur there.

"Good I guess."

"Isn't she staying with you?"

"No," she replied, setting her _Vogue _on the table. "She is staying with her girlfriend, apparently they are planning on moving in together and she wanted to see the apartment before packing up her things in Paris."

Edward had to do a double take at that one. "Girlfriend?"

"Yea, apparently they met in Paris at fashion week."

"How does that work exactly?"

"Tanya was the model; the girl was working for People's Revolution in Paris and was working the Burberry fashion show." Alice leaned back against the arm rest, turning her head to look at her twin brother. "Apparently they just hit it off."

"I just never thought Tanya would… you know… be into chicks. She spent all those years chasing after me."

"You are so damn modest you know that?"

"It's a fact. You know it as well as I do!"

"Maybe you turned her gay." She laughed and Edward pulled a pillow out from behind him and threw it at her making her squeal as it made contact with her head. "Edward Anthony Cullen!"

"That's what you get for coming into my house and getting a laugh at my expense."

"So what's been going on with you and that Bella girl?"

His body stiffened with the mention of Bella, it was exactly what he hadn't wanted to think about and here she was, coming up in conversation. "Nothing."

"You've been with her, right?"

"We're just friends."

"I'm sure you are." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and he hated what she was doing. He knew that she was trying to get a rise out of him and with his mood prior to walking through that door, was not helping any of this. "Jasper has told me about the new songs… You're so transparent Eddie."

"Don't call me that," he growled, leaning his head back against the chair. "Seriously, there isn't anything going on. She's married, and things are good between them right now."

"I think what you are dying to say is that it's good for now… Not right now." He shrugged and she rolled her eyes at him. She knew him better than he wanted to admit, and she knew how much this was hurting him and she couldn't exactly blame him. It really must have been hard to see the one person who had ever stirred up such strong feelings deep within, with a dick head of a husband, and to not do anything about it. "So what do the songs sound like?"

"You'll hear them tonight."

"Is she going to come?"

"No. Her husband is coming back from a business trip." He grumbled, standing up and beginning to walk to his bedroom to lay down for a bit. He really just wanted to get away from Alice, from her questions that were stirring up emotions that he didn't want to deal with. He was spent, his day with Bella had been difficult enough as it was and he just needed to shut off for a while.

"That's a shame… I really wanted to meet her." He heard her say before he closed the door to his bedroom.

* * *

It was half past eight before Bella finally gave up on Jacob and made something to eat; it was obvious he wasn't coming home. She was angry but she didn't know what to do about it really. She just couldn't comprehend why he couldn't bother to pick up the phone and let her know that he wasn't coming back like he had originally thought he was.

She dialed the familiar number and waited for the line to be picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rose… Did Emmett come back from Rome?"

"Yeah, he got back this afternoon."

"Did he say anything about Jake getting on the plane?"

She heard her friend pull the phone from her ear. "Monkey, did Jake come home today?"

"No. He and Leah stayed behind." Bella heard Emmett reply.

"Rose, I need to talk to Emmett." Bella said loudly. She had never heard the name Leah before and was curious as to who this woman was that her husband was traveling with. Why hadn't he told her that there was going to be a woman with them?

"Who is Leah?" She asked immediately after Emmett had said hello, not giving him time to change the subject.

"She was transferred from the New York office about two months ago. Jake never said anything?"

"No."

"Listen Bella… I wouldn't think too much about it… Things have been pretty crazy and the only reason I came home was because Rose needed me… I'm sure he hasn't forgotten, he's probably just tied up."

"Why are you sticking up for him? I thought you hated him."

"I don't like him… Not one bit. But I do like Leah and I'll be honest with you… She isn't the kind of girl to make a move on a married man."

"How can you be so certain?" Bella questioned, looking at the cabinet where they kept the alcohol. Suddenly, a big drink sounded appealing.

"Because I know her past and I know that she has been hurt and I know she would never want to hurt anyone else."

"So she's a former homewrecker?"

"She didn't know the man was married until she got a call from his wife… Listen… You are like a sister to me so if I truly suspected something you better believe I would tell you, especially because you know how I feel about that husband of yours."

"I know." Bella sighed into the phone. Besides, she really couldn't get angry, she had, after all, been traipsing around London with another man and she would have been lying to herself if she denied having feelings for him.

"So what are you going to do tonight?" Rose's voice broke Bella's thoughts and brought her back into the present. She hadn't heard Emmett telling her that he was passing the phone back to his wife and it took her by surprise.

"Uhm. I really hadn't thought about it. Jake and I were going to go out to dinner but seeing as he isn't coming home I suppose it was a good thing that I already ate…" She commented wondering if she should tell Rose about Edward's gig and how now that sounded like an appealing thing to go to. She had never seen him or heard him play and was wondering what it would be like, how he would sound.

"So now you're just going to hang out at home?"

"No… Uhm, how about going to Soho for drinks?" She suggested, keeping it vague, she could tell her later.

"That sounds good. I'll give Soho House a call to let them know we are going to come."

"No." Her voice was more forceful than she had anticipated but she had no desire to go to the member's only club. She wanted to see Edward. "The Huntsman."

"The Huntsman?" Rose's voice was skeptical.

"Yes… Just meet me at ten at the Leicester Square tube station."

"Alright. I'll see you in a little bit."

Bella pressed the end call button and looked down at her clothes. She was wearing her trophy wife clothes, the ones Jacob liked her to wear when he paraded her around town. The ones she wore only for him because she always felt ridiculous wearing them, they were not her. If she was going to see Edward she would have to change. She never wanted him to see her like this, he was the first person in a long time, to see her as the person that she used to be, and she wanted to keep it that way. For the first time in two years, she was beginning to feel like the old her, the her before the move to London, the her that she was comfortable being, the her that she missed.

* * *

Jacob and Leah were strolling down the Via Vittorio on the way back to the St. Regis. It had been a stressful day, once the first thing fell apart, it seemed that everything else fell right along with it. He needed Emmett, but he had taken off to go back to Rose because of something that had happened. He needed Emmett around because he knew that he was in a difficult situation.

Leah had always been captivating to him. Back when he worked closely with her in the New York office, he remembered the way she smelled of lavender and vanilla, the way the scent lingered in his memory long after she had gone. He remembered the way her lips felt soft and supple against his own from the one time that they had kissed while walking through Central Park. He remembered the way her soft body felt against his own when he had his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Most of all, he remembered how guilty he felt when he had gone back to London to his wife who was none the wiser about his impure thoughts for another woman.

If he had thought New York was torture, Rome was ten times worse. They were alone, in one of the world's most romantic cities and she wouldn't touch him. It was painful, but he knew he had to get through it. Nothing good would come out of it, he would upset Leah and he would be hurting his wife.

"So is everything squared away?" She asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. He was doing all he could to not look at her, instead focusing on the tall trees that lined the picturesque street in the city.

"Yeah, their flight will be in tomorrow and the limo service will pick them up and take them straight to the Palalottomatica. The arena is being set up as we speak so everything should fall into place. There will be just enough time for a sound check."

"Thank god," she sighed, glancing down at her wrist to check the time, 9:30PM. It was still early and she was far from being tired but she knew he was married and she had to stay away from him. She had been hurt too many times in the past and after the pain that Sam, her ex, had put her through, she had made herself promise to never love anyone that much ever again. So the fact that when she was around Jake her heart would race and her body seemed to go weak with just a simple glance, she knew she was in trouble. _He's married_, she found herself repeating over and over again in her head.

"We'll be heading back to London on Sunday then?"

"Yeah…" He replied when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. It was Emmett. "Hey, so everything is all squared away, they'll be here tomorrow afternoon."

"I don't give a fuck about that." He shouted and Jake had to pull the phone away from his ear.

"What the fuck man?"

"You couldn't fucking spare one minute to tell Bella you weren't coming home?" Jake winced at his words, it had completely slipped his mind that he had a wife who had been expecting him back that day. They had made plans to go out. "Bloody fucking hell Jake… Things were finally starting to get better and you know how much I fucking hate hearing her upset. She thinks you're screwing around on her."

"Why would she think that?"

"Maybe because you show all the signs of a husband straying? And maybe because you haven't fucking told her that you are working closely with a woman. A woman who I'm pretty sure you have feelings for but for Bella's sake I'm not going to say anything. If Leah was any other woman I would have no problem telling Bella and getting her to kick your sorry ass out on the street but I know Leah wouldn't fuck around with you."

"Stop meddling in my marriage Emmett, it's none of your fucking business!" He replied forcibly. He never liked Emmett, never liked the bond that he had made with Bella and how he always took Bella's side. "It's my marriage, not yours."

"Yea well she is like my little sister and I don't like seeing her upset. God you really are a piece of shit and don't deserve her."

"Goodbye Emmett." He said, pressing the end call button on his blackberry and scrolling through his contacts list.

"Is everything okay?" Leah questioned, her voice soft, not wanting to upset him anymore than he already was. His body was rigid with anger and it scared her to see him so tightly wound.

"Peachy." He grumbled, pressing a button and putting the phone to his ear, listening to the sound of the ring, waiting for her to pick up.

"Hi, it's Bella. Sorry I missed your call but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can." Her voicemail stated and he scowled. She was avoiding him.

"Bella it's me… So I don't appreciate you complaining to Emmett and letting him give me hell. Did it ever fucking occur to you that I haven't had a moment to call and let you know that I wouldn't be coming home? There were complications with the band and I've barely had a minute to take a piss. So I won't be home until Sunday. Happy? See you later." He shoved the phone forcibly back into his pocket and glared up the street, immediately regretting having lost his temper on the message but it was too late to fix it.

"I need a fucking drink." He commented as they walked into the lobby of the hotel.

"I think I'll go to my room and get some rest." She said quietly. Getting drunk with him would only lead to complications. It may have been true that he and his wife weren't exactly getting along, but she wouldn't be the one to get in the way of it… At least that's what she kept telling herself.

"Come on Leah… Don't make me look like an alcoholic. Come have a drink with me." His hand was on her shoulder and she closed her eyes, not trusting herself to look into his large, brown ones that she knew so well. She hated that her stomach was doing flips, hated that she so desperately wanted to go with him.

"Just one." She replied, her eyes finally meeting his as she watched the large grin stretch across his face. _Oh fuck Leah… What are you getting yourself into?_ She asked herself as she followed him into the hotel bar.

* * *

"So why are we here?" Rose asked as they walked into The Huntsman, trying hard to hide her disgust with the crowded, dingy pub. She preferred lounges, places with room to stretch out and where the room didn't smell like stale beer and the smell of cigarettes that blew through from the street whenever the door opened.

"I wanted a change?" Bella said, though it was more of a question. Rose lifted her eyebrow suspiciously, knowing that wasn't the case. "They have live music."

"Coffee boy is here isn't he?" Rose grinned, her suspicions confirmed as she watched the blush inhabit her friends face. She stretched her neck out peering around the heads of the other patrons, trying to catch a glimpse at the bronze haired man that Bella often spoke of.

"Do you know when he is going to get here?"

"He is supposed to be playing tonight." They made their way to the bar and stood there, trying to catch the bartender's attention.

"What will it be ladies?" He smiled when he stopped at them, taking the time to let his eyes linger on their frames.

"A pint of Strongbow and a vodka-cran." Bella smiled.

"No vodka-carn," Rose interrupted. "Just a diet coke is fine." He nodded and turned his back on them to fill their drink orders.

"Rose?" Bella asked, turning to look at her, her eyebrows pulled tightly together as she eyed her.

"Yes?"

"What's going on?"

"Well… We wanted to tell you together but I know I won't be able to get out of this… I'm pregnant… Emmett and I are going to have a baby." Rose smiled. Her face glowed and Bella wasn't sure how she had missed that. Though she was happy, immensely so, for her friend, she couldn't help the pang of jealousy that flared in her stomach; Rose had everything that Bella wanted. "Please say something?"

"Oh Rose! I'm so happy for you!" Her arms were around her neck, pulling her into a hug.

"Say you'll be there for me when Emmett isn't there?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. This kid might be the closest I'll ever have to having children." Bella half-smiled in an attempt to hide the sadness that had washed over her.

"Don't say that… It's not true. You'll have children, I promise. But you get to have practice with mine."

"Auntie Bella… It has a nice ring." Bella smiled, slapping down twenty quid on the bar when the bartender returned with their drinks. He produced the change quickly and they made their way to one of the few empty tables a few feet away from the stage.

"It does." Rose grinned back.

* * *

"Bella you should turn around and watch this…" Rose said softly as she leaned across the table. Bella had been sitting with her back to the stage, not willing to look at him. She was afraid that if she did he would see her and the last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was stalking him. So she contented herself with listening to his voice, thinking she had never heard someone sing so beautifully, all the while pounding drinks to summon the courage to talk to him when this was over. "He is amazing…"

"You're married remember…. And pregnant."

"So." She grinned, looking back up. "I can see why you like him."

"God and his looks aren't even the best part Rose…" She groaned, thinking about the way it felt when he held her hand, or when he slung his arm over her shoulder to guide her through crowded areas so they wouldn't get lost.

"Alright guys, this is the last song of the night and this is one that you've probably never heard before." She heard his voice call out and she couldn't help it anymore and turned to look at the stage. He was staring off to the side but just as he was about to start strumming on the strings of his guitar, his eyes locked on hers and she noticed the shock and surprise that was registered there for a brief moment before he shook himself out of it and the soft sounds of the guitar filled the now quiet room.

_Superstitions aren't meant for lovers  
Under covers, discovered is your skin  
I am lonely, please let me in  
You're probably wondering what I was proving  
Are you choosing?  
Am I losing you tonight?  
Is it over, over?_

_Are we fading?_

He looked away for a moment and Bella could feel her heart race in her chest. It was a long shot that he was talking about her, but it was nice to think about it nevertheless. She couldn't think of anything else but the passion that filled Edwards face as he sang, the pure bliss that showed and had she thought he was beautiful before, she knew that he was more beautiful in that moment. She felt Rose reach across the table and touch her hand, pulling her back into reality.

_I never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running too  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true_

_Now you've had your chance  
So let's try it my way, it's my day  
To show you what you're missing, turn around  
And feel the winds of change upon your face again  
The warm breath of your closest friend  
I'm waiting, I'm waiting_

_Are we fading?_

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the stage even though every single cell in her body was screaming at her to look away. She was falling more and more as she listened to his words, to the words that she knew he had written and everything was changing. He didn't move from her gaze, starting only at her and she was finding it hard to breathe.

_I've never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running too  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true_

_I'm scared we fall apart tonight  
Under the moonlight  
Under the moonlight  
I'm scared we'll never make it right  
Under the moonlight  
Under the moonlight  
Take my hand and hold it tight  
Hold it tight_

He couldn't believe that she had shown up and she wasn't with her husband. Had he known she was there, he never would have played the damn song. He had written it after she had cried in his arms one afternoon and though he wanted more than anything for her to hear it, this wasn't the time. He knew things were getting better with her husband and he was saving this for when things went south again. But as he played he couldn't take his eyes off of her, and he knew that he was blushing and he knew she was too and he knew that she was aware that this song could have been about them but all he could think about at that moment was getting through it and putting everything he had into it. The song was his confession, and getting it off his chest was giving him a high that he had never had before.

_I've never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running too  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true_

"Thank you for coming tonight." He said softly before turning the microphone off and walking off the stage before she had the time to realize he was gone.

"Bella…" Rose said softly, slightly in shock from the song. "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine." She stuttered, looking up at her friend to see tears swimming in her eyes. "Are you crying?"

"I'm pregnant… Hormones remember?" Rose chuckled before turning serious again. "How are you _not_ crying?"

"It's a song." Bella shrugged.

"A song about you."

"There is no proof of that."

"So why wouldn't he take his eyes off you?"

"Because he was surprised to see me."

"Sweetheart… That boy is so in love with you that it isn't even funny."

Bella shook her head at Rose's comment. It would have been nice to believe that it was about her, and though she had been thinking that while he was singing, when he exited the stage she allowed that thought to be filed deep within her mind. There was not use trying to imagine it was about her away.

* * *

"Alice…" He started, staring down at the black case where he had tucked his guitar away in.

"Yea?" She asked, pulling herself from Jasper's arms to look at him.

"She's here." Her eyes went wide.

"Where?"

"The table off to the left… Sitting with the blonde."

"Can I go talk to her?"

"No."

"So why don't you go talk to her?"

"Because I'm a fucking coward… I never would have played that song if she was there." He sighed, shaking his head slowly.

"It was a beautiful song."

"She'll know that it was about her."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes… No… Not right now." He decided.

"Just go talk to her." She smiled, placing her hand on his back. "Don't worry… Maybe she didn't figure it out."

He grunted. He hadn't been able to look away, she would have known. But still, she knew that he was there, and she knew, he knew, she was there. He couldn't avoid her. He didn't want to avoid her and more importantly, he wanted to kiss her.

* * *

He walked slowly to her table, his mind trying to come up with something to say in case there was tension, in case she didn't appreciate him spilling his heart out in front of a crowd of people he didn't know from Adam. The blonde she was with spotted him first however, cutting his thoughts off and he gave her a small, shy smile.

"Hi." He said, looking first at Bella and then at the other woman.

"Edward, hi." She smiled at him and he noticed the four empty pint glasses. She would be drunk and he celebrated in the thought that maybe she would forget all about it. "This is my friend Rose… Rose, Edward Cullen."

"It's nice to finally meet you. Bella speaks very fondly of you." He said, holding his hand out to shake Rose's hand.

"It's nice to finally meet you too." She grinned and looked at the phone that was resting on the table. "Oh well would you look at the time! I've got to be going, Emmett will be wondering where I'm at." She hopped off the table. "Bella will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine."

"I'll make sure she gets home." He spoke. "Looks like she's been knocking them back."

"Thank you Edward. I look forward to seeing more of you." She hugged Bella goodbye. "Talk to you tomorrow baby girl."

"Bye Rose."

They were silent after Rose left. Neither wanting to speak, not sure what to say, but she decided to speak first.

"You have an amazing voice."

"Thank you. I'm glad you were able to make it. Though I hope it didn't cut your other plans short."

She snorted. "He didn't come home. Bastard didn't even bother to call to let me know. I hope you don't mind that I showed up here."

He bit the inside of his cheek. "I'm sorry Bella."

She shrugged. "I wish you would stop apologizing for him."

"Do you want to get out of here? Go for a walk?" He suggested and she nodded. "I just need to drop my guitar off at home if you don't mind."

"I don't mind." She replied and he nodded.

"I'll be right back." He stood up and walked to the stage to grab his things.

* * *

"Can we just stay here and watch a movie or something?" She asked as she looked around his apartment. He looked up from the place where he was standing, and his eyes took her in. He liked here her, in his apartment, it made it feel like home instead of just a place to live.

"Yeah we can do that. Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?" He put a good ten feet between them, not trusting himself to be any closer to her.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." She whispered. "I'm sick of being alone."

He closed the space between them in two long strides and wrapped her in his arms as she began to cry into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his chest, pulling herself closer to him, smelling the sweet scent of honeysuckle and musk that clung to his clothes as she tried to make herself stop crying.

"You can stay here then." He said softly against her hair and she moved her face from his chest to look up at him.

She was trying to ignore her desire to kiss him, to feel his lips against her own but the look in his eyes, the darkness that she had never seen before only made her want him more. She wanted to feel beautiful, and she wanted to feel loved and she knew that he could do that.

She felt him place a hand against her cheek as he used the pad of his thumb to wipe at the tears that were falling silently and she leaned into his hand.

"Will you…" She said softly but stopped before she could finish. Just because it was what she wanted, didn't mean it was what he wanted.

"Will I what?" He asked softly, his head moving down closer to hers so their lips were only a few inches away.

He never got a response. Her hands were in his hair, and she closed the distance, pressing her lips against his own and he closed his eyes, melting into it, taking what he could get and hoping that she wouldn't hate him in the morning when she was sober.

* * *

**Well... There it is! I really hoped you liked it and the best way to tell me is to review!**


	5. The Fear You Won't Fall

Hey everyone! So here is chapter five! It's a day later than I had anticipated and I'm sorry about that but I got addicted to "The Big Bang Theory" and have been watching episodes of it instead of writing or doing school work…

I just want to thank everyone who continues to find this story and add it to their alerts and favorites and a SPECIAL thank you to all of you who take the time to review! I was overwhelmed by the sudden response with the last chapter! It really does excite me when I see that I have review alerts in my inbox and because this story is so completely out of my comfort level, I really appreciate your feedback because this is something so different for me. That was awfully redundant.

So on to the story! I hope you enjoy the new chapter! And when you're finished, please review if you have the time! Reviews are better than chocolate!

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**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Five**_

_Digging a hole and the walls are caving in behind me  
Air is getting thin but I'm trying  
I'm breathing in, come find me_

_It hasn't felt like this before  
It hasn't felt like home… before you_

_And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way,  
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could,  
I can't get my mind off of you_

_And I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call  
Thought being alone, was better than was better than…_

Joshua Radin, "The Fear You Won't Fall"

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The subtle fragrance of vanilla and sandalwood mixed with a sweet musk that she couldn't quite place, assaulted Bella's nose as she nuzzled her cheek deeper into the pillow. It was a much different scent from the one she was accustomed to smelling on her sheets but she reveled in it, thinking that she had never smelled something so wonderful before and in the depth of her mind, she couldn't help but think that it smelled slightly like Edward. Jacob always had a spicy musk aroma to him; a rugged scent. This was soft and sweet and reminded her almost of a forest after a light summer rain.

She could see the lightness of the morning through her closed eyelids; however the pounding of her head kept her from opening them, afraid the brightness would irritate it even more so. But when she knew she could no longer put off the inevitable, she slowly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings, panic seeping through her body when she realized that she was not in her own bedroom but rather somewhere else, someplace she had never been to before.

"No… No…" she whispered aloud, her voice panicked. Her arms flung the covers off her body and she looked down, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw that she was still in her clothes; the skinny jeans and tank top she wore under her blouse which, with a quick glance around the room, she found laying neatly at the end of the bed.

It was in that moment that everything was clear. When the events of the night had finally managed to work their way through her sleep and hung over muddled mind and she knew she was in trouble.

"_I don't want to be alone anymore," she whispered and she felt the warm tears as they began to fall from her eyes. "I'm sick of being alone."_

"_You can stay here then." His voice was soft and he pulled her close to him as she wrapped her own arms around his waist. In that moment she knew that she wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her and as she looked up at him, his face blurred through her teary eyes, she could feel her heart race in her chest, the familiar chaotic thumping that she always felt when she was close to him._

_His hand was on her face, the pad of his thumb gently rubbing the tears off her cheeks before they had the chance to continue their journey down to her jaw. _

"_Will you…" She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth when she paused, her eyes straying from his face to his lips._

"_Will I what?"_

_His usually bright emerald eyes were dark, darker than she could ever remember them and words seemed to escape her mind and instead she brought her hands up to his head, lacing her fingers in the soft strands of his tousled hair as she guided his lips closer to hers. And in one swift moment, his lips were on hers, hers on his and she reveled in the sudden softness. The world began to spin around her but she wasn't afraid of falling. He was there, and his arms tightened around her, steadying her, keeping her safe._

_She felt his tongue against her lips and she opened her mouth to him. He tasted like sweet mint and something more natural than that, something heavenly, something she had never before known. A small moan escaped her throat as she pressed her tongue against his own, wanting to taste more, wanting to drown in it. But it was over far too soon for her liking and he pulled away._

"_We can't do this now Bella," he whispered, his forehead leaning against her own as they both tried to steady their breaths but she could only whimper in response. "You're drunk and you'll regret this in the morning."_

"_No, I won't."_

"_Come on, let's get you to bed." _

She touched her fingers to her lips as she thought about it and for a moment she could almost feel his lips against her own again. She wanted more, even though she knew it was wrong and it bothered her that he had been the one to pull away. In the one moment of bravery she could ever remember, it felt as though he was rejecting her. _Oh shit Bella… What have you gotten yourself into?_

----------

He felt something cool and wet press against his cheek followed by the sloppy wetness of Hudson's long, thin tongue as it assailed the stubbly area. Edward waved his hand to push the dog back and slowly sat up on the couch, rubbing his eyes to remove any sign of sleep. The clock on the wall showed that it was after nine, but the flat was silent which left him both hopeful and afraid. He wasn't sure how much of the night she had remembered and if she did remember, he couldn't help but worry that she might take off before giving him the chance to explain.

"_I don't want to go to sleep." He chuckled at her petulance as he set her down on his bed. She reminded him of a child who was being told that it was their bedtime, essentially he was telling her that, though it was nearly two in the morning and if she continued to attack his lips with her own, he couldn't be the gentleman that he knew he had to be. He was fighting a losing battle with his body and he needed to get out of there before he did something that he would regret in the morning. He was pulling at the pillows, tossing each one off and to the side doing all he could to not think about the woman that would be sleeping there and instead diverting his attention._

"_Edward…" her soft voice called out over the silence and he bit the inside of his cheek, attacking it with his molars. The pain, he figured, would keep the blood from pooling in other areas, areas that were off limits._

"_Edward…" He felt her warm breath on his neck, causing him to shiver slightly. It unnerved him that anyone could have this effect on him. Her arms seemed to appear from nowhere and he looked down to see them around his waist as she pressed her entire body up against his back and he bit down harder on his cheek. Every bit of her was against him and his body began to ache in a way that was driving him mad. "I don't want to go to sleep."_

_He turned so that they were chest to chest, ready to give up, to let her have her way with him, it wasn't like he wouldn't be a willing participant, or that it wasn't something that he hadn't been dreaming about, fantasizing about since he had met her. Her hands once again found his hair, his weak spot, and he groaned when she began to tug on it, causing all rational thought to begin to leave his mind._

"_Bella, you're upset… You just want to hurt your husband." She shook her head but he didn't believe it. Sure, there might have been part of her that was attracted to him, she wouldn't have kissed him if that wasn't the case, but he couldn't help but worry that deep down, she was just angry and wanted to take it out on him. She was drunk, she was angry, and he was a man… They all equaled one big mess, and as much as he wanted to take her and throw her down on that bed and show her what she was missing, he knew better._

_Too bad his body didn't. Her lips found his again and he seemed to go into a frenzy once again, only this time, it was more dangerous, there was a bed here and all he had to do was fall backwards and bring her down with him._

_He had never kissed lips that soft, that full, and that wonderful and the fantasy of what it might be like was severely lacking. They were so much better and for the first time he seemed to understand what it meant to kiss someone and just know that it was the only thing that you would ever want to do with the rest of your life. If he could make a living by kissing her, he would never stop._

_Her skin was soft to his touch and he swore that she shivered as his hand traveled under the material of her shirt so he could feel the bare skin of her back against his hands. But that wasn't the only thing that added to his inability to control himself, she tasted wonderful. He was experienced in the ways of kissing but no one had ever tasted like her: like mint and honey and he couldn't get enough. _

_His body screamed for air and he had to fight the scowl when he pulled away, knowing full well that he would return back to the state of mind that he was in prior to it all. But it was for the best, at least, that was what he kept telling himself. She was still married. She could never be his. _

_She was flushed and her chest was heaving as she sucked air through her swollen lips and he had to look away, to focus on getting her into the bed and getting out of the room, maybe even taking a cold shower when it was all over. A quick glance down at his pants told him that a shower was not an option but a necessity if he was going to make it through the night._

"_Come on… into the bed."_

_To his surprise, she acquiesced and he pulled the covers over her before dropping a kiss to her forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment longer than he should have so he could breathe in the scent of vanilla and freesia._

"_Will you be back?" Her voice was timid and he knew that she wouldn't sleep if she thought he wouldn't so he nodded._

"_I'm going to take a shower. Go to sleep." _

_The edges of her lips pulled into a small smile as she closed her eyes and buried her head into the pillow. He stood there and watched her for a moment, admiring the way her hair fanned out across the pillow and how peaceful she looked as sleep took her. It was the closest he would ever get to being with her so he burned it into his memory, an image to file away, to think about later, when he was alone in the bed and she was long gone and back in the arms of her husband._

He walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, noting that her purse was still resting on the kitchen table. He would check on her later, better to let her sleep a little longer, the hangover, he imagined, was going to be hell. Rose hadn't mentioned how much she had drank, but he had seen the empty pint glasses and he couldn't help but assume that there had been hard liquor mixed in with that as well. He knew from experience that she was a lightweight, but four pints would not have been enough to elicit that kind of response.

"You need to go out buddy?" He asked Hudson who scurried towards the door as the coffee machine came to life with the sounds of the grinder and water heater.

"No… We are going to the roof today; I don't want to be gone too long." He said aloud and pointed to the balcony. His mother had purchased the flat a few years ago because of the private rooftop. Though she and his father had a home in Belgravia, she had convinced his father that it would be a good investment and if necessary, the children could live there. Obviously they hadn't gone about renting it to anyone because as soon as she had it remodeled and refurbished, she had insisted that he move in and who was he to turn it down? Rent was expensive as hell in London and it wasn't as though he was raking in the big money, much to his father's dismay.

He pulled a jumper over his head before picking up his mobile phone that sat on the coffee table and stuffing his hands into the front pockets of the sweatshirt after he opened the door, laughing as Hudson barreled through it and took the steps to the roof two at a time. The air was warm and sunny and he looked to the sky, enjoying the sun on his face while he contemplated getting on the train and heading to Brighton. It was perfect beach weather.

He watched Hudson run around the area, stopping every so often to sniff at something that was probably his own urine marking before lifting his leg and marking it all over again. He shook his head, it was so easy for dogs, lift your leg, mark your territory. If he did that to Bella, he was certain she would look at him with pure and utter disgust, not that he could, she was already marked. The ring being the equivalent of peeing and Jacob's large ring was like a big sign saying 'TAKEN, DO NOT TOUCH. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TOUCH' He shuddered in disgust, some man who didn't even seem to want her had taken her and made her unattainable. He couldn't see how that was fair, why couldn't he just give her up and let her be happy? Let them be happy?

Then again, she may not even want him. She might have truly been acting in anger towards her husband and he had been the only male around. It was convenient. His head began to pound, the sudden feeling of a headache and he shook his head. It was too early to think.

He could hear the sounds of the street coming to life. The sounds were always later on the weekends and he sat down on one of the lounge chairs and closed his eyes and took it all in. It was an action that he hadn't done for a long time and seeing as he had nothing better to do, he might as well enjoy the sun before fall came and took it away. The familiar sound of his ringtone broke through his silent mind.

He pulled the phone from his pocket and saw Garrett's name across the screen.

"Hey."

"Where did you get off to last night? I thought we were going drinking after the show." He sounded annoyed but Edward wasn't going to let it get to him.

"Sorry mate, something came up."

"You went to see her." It was accusatory in tone but Garrett knew how much this girl had affected his friend.

"She came to see me. She was there, at the gig and she was drunk and…"

"Did you bang her?"

"NO!" He nearly shouted and Hudson stopped what he was doing and looked at him, almost as though he was making sure he wasn't being reprimanded for some unknown action, and when he was satisfied that he wasn't and Edward shook his head at the dog. "Not you."

"Not me what?"

"I was talking to Hudson."

"It's a dog mate."

"So? Your point being?"

"He doesn't understand you."

"He understands a whole hell of a lot more than you'd think."

"So… If you didn't sleep with her, what did you do?"

"We talked."

"You're such a pansy you know that? How long has it been since you've been laid?"

"Since I met her," he said truthfully. "I haven't wanted to be with anyone but her and forgive me if I don't think it's right to be with a woman and to be thinking of someone else."

"So you go out and find someone that looks like her and bang the shit out of her and get it out of your system."

"Garrett, what part of, 'I don't want to be with anyone else,' don't you seem to understand?"

"All of it."

"I thought as much." There was a lull in the conversation, Garrett knowing he had overstepped his boundaries and Edward aggravated that his friend didn't seem to understand, though he knew it wasn't his fault; Garrett had never met anyone that drove him as crazy as Bella did. He would understand one day, when he met someone who he couldn't get off his mind and he would see what it was like to _want_ to abstain because it just wasn't the same if it wasn't with her.

"So… What are your plans for the day?" Garrett finally spoke again once both men had had sufficient time to forget the awkwardness.

"Not sure really, she's still sleeping."

"So you're spending the day with her? Where is her husband?"

"I don't know if I'm spending the day with her and her husband is in Paris? Rome? I don't know, some business trip."

"Hmm… Well, if you don't end up spending the day with her, give me a call. I wanted to head to Brighton for a few hours, enjoy the beach."

"When were you thinking of heading down?"

"An hour or so, do you know when she'll be waking up?"

"No idea," he responded truthfully. "But I'll give you a call when I know what I'm doing."

"Alright, I'll talk to you later mate."

"Bye," Edward replied, pressing the red button and ending the call.

He sighed and stood up, "Back inside?"

----------

"Please answer the phone Rose…" Bella said to herself as she listened to the ringing. It was a little after nine and she wasn't sure what to do.

"Hello?" Rose's voice was heavy with sleep but Bella rejoiced that she answered.

"I made out with Edward."

"Bella?"

"Did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I made out with Edward last night," she repeated and heard the silence on the other end of the line followed by the sudden ruffling of bed sheets.

"What!" Bella imagined that Rose had probably shot out of bed with her confession and though no one could see her, she felt the sudden redness of her cheeks, the inevitable blush that always accompanied her discomfort.

"Edward and I… We made out." Bella bit the side of her lip and pulled herself out of the bed and paced around the large bedroom. Suddenly, she had to move, she couldn't sit still any longer.

"Oh my God."

"Rosie what is going on it's too early." Bella heard Emmett.

"Shut up monkey, Bella is telling me a very interesting story."

"What's it about?"

"Her and Edward."

"Coffee boy?" She heard him ask. "The one you met last night?"

"Yes."

"Rose, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell him right now," Bella interrupted the married couple as she played with the hem of her tank top.

"So what happened?"

"Not now… I don't know where he is right now and I don't want him to hear… But I don't know what common protocol is in situations like this."

"I'm so lost Bells. Where are you?"

She blushed even harder, if that was possible. "I'm at his place."

"Isabella Marie Swan, you little hussy you!" Rose joked, and Bella was thankful that Rose had used her maiden name and not her married name. She felt guilty enough as it was, the last thing she needed was her best friend reminding her that she was married. "Was he good? I bet he was good. He _looks_ like he knows his way around."

"I didn't sleep with him… I think he slept on the couch."

"You think?"

"I haven't left the bedroom… I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him. I don't think he even wants me like that. He pushed me away but I wouldn't take no for an answer. Rose, what if I screwed up? What if he doesn't want to even be my friend after this? And what about Jake? What have I gotten myself into?" She felt her throat begin to close up as she began her confession of her worst fears and her whole body stiffened. She had always been good, always done the right thing and now she had cheated on her husband and for the most part, she was more concerned about what Edward thought of her, not what Jake would think of her.

"What do _you_ want Bells?"

"I don't know." She sighed and wiped at the tears that spilled from her eyes.

"I think you do but you're too afraid to admit it."

"Tell me what to do… I don't know what to do."

"I can't baby. You have to make the decision for yourself." Bella sighed, Rose was right, but that didn't solve her problem at all. She didn't know what to do. She wanted Edward more than she had ever wanted anyone before but she had also made a vow to her husband and he didn't deserve this, regardless of how tense things had been between the two of them.

"What are you doing this afternoon?" Rose pressed.

"Probably going to wallow at home."

"No you're not. We are going to go out… Go shopping with me and we can sort this out."

"I really don't want to go shopping."

"Tough. I do," she replied and Bella sighed in defeat.

"I should go face it then…"

"Bella, he likes you, I'm almost positive of it."

"We'll see… It doesn't change the fact that what I did was wrong."

"Call me later when you get home…"

"I will," she replied and ended the call.

----------

She walked down the short hall and saw that Edward was standing in the kitchen, pouring himself what appeared to be a cup of coffee. Just the sight of him set off her memories: the images of his lips against her own, his body pressed tightly to hers, his hands tangled in her hair. She had to close her eyes to shake the thoughts away. She just stood there though, looking at him, noting the contemplation on his face and she was afraid that he was thinking of how he would let her down easily.

Taking a deep breath she walked into the room. "Good morning."

He looked up and their eyes met. "Good morning." His voice was soft and she tried to read his expression but she couldn't. She just wanted to know what he was thinking. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Sure, that would be nice."

He nodded and turned his back to her, his hands reaching into the cupboard and pulling a mug from it. She watched from her place in the room as his muscles tightened with the movement and blushed a little at the thoughts that suddenly ran through her mind. Quickly clearing her thoughts she timidly approached him. She wasn't brave enough to stand next to him and instead situated herself at the end of the counter, keeping her eyes down on her hands that she rested against the cool marble and not at his face.

Edward busied himself with getting her coffee, not knowing what to say, not knowing what she was going to say and the look on her face was only more confusing to him. He prided himself on his ability to read people, to know what they were thinking, but he wasn't sure what it was that was going on in her mind. He thought, for a moment, that she looked happy to see him, but he couldn't be quite sure because as he glanced at her from the corner of his eye, he could see the torment that seemed to show on her face. He knew that that he needed to give her an out. She didn't want any of this, much to his sadness.

"What do you want in it?" He asked softly, breaking the moment of awkward silence that had fallen between them.

"Uhm… Sugar and cream?"

He nodded and continued to prepare her drink. It was completely possible that she wanted nothing more than friendship from him but after everything that had transpired, he wasn't sure he could look at her as just a friend. After having tasted her, after holding her in his arms, he knew that he would be torturing himself on a daily basis if that was all they could be. But still, being her friend was better than nothing, right?

"So uhm… About last night…" He started as he placed the mug down in front of her and watched as her tiny hands wrapped around the blue ceramic.

"I'm so sorry Edward. My actions were totally uncalled for. I never should have forced myself on you."

"It's okay…"

"No… It's not. I never should have done that. I was angry and drunk and you've been such a good friend."

"I understand." She thought she heard regret in his voice.

"It was lovely really but we can't… I can't…"

"I know. It was a mistake." It pained him to say it but he had to let her go. He looked up to met her eyes, his heart breaking as he saw that same pain behind the mask that she so often fronted.

"A mistake," she repeated softly. He had called it a mistake when she had been trying to tell him that she liked it, even if they couldn't do it again, he thought it was a mistake.

"You've become my best friend Bella…" he continued, "but you're married and really… It's okay. All will be forgotten."

She nodded and did what she could to fight the second round of tears for the morning. She had to get out of there. "Listen, thanks for the coffee but I have to get going."

His eyes widened as she began to make her way to the door. "Now?"

"I do…"

"I'll call you later? We can take Hudson out for a walk or something?"

"Sure, yea… I'll talk to you later." She replied hurriedly as her hand touched the cool door knob. "Bye Edward."

He didn't have the chance to say goodbye. She had closed the door before he could respond, leaving him mystified. Had he not told her what she wanted to hear? Hadn't she wanted an out so that she wouldn't feel guilty, even though it broke his heart to admit it?

He suddenly felt like a giant in the room, his whole world constricting around him. His heart ached with a dull throb that he had never felt before and he felt his throat constricting, making it difficult to breathe properly. She was never going to forgive him.

----------

Bella opened the door to her home and for the first time since leaving his flat, she let herself cry. Everything was so confusing, so difficult. Her perfect world had been shattered and she didn't know how to repair it. She had just lost her best friend and she had betrayed her husband. This wasn't like her.

He looked so hurt when she had rushed out of his flat, surprised that she was leaving so soon but she couldn't stay there. She would have broken down if she had, she would have taken more from him then she thought he was willing to give and it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she kept placing all her problems on him and that he was always so damn understanding. She hated that she was relying on him to make her happy but she couldn't help it. She was always so happy with him and now, she had gone and messed it all up.

She wanted to call him. To hear his voice again on the other end of the line, she wanted to tell him that the kiss hadn't been a mistake and that she was falling in love with him, even though it went against everything that she had believed in. She wanted him to tell her to leave Jake, and that he loved her and that he could make her happy again. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her, that he always had and nothing would ever change that.

She heard her front door open and looked to the doorway to see Rose walking in which only caused her to cry harder. Rose ran to her side, pulling her friend into her arms as she rocked her softly.

"What happened?"

"He said it was a mistake," she choked out.

Rose didn't respond but merely rubbed her friend's back as she let her cry it out. It was true that she barely knew the man that Bella had been spending her time with but she did she the way that he had looked at her the night before. She had seen the complete and utter devotion that filled his eyes when he sang to her, had seen the passion and love and agony that had been written across his face when he approached them at the table. His actions, his words to Bella that morning were probably nothing more than a self preservation tactic. If she knew Bella as she thought she did, she was probably vague when talking to him, had probably been emotionally unaware and unknowingly made him think that she didn't care for him in her own desire to protect her emotions. She knew that these two would never get anywhere with each other until one of them had the balls to say how they truly felt.

Unfortunately, she wasn't sure that would ever happen and that thought alone upset her. She had enjoyed the Bella that had been emerging over the past few months. She reminded her more of the one she had met three years ago: the one who was full of life, the one who was happy and excited about what was going on around her. The past three years had changed her friend into someone she didn't quite recognize and she was thankful that Edward had been able to bring her back.

Bella finally stopped her crying and pulled away from Rose and wiped at her puffy eyes.

"I look like a mess…"

"Go take a shower, get dressed and what not and I'll make you something to eat and then we can go out… Take your mind off everything."

Bella nodded and stood up as Rose pushed her towards the stairs.

When she had disappeared, Rose rummaged around Bella's purse, extracting her cell phone. Quickly, she reached for a piece of paper and a pen and scrolled through the electronic phone book until she found the number she was looking for. She might hate her when she found out what she was going to do, but in the long run, she would be grateful would thank her for it. She would just have to wait for the right time, then, she would call him and see if there was any way to fix this because she knew that it was all a misunderstanding.

----------

Edward sat on the rocky beach. It was a nice day but suddenly, the sunshine wasn't what he wanted. He wanted rain, and lots of it. All around him people were laughing and having a good time but he was locked in his head. He hated happy people when he felt like crap. Garrett had physically dragged him from his flat, telling him that they would go to Brighton, meet some new women and then he would forget all about Bella. Garrett obviously hadn't a clue.

He had tried, put in a good effort to have a good time but as they had stood there talking to two girls that had approached them, he found himself comparing everything about them to Bella. They were too blonde, too tall, too fake, too skinny, too unintelligent. Their voices were too annoying… Everything about them just got under his skin. He didn't want them. He wanted Bella.

"Come on. We have to head back to London and get ready to go out."

"I really don't want to go out tonight Garrett," he whined but Garrett just slapped him on the back of his head.

"Tough shit, we are getting you laid tonight. See those three girls over there?" He asked him as he pointed to the group of blondes. "They are meeting us at Cocoon tonight. Then, after a sufficient time has passed, you are taking one of them home with you and the old Edward is going to reemerge, like a butterfly."

"You picked cocoon as a metaphor didn't you?" He grumbled and Garrett just grinned widely.

"I'm not taking one of them home."

"We'll see about that."

----------

Edward looked down at his phone that was ringing, hoping that it was Bella but grimacing when he saw Alice's number flashing across the screen. He furrowed his brow as he collapsed on his couch, wondering what on earth his sister could possibly want at eleven thirty. He had managed to sneak away from Garrett at ten thirty, thirty minutes after they had arrived at the damn bar, and had headed home, but not before he took a walk around to clear his mind. It was pointless to go out, he didn't want to be anywhere but with Bella but his friend hadn't understood that.

"What do you want?" He barked. The day had turned out completely different than he had anticipated and suddenly, he just wanted it to be over.

"Someone's in a touchy mood."

"I don't feel up to dealing with anything right now… What do you want Alice?"

"I just wanted to see how things went for you last night, but if your mood is any inclination to my answer, I don't think I want to know."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"That bad?"

"She kissed me."

"That doesn't sound like a bad thing."

"She was drunk."

"Drunk actions are sober thoughts."

"No… I could tell in the morning that she regretted it. I told her it was a mistake… She ran out shortly after."

"You're a dumbass you know that?"

"I really don't need to hear this right now." His voice was tense.

"Fine… But you'll hear about it later."

"Goodnight Alice." He hung up before she could reply and tossed his phone on the table. He had had a terrible day and all he wanted was for it to end.

His feet carried him to his room where he noted that his bed was still unmade. After she had left he hadn't had the motivation to make it after she had left. He noticed that her blouse was still resting on the edge of the bed and he picked it up and brought the fabric to his nose, her perfume lingering on it and he closed his eyes and swore that he could feel her there with him.

Sighing, he folded the shirt up and placed it on his dresser before he began to pull his clothes off. He needed to stop thinking of her, to clear her from his mind if only for a little while so he could figure out how to fix everything. Telling her it was a mistake had felt like the right thing to do at the time, she seemed to want to forget it had even happened and he didn't want her to be upset about it. Calling it a mistake was a chance for her to push it from her mind so she could get back to fixing her relationship with her husband.

He grimaced at the thought of her husband as he slipped under the covers. His hands fluffed the pillows and when he laid down he realized that her scent still lingered on the sheets. There would be no way that he would escape her and though he wanted to convince himself that he wanted to, he knew that wasn't true so instead he buried his head in the pillow, letting her scent assault his senses and he closed his eyes thinking of nothing but her.

----------


	6. You Don't Know Me

**So here is the next chapter! As usual, I just want to thank everyone who is reading this and adding it to their alerts/favorites and an EXTRA big thank you to those who are reviewing! Each one makes my day! Know that I read every single one of them! I love knowing what you think about the story!**

**This would have been posted sooner if I wasn't seething at the TV as I watched the Bachelor. Stupid Jason... I'm going to rant for a moment so if you don't want to read this, skip ahead to the next paragraph! For someone who criticized the way Deana treated him on the Bachelorette, I have to say that he is the BIGGEST hypocrite because what he did to Melissa was so much worse than what Deana did to him. And if I see him cry one more time I'm going to scream. I don't feel bad for him. I think he is a weak, weak man… And it's sad because I loved him dearly until he pulled the shit that he did. If he was in love with both women he never, ever, should have proposed. And (forgive me if I offend anyone), what was Molly thinking taking him back? Why would anyone take someone who tossed them aside? Do people have no self respect anymore? Are we that desperate? She is twenty-four years old! She has plenty of time to find someone who could and would have put her first from the beginning… Okay… Done now!**

**So I hope you enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think! You all inspire me to continue writing!**

**----------**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Six**_

_You give your hand to me  
And then you say hello  
And I can hardly speak  
My heart is beating so_

_And anyone can tell  
You think you know me well  
Well, you don't know me_

_No, you don't know the one  
Who dreams of you at night  
And longs to kiss your lips  
And longs to hold you tight_

_Oh, I'm just a friend  
That's all I've ever been  
'Cause you don't know me_

_For I never knew  
The art of making love  
Though my heart aches  
With love for you_

_Afraid and shy  
I let my chance go by  
A chance that you might  
Love me too_

_You give your hand to me  
And then you say goodbye  
I watch you walk away  
Beside the lucky guy_

_Oh, you'll never know  
The one who loves you so  
Well, you don't know me_

Michael Buble, "You Don't Know Me"

----------

There was a banging. Or at least, he thought there was a banging, it was hard to determine if it was the door or his pounding headache. He clasped his left hand over this forehead, rubbing the area before letting his hand trail down the rough hair that now grew from his cheek and jaw, the stubble barely tickling his guitar calloused fingers. The banging however did not cease and he groaned, pulling the pillow over his head, hoping that if he just ignored it, it would go away.

There were only three, well, four people that it could have been: Alice, Jasper, Garrett and the slim possibility of his mother. Still, three of them would have had a key and could have let themselves in. It was only at the thought that it might be Bella that he managed to put his feet on the ground and pull himself out of the bed. If it was her, he didn't want her to think he wasn't home. He wanted to see her.

As he made his way to the living room, his feet became tangled on a pair of jeans that were scattered along his floor, causing him to trip and fall to the floor, his hands thankfully catching him before his face made contact with the carpet. In the week and a half that he had been away from Bella, he had sunk into a slump of sorts. He couldn't really help it; there had been nothing to look forward to. His days consisted of thinking of going to the National Gallery in order to see if she was there and staring at his phone, willing it to ring. He hadn't had the motivation to do anything else and Jasper and the rest of his band members were beginning to lose patience with him; he hadn't picked up his guitar once during that period. Inspiration never struck and playing only seemed to remind him of her and the songs that he _had_ written for her. His nights were equally as unproductive: he would drink alone for a while before Garrett would stop by and drag him out in an attempt to get him laid. His friend still carried with him the notion that having sex would exorcize Bella from his mind.

"_You need to get over her man… If the bitch won't call you back then it's not worth it anymore." Garrett commented before bringing his pint of Fosters to his lips._

_Edward glared at him, clenching his hands into tight fists. "Don't call her that."_

"_What? A bitch?" _

"_I mean it Garrett, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about."_

"_Whatever." He shrugged, smiling as a pretty blonde and her friend approached the bar. "Well hello ladies."_

_They giggled and Edward rolled his eyes. He didn't have the patience to deal with idiots and these girls looked as though they were missing a few brain cells. And that was being nice._

"_What's your name?" The brunette asked him as she situated herself into the stool beside him. His eyes fell on her and he knew that he had to admit that she was pretty, but she was nowhere near as beautiful as Bella. No one could compare to her. _

"_Edward," he replied, looking back down into the amber colored beverage that he held between his hands._

_They talked for a bit, she had mentioned her name but he wasn't paying that close of attention. His mind was still on Bella, as it had been for days but she didn't need to know that. He felt Garrett nudge him in the side and he snapped his head up from his thoughts and found that he was closing out his tab, his arm wrapped around the blonde's waist._

"_I'm going to take Meghan here home… You mind seeing to it that Ana gets home?"_

_He had taken her home, he had even taken her up on her offer to come inside but as they lay on her bed, he couldn't bring himself to go through with it. All he could see in his head was Bella and it felt wrong, all of it. Kissing her. Touching her. Being with her. He didn't belong there. So he left, leaving the girl alone and confused but he couldn't have cared less. He fell asleep with a clean conscience and to dreams of being with Bella. He would settle of a lifetime of that if it was all he could get._

Alice was standing in the middle of his living room when he finally picked himself up off the floor and she was looking around with obvious disgust. Three empty bottles of Jack sat on the coffee table next to another that was half finished, there were a few empty tumblers from which he drank the offending liquor. A few empty pizza boxes from when he realized that if he didn't put food in his stomach he would have been sick littered the floor and there was a scattering of socks and shirts from the living room to the bedroom.

Hudson was lying in a corner chewing on a piece of pizza crust that was probably a few days old and she wrinkled her nose in revulsion. The place looked as though a tornado had rolled through leaving a mess of destruction but she was willing to over look it for the most part. She knew how badly he was hurting, how upset he was over what was going on in his life and how helpless he felt in his ability to fix it.

"What the hell happened?" Alice nearly yelled as she looked up at him, her eyes taking in his sunken in face and the beard that had grown as a result of a week gone without shaving. "You look like shit."

"Well I feel like it."

"What happened?"

"She isn't returning my calls," he grumbled and watched as his sister began to pick up his mess. She didn't clean for very long, picking up a few of the boxes and glasses before she stopped her movements and flopped down on the couch, her face seemingly lost in thought.

"It's over Alice… I blew it."

"I'll say."

"Listen, if you're here to give me a hard time about it, really, I'd rather you left."

"I'm here to get you on your feet. I have an invitation to a party tonight at the Embassy after the Brit Awards and you're going to come."

"The last thing I want to do is be around people."

"She might be there you know… Didn't you say that her husband works in the industry?"

His head shot up with the prospect. It was true, her husband was employed with AEG and he had recalled her saying that she often had to tag along with him to the award shows and sometimes the after parties. He clenched his jaw however as he continued to think of the possibilities, the consequences of showing up to the party without her knowledge. She might not be there, and if she was, she might not want to be around him. It was obvious she didn't want to talk to him as she hadn't gotten back in touch with him though he had left a few messages pleading her to talk to him. He couldn't figure it out, all he wanted was to be around her again and it didn't matter if it wasn't in a romantic capacity. He loved who he was when he was with her, he loved the feeling he had around her and he missed her more than he had ever anticipated he could.

"I see that got your attention…"

----------

Jacob sat behind his desk tapping his silver pen against the smooth mahogany top. The office was quiet, most having gone home to prepare for the Brit awards later that evening, but he chose to linger behind. He hadn't wanted to go back home, he was too nervous, too anxious and had been ever since returning back from Rome. Nothing had happened between him and Leah but it had come damn near close to it. Well, nothing apart from a rather intense kiss that Leah had broken away from first before shoving him out the door leaving him more sexually frustrated than he had been in years.

His lack of desire to go home wasn't helped by the fact that Bella had been in a foul mood since he had come home. Though he knew she had every right to being upset with him, the fact was, he had been home for almost two weeks now and her mood hadn't improved one bit, instead, it only seemed to get worse and the more on edge she was, the more he wondered if she suspected that something had happened in Rome.

"You're still here?" Leah's voice broke through the silence of his office and he looked up to see her standing by the door. His eyes scanned her body, taking the time to appreciate the slim fitting black pencil skirt that showed the delicate curves of her hips and the green, silk blouse that was unbuttoned just enough for him to catch a slight hint of her cleavage.

"Yeah."

"Shouldn't you be home getting ready? Don't the awards start in four hours?"

"I just have to put a suit on, it won't take long. I want to stay out of the wife's way," he replied as his eyes fell on Leah's lips. He wanted to stand up and walk over to her, wrap his arms around her waist and pick her up. He wanted to feel her legs wrapped around him as he pushed her back against the wall while his lips attacked her own.

"If I told you I was leaving Bella would that change things between us?"

Leah shifted her weight uncomfortably as she cast her gaze down to the carpeted floor. "We don't live in a 'what if' world Jake…"

"But what if?"

She shook her head. There was no denying how hard this was for her because she did like Jake. She liked him a lot more than she wanted to admit and she hated that he was married. She hadn't felt like this about anyone since Sam but she had firsthand experience on how difficult it was to love a married man. It upset her that it seemed that all the men she had ever cared for enough to actually want a relationship with, were already taken.

"You aren't going to leave your wife. We both know that."

"Yeah… You're probably right," Jake sighed as he stood up and gathered his suit jacket from the back of his chair. "I'll see you tonight at Embassy."

----------

Bella stood in front of the mirror of her bedroom, her eyes taking in the pale blue dress, if one could call it that, she was wearing, occasionally turning to the side to check her figure, uncomfortable about how tight and short it was. She was mentally cursing Rosalie for making her buy it.

"_There is absolutely no way I am wearing that!" Bella said, probably a little louder than she had intended, when she looked up and saw the dress that Rosalie was holding up for her inspection. To her, it looked like a torture device; a pale blue, spandex contraption that she thought resembled lingerie, or at least kinky, bondage lingerie not the cocktail dress that it was advertising itself as._

"_It's Herve Leger, Bella. You will look fantastic in it."_

"_It's a who?"_

"_Herve Leger… Bondage dresses. They are super flattering and I promise that it's more comfortable than it looks."_

"_I'll need to wear Spanx if I plan to wear that. Which I don't, by the way," she continued to press. Her fingers ghosted over the material of a colorful Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress. It was much more her style, more comfortable, and covered much more skin then the dress that was currently being forced upon her._

"_Just put it on." Rose pushed the dress onto the sales assistant and rolled her eyes when she saw Bella hand her the DVF dress. "You'd think after three years you'd know that I know what looks best on you." _

"Bella! Let's go! The car is here." She heard Jake calling from the bottom of the stairs and she sighed, grabbing her purse. She hated award shows. She hated everything about them and the kind of person that her husband was at them.

Her phone was vibrating and she looked down. There was another message from Edward.

She missed him, more than she wanted to admit to it but she didn't know how to act around him anymore. She wanted more than anything to be with him but that was an impossibility. He had called six times over the past week and a half and had sent a dozen text messages but she had not responded to a single one. How she got through it she had no idea, but it was slowly breaking her down and as the time continued to pass, she could feel her walls beginning to break. It was becoming harder and harder, especially given how he had not given up on her. How could he still be so nice when she was being such a complete and utter bitch to him? What had she done to deserve that? It wasn't fair; she wasn't being fair to him. It was in that moment that she had resolved to respond to him the next day.

----------

Edward was off in a dark corner with his sister and Jasper, his eyes glued to the door waiting for her to walk through it. Alice and Jasper were talking about something but he didn't care, he had one goal for the night: to see Bella and get her to talk to him. The past week and a half had shown him that he needed her in his life and at that point, he didn't care what the capacity was. He just wanted to be around her, to bask in her warmth and light and to be there when she needed him.

"I've never seen him like this," Alice said softly against Jasper's ear.

"Garrett said that he hasn't even tried to pick up anyone at the bars when they've gone out..." Jasper added as he pulled Alice closer to him, his head nuzzling the crook of her neck with his nose.

Edward stiffened as he watched another group walk through the door and Alice looked at him and the smile that broke out across his face and she knew that the woman was there. She studied the smile that graced his face and she was certain that she had never seen one quite like it before. He was smiling, a true and genuine smile that reached his eyes and she felt Jasper squeeze her leg and she looked to see a brunette walking beside a very tall, Native American.

"It's her." She whispered into Jazz's ear.

Edward tuned everything out. All he saw was Bella and he couldn't believe how wrong he his mind had been. He had thought he remembered everything about her, thought the image of her that always formed in his mind was complete but as he watched her, he realized just how foolish he had been. She was beautiful, by far the most beautiful woman in the room, even if she didn't believe it.

He took the time to really look at her. Her pale blue dress made her skin look like cream, and the way it hugged her body like a glove sent chills down his spine. She was stunning. Her long hair fell in waves down her back and shoulders and he wanted to run his fingers through it. His body was calling to her, but she was there with her husband so he would wait until she was alone and then he would approach her and make her talk to him, to show her that he still wanted her in his life and that he could be the friend that she needed.

"She's beautiful Edward," Alice said and he nodded his head, there was nothing else he could say in response to it. She was beautiful, inside and out and the way that Alice spoke, he could have sworn that she knew that too.

----------

"Bella." Even amongst all the noise she knew who the voice belonged to, but what she didn't know was what it was doing there. Her eyes lowered to the glass flute in her hand and at the pink champagne that it held. She counted in her mind how many she had consumed; there had been three when she watched her husband interacting with the exotic beauty she learned was Leah, two when she watched them dance, and two that she sipped slowly while talking with Rose and Emmett off in the corner. Seven… And, yes, it was a lot, for her especially but surely she wasn't _so _drunk that she was hallucinating, hearing voices, or rather, his voice, in her head.

She turned around and her eyes met his dark green ones, they held the same look that they had when they had kissed and she bit her bottom lip, her body suddenly feeling weak. "Hello Edward."

"I've been trying to reach you."

"I know," she replied casting her gaze away from his. She caught Jacob in her line of vision and he was still talking with Leah, smiling down at her as she spoke and she realized that she hadn't seen that smile in years. It was a feeling that didn't settle well within her.

"Can we talk?"

"I was going to call you tomorrow," she admitted and watched as his lips pulled into the crooked smile that she so often saw in her dreams and she realized just how much she missed him.

The club was crowded and she moved closer to him to allow some people to pass and she was instantly reminded of the scent that she had woken up to. She missed him, and now, more than ever, as she stood there beside him, did she realize it and she didn't care that her husband was dancing with another woman, or that she was making him smile because she knew that Edward was doing the same thing for her. She had become a different person since she had met him. She was happy again, something that she hadn't felt since they had moved to London. She was confident with herself, even in the dress that she was wearing, the one that she thought showed too much skin and was too tight, she still felt good enough to be there because the way Edward was looking at her told her that he thought she was beautiful. Most of all, standing there with him, she realized just how important he was to her and how she needed him in her life in whatever capacity she could have him.

"Would you like to dance?" She felt his warm breath against her neck as he spoke into her ear and she nodded, allowing him to take her hand and lead her to the dance floor just as a slow song began to play.

_Take time to realize  
That your warmth is crashing down on in  
Take time to realize that I am on your side  
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?_

_But I can't spell it out for you  
No, it's never gonna be that simple  
No, I can't spell it out for you_

Bella felt his arms tighten around her waist as he pulled her as close as he could without it being too obvious that he wanted to be with her. He didn't want to put her in an awkward position but when he had seen the way that her husband had been with the other woman, he was thinking less and less about it. As he watched her husband, he was beginning to hope that the relationship between Bella and him was slowly dissolving as he appeared to be quite taken with the woman he was dancing with. If that were the case, he could finally start to tell her how he felt about her and hope that they could have a future.

He leaned down, his lips hovering above her ear. "You look stunning by the way, heartbreakingly beautiful."

She could feel her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She was never one to take a compliment and even though she was thrilled that he had said what he had, she couldn't hide her discomfort.

"Thank you, Rose made me get the dress."

"I think every male in this room owes her a very big thank you," he grinned, which only caused her to blush more.

"You look pretty good yourself Cullen."

He smiled and pulled her just a little bit closer.

_If you just realize what I just realized  
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another  
Just realize what I just realized  
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now_

_Take time to realize, oh, oh, I'm on your side  
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?  
Take time to realize, this all can pass you by  
Didn't I tell you?_

Bella couldn't think of a more fitting song to dance to. The night had seemed to come to this, to a point where she was finally beginning to see things a little more clearly. She pressed her nose to his suit coat and smelled the sweet scent of his cologne and closed her eyes, trying to commit it to her memory and to press it into the material of her dress so she could smell it later, when she was home and Jake was sleeping.

_But I can't spell it out for you  
No, it's never gonna be that simple  
No, I can't spell it out for you_

_If you just realize what I just realized  
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another  
Just realize what I just realized  
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other_

Edward could see Alice and Jasper off in the distance and they were both staring at him with smiles that probably rivaled his own. Though he knew he had to be careful, he couldn't help but feel happy that this was happening. After nearly two weeks of not being with her, she was there, moving with him in his arms. The only thing that would have made the moment all the more perfect, was if he could kiss her again because that was all he wanted to do. Still, he refrained because he knew better, but it didn't stop him from wanting it. Nothing would ever be able to suppress that desire.

Bella moved her head from his coat and turned to the side and her eyes connected with Jakes and she saw the flash of anger in his eyes. She felt her body stiffen and she was certain that Edward had too because he immediately put a bit of distance between them. Still, could Jake really be that angry with her after the way he was acting with Leah? She couldn't think that it was fair that he was allowed to dance with other women but she couldn't dance with another man. It wasn't as though he had asked her to dance at all that night.

_But, it's not all the same, no, it's never the same  
If you don't fell it to, if you meet me halfway  
If you meet me halfway  
It could be the same for you_

Jake watched as his wife dance with some man that he had never seen before and he thought that they looked entirely too friendly and he wasn't pleased about that. He scrutinized the way the man placed his hands on her waist, how his fingers were just inches from the curve of her behind and the way that Bella was leaning into him. He looked at the way the man was looking at her, the passion and lust ever so present and he didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. True he wasn't paying much attention to her, but that was beside the point. She had a ring on her finger, a very prominent one and the man should have backed off when he saw that.

Leah heard the low growl that escaped his mouth and followed his line of sight. She wasn't sure how she felt about what she was watching; how she felt about Jacob's wife in the arms of another man. The part of her that was falling for him was happy; if they were to break up she could finally be honest about her feelings for him and see where things could go. But the other side of her couldn't help but feel crushed that the sight was stirring this emotion within him. He had, only earlier that day, spoke to her about leaving his wife but as she watched the jealously bubble within him; she knew that he never could. Even if he was attracted to her, he loved his wife and that was where he would stay.

She didn't blame the girl for dancing with another man. She had selfishly been hanging around Jake, but it was only because she loved to be around him. He always made her laugh and she felt so comfortable with him, something that she needed as she never really enjoyed the after parties. She made a mental note to talk to Bella, to befriend her and to tell her that she had nothing to worry about. She would tell her, her story, and assure her that she would never do anything that would come between their relationship. She would, however leave out the fact that she had kissed her husband. More than once.

_If you just realize what I just realized  
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another  
Just realize what I just realized  
Oh, oh_

The song slowly ended and Bella felt Jake looming behind her and when she and Edward finally broke apart, Jake was by her side, his arm protectively inching around her waist and pulling her against his side. He was jealous.

"And who is this?" He snarled, his eyes looking Edward up and down.

"Jacob, this is Edward. Edward, this is Jacob," she said trying to maintain the peace. She knew this reaction. It had once led to a minor altercation at a bar about a year ago. Still, it was his own damn fault that it had happened. He always insisted that she dressed a certain way, and it wasn't as though she could keep men from hitting on her.

"Her _husband_," he seethed as he grabbed Edwards hand and shook it hard. If it hurt, Edward didn't show any sign of it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. You have a lovely wife." Edwards eyes were trained on Jacobs and flickered only momentarily to Bella when he mentioned her.

"I know. If you are done dancing with her, Bella there are a few people I want to introduce you to."

"I'll be right there." She said softly and he snarled but nodded and walked away, but not before casting a glance over his shoulder to make sure that there was no funny business.

"He seems pleasant," Edward mused.

"He isn't usually like that…"

"He just doesn't like other people touching his toys."

"I'm not a toy Edward."

"To him you are."

"Listen… I have to go but tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," he nodded. "I'll send you a message."

"Goodbye," she said softly, kissing his cheek before walking away.

He watched her retreat. He watched as Jacob wrapped his arm around her waist as he casted him a look that Edward assumed was supposed to be menacing. The man, he decided, was a brute and she deserved so much better than that. It was so obvious to him that he was using her and she deserved to be loved.

----------

"You looked awfully cozy with Bella," Alice smiled as they left the club. Edward had insisted that they stay until Bella left. Though he knew he wouldn't be able to speak with her, he wanted to watch her. Just seeing her was enough for him at this point.

He shrugged. "Her husband is a total wanker by the way."

"What was what? It was okay for him to dance and hang all over that woman but if anyone shows an interest in his wife, who he wasn't even paying attention to he goes all Neanderthal on her?"

"So you caught that?"

"It was hard to miss… Even from here."

"Was I that obvious?" He asked as they stood on the sidewalk attempting to find a black cab.

"I know you too well to answer that but no one seemed to think anything of it," she shrugged and huddled herself closer to Jasper to keep warm. "I just think that he didn't want anyone else to be with her."

"Such a fucking hypocrite. I don't know what I hate more; the fact that he neglects her, or the fact that he flaunts his attention of another woman in front of her."

"I don't think she much noticed once she saw you Edward," Alice continued.

"She's right… You know how good I am at judging body language Ed. That girl forgot all about her husband when she saw you," Jasper smiled as he opened the door to the cab that had finally stopped for them. "Cadogan Place."

The drive to the their respective homes were quiet but as they stepped out of the cab at the front door of Jasper and Alice's home, she finally broke the silence.

"So, when are you seeing her again?"

"Tomorrow," he smiled.

----------

"So did you have fun tonight?" Jacob snarled as they walked through the front door of their home.

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing, it just looked like you were getting awfully comfortable with that Edward fellow."

She rolled her eyes. "This coming from the man who spent the whole night flirting with his coworker."

"Don't go throwing that in my face!" He yelled and she flinched backwards.

"Everyone could see that you wanted her Jake, so just be honest with me! Is there something going on with you and her?"

"No! I can't believe you would ask that!"

"I can't believe you think I wouldn't."

"You are so fucking ungrateful for everything that I've done for you!"

"I'm ungrateful! What could I possibly have done this time? God Jacob, I've done _everything_ you've ever asked of me. I've quit my job, I've moved to another country, I've not once complained about how much time you spend at work, I've never asked you for anything!"

"So why were you all over him?"

"I was dancing with him! He asked me to dance what was I supposed to do? Say no?"

"Exactly!"

"You are such a hypocrite! How is it okay for you to dance with another woman but I can't dance with another man?"

"I don't know that man from Adam!"

"Well I don't know Leah either," she retorted as she walked up the stairs. She could feel his eyes on her back as he watched her but she didn't care and she didn't look back. She was too angry, too upset that he was acting the way he was. He had no right.

----------

"Bella?" His voice was low but she remained still, pretending to be asleep. She didn't want to talk to him.

He groaned when she didn't reply and touched her shoulder, hoping it would cause her to stir. When that didn't work, his hand slowly slid to her waist and then stomach before reaching up to cup her breast.

"Thanks for falling asleep," he grumbled and stood up from the bed and began to walk to the bathroom all the while complaining. "I thought getting married meant I could have sex when I wanted it."

When she heard the door close she began to cry, Edward's words ringing through her mind. _He just doesn't like people touching his toys_.


	7. If I Was The One

**A/N:**

**Wow guys! Thanks for the amazing response to the last chapter! I was blown away! **

**This chapter is a bit shorter but, if you've noticed, the rating has changed and that's because of this chapter… I've never written an intimate scene before so I was a little apprehensive about posting it but I thought it was critical to this story to have this moment because it's not just sex between Edward and Bella… So just be warned, there is a bit of a lemon here.**

**Just want to address something: I don't intend to make Jake seem like a pervert… He's a married man who is selfish and that is how I want him to come across… I know he seems forceful about his advances on Bella but she is his wife. That doesn't make it excusable by any means… He is just use to getting what he wants from her… Her relationship with Edward is changing her, making her more confident and more sure of herself… And she's beginning to see that things aren't the same with Jake and she isn't sure that it will ever go back to the way that things were. Their relationship is evolving and they are changing and sometimes, people don't change together and they grow apart. That is what I'm trying to show.**

**Now, one more thing… I big thanks to zgirl21 for reading the intimate scene and for the suggestions!**

**With all this in mind, enjoy the chapter and review! I love hearing what you have to say! I smile each time I see the review alert in my inbox!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Seven**_

_I see the way he treats you  
I feel the tears you cried  
And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad  
There's nothing I can do baby_

'_Cause your lover is my best friend  
And I guess that's where the story ends  
So I've gotta try, to keep it inside  
You will never be, never be mine_

_If I was the one who was loving you, baby  
The only tears you'd cry, would be tears of joy  
And if I was by your side, you'd never know one lonely night  
And if it was my arms you were running to  
I'd give you love in these arms of mine  
If I was the one in your life_

_If I could have just one wish  
I'd wish that you were mine  
I would hold you near, kiss away those tears  
I'd be so good to you baby_

_You're the one I want next to me  
But I guess that's just not meant to be  
He's there in your life and he's sharing your nights  
It'll never be, never be right_

_Yea baby, I wanna reach out and feel you beside me  
Right here beside me, baby, take you in my arms right now  
Scream, 'I love you' right out loud, some day I pray  
That I'll find the strength to turn to you and say…_

Ruff Endz, "If I Was The One"

----------

She felt the bed shift shortly after the alarm woke them both, though she remained still, not wanting him to know she was awake. He hadn't even bothered to check and she sighed a breath of relief as she heard the bathroom door close and the water turn on.

Her night had been restless at best, she was angry with Jacob and as he snored beside her, all she wanted to do was kick him out of the bed. Had she been willing to give up the bed, she would have gone into the guest bedroom but she hated sleeping there. As far as she was concerned, she hadn't done anything wrong and it was her bed. She spent more time in it then he did. Still, she felt dirty sleeping next to him and she hated that Edward's words swam through her mind all night and she couldn't help but wonder if he was right.

Was she merely a toy to him?

It hadn't always been like this. There was a time when she knew that he worshiped her, that he loved her for who she was, but it seemed that the more time that seemed to pass, the more he wanted her to be someone else, to be someone who he thought he needed. With every suggestion that he had for her physical appearance, it was like a knife to the gut.

_You should wear make up more often_. To her, that was code for, you're not pretty enough. You need help.

_You shouldn't wear your hair up_. Code for, the look is too harsh, if you wear it down your face looks softer.

Then there were the hypocritical comments. The ones where he would tell her to wear something that dipped low in the front and then proceeded to tell her that it was too revealing when some guy would give her the 'bedroom' eyes as Jake called it.

"What are you doing today?" His voice cut her thoughts short and she rolled over to see him standing there at the edge of the bed, the brown towel wrapped around his waist.

"What's it matter?"

"God damn it Bella," he growled and she just rolled her eyes. "Why are you being such a bitch?"

"Why are you such an asshole?"

He didn't respond, instead he walked to their closet and slammed the door behind him. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the tears at bay. She hated more than anything that he was able to do this to her, that he could cut her down and make her feel like crap when she had done nothing wrong. She couldn't figure out why this was. She had always done what he asked of her.

"Are you ready to be civil?" The door opened and he was dressed in his work suit. She pulled herself up from the bed, her eyes falling on the clock for a moment and she saw that it was almost nine.

"I don't have a problem with civility Jacob."

He chuckled, but it wasn't the hearty laugh that she remembered from the past. His mannerisms had changed and the noise that escaped his lips was menacing almost, dark and it scared her. "What are you going to do today?"

"I don't know but I'm not staying here."

"Fine." He looked out the window, avoiding her eyes. "I'm leaving this afternoon."

"Where are you going?"

"Berlin." His response was short and she fell back against the pillows.

"How long this time?"

"Until Wednesday." It was Thursday.

"Fine. Have a blast with Leah," she replied haughtily before rolling onto her side and away from him.

"I will." He knew that it was a low blow of sorts but he didn't really care. He was angry and he was upset that she was still mad with him. He believed that he was justified in his possessiveness of her. He didn't want someone else touching her, and they had been at an industry party. Everyone knew who she was, they knew she belonged to him and she had been wrapped up in that pretty boys arms. He didn't like it. And what he hated even more was the way he looked at her and the way that she looked at him. She was far too friendly and far too happy to be in his arms and it sparked that jealousy that he always felt when someone tried to take something that belonged to him away.

Mentioning Leah would hurt her and at that moment, that was all he wanted to do. He knew he would regret it later, he always did, but in that moment he felt powerful. There was something about the fact that he could upset her so easily that he loved. He chalked it up to the fact that he hoped it would make her appreciate him more. He didn't realize that she was growing tired of it and that he was only helping to push her away.

----------

After she heard the door slam, she jumped from the bed and rifled through Jacobs things. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she wanted to find something, some kind of proof that something was amiss. In her mind she couldn't throw out the image of Leah and Jacob together and she saw that there was something between them. Still, there was nothing there. Nothing that pointed to any sign of infidelity.

She was hoping she would find something. She wanted some kind of justification.

Her phone buzzed and she saw that there was a message from Edward.

_Lunch? The Botanist at 1?_

She looked at the clock, it was nearing ten. She responded with a yes.

She wanted to get her mind off Jacob. She wanted his words, his threats regarding Leah, and his jealousy to be pushed as far away from her mind as she could possibly get them. But it was more than that. She wanted to see Edward. They had gone far too long without seeing each other and she just wanted to be near him again.

----------

Edward glanced at his watch as he sat in the restaurant. She was five minutes late.

"Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?" He heard the waitress as she stopped by the table. His eyes scanned the menu. He wanted to order wine but he didn't know if she would want to drink any.

He decided to go with it. "A bottle of the Pouilly Fumé."

She nodded and wrote it down.

He had no idea why he was deciding to purchase such an expensive bottle, something about this afternoon just felt different.

"I'm sorry I'm late." He looked up and nearly forgot to breathe. His eyes scanned the length of her body, taking the time to admire her legs in the tight jeans that she wore, the way the creamy pale color of her shoulders contrasted against the blue, sleeveless top that she wore.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long," she continued as she took a seat across from him.

"Just a few minutes," he shrugged. "I hope you don't mind, I ordered a bottle of wine."

"I don't mind."

The waitress reappeared a few moments later with an ice bucket and the bottle of wine that he had ordered. It didn't go unnoticed to either of them that she had glared at Bella when she saw her sitting there. He stiffened when he felt her hand graze his as she handed him the glass with a small amount of wine poured in for him to taste, he was afraid that Bella would notice and would become uncomfortable for the rest of the afternoon. But Bella didn't do anything, instead she sat there both amazed and perturbed. Amazed that he wasn't even paying attention to the waitress even though she was beautiful, and perturbed that she was so forward when he was with her. What if she was his girlfriend?

He nodded his head; his eyes not leaving Bella's face and the waitress filled his glass but slammed the bottle back down in the ice, pretending that Bella did not even exist.

"Well she just lost her tip," he muttered as he reached for the bottle and filled Bella's glass.

They ordered not long after and sat there talking. Each recounting what they had been doing over the two weeks that they had not been in contact. She sat there listening to him talk about his band and the music and he listened as she spoke about maybe going back to school for her masters.

She wasn't sure what brought it up, but eventually the conversation changed to Jacob and Edward was enquiring about how things were going. She felt her throat close up as he mentioned it, and she wanted to tell him about the last night, but at the same time, so much of her was ashamed that she let Jacob have this affect on her. His concern however, kept her from lying and she told him everything, how things had been going so well but after Rome he had changed, how they fought all the time, how she wasn't sure she was in love with him anymore, how she couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him anymore, how she hated how much he made her hate herself.

He listened and didn't interrupt. In his mind he was yelling at Jacob. He didn't understand it. He didn't understand how someone could treat her like that. She was perfect and he was merely using her for his own personal needs. And even more than that, he hated that it seemed Jacob was always doing something to tear her down. He listened until she finished, and then he just sat there, the silence enveloping them both.

"I don't know what else I can do anymore," she said softly as she looked down at the plate that lay before her. "Every day I struggle with the desire to just pack my things and fly back home but I can't leave."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because there is too much I'd be leaving behind." He watched as she bit her lower lip. "I keep thinking that he'll snap out of it. That he'll go back to the man that I married but I'm not so sure about that anymore. I think that person is gone."

"What are you going to to?"

She shrugged.

"He's a fool for not seeing what is right in front of him," he finally said after a lull. He reached across the table and placed his hand on hers, rubbing his thumb gently on her soft skin.

"I should have just left last year when things started to go south." She looked up at him and he could see the glassy glaze in her eyes and he knew she was fighting the urge to cry.

"It's not your fault for trying to make things work."He said softly, lifting her hand up and entwining their fingers. It was a perfect fit, a perfect match.

They sat in silence for a while, his eyes on her, his mind yelling at her to look up at him but she kept her eyes trained on the white table cloth. When he couldn't stand the silence any longer he reached across the table with his free hand and lifted her chin up so that her eyes would meet his own. He felt his heart break a little as he saw the wet streaks down her cheeks from the tears that had managed to escape. He couldn't bear to see her cry anymore and he had to tell her how he felt, he couldn't hide it any longer. He wanted to make her happy; he wanted to bring her back to life and right now, he knew it was the time to tell her. "Bella… You deserve so much more than this. You deserve to be happy, to be with someone who loves you… You should be the center of his world and he is an idiot. God if you were mine…" His voice trailed for a moment as he searched for the words.

"You want me?" She squeaked, surprised by his confession. They had kissed two weeks ago and she had loved it, savored every moment of it but he had pulled away, he had called it a mistake and from that point on she figured that he saw her as nothing more than a friend.

"Bella, I've wanted you since I accidentally spilled your coffee all over your shirt." He smiled ruefully. His hand was still on her face and he was brushing away the tears that were falling. "If you were mine I would make sure you knew just how much I loved you each and every single day."

"Edward?" She whispered.

"Yes?"

"Can we go to your place?"

With those words, their fate was sealed and it was exactly what he wanted to hear her say. She was giving him a chance and he was going to take it and run with it. She would see that they worked, that he could make her happy and then she would leave Jacob and they could be together.

He looked at the bill and tossed the money in the black folder before standing up and pulling her against his side. He knew there had been a reason why he had chosen a restaurant so close to his flat.

----------

The air in his flat was different than it had been in her past experiences alone with him. Between them were the unspoken words that they had been too afraid to admit to each other and to themselves. The air was charged with three months of pent up desires and fantasies about what it would be like to be with each other, to feel the connection that was so obvious in their interactions, and the questions of whether that passion would follow them if they were intimate. But there was something more, something greater that she knew had never existed in her relationship with Jacob. She could feel it all around her, the purest and most raw emotion of them all and she wasn't sure why it took her so long to realize it before, she was irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen and there was no turning back.

She could hear faintly the sound of the door being closed and suddenly she couldn't hear anything else, just the frantic thumping of her heart in her chest and she bit her lower lip. She wanted this, she told him that she wanted to be here, that she wanted to take this step and yet she had never been more scared before in her life. She was no longer a virgin, but she felt like one. They were about to cross a boundary that she had never imagined crossing before and if things were to blow up in her face, she wasn't sure what the future would bring. She was excited and scared and didn't know what to do with herself or how to act.

His warm breath tickled the nape of her neck when she felt his arms slide around her waist, pulling her against the hard contours of his chest as he dipped his head down and pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder.

"I don't know how to do this," she admitted timidly when he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.

His eyes scanned her face and for a moment he thought about telling her that she didn't have to but the selfish part of him wanted her to give herself to him, to make her his, even if it were only for a little while. "Just be with me Bella… Be with me," he breathed against her ear and as his fingers trailed down her bare arms. She shivered. "Let me love you."

He didn't get a verbal response, but he did hear her breathing quicken and her lips found his and before he knew it, he was picking her up, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, gripping him and creating a delicious friction against the rigid denim of his jeans.

He laid her on the bed, stopping only for a moment to admire the flush of her cheeks that seemed to trail down her neck and to her chest. Her eyes were shut tightly and he didn't want that, he wanted her aware of everything that he was about to do to her, do _for_ her. The way her body was responding was a sure sign to him that she hadn't been properly loved in a long while and he wanted nothing more than to do that for her, to show her just how wonderful she was and just how much she deserved to be worshiped.

"Love," he murmured against her neck as his hands found the hem of her shirt and he began to pull it up along the smooth expanse of her stomach, "look at me."

Her eyes flickered open and she was met with the burning intensity of his green ones.

"You are so beautiful," he said softly as he pulled her shirt off, looking down upon her. Her long, wavy hair was fanned out behind her head and she blushed with his compliment and he admired the way her creamy skin looked against the dark blue material of the undergarments that she had chosen to wear that day.

She wasn't use to someone taking such time and care with her and when she reached down to help him with the button of his jeans he stopped her, his hand encasing hers before removing it gently and placing it against the cool fabric of the sheets.

"No. This is about you," he smiled and she thought to protest but before she could, he was placing kisses against every inch of skin that was exposed while his hands worked to remove what was left.

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as his lips touched her chin. She wanted to touch him, to feel him the way he was feeling her but he had said no, so she lay there, watching him as his hands moved down her body. He reached towards her, cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand and holding it there as their eyes met just as his other hand pulled down the cotton panties so he could touch her there too.

She whimpered as he touched her; her head falling back into the pillow as she pushed against him.

"Look at me Bella," he continued and she fought her lust heavy lids until her eyes were open and she was looking at him. She nearly came undone with the look that had gazed over his eyes causing them to darken. "Tell me what you want."

His lips found her neck and she moaned while he breathed her sweet skin; his nose assaulted with the lightness of strawberries and freesia.

"I want you."

"This isn't about me love…"

She whimpered and moaned as he explored what she liked and what she didn't. He wanted to learn everything about her and he took his time despite the gentle protestations that she occasionally spoke and once he had kissed and caressed every inch of her body and he knew that he couldn't hold out any longer he entered her with slow and gentle thrusts instead of the hard and fast ones that he had been fantasizing about. There would be more time for that later.

"Bella…" He repeated over and over again and she had never heard her name sound as beautiful as it did as it rolled off his lips. He was worshiping her and that was not lost on her part and she had never had such an attentive lover before. His thrusts were about her; he was listening to and reading her body, giving her what she didn't even know she needed until the act was in motion.

She reveled in the feeling of his body on top of hers and when his head would fall to the side as he moved within her, she would bring her lips to it and kiss him, savoring the low, guttural moan that would accompany it. As she grew bolder, her fingers found their way to his hair and she moved his face so his lips were positions just above her own and he was kissing her, just as she had wanted. One hand moved from the nape of his neck and gently ghosted down his bare spine which elicited a shiver through his entire body, and a quicker pace. He was getting closer and she was on the brink.

Her body tightened and he heard her moan his name and all self restraint was lost on him as he moved harder and faster until his own stomach tightened and he collapsed above her, rolling himself to the side and pulling her with him, not bothering to pull himself out from her warmth. He draped one leg over her own to keep her close as he worked to steady his breathing, afraid to open his eyes and find that it had all been just a delicious dream; afraid that she wouldn't be there when the light hit his eyes.

----------

They had made love two more times before they fell asleep wrapped in the sheets and each other's arms and they would have stayed that way had his phone not started to ring.

"Hello?" He asked quietly. "I'll be there in an hour."

She moaned softly and he placed the phone back on the night stand before pulling her closer to him. Her arms tightened around his chest and she nuzzled his shoulder.

"Bella…" He whispered and she whimpered. "I need to get up."

"Where are you going?"

"I have a gig."

"Oh," she replied as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Can I see you again?"

"Jake's out of town until Wednesday."

"So you can stay tonight?" His voice was hopeful. He hadn't been anticipating anything that had happened today and everything was only getting better with the thought about how he might be able to share a bed with her for nearly a week.

She nodded and he grinned.

"Will you come to the gig?"

She bit her lip. There was always the possibility of running into one of Jake's coworkers at large venues.

"Where is it at?"

"12 Bar Club."

"Okay." She replied. She had only been there once before with Jake when he had gone with a few coworkers. It was fairly dark inside and the risk of being caught was slim. But more importantly, she didn't seem to care anymore. Being with Edward was changing everything. She wanted to be with him, and she just didn't care who knew.

----------

"Alice, this is Bella… Bella, my sister Alice." He begrudgingly introduced them as they met at the bar. He hadn't wanted to but he also didn't want Bella alone while they were playing. He had encouraged her to ask Rose to come but she knew that if she did, she would only be faced with a multitude of questions from Rose regarding the change in the relationship.

Alice grinned and hugged her. "It's so great to finally meet you! He hasn't shut up about you."

He was blushing and he was thankful that the club was dark and no one could see.

"It's good to finally meet you as well," Bella smiled as she hugged her back. She was taken aback by the small woman's energy but shrugged it off. She was in too good of a mood to have it bother her too much.

He pulled Bella into him once his sister had released her and his lips brushed against her ear.

"When we are done we are going back to the flat. I just want to be alone with you."

She nodded and felt his lips as they grazed her jaw before he pulled away and walked towards the stage.

----------

He played with the band but his heart wasn't really into it. He hoped that it didn't show. The fact of the matter was, he was finally getting everything that he wanted and he just wanted to be back in his flat, tangled in the sheets with her wrapped around him. He wanted to make love to her again, he wanted to kiss every inch of skin and worship her all over again. He didn't know how long it would be before he could do it again and each moment that he was spending on that stage was just time away from her that was being wasted. He finally understood. Understood everything that Alice and Jasper had been trying to tell him when they explained why they always spent so much time together, finally understood what it meant to love someone with all your heart, but he also understood that it could end at any moment. She wasn't a sure thing, and that terrified him. The thought that she could go back to her husband, the thought that when he came back from his trip that she would be waking up in his bed, in his arms, was enough to send his mind reeling into a fit of jealousy. Her husband didn't appreciate her the way that he did, he couldn't love her the way that he did. She would figure that out… right?

The band finished their last song and he was off the stage and putting his guitar back in it's case.

"Ready for some drinks?" He turned and saw Garrett stalking towards him.

"Sorry mate… Can't tonight."

"We always go drinking after a good show."

Edward shrugged. "I have plans."

Garrett eyed his friend closely. He saw the smile that hadn't been there over the prior two weeks, and he saw the post coital glow that lit his face.

"You banged her."

"No, I didn't," he responded truthfully and watched as Garrett furrowed his brow. "I loved her."

"What's the difference?"

"You'll figure it out someday," he smiled as he picked up the hard black case. "When you find the right person, you'll figure it out."

Garrett watched as his friend retreated towards the front. He wanted to ask him if she had left her husband. He could only see this ending terribly if she hadn't and he wasn't sure he would be able to pick up the pieces. The past two weeks had been difficult and they hadn't been intimate, now apparently he had 'loved her' and he knew that next time, things would only be worse.

----------

"Thanks for looking after her," Edward smiled as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. He was thankful to finally be touching her again. It was all he could think about when they had been on the stage and he was certain that he never once looked away from her.

"It wasn't a chore at all." Alice grinned as she looked between her brother and the brunette that had managed to capture his heart.

"It really was a pleasure meeting you," Bella said softly as she leaned into Edward's side.

"If you are free later this week, I'd love to have lunch with you."

"Alice…" Edward warned.

"That sounds good."

"I'll get your number from Edward later," Alice replied and Bella nodded.

"Ready to go?" He whispered in her ear and she nodded.

"Alright, bye Ali," he said quickly, giving her a one armed hug before quickly turning towards the door. Bella was being pulled with him and she just smiled over her shoulder at Alice who grinned knowingly at them as they retreated towards the exit and back to his apartment.

----------

"How long do I get to keep you?" He asked as they lay in his bed. His arms were wrapped around her body holding her tightly against him.

"How long do you want to keep me?"

"I'd never let you go if I didn't have to." She could hear the truth behind his words and she wanted to cry. It was different than with Jake, she was happy. For the first time in years she felt content, and more importantly, she felt like she was finally home.


	8. Untitled: Lovers Turn Into Monsters

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the late update! I spent St. Patty's day in Seattle and well… Nursed a major hangover all afternoon… I suppose that's what happens when you drink too much and if I'm being honest, since it has been so damn long since I've drank; I think it only made it worse!**

**Now… Please don't get mad at me but I can't have Bella leave Jake… Not yet at least and it's going to take a while… This chapter was a bit difficult to write because there are so many conflicting emotions for her… She has slept with Edward and cheated on her husband… Those aren't things that I take lightly and it would be completely irrational for ANYONE to just go with it and not regret it… So don't get angry about this chapter but remember, ultimately I am 100% certain that Edward and Bella belong together… There just isn't any other way… But that doesn't mean that it happens easily… There has to be struggle and angst or there wouldn't be a story.**

**I am 100% sorry for not updating Baby… I'm working on it and have about half of the next chapter completed… It's just… Much more difficult to write because I have to work with the twists that I created and I've started to really enjoy writing in the third person that adjusting to first person takes me some time… I can't promise an update by this weekend… But I hope to have one by the end of the weekend.**

**Anyways… I would love to know what you think about the chapter… As I said, it was a difficult chapter to write and I just want to know if you think I was able to portray the characters the way they deserved to be written… So… Remember to review when you get to the end of the chapter!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight... Other song is by Secondhand Serenade.  
**

_**Chapter Eight**_

_Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection  
Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters  
And I could have used some warning  
I was on that porch all morning  
Smoking cigarettes and sinking deeper into doubt_

_Could it be I am mistaken, have I stolen somebody's baby?  
Is it possible for two people to need the same thing?_

_It's just the lines, they get so blurry  
Between what is once, and now required  
And I don't know on which side his heart falls  
But I know where mine is buried  
And it's so far from any wanting  
Yeah, it needs this to keep beating  
It won't go on without it_

_If I'm still weighed down with subtleties  
Then I'll just come right out and say  
That I think that I deserve her  
More than anyone deserves anything  
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this  
There's not enough to go around, I don't care who else gets hurt_

_But I'm still sick with empathy because I once stood in his place  
I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored her  
And I'm sure that there are reasons for everything that happens  
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it's nobody's fault_

_But now there is no way to change this  
So I just photographed and framed it  
And it's hanging in a hallway  
That we have no right to walk back down_

_But I hope that he feels better but I'm sick of all the drama  
I can't stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end  
And I want a place to hang out where record players play out  
And there's a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her_

"Untitled (Lovers Turn Into Monsters)," Bright Eyes

----------

Charlie sat in the front seat of his cruiser, his hands gripping the black wheel tightly, as he looked out onto the quiet street. He was replaying the conversation that he had with Bella the night before, listening to her words as he turned them over and over again in his head. The deep lines in his forehead formed, they always formed when he thought about her and how unhappy she always sounded. In the beginning she had hid it well, but he couldn't pretend that he didn't hear it anymore; her voice was tired and weak. He hated that he couldn't do anything about it, that he couldn't protect her from the pain that he was certain she was feeling at the apparent loss of her husband.

Out of all her suitors, he always liked Jacob the best. He always imagined that his favoritism of the boy stemmed from his close relationship with Billy. He could remember the days when they would sit and watch the Mariners games at the reservation and watch the two children, Bella no older than six, and Jacob about eight, interact. Their marriage had been something the two fathers had plotted and planned years before the two actually fell in love. At the time, he had been so certain that Jacob would provide Bella with everything she needed, that he would love her and cherish her. Now, he was questioning everything he once thought he knew.

"_Have you heard from the kids?" He turned to Billy and tossed him a can of Rainer Ale before reaching for the remote and turning on the game. The screen flickered to life just in time for them to watch as Ichiro Suzuki stepped up to the plate, his trade-mark pre-swing ritual starting as he pointed his right arm at the pitcher, the bat straight up in the air._

_The room was quiet save from the sound of air fizzing as Charlie pulled on the aluminum tab of his beer._

"_Bella called here a few days ago apologizing for Jake not calling as often as he once did." Billy took a sip of the beer in his hand as he leaned back against the sofa. "Have you talked to her?"_

"_She calls about once a week. I think she's in some kind of a slump. I wish she would come home for a bit."_

"_I'm sure she's fine. You just miss her."_

_Charlie didn't respond, he just collapsed into the armchair and kept his thoughts to himself as he watched the game._

He wondered if Billy really believed that Bella was alright. Her depression was so apparent in her voice that it would be impossible to miss. Then again, no one wanted to believe that their child was to blame and he knew that Jacob was doing something to put their marriage on the rocks. Bella had always been so giving, a martyr of sorts. She had given up her life with her mother when Renee married that minor league player and moved to Washington even though she hated the rain. She had taken to caring and cooking for him when she did move and hadn't complained once. She even took a job to pay him back for the car that he bought for her, not that he ever used the money. He put it in a savings account where it was still collecting interest and planned to give it to her when she had her first child.

No… He knew that whatever it was that was bothering his daughter stemmed from what he imagined was the neglect her husband treated her with.

Divorce had taken a toll on him when Renee left. He just hoped that Bella wouldn't have to go through the same thing. She was too good for all that. She deserved more than to be left behind and unappreciated. Though he knew he never told her enough, he loved her and wanted only the best for her. He had once thought, had been so convinced, that that was Jacob, but now he wasn't so sure of that.

----------

The beach was scattered with a handful or so people, mainly families who had ventured to Brighton to escape the July heat that covered the city like a thick blanket. He hadn't wanted to leave the flat, the air conditioner kept the rooms at a pleasant 18 degrees Celsius, but she had insisted, saying that they needed to venture out into the world for a little while. Two days they had spent lying in the sheets, exploring and learning the ins and outs of each other and he wanted to continue doing just that. He would only have her to himself for another four days. He didn't want to share her with the world, his time with her was scarce and he wanted to savor each moment of it and not have to share her with the rest of the world.

Edward leaned back against the white and blue stripped lawn chair as his bare feet dug into the rocks on the beach. His eyes were trained on the woman who was standing a few feet away from him, her toes touching the cool Atlantic Ocean water. Her long, wavy hair hung loosely over her shoulders, reaching her mid back and obscuring the midnight blue band of the bikini top that she wore. The only reason he had finally relented and gave into her suggestion to go to the beach was merely because she would be clad in only a bikini. Though he would have preferred her to be naked in his bed, but he could settle with having her half dressed for a little while. He wasn't a hormonal teenager, he could control himself. At least, he was attempting to convince himself that he could.

She turned abruptly and their eyes met. The pull to her was stronger than he could ever have imagined and he was up on his feet and walking towards her with determined steps. He barely registered the cool water against the sensitive skin of his feet as a wave crashed along the shore. When he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her tightly against him, eliciting a small laugh on her behalf.

"Can we go back?" He complained, his fingers splayed out against her back touching any skin that he could without being obscene.

She placed her hand against his cheek and he leaned into it, closing his eyes as his nose was assaulted with the glorious mixture of the salty ocean air and her skin. "But it's such a beautiful day."

"I know but I want to be alone with you."

"We are alone." She grinned as she watched his lower lip jut out into a pout causing her to bring her fingers to his lips.

"You know what I mean."

"Just a little while longer?"

"I can't deny you anything," he sighed and turned her so her back was pulled flush against his chest. His arms were wrapped around her as tightly as he could possibly get them, afraid that if he let go she would no longer be there.

He rested his chin on her head as he felt her fingers rest atop his arms. He couldn't feel the cool metal of her ring as he usually could when they touched and when he looked down, he took notice that she wasn't wearing it. That small detail brought a tiny smile to his lips but he didn't ask her anything about it. It was easier to fantasize about the future without the complications of questions and the possible answers he may or may not want to hear.

The gentle summer wind blew through their hair and he closed his eyes and memorized the scents that lingered in the air. He wanted to remember this, to remember the perfect afternoon and to believe, that if only for that day, she belonged to him.

----------

"Have you heard from Bella?" Rose looked up from the book that she was holding in her hands to see her husband standing at the door, his cell phone in one hand and a concerned look etched across his face.

"She's sent me a random text message here or there. Why?"

"Jacob's been calling." She lifted her eyebrows and closed the book before resting it on the small bump that was forming on her abdomen. "He said that he can't get a hold of her."

"Amazing how he takes notice when she shuts herself off."

"Rose… Has she been spending time with that guy?"

She bit her lip. She had two options, either way; she knew the outcome wouldn't be great. If she told him that she had been seeing Edward, she wasn't sure that he would react positively about it. At least, not as positively as she was feeling about the situation, though she had only met the guy briefly, there was something about him that seemed to reassure her that he was the one Bella was supposed to be with. It didn't help that Emmett worked with Jake and keeping a secret was not something Emmett enjoyed doing. But she also knew that if she didn't tell him that when he ultimately _did_ find out, there would be hell to pay and he would be furious with her.

"She has…"

Emmett pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed before tossing his phone to the bed. He would have to tell Bella to be careful, that if she was going to pursue a relationship while still with her husband, that she would have to cover all her bases. She was playing with fire and he didn't want to see her end up hurt. Jacob was possessive and he knew that he had a temper. Though he never thought that it would come to anything physical, he did worry that it could go there, that if provoked enough he could inflict actual physical pain. Seeing the emotional pain was enough to break his heart, it would kill him if Jacob went farther than that. He would also need to meet this man and find out if he was worthy of their Bella.

"How long?" He finally spoke up as he climbed into the bed with his wife and pulled her into his arms. His hands moved the book from her growing stomach and tossed it aside before placing his own large hands there, touching the skin gently.

"She's been attracted to him for a long time now… But intimately, a few days."

"I want to meet him."

"Em… It's not your decision to make." Rose leaned her head against his shoulder as she sighed. She adored Emmett and the way he was so protective over her friend. She knew that Bella needed looking after, that she was far too trusting and believed that people were far too good, it was obvious because she was still, after everything she had been through with him, still with her husband. But even among all that, she knew that it wasn't Emmett's decision to make, that if Bella wanted to introduce them, then she would, on her own time. Pushing her wouldn't do anything.

"She needs to be careful."

"I'll tell her that she needs to check in with Jake more… That she can't just ignore his calls."

"Tell her to leave the bastard."

"You know she needs to make that decision herself. You've told her that for a year now and nothing. Maybe finally something is going to change… She's different Em. I know you haven't been around to see it but she's changing… She's not as weak as she has been."

"Have you met him?"

She tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth. "Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"I went out with her one night to a pub… I honestly didn't know he was going to be there until it was too late. His band was playing… He came to the table when they were finished."

"And?"

"He seems to really care about her."

"Then I guess that's all that matters." He moved so his head was hovering above Rose's stomach and he lifted the bottom of her tank top before placing a kiss to the smooth, pale skin of her stomach.

"For now… It is."

----------

She walked into her home but it didn't really feel like home anymore. There was nothing there for her and when she looked around she felt cold and alone. The white walls, the black leather sofa, the steel appliances; she suddenly felt as though she was living in a medical lab, a sterile environment. A chill found its way down her spine and she shook her head. Three days with Edward, three days staying in his home, in his bed, walking his dog and suddenly she was a new person. How had this happened?

The answering machine was blinking and she bit her lip knowing that there would be hell to pay. She hadn't talked to a single person since Thursday, minus the text message to Rose to tell her that she and Edward had finally done the deed and how she was right, he _was_ good at it.

The blinking light was taunting her and she knew that she had to get it over with.

"You have seven new messages."

_Bella, it's me. I'm here, staying at the Ritz._

Short and sweet but she could hear the angry undertones.

_Bella, listen… I'm sorry okay? Just call me when you get this._

The anger that had been present in his voice was slowly melting away and she could hear the slight panic to his voice. The thought made her sick and she began to question everything she had been doing for the past few days. Maybe he truly was sorry for what he had done and she had gone and betrayed him. She could feel her heart as it pounded in her chest.

_Bella, it's your father. I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you were… Maybe see if I can convince you to come home for a little vacation._

_Bella please answer the phone… This isn't like you. I'm sorry._

She could feel the tears as they began to form in the corners of her eyes. Her throat was constricting and it was becoming harder to breathe and she felt as though the large room was suddenly shrinking around her.

_Bella… Baby, I love you. Please call me so I can apologize properly. I miss your voice._

The nausea was becoming unbearable and she could feel the bile as it began to make its way up her throat.

_Bells, it's Em. Jake's been calling trying to find you. I spoke with Rosie. Be careful okay? Your secret is safe, I told him you needed time._

_I know you need some space… Just… Call me when you've figured things out. I do love you Bella. Call whenever. I'll drop whatever I'm doing. I need things to be okay… I need you._

She had to run to the bathroom when the message had ended.

"What have I done?" she asked herself aloud as she laid her head on the cool floor of the bathroom. Everything was different now and there were three hearts on the line: Edward's, Jacob's, and her own. Either way, everyone was going to get hurt. There was no easy way out anymore.

----------

He glanced at the clock in the living room. Bella had gone straight to her home when they had returned from Brighton saying that she had a few things to handle. It had been three hours ago and she hadn't shown up. He reached for his phone but there were no missed calls. He was starting to panic but he kept telling himself to remain calm. She hadn't been home for a few days; there were things she probably really had to do. He was over reacting.

He knew he needed to get his mind off of it all so he reached for his guitar and ran his fingers over the strings. He hadn't touched the instrument in days and it felt foreign to him. This was all so confusing to him, so new. Before he couldn't have gone a few hours without running his fingers down the strings, without playing a few chords, now it had been three days and he suddenly didn't know who he was anymore. A new person had seemed to emerge and he was lost and confused but only certain of one thing: his love for Bella.

The music wasn't there, the inspiration was there, but without her around he couldn't bring himself to play the chords. He wanted her to hear them, to know that it was all about her. He didn't feel right creating it from memory. His memory of her was never sufficient enough, she was a bright star in his dark world and when she wasn't there, everything faded into oblivion. The only way he could truly do her justice, to write her music the way it deserved to be written, was to have her there in front of him. So he would wait. She would walk through that door soon. She had to. He didn't think he would be able to live without her now that he had had her.

He looked at Hudson who was sitting by the door. He hadn't moved since Edward had come home and his eyes were trained on it, unfaltering. Edward knew what he was waiting for, _who_ he was waiting for. The dog was no better than him; they had both grown accustomed to her presence in the flat. It didn't feel right without her there, it was as though something was missing. It wasn't a home without her.

"She'll be back," he said aloud though he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, Hudson or himself.

----------

"What if I made a mistake Rose?" She sobbed as her friend listened on the other line. "What have I done? I've gone and messed everything up?"

"Were you happy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Were you happy with Edward?"

"That doesn't matter… He's sorry and he apologized and I went and cheated Rose."

Rose didn't say anything, she needed to let Bella cry a little while longer before she went into lecture mode. She knew that this was an impossible situation but she also knew that one path would lead to a better life for her friend, a life that would be filled with a happiness that she was certain Bella had never known before. Jacob wasn't a bad person per say, Rose just knew that the two of them didn't belong together and she needed Bella to realize that as well. He was a master manipulator, and right now, he was playing Bella to a tee. She was too good and though Rose knew Jacob didn't suspect anything, she did know that he was aware Bella was growing tired with his behavior and if she wanted to find someone else she could.

"I'm sorry…" Rose heard Bella sniffle.

"Bella… were you happy with Edward?"

"Yes." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper as though she was afraid if she said it aloud someone might hear, that the house would tell on her.

"Then that's all that matters."

"You just don't like Jake."

"No… I don't Bella because I don't think you two belong together anymore."

"How can you say that?"

"Because people grow apart … You and Jacob _might_ have been perfect for each other a few years ago but you aren't anymore. You've said yourself that he isn't the same person… So what I don't understand is why you keep fighting this?"

"Because I made a vow."

"People make vows all the time but sometimes things change. People change and sometimes they don't change together."

"But don't I owe him the chance to try?"

"Isn't that what you've been doing up until this point?"

"You didn't hear his voice… He sounded truly remorseful."

"Because he knows that if he doesn't do something then you will leave and if you leave he can't appear to have the perfect life that everyone thinks he has."

"You don't mean that."

"I wish I didn't."

"What do I do Rose?" She asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Still, Bella knew what to do. She knew what her heart wanted even if it wasn't what her brain wanted. She knew that she loved Edward, that she loved him more than she had ever loved Jacob but that didn't change her reality.

"Go back to Edward…"

"But what about Jake?"

"Emmett and I told him that you went out of town to clear your mind… To think things through and that you weren't going to be using your phone." Bella didn't say anything. "You don't have to decide on anything today… Not even tomorrow… I just think you need to see what it feels like to be happy again because you have been happy."

"Someone's going to get hurt Rose and it's all on me when they do."

"Stop putting other people before you. This isn't about Edward… This isn't even about Jacob… This is about you and what you want Bella. Don't forget it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to Edward about this because he deserves the right to know what he could potentially be getting involved with. I know he knows you are married but if you think that there is any chance in hell that you won't leave Jake, you need to be honest with him. He'll understand… He'll probably even give you plenty of time to figure it out… But you need to be straight with him."

"And Jake?"

"What Jake doesn't know isn't going to hurt him."

----------

Her hands fumbled with the key that Edward had given her when he left her at Victoria station. He told her that it was just for today when he saw the panic that had probably fallen across her face. Still, even with the conflicting feelings she was having for her husband and her lover, she had wished that it was more. She wanted to be with Edward; for their relationship to be real and not the illicit affair that it was becoming. But still, even with everything she was feeling for him, she still wanted to try and make her marriage work. It was all so confusing to her and she was so torn and confused. She was starting to believe that maybe going back to Washington for a while would be a good thing, she could sort everything out, figure out who it was that her heart truly wanted.

When she opened the door she was nearly trampled by Hudson who appeared eager for her return. She smiled and placed a kiss on his head. She had grown fond of the dog, had even begun to think of him as her own. He wasn't merely Edward's dog anymore, he was _their_ dog.

The flat was quiet save for the sound of the television that was casting a gentle glow around the dark room. She saw Edward laying on the couch, one arm was draped over his head and the other was hanging off the couch, his knuckles grazing the carpeted floor. He looked so peaceful and as she watched him, she forgot all about Jacob and the problems that were now plaguing her life. Everything that had been so troubling for her was gone and it was entirely about this one man.

There were pieces of paper scattered along the floor and she quietly bent down and picked up the note pad where his elegant script stained the white pages, the title grabbing her attention before anything else.

_For Bella:_

_With every appearance by you  
Blinding my eyes, I can hardly remember  
The last time I felt like I do  
You're an angel in disguise_

_And you're lying real still  
But your heartbeat is fast just like mine  
And the movie's long over  
That's three that have passed, one more is fine_

_Will you stay awake for me?  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I don't wanna miss anything_

_I will share the air I breathe  
I'll give you my heart on a string  
I just don't wanna miss anything_

_I'm trying real hard not to shake  
I'm biting my tongue but I'm feeling alive  
And with every breath that I take I feel like I've won  
You're the key to my survival_

_And if it's a hero you want  
I can save you, just stay here  
Your whispers are priceless  
Your presence is too so please stay here_

_Will you stay awake for me?  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I don't wanna miss anything_

_I will share the air I breathe  
I'll give you my heart on a string  
I just don't wanna miss anything_

_Say my name, I just want to hear you  
Say my name, so I know it's true  
You're changing me, you're changing me  
You showed me how to live, so just say, so just say_

_That you'll stay awake for me  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I don't wanna miss anything_

_I will share the air that I breathe  
I'll give you my heart on a string  
I just don't wanna miss anything_

He had written her a song and unlike before, she was certain that it was for her. Everything that she needed to know was there, written across that page: he had spilled his heart out to her and though she knew all along that he had cared for her, seeing it in writing made it all the more real. She placed the pad back down feeling slightly guilty for looking but still thankful that she had. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her, and regardless of how things turned out, she would always treasure it.

"Bella?" She jumped when she heard her name and turned to see that his eyes were open and he was gazing up at her with a lazy smile.

"I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Did you like it?"

She felt her cheeks grow hot when she realized that she had been caught and as he sat up she could see his eyes and she could see how desperately he wanted her to love it.

She wanted to reply but she couldn't find the words. His had been so beautiful and anything that she would have to say would pale in comparison so she merely nodded her head and watched as his smile grew, stretching across his face as though he had just won the lottery, though the smile was fleeting because only a few minutes later he was staring at her with an intensity that led her to believe that he had been worried about her and a conversation was about to take place that she wasn't sure she was ready to have.

"I was worried about you…" He reached for her hand and pulled her down onto his lap. His nose was buried in the long strands of her hair.

"I'm sorry."

"Where were you?"

She bit her lip and he pulled away and pushed the hair off her face. He knew she had been using it as a shield and he needed her to be honest, even if he didn't want to hear it.

"I had phone calls to make."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek before leaning his forehead against her shoulder. He knew there was more and even though he wanted to know, he was afraid to ask.

"Your husband?"

She nodded, her eyes closed.

"Don't shut me out Bella…"

"I'm just… I'm confused Edward. I want to be with you so badly… I love who I am when I'm with you and how I feel when you wrap me in your arms and I know how cheesy that all sounds… You make me feel loved and it's something I haven't felt in a long time… When we're together it feels so right…"

"There's a but coming isn't there?" He asked quietly and she turned her head to look away from him.

"But when I got home and listened to my messages and heard his voice and how sorry he was… I felt so sick for doing what we did…"

"Do you regret it?" He was tense and she could see that he was clenching his jaw.

"Yes… No… I don't know…"

"You either do, or you don't."

"It's not that simple…" She said and he cursed himself when he realized that she was crying.

"I'm sorry Bella… I'm such a shit for putting you through this," he sighed and she turned to him, taking his face between her hands.

"This isn't your fault… And… I don't know how this is going to end… But I care about you Edward… I care about you so much that it makes me sick because I know I shouldn't." She released his face and wiped at her eyes. "Someone is going to get hurt no matter what and I just don't know what to do…"

"What do you want Bella?"

"I don't know… When I'm here… With you, this feel right… But when I'm with him…" She looked down for a moment as she searched for her words. "I hate myself for what I've done with you because even though I'm not sure I'm in love with him anymore… When even just a glimmer of who he was shines through, it makes it hard for me to hate him…"

"I'll wait for you Bella…" He said as he pulled her closer to him. He needed her and he wanted her to know that. "No matter what you do… I'll wait for you. I'll wait for him to fuck up because we both know that he will… I know what I want and nothing is going to change that."

"How can you say that? How can you tell me this? I can't let you just wait…"

"It doesn't matter… Nothing will ever feel as right to me as this… And I _know_ you feel the same way… You just need time and I can wait… I've waited twenty-five years to find you… As far as I'm concerned, if it takes another twenty for you to figure it out then so be it… It doesn't matter… What matters is that somewhere along the road, at some point, you figure it out and I'll be there."

She was crying again but not because she was upset. This was different and she couldn't explain it. She felt his arms tighten around her, his hand on her back as he rubbed circles trying to calm her down but she couldn't do anything but hold onto him, and so she did, she clung onto him hard wishing that she had met him first and that life wasn't such a fucking cruel thing.

----------

He watched her as she slept. It had taken an hour but she had finally managed to wear herself out. His heart was torn between breaking and feeling elated. Her confession had shook him to the core but she had come back, and though she hadn't explicitly said that she loved him, he didn't need to hear the words to know. It was something he knew when he looked into her eyes, when he felt her kiss him… And that even though she was hurting, even though she was confused, she _did_ end up back at his flat and in his arms.

He wouldn't lose hope. He couldn't lose hope. He needed her. She was the only thing that had ever made him feel alive and just as he had told her… Even if it took her twenty years to figure it out, he would never lose hope that one day, she would be completely and entirely his.

He just needed to show her that he was the one that deserved her. Because he knew, deep down, that he did. He would love her in a way that Jacob never would be able to. He would love her completely, for who she was, not for what she could do for him.


	9. Same Problem

**A/N: **

**First off… The festival I'm talking about in St. Tropez… It's an October event… Well, it's July here in the story so I'm taking some creative liberty… Please forgive me. I should also add that it's not in St. Tropez but in Ramatuelle… It's a nearby town. **

**You guys are all amazing. Thank you for your continued support regardless of the controversial material. **

**Some analysis:**

**Bella is really very confused and you're going to see a lot of that in the coming chapters and this chapter as well. I said from the beginning this would be a very angsty story… So be prepared… She isn't leaving Jake any time soon. He's a master manipulator and he knows that if he loses her then his 'perfect' world would come crashing down… He needs her in his life not because he loves her but because of what she represents. **

**Edward is very patient and he really does let her walk all over him but what should be remembered is that he has never felt this way about a woman… And he is confused and excited about it. He loves the way she makes him feel and he is completely certain that she will one day leave Jake so any pain that he feels now, he figures sticking it out will be worth it in the end. **

**So… I think that's all I have to say now… So enjoy the chapter! I'm excited to hear what you have to say about it!**

**Oh! almost forgot! This story is now on Twilighted (dot) net... So you can check it out there though the process is slower as each chapter must be approved and what not... So only chapter one is up thus far but I hope to catch it up!  
**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Nine**_

_Oh no the battle forms inside  
And I speak, but you don't see the signs  
My heart aches, leaving me here to hide  
My world shakes, until you assure me_

_Oh no there goes composure  
Over and out to the sea  
Oh no this won't control me  
But it seems to get the best of me_

_The same problem, coming to haunt me again  
And I know it's taken the best of my head  
The same problem tears me to pieces inside  
And I'm left to wonder oh why…_

_Oh no I'm crossing my fingers  
In hopes that you will not leave me  
Far away, the silence it burns me  
As I wait, the tension builds_

_Oh why can't I move forward?  
Oh why does my mind wander?  
Oh why does my heart desire you?_

_Oh no there goes composure…_

Waking Ashland, "Same Problem"

----------

"Do you really have to go?" Edward asked as he circled his arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest as he nuzzled his nose into her hair. He wanted to drown in her scent. He couldn't imagine anything ever smelling as wonderful as she did and though she would be leaving, he had some comfort in the fact that his sheets and pillows would still smell like her.

"Unfortunately I do. Jake will be back tomorrow."

"So you can't stay one more night?"

Bella sighed and closed her eyes as she leaned her head against his chest. It was such a tempting offer. She was certain that the week that she had spent with him and been the happiest week that she had had in a long while and she was reluctant to let it go. Still, though she was happy, she was still lost in her mind as she tried to sort out the conflicting feelings that she had for both the man that was holding her now and the man who would be returning to her home in less than twenty-four hours.

Edward's lips found her neck and she leaned to the side allowing him more room. He was doing it on purpose and she was more than aware of that fact. Even though they had been intimate for only a few days, he knew more about what her body wanted than her husband. How that was possible she had no clue but it was the truth. Edward knew exactly what to do to her to get his way and he was putting every ounce of effort into trying to convince her to stay just one more night.

"I want to…" her voice trailed and she felt him smile against her neck.

"Then say yes."

"I have clothes to wash and I'll have to clean…" She groaned. He moved to the sensitive area just below her ear. "I have to make the bed…"

"You can go in the morning." He pulled away and smiled at her flushed cheeks, proud of the affect he had on her body and almost certain that her husband couldn't do that for her.

"I can't," she sighed and looked up into his eyes, immediately wishing that she hadn't. She could see the sadness behind his green eyes as he tried to mask it as best as he could. Her hand found his cheek and cradled it in the palm of her hand and he pressed against it.

"I know… I don't want to make you feel guilty… I just hate that I'm going to have to sleep without you." He leaned down and pressed his forehead to her own. "I'm afraid I won't be able to."

"I know how you feel," she whispered before standing on her toes and pressing a kiss to his lips. "Hey…We still have a few hours… Might as well make use of them right?"

He grinned and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as he held her bottom to keep her steady. "Might as well."

----------

When Bella walked into her house she was surprised to see that a light in the kitchen was on. She furrowed her brow trying to remember if she had turned it off or not. She couldn't remember having left it on and bit her lip as she walked in, dropping her bag by the stairs while examining the home, afraid for a moment that maybe someone had broken in and was still in the house. She grabbed a long umbrella just in case, it wasn't exactly a great weapon, but it would do more harm than her own hands could if she needed to chase someone out.

Her heart was beating in her chest as she cautiously looked around and yet nothing was amiss; everything exactly as it had been when she had left to go to Edward's four days ago. Shrugging it off, she just assumed that she had been in too much of a rush to get to him that she had failed to turn the light off. Annoyed with her oversight and the fact that the bill would be higher than it could have been because of her careless mistake, she flicked the switch before walking into the hallway and gathering her things up and beginning her trek to the bedroom.

It was there, in the hall on the second floor that she saw the light blue glow that the television screen cast in the bedroom that she shared with Jake. She grimaced, it meant that he had come home early and she still wasn't ready to face him. One of the reasons why she had been so adamant about leaving Edward's flat had been because she needed a night to decompress, a night to try and sort through some of the things that were floating around in her mind before she would have to share a bed with her husband again.

She was terrified of being found out; terrified that Jake would take one look at her and see the infidelity that she assumed was written across her forehead. She felt as though she might as well of been Hester Prynne with a giant scarlet A pinned to her chest. She quietly stood in the hallway and pulled her shirt to her nose, Edward's scent was all over her body and she bit her lip wondering if there was a way that she could hold off going into that room until Jake was asleep. She needed to shower, she needed to change and most of all, she needed to get the clothes that she wore into the hamper so Jake would never find out.

"Bella, is that you?" She heard his deep voice call out from the bedroom and she hung her head realizing that there was no way out of this. Then again, maybe it would be easier. Maybe this was how it was suppose to happen, to keep her from actually having to make a choice. Jake would make it for her once he smelled the sweet scent of Edward on her skin and clothes. Part of her was happy about that because even though her husband was right on the other side of that door, she still wanted to be with Edward. The other part of her was still set on fixing things with Jake, or at least, seeing if there was any way to fix it. Either way she knew that she would have to come clean about Edward, and, if she chose the road to stay with Jake she would be honest with him, and she would give him the opportunity to leave her.

"Hi," she replied meekly as she walked in and dropped her bag on the bedroom floor. Jake was propped against the pillows, his head resting casually on the headboard. He diverted his attention from the TV to look at her. She focused on his eyes and the look on his face and for a moment she thought she saw something there that hadn't been there before. Though she had heard remorse in his voice when he had called, his face screamed a desperation that hadn't been there before. "How was your trip?"

He shrugged and moved to get off the bed but she held her hand up to stop him. "You weren't supposed to be home tonight."

"I came home yesterday hoping you would be here." She bit her lip and tried her hardest to suppress the urge to vomit again. "Where were you?"

"I stayed at Emmett and Rose's home in the Lake District," she lied and he nodded his head. "I just needed to get away and think… To sort things out."

"And you didn't think to answer your phone?" His voice was surprisingly calm.

"I needed time Jake."

This time, he bit his lip. Since she had walked in all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and apologize for his behavior. He knew how close he was to losing her; he could see it in her eyes, even now as they stood in the same room there was a distance between them that he had never noticed before. "What did you decide?"

"I'm still not sure."

"So you're just going to give up on us?"

"You gave up on us a long time ago… Don't pin this on me!"

He was cursing himself for his choice of words. He had cut his trip short so he could come back and beg her to stay with him, to show her a little of the man that she had once loved because he couldn't lose her. He needed her and he could see how much she had grown and changed over the past few months and how independent she was becoming again. She wouldn't need him any longer and that meant he would have to change his tactics if he was going to keep her in his life. He needed to be the man that she had fallen in love with.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?" She questioned as she moved to the bathroom.

"I am."

She grimaced. "I'm going to take a shower… I think I'm going to sleep in the guestroom tonight. I need more time."

She was about to close the door when she heard him call her name again.

"Yeah?"

"Let's go away for the weekend… Saint Tropez. You and I… We can be alone and try and work things out… Try and get things back on track."

"I don't know… It's kind of late notice."

"Just… Think about it okay? Let me know tomorrow night?" She nodded and watched as he stood up. "I'll sleep in the guestroom. You can have the bed."

"Thank you."

"Goodnight Bella." He was walking to the door and she was thankful that he was being so nice but it really only made her hate herself. She had felt guilty before, like the time when she got into an accident and told Charlie that a deer had ran into the hood of her car, she had confessed a few days later because she hated the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. But this time, it was different. This was a guilt that she knew she wouldn't be rid of until she figured things out.

Her hand found the knob of the shower and she turned it on. As the steam filled the room, she lifted the seat of the toilet and the churning in her stomach ceased as she threw up. She figured that this was something she would have to get used to. She couldn't leave her husband yet, he was starting to remind her of the man that she had fallen in love with, and yet, at the same time, she couldn't leave Edward because she was falling more in love with him each and every day that passed. For the first time, she began to wonder if it was possible to love two people at the same time.

----------

Bella met Rose for lunch the next day in Soho. After thinking about it all night, she had finally come to the decision to agree to go away for the weekend with Jake. She owed him that after what she had been doing while he had been gone and if he wanted an opportunity to try and fix things then she would accept it and see what the weekend would bring. She figured she would go shopping with Rose after lunch to buy a new swimsuit or two. If she was going to Saint Tropez, she would enjoy the sun and the beach and with Jacob being so into appearances, she would need a few new things to take to the ultra chic vacation spot.

"How was your scandalous week?" Rose grinned before taking a bite of the salad she had ordered.

Bella pulled at her lip for a moment. "Edward is really great… Not that I didn't know that already and he really gets me Rose… More than I think anyone ever has before."

"But?"

"But Jake came home early and I am so sick about what I've done… But I still can't bring myself to end it with Edward because I'm falling in love with him."

Rose dropped her fork when her friend confessed love. She had had her suspicions but she thought she would have to wait longer until Bella would finally come clean or at the very least pester her to admit it. She was surprised with how soon the confession had come. She figured it would have taken a few more weeks.

"I just don't know what to do and Jake was so understanding last night… He willingly gave up the bed when I told him I needed more time and this morning he said that he would keep doing that until I was ready to let him back in…"

"But you love Edward."

"That doesn't mean that I should leave Jake…"

Rose sighed. Bella might have admitted to the falling but she still needed the epiphany. Rose knew Jake… She didn't know him well, not as well as Bella knew Emmett, mainly because Jake had never shown an interest in getting to know her and that was something that had never sat well with her. Jake had no desire to understand Bella or to be a part of Bella's life; he wanted Bella to be a part of his without having to make the reciprocal effort. Bella would figure this out eventually, and that would be when the epiphany would take place and she would figure it out, she would understand that she and Jake weren't supposed to be together. That wasn't to say that Rose thought she belonged with Edward either. She didn't know the man well enough to make that decision, but she was almost certain that if she called him up and asked to sit down and talk to him that he would agree to it, because she had a feeling that Edward truly cared about the woman that she sat across from and truly wanted to know her. Jake only called her when he was looking for Bella.

"Rose… He wants to go to St. Tropez for a long weekend." Bella bit her lip as she rubbed her forehead. Things were getting so complicated with her life and she was confused. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

"Emmett mentioned something about that. We are heading there on the company plane tomorrow."

"What do you mean?"

"AEG wanted to send some of their employees for the Ramatuelle Jazz Festival," she shrugged and took a sip of the wine they had ordered with their lunch. "We're going to leave tomorrow."

"So all that crap he told me about wanting to get anyway and have it just be us was really just crap after all?"

"I don't know Bella…"

Bella grimaced, maybe Jake hadn't changed at all. "Fine. I'll go and I'll spend the whole time ignoring him…" She knew it was childish but the way he had made it sound was that it was just the two of them, not once had he mentioned that it was work related and though she hated to admit it, it didn't really surprise her much.

"You can stay with Emmett and I if you like, you know you're always welcome. He booked some huge suite and I wouldn't be surprised if there were more than one bedroom."

"I love you Rose…" Bella replied. "I'm not sure what I'd do without you and Emmett."

"We love you too sweetie. We just want what's best for you."

Bella felt her phone vibrate and she pulled it from her purse and saw that she had a text message from Edward.

_I miss you. Will I be able to see you at all today?_

She smiled not noticing that Rose was grinning wickedly at her.

"Lover boy?"

Bella nodded as she typed on her phone. _That depends. What are your plans?_

"What are you saying?" Rose inquired as she leaned across the table but she still couldn't see the phone.

"He wanted to know if we could get together today…"

"And?"

"And after what you told me about Jake… It's looking more appealing." Her phone buzzed again.

_Nothing. Absolutely nothing._

_I'm having lunch with Rose. Then going to Selfridges for some shopping. Meet me in two hours at our café?_

"Okay… We should pay the bill." Bella was looking around for the waiter.

"Someone's impatient."

_I'll be there_.

"Just there's a lot to do and I want to see him. I should tell him that I won't be around this weekend." Suddenly she was scared. She was afraid of how he would take it. Would he be understanding?

"He'll understand Bella… You did talk to him right?" She nodded her response. "He might be upset but I have a feeling that this won't be a make it or break it decision. Have you told him about your parents?"

Bella shook her head and looked down at the black folder that had been dropped off at the table. She quickly threw in her Visa credit card. "I feel like I've laid so much on him that the last thing he needs to hear about is my parents."

"He needs to know eventually… I think it will help him understand where you are coming from and why you are so apprehensive about leaving Jake."

"Rose… I'm not leaving Jake because I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

"Because you are afraid of ending up like your parents."

"My mother is happily remarried."

"But your father sulks around because he lost the love of his life. Come on Bella… You know the reason that you won't leave Jake is because you are afraid that one of you will end up like Charlie. And… Don't be mad but mainly, I think you're afraid that it's going to be you… I just wish you would see that Jake isn't the love of your life."

Bella sighed. She knew Rose didn't like Jake and she wasn't afraid to talk about it but it did bother her when Rose brought up her parents. Though they had become fast friends, Rose had never met her father and the fact that she was talking about something that she barely knew except from the context of Bella's own stories, bothered her. Still, she knew her friend meant well and decided to over look it.

"Ready?" Bella asked, effectively ending the conversation much to Rose's dismay. She just wanted to make Bella see what was right in front of her and what she could be throwing away with Edward if she did make the wrong choice.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to keep Edward waiting." Rose smiled as they stood up and gathered their things.

----------

Edward sat at their table sipping the cappuccino he had ordered for himself and keeping his eye on the door. He was early but it was merely because he was too excited to see her again. Sleeping without her had been hell. He kept wondering if her husband had come home early and if she was wrapped in his arms. It was foolish, he knew that it was inevitable that she would be sharing her bed with the man, but he couldn't help the pang of jealousy that he felt when he thought about it. Though she wasn't entirely his, he still felt that she was.

A flash of bright yellow caught his eye and he was startled when she sat down beside him. He had been so busy thinking about her that he hadn't even noticed when she walked in. He took her in; she wore those damn skinny jeans that hugged her ass and legs perfectly and a simple black tank top.

"Hi." She smiled and he reached towards her chair and pulled it closer to his own.

"Hello love." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. He wanted to do more but they were in public and being that she was married, he had to keep his hands to himself. It was a test of his will power and he was surprised with how well he had been doing.

"How was your night?"

"Hellish," he replied and pushed the drink he had ordered for her towards her. "Sleep was not easy to come by."

She smiled all the while thankful that she hadn't been the only one. "I know how you feel."

He reached for her hand under the table and squeezed it. "I'm glad you could come."

"I'm glad you had time."

"Bella, haven't you figured it out that I'll always have time for you?"

She was certain that her heart melted with his comment. She hadn't heard anything that sweet in years and the conviction in his voice as he told her only solidified to her that his feelings for her were growing just as hers were for him.

"What did you buy?" He motioned to the three bags that were resting at her feet.

"That's what I kind of wanted to talk to you about…" Her eyes glanced over the entire shop as she scanned the crowed for familiar faces. She needed to tell him, but she was afraid that it might cause emotions to flare and she wasn't sure that a public location was the best place for this.

"Do you want to go to my place?" She nodded and they both stood up. He reached for her bags which caused her to roll her eyes and he laughed. He knew that she wasn't used to men doing things like this for her and it only made him more adamant to do it.

They walked together down the street and though he wanted to hold her hand, he refrained until they were near his building. It never ceased to amaze him how perfectly her hand fit into his own.

"So… What's up?" He finally asked when they were in the confines of his home.

She didn't say anything, but instead walked up to him and threw her arms around his neck. "God I've missed you." She murmured against his neck as he fisted his hands in her hair and pulled her head so she was looking at her.

"I've missed you too." He groaned when her fingers found his hair.

Before either knew what was happening, they were kissing each other with a passion reserved for lovers who hadn't seen each other for days, maybe even months. They however, had only been apart for fourteen hours. Their lips molded together and he pressed her body closer to his, unable to feel close enough to her. He wanted more and he knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he was inside of her again, moving with her and loving her.

In one swift movement her legs were around his waist and he was carrying her to the bedroom. She moaned against his lips as he laid her down, pressing his own body on top of hers, as his hands began to remove the layers of clothing that separated their skin. He wanted to feel her flesh against his own. He craved it and the way she was reacting to his touch, he knew she did too.

"God you are so beautiful," he mused as he pulled away, taking her top with him. His eyes lingered on her body, each time more and more surprised with how beautiful she was. It never ceased to amaze him that when he thought she couldn't look more beautiful, she always did.

"I want…" She moaned but stopped as he moved back on top of her, his lips pressing open mouthed kisses along her delicate collarbone, nearly causing her to come undone. Though she loved how much she wanted him, the overwhelming need for him scared her. Her body had never been more aroused as it was when she was with him, it was as though their bodies called for each other and she wondered if sex with Jake would ever be as great as it was with Edward. Sadly, she knew that the answer would always be no. Even at the peak of her relationship with Jake, the sex was never this mind blowing, never this passionate and needy and loving all at the same time.

"What do you want my Bella?" He groaned against her skin as she pressed her hips against his own.

She whimpered but was unable to find her words.

"Tell me love."

"I want you." She managed and it was all the encouragement he needed.

----------

He drew lazy circles on the naked skin of her back as they lay together under the cool fabric of his sheets. The sun was starting to set and she knew that she would have to get going soon but she was finding it hard to muster the motivation to do so. They had made love three times and though she was pleasantly numb from the experience, she couldn't help but want more, especially as his fingers continued to stroke her skin.

"Will I see you again soon?" He asked as she nuzzled his chest.

"That was what I needed to talk to you about."

"Is Jake going out of town again?" His voice was excited and she hated that she was about to crush him.

"He wants to take me to Saint Tropez this weekend… I have to go…" She said softly, biting her lip, afraid to look in Edward's eyes.

"Oh…"

"I don't want to go… I'd rather be here but…"

He cut her off. "I understand Bella… Although I'd much rather have you to myself I know you're married… You don't belong to me."

"Sometimes… More often than not… I wish I did," she said quietly.

"I wish you did too."

----------

Saint Tropez was hot and Bella felt like the skin was going to melt right off her skeleton. Though she had enjoyed the heat when she lived in Phoenix, she had been away from it for too long and suddenly, much to her surprise, she craved the cool feeling of rain. They had been in the South of France for two days now and she had been doing her best to avoid Jake.

Still, even though he was there for an AEG sponsored event, he was more attentive to her than she could ever remember him being when it came to his business functions and that surprised her.

"Would you like another drink babe?" He asked and she cringed. She always hated being called babe.

"That would be nice."

He nodded and stood up leaving her there alone. She was doing all she could to push the thoughts of Edward away when she was with Jake but when he would leave her, even if it was only for a few moments, she found herself wondering what he was up to and even though she had sworn she wouldn't, they had been communicated through text messages the entire weekend. It seemed that she couldn't go long without him and it both excited and frustrated her. How was she supposed to try and make things work with Jake if she couldn't even go a weekend without speaking to Edward?

"Bella right?" Her thoughts were disrupted when she heard her name and turned to see the woman that she had spent watching with her husband all night at the Brit awards after party.

Bella nodded. "Leah Clearwater?"

The woman nodded and Bella sat up a little straighter, not noticing the look that Jake was casting their way from the bar.

"I just wanted to get to know you better… I've heard so much about you from Jake and I feel as though we are friends already." Leah's smile was genuine and it relaxed Bella a little. Though she had been suspicious about the two, the fact that Leah was so comfortable around her, seemed to put her at ease.

"I wish I could say the same… Though Jake doesn't talk much about coworkers… Or work in general."

Leah laughed and flipped her long, dark hair off her shoulder. "Well… I wouldn't worry too much about it. The job isn't that exciting. Jake said you were an English major at the University of Washington." Bella nodded. "Wow! I wish I had the confidence to do that… I went into business because it didn't involve analyzing text."

"Oh it's not that hard really… I'm sure it's much more difficult to come up with the proper arguments to sway a client to join AEG."

Leah shrugged. "So how do you like London? Jake said you moved from New York."

"Oh… London is wonderful but it's hard being so far from home… I don't know that many people here and so many of the wives are rather catty. Though I suppose they don't appreciate their husbands working with a single woman."

"Oh, those women don't care so long as they have someone to pay for their clothes and cars and drinks," Bella commented which made Leah laugh.

"You're definitely not like the other wives," Leah mused and watched as Bella's face scrunched up in confusion, unsure if that was a compliment or not. "I mean that in the best possible sense of the word. You actually seem like someone I could be friends with."

"I'll admit that I was skeptical about you at first," Bella admitted and Leah cocked her head to the side.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just… Jake hadn't ever mentioned you before and when I saw you together… You must know you're a beautiful woman."

"Oh Bella, you seriously underestimate your own beauty. Besides, I don't get involved with married men… I was involved with someone in New York who told me he was single and it wasn't until his wife called me that I found out he was lying. The woman was so upset… I felt horrible and I would never want to inflict that kind of pain intentionally."

"I'm sorry you went through that."

"I suppose it happens," she shrugged. "What matters is that I told him how disgusted I was with him and left him immediately."

"Is that what prompted the move here?"

"Well… Yes and no I suppose. That relationship ended two years ago but as big of a city as New York is… I often ran into him and it was too painful."

"You'll find someone else. Someone who is worthy of you… And not married."

"You're right Bella." Leah leaned back against the chair. She wasn't sure what it had been that prompted her to approach Jake's wife… Well, she did know, and the more she got to know her, the more she began to hate herself. "I really hope we can be friends Bella."

"That would be nice."

They sat there and chatted for a bit before Leah told her that she had to be getting back to her room to change for the events that evening. AEG had wanted her to attend a performance at the jazz festival and if she didn't get a move on, she would be late. They parted having made plans to get in touch when they were both in London to have lunch and get to know each other better.

----------

Leah turned as she felt a hand grab her arm and pull her around a corner. "What the fuck was that about?"

Jake stood there looking down at her, his eyes dark with anger and she just glared back up at him. "I was getting to know your _wife_."

"Stay away from her."

"Why Jake? Afraid I'll tell her just why you left Berlin early? I suppose you told her it was because you missed her."

"Leave Bella alone Leah."

"I'm not going to tell her anything Jake. Lighten up. Whether you like it or not, your wife is actually someone who I think I could be friends with."

She pulled herself away from his grip. "Just accept the inevitable. She's sweet. I can see why you married her."

"I mean it Leah… This is only going to hurt her."

"Then maybe you should have thought with your big head, and not the little one." She didn't wait for an answer, instead she just walked to her room leaving Jake standing alone.

She wasn't proud of her actions, but as far as she was concerned, Jake was just as much at fault for what had happened as she was. She told herself it wasn't going to happen again and the only way she could assure herself of that was if she befriended his wife. Sure she felt guilty, but she was certain that strengthening her bond with the woman who had no idea, was the only way she could keep her conscience in check.

----------

_How's the sun?_

Bella smiled as she read Edward's message.

_It's hotter than hell here. How is London?_

Jake had gone to a concert and though he had begged her to go with him she had declined, feigning heat stroke. He had been around her all weekend and though she was happy to see him making an effort to be with her, she felt as though she was being smothered.

_Lonely without you. When do you come back?_ She couldn't help but smile as she read his message and her heart raced as she thought about seeing him again. She wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her waist.

_I'll be home tomorrow afternoon._

She heard a knock on her door and tossed her phone on the bed as she walked to it and found Rose standing on the other end.

"Hey stranger," she smiled as she opened the door.

"I'm glad you are here. I thought you might have gone with Jake to the concert."

Bella shook her head. "No, I didn't feel like it really. I've had enough jazz for one weekend."

Rose nodded, "so what are you doing?"

"Just relaxing.

"Do you want to go down by the pool? Have a few drinks while we wait for the others to return?"

Bella just shrugged and walked to the bed, picking up her phone.

_God I miss you. My bed smells of you and it makes me miss you more. Can I see you again soon?_

Rose stood and watched the smile on Bella's face and she knew instantly who it was she was talking to. She took it to be a good thing that even though she was there with Jake, she was still communicating with Edward. It was a step in the right direction.

_I'll call you when I get home._

"What?" Bella asked as she looked up and placed her phone in the bag that she was taking with her to the pool. Rose just shook her head and laughed. "Seriously Rose… What?"

"Nothing… I'm just happy for you is all."

Bella knew what it was she was talking about but she also knew that it wasn't the time nor the place to talk about it.

"I better get to meet him formally soon. Emmett wants to meet him as well."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea Rose."

"I think it's a fantastic idea… It's better not to put it off Bells. We'll meet him eventually."

----------

"Did it make you feel powerful?" Jake commented as he leaned closer to Leah.

She bit her lip. She could smell him all around her and it was intoxicating but she made a promise to herself. She was going to be friends with Bella and nothing would ever happen with Jacob ever again. "She's a really sweet woman Jake. I'm not going to put her through what I put Emily through."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that this is over… We work together and that's all that it will ever be. You're married and she is wonderful and she deserves to have a husband who isn't sneaking around behind her back. I don't have many friends here Jake and I can't burn any bridges and if we keep doing this, that's exactly what is going to happen."

"You say that now but you'll be back."

"You'll never leave her."

He shook his head. "No… I never will."

"And we will never be together again." Jacob just shrugged at her comment. He wasn't taking her seriously and if she was being honest, she wasn't sure she was taking herself seriously. She had no idea what to expect, but what she did know for certain was that Jake would never leave Bella and if he wasn't cheating on Bella with her, it would only be another woman later on down the road.

----------

"Did you have fun this weekend?" He asked as he leaned across the seat to kiss her neck.

She nodded. "So am I off probation?"

"Yes Jake… You're off probation." She couldn't have said no. He had been more attentive to her in that weekend than he had been over the past few months, maybe even over the past few years and it seemed to her that he was actually tying to change. That he was trying to be more like the man that she married and less like the man that he had become. Sure it only served to confuse her even more, but she knew that this was something that could happen. She would wait and see what would happen. Everything was still far too fresh for her to make any solid decisions.

He grinned and leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes. He had his wife back. His plan had worked. He would just need to find a way to make sure that she stayed happy.


	10. Beautiful Disaster

**A/N:**

**On the onset of everything... I should not have posted last night in an emotional state. Therefore... I'm reposting again with a formal apology. It was wrong of me to take out my frustrations of the weekend on you all. So for that, I'm very sorry. It will not happen again.**

**Now… This chapter is inspired by a Jon McLaughlin song… I'm kind of obsessed with him right now… I want to run my fingers through his hair… And I want him to sing to me with his beautiful voice… Oh man… I SO have a type… **

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Ten**_

_She loves her mama's lemonade  
And hates the sound that goodbyes make  
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her_

_She swears that there's no difference  
Between the lies and compliments  
It's all the same if everybody leaves her_

_She would change everything, everything, just ask her  
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster  
She just needs someone to take her home_

_She's given boys what they want  
Tries to act so nonchalant  
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction_

_She never stays the same for long  
Assuming that she'll get it all wrong  
Perfect on in her imperfection_

_She would change everything for happy ever after  
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster_

Jon McLaughlin, "Beautiful Disaster"

----------

She moved deeper into the warmth of the bed, her head pushing further into the soft pillow. She was dreaming of Edward and she could have sworn that he was there with her; his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as his breath warmed her neck sending delicious shivers that traveled to the base of her spine.

She smiled into the pillow and pressed herself against him; he groaned into her hair, his hand traveling up to cup her breast.

"Edward…" She sighed contentedly but only heard a gruff laughter.

"Dreaming of Edward Rochester again?" Jake mused aloud; though it didn't go unnoticed that he seemed upset with that. She pulled away and saw that he was laying there in the bed with her. She had forgotten that she had finally agreed to let him back in their bedroom; he apparently took that as meaning he could grope her if he felt inclined to do so. She figured he realized that wasn't going to happen after the countless times he had attempted while they had been in Saint Tropez. Apparently she hadn't been blatant enough with her desire to still keep intimacy at bay. She might have let him back in the bedroom but that didn't mean she was inviting him back into her body.

Her cheeks flushed with his comment however, but for the first time, she was thankful of her obsession with classic British Literature. She made a mental note to thank Charlotte Bronte if she ever ran into her in an afterlife.

"I don't see the appeal," he muttered under his breath which elicited a swift slap of her hand against his chest. "WHAT?!"

"Don't you dare speak of my Byronic literary characters like that."

"I just don't understand."

Bella just shook her head. "You use to."

Jake left her comment unacknowledged and scooted closer to her, trying to grab the delicate curve of her hip to pull her against him. They hadn't had sex in nearly three months and he was growing tired of it. Had he not had Leah, he would have been jerking off in the bathroom multiple times a day.

"No Jake." Her voice was stern but he was stronger than her and rolled his weight on top of her.

"Come on… You said you weren't angry anymore." He leaned his head down to her neck and kissed her there. She shuddered and he took that as encouragement.

Her hands pressed against his broad shoulders, pushing him away from her. "I never said you were forgiven."

"You said I was off probation."

"Probation yes… That meant you could sleep in the bed."

"So when do I get more than that?"

"When I figure out if it's worth it anymore."

He rolled off of her and groaned as he stood up. "I'm going to be late for work anyways."

She wrapped her arms around her sides wishing that she was back asleep and in Edward's arms. Even if they had been Jake's it was nice to think likewise. Besides, that was what the imagination was for and it was something that she was growing to use more and more, even before she and Edward had become intimate; for three months, she had been wishing and pretending that the body she laid next to each night was his and not her husband's.

"You know…" Jake called from the other side of the room and she turned to face him. "If you do leave me, you'll never find anyone else. No one will want a divorcee who may never be able to have children." She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. "Just face it Bella, this is about as good as it's going to get. And you think Charlie will welcome you back with open arms? He loves me. Besides, you wouldn't want to turn out like him right?"

---------

Once Jake had left for work, Bella made her way into the large bathroom. She had made only two requests when she and Jake had been looking for a place to live: a large kitchen and a bathroom with a large tub. She pulled her tank top off her head and let it pool to the floor with her boxers and underwear as she tub filled with hot water, steam rising to the ceiling and clinging to the mirror. Her eyes fell on the clothes that lay scattered on the bathroom floor, her shorts and tank as well as Jake's boxers; she had wished they were Edwards.

She frowned slightly and turned the water off. The steam floated off the surface and she touched her toe to it, wincing from the burn that she felt against her cold feet. Biting her lip, she lowered herself into the water slowly, allowing her body to grow accustomed to the hot water against her skin. Once she was submerged, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes, letting the memories of the past that she was clinging to, fill blank darkness behind her eyelids.

"_You know I hate heights," she grumbled as she leaned against his large frame. "I've never had any desire to go to the top of this thing."_

"_Oh come on…" he grinned, wrapping his arm around her waist tighter, his fingers grazing the soft material of the dress he insisted she wore. "Nothing's going to happen. I promise."_

"_The elevator could plummet," she stated wryly which caused him to laugh loud enough to receive a glare from the other couple they were sharing the elevator with. "It's almost fifty years old! What if the wind blows too hard and knocks it down! I mean, really, how sturdy could this be?"_

"_Oh Bella, you worry far too much." He smiled into her hair and placed his hands on her swelling stomach. "Must be all those hormones… Are you nesting?"_

_She elbowed his stomach and he winced. "Don't you dare Jacob Black!"_

"_Or you'll what, Isabella Swan?"_

_He didn't get a response, instead he watched as her face contorted uncomfortably as she grabbed at her stomach. _

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I think I'm going into labor."_

_***_

"_It's not funny," she pouted as he took her hand into his own._

"_You really do have a fear of getting engaged don't you?" He was laughing as they sat in the hospital room holding her hand. _

"_I'd like to see you go through Braxton…" She didn't finish. The weight of his words finally sinking in. "Engaged?"_

"_I had it all planned out…" He grinned, reaching into his pocket and extracting the small black box. "A nice romantic dinner with a view of the city… And just as we see the Sound as it stretches over Lake Union…"_

_She bit her lip as she looked at the box. "Can I see it?"_

"_Nope. You had your chance," he teased. "Besides… You don't want to get married anyways."_

"_But I do want to get married to you!" Her voice was loud and he was smiling wide._

"_Wow, Bella… If I had known you wanted it that bad…"_

"_Oh shut up you big oaf." She looked up at him and watched as all laughter ceased._

"_Isabella Swan… I love you… Marry me?"_

_She didn't reply, but merely nodded her head and watched as he slipped the gold band on her finger. In that moment, everything felt right. They would be married and three months later, they would have a baby. It was the family she never knew she wanted, and suddenly, something she knew she couldn't live without._

The sound of her ring tone reverberated through the small bathroom, causing her to sit up in the tub and look to the bedroom. She could see the light on the screen illuminate a dark corner where the light from the window did not reach. She couldn't remember turning it on though; she always turned the phone off at night, especially since meeting Edward incase he were to call and Jake was to answer. It was safer that way.

She thought momentarily about answering it, it was possible that he would call her and see if she had plans for the day but part of her felt a need to stay home, to think things through. Jake's words before he left seemed to linger in her thoughts. _Would Edward still want her if he knew she might not be able to have children again? Would he be able to look past that? _Sure, Jake had, but she wasn't even sure he wanted children. After they had lost the first, he assured her they would try again when the time was right. The time, apparently to him, never seemed to come.

She heard the beep of her phone; whoever had called had left a message. Her eyes closed and her head found the back of the tub once again.

"_Bella… Baby you need to eat something," Jake said softly as he place the bowl of soup on the bedside table. She could hear the worry in his voice but he sounded so far away that she couldn't bring herself to care. "She's been like this since we got home yesterday."_

_She looked out the window, her hands resting on her flat stomach, touching it, waiting for the movement that had been there only three days ago. _

"_She just needs time… When she's ready, she'll come around." The voice was feminine and soft but in her state, she couldn't quite place the voice. Angela? Rebecca? They were all one in the same to her. "How are you holding up?"_

"_I'm fine."_

"_You can tell me."_

"_I need to keep it together… I can't break down if she is."_

"_Do you want to go out for a bit? I'll stay here with her."_

"_No… I want to be there for her."_

"_What did the doctor say?"_

"_On top of the injuries from the accident… The extraction was difficult and there is a possibility that we won't be able to have any other children." _

_She could feel the tears as they fell down her cheeks. She hadn't cried for a few hours, but at his confession, the wave of pain once again washed over her and her eyes watered before she could try and stop it. His hands were brushing her hair off her face, she could feel the warm pads of his fingers against her wet cheeks but there was a wide gap between them._

"_Jake… Go and get some air. I'll stay with her." She felt the bed move and his hands leave her face._

"_I'll be back baby… I love you, no matter what," he whispered into her ear before kissing her cheek. _

The water was cold now and Bella stood up, reaching for the towel that lay at the floor by the tub. She wrapped it around her and stepped out of the water, pulling the towel closer to her body. The temperature difference was startling and a small chill ran down her spine, causing her body to shiver.

When she was dry, she walked back into the bedroom and picked up her phone. It had been a missed call from Charlie. Her eyes fell on the clock, 10AM; that meant it was nearly two in the morning back in Washington. _What had Charlie been doing awake?_ She could feel her panic, her fear that something had happened to him and without her there, she worried that he was all alone. _You wouldn't want to turn out like him?_ Jake's voice called out in her mind.

She dialed the number. If it wasn't important, if he was fine, he wouldn't answer. Three rings later and the phone clicked.

"Bella?"

"What's wrong dad?"

"I hadn't heard from you…" His voice trailed off. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. You sounded strange on the phone last time we talked."

"So you call at one in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep," he confessed and she imagined the sheepish look that always graced his face when uncomfortable. "I was worried."

"I'm fine dad… You should get some sleep. Call me later when you're rested… I wouldn't want you to be tired on the job."

"Alright Bells," he replied. "Is Jake there with you?"

The familiar taste of iron and rust filled her mouth and she realized that she was chewing violently on the inside of her cheek, drawing blood. "No. He's at work." She tried her hardest to keep her voice level and even. She didn't want him to know that Jake had left her upset once again; she knew how much he loved him.

"Alright… Tell him I said hi," She nodded though she knew he couldn't see her. "Have a good afternoon."

"Goodnight dad."

The line went dead and she walked to the closet. She had no idea what it was she was going to do that day but she knew more than anything that she had to be alone. She was too confused. She wanted to be with Edward but she was tied to Jake. She knew he wasn't the same person that he was when they had been married but part of her wondered if it was merely the stress of the promotion, of his job. She didn't want to believe that he was really as cruel as he treated her. She wanted to hold on to the hope that he was still the same old Jake; the Jake who held her hand when she was upset, the Jake who held her in his arms at night to keep her safe when she had nightmares, the Jake that she knew as a child who would do anything to make her laugh. It was a long shot, she knew that, but until he stopped showing her glimmers of that person, it would make leaving him difficult. She didn't want to give up on him for fear that one day, he would wake up and the person he was, would be inhabiting his body. She _loved_ that person. She just _hated_ the person that he was now.

----------

Edward checked his phone for the fifth time that morning. Nothing. Not one single missed call or text message and he was beginning to worry. Had the little trip that she took with her husband fixed everything? His heart was in his chest and he felt like he couldn't breathe as his throat constricted. He wasn't sure what he would do if she wanted to go back to just being friends. Being friends wasn't an option for him anymore, not since he had loved her.

"What can I get you?" He looked up from his phone to the girl who stood behind the counter, batting her long, blackened eyelashes at him. It was hard, but he fought the urge to roll his eyes; she was probably no older than seventeen.

"Grande vanilla latte." He usually ordered a plain cappuccino but it reminded him of Bella and the order escaped his lips before he could change his mind.

"Will that be all for you?" Her voice was syrupy sweet and it made him sick inside; he never could understand why women thought that men liked that voice.

"That's all." She gave him his total and he passed her his money before walking away without getting the change. He didn't really feel up to dealing with her any longer. He was too consumed by his thoughts of Bella and his worry about what their future might hold.

He sat at an empty table and looked at his phone. He wondered if he could will it to ring and for her voice to be the one on the other end. He had missed hearing her voice and though he took pleasure in the fact that they had remained in touch all weekend, and now he was trying hard to not be angry with her lack of communication now that she was back in the city. It only made him wonder what she was thinking and the more he wondered about that, the more he feared that their time together was drawing to a close. He felt the familiar rise in his heartbeats as the thoughts began to run through his mind.

He heard his name called and walked to the bar where his drink was. He saw the number scribbled on the paper cup but thought nothing of it and left the coffee shop without looking back. He knew she would call him; he just needed to give her space. She was confused, she was lost, and when she was ready, he would be there.

----------

Rose glanced at the number that was stored in her phone. She hadn't wanted to meddle in Bella's relationship with him but she knew that she was omitting her past to him. It wasn't her place, but she knew that he had to know before continuing anything. To her, Bella's guilt was written all over her face but she knew Jake was too preoccupied to notice and she wasn't sure Edward knew her well enough to see it.

She pressed the call button and listened as the rings indicated that the call had connected. Emmett squeezed her shoulder and she looked up and smiled at him.

"Hello?" She could tell by his voice that he was confused and unsure as to who it was that was calling.

"Edward Cullen?"

"This is he."

She took a deep breath and looked up at her husband who was nodding at her. "This is Rosalie McCarty. We met at The Huntsman a few weeks ago." She paused waiting for recognition.

It didn't take as long as she had thought. "Is Bella okay? She hasn't called… Please… She's okay right?"

She smiled as she heard the genuine concern in his voice though it didn't surprise her that he thought something was wrong if she hadn't gotten in touch with him… Still, the fact that he was worried was, in her mind, a step in the right direction; at least, in terms of her plans to push Bella to leave Jake.

"She's fine." She heard him sigh a breath of relief. "But I'm at the coffee shop that you met Bella at… I was wondering if we could talk?"

"I'll be there in five minutes."

She placed the phone on the table and reached for Emmett's hand. Bella would hate her if she ever found out about this but she knew it was the right thing to do; Edward had to know the truth and if Bella wasn't willing to voice it, she would have to do it. It was true that she hadn't known Bella back then, but she knew that it was a large part of the reason why she was so reluctant to leave and she knew that if Edward cared for her the way she thought he did, that he would be patient and wait for her. Rose was certain that all she needed was time.

"He's coming?" Emmett asked, wrapping his free arm around his wife and pulling her chair closer to him.

She nodded and smiled as she felt his fingers in her long hair; it was an act that comforted her. He knew that this was something she was nervous about.

"Good," he said softly, leaning down and placing a kiss to the crown of her head. "This is a good thing."

"I know," she responded, leaning into his embrace as they waited.

----------

She walked though the stalls in Covet Garden, her eyes lingering on the ones that sold photographs. It was the closest thing she would get to art work that day. She was afraid that Edward might be loitering around the National Gallery and she wasn't sure she was ready to face him. She knew that if she spent time with him, that it would only lead to more confusion. How is it that this was possible? It was only three months ago that she led a completely normal, albeit depressing, life. But still, she wasn't struggling with the thoughts that constantly went through her mind.

Her eyes fell upon a portrait taken at Brighton Pier and she closed her eyes.

"_Do you want to go on a ride?" He grinned as he laced his fingers with her own. _

"_Aren't they for kids?"_

_He shrugged and placed a kiss to her forehead. "Who says we have to be adults today?" She grinned up at him. "Besides, I'm a twenty-five year old in a band… I don't really think I'm an adult."_

"_True… You're kind of just a big kid."_

"_Well, Ms. Swan… What will it be? I'm personally rooting for the Wild River… Anything where I get to wrap my arms around you and have you come out all wet seems pretty appealing." He wiggled his eyebrows and she laughed._

"_You have a one-track mind Mr. Cullen." She managed to say after her laughter had calmed and they stood in line._

_They didn't say anything after that. He just stood behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist and pulling her hard against his chest as they waited their turn; occasionally he would lean down and drop a kiss to her neck or shoulder and she would slap his arm and tell him to stop being so obscene around the children and he would just laugh and kiss her harder, much to her own pleasure. _

Someone bumped into her hard and she was pulled from what was quickly becoming one of her favorite memories. She grimaced and looked at the watch on her wrist. It was after two. She had spent the past three hours wandering around London, avoiding places where she knew Edward could be but it seemed that each place she went to, he still managed to infiltrate her thoughts. She was beginning to wonder if running from it was even worth it anymore. It seemed that her attempts to escape her reality were futile; they always ended up with one of two conclusions: thoughts of Edward or thoughts of Jake.

She pulled out her phone, half expecting to have received a call or a text message from him, but there was nothing there. Nothing from Edward and nothing from Jake. She sucked the left side of her lower lip into her mouth and reached into her pocket to where her travel card was. She had made up her mind; she missed him too much to keep herself away.

----------

Edward walked into the coffee shop and looked around. It didn't take long to spot the beautiful blonde that was Rosalie, though he was confused by the presence of the rather intimidating man who had his arm around her shoulder. To say he had been surprised when he had received the call would have been an understatement. At first, he could only think that something had happened: that maybe she had gotten hurt while she had been on holiday, or that her husband had found out about their affair and managed to hurt her in some way. He hadn't heard from her and to hear from Rosalie first, who knew of their relationship, it was the only conclusion that he was able to make.

Their eyes connected and he walked closer to her, his heart beating in his chest. He had no idea what it was she wanted to talk about and he was terrified that she was going to ask him to stay away from Bella. He knew that her husband worked with Jacob, at least, Bella had mentioned that in passing once, and he had no idea what the relationship was like exactly. She had made it sound as though they were never fans of her husband, he still couldn't help but wonder why it had been so important to her that they met, especially behind Bella's back.

He sucked in a deep breath as he walked the last few steps to where they were sitting.

"Hello Rosalie." He smiled and sat down at the seat that she pointed to. "It's nice to see you again."

She smiled back at him and he knew that it was genuine. "It's nice to see you again too Edward. I'm sorry we didn't get to talk much the first time around." He nodded. "This is my husband Emmett."

Emmett reached across the table and they shook hands. Edward noticed the firmness of the grip and he knew that he squeezed hard to make a point and he nodded, accepting his dominance.

"It's good to meet you," he finally said once they had dropped their handshake.

"You too," Emmett replied with a hint of coolness and Edward watched as Rose's elbow made contact with his side and he muttered a quiet profanity.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I wanted to meet with you."

"The thought crossed my mind but it must be important."

"I just know that things are getting serious between you and Bella and I'm just afraid that there are things about her past that she hasn't told you." He looked down at his phone, a quiet recognition of that fact. "I know that it's not my place and if she ever found out I'm pretty sure she'd be furious but…"

"She's been happier since she's been spending time with you," Emmett interrupted. Edward looked up from his hands to see the sincere look on the burly man's face.

"I've been happy too…" He replied.

"I just…" Rose started but paused when Emmett cleared his throat. "We," she corrected. "Just thought that you should know what you're up against… I mean, if you really are invested in this."

He nodded his head.

"First off… You know her parents divorced right?"

"It was one of the first things I learned about her."

"Did you know her father never really recovered from it?" He found himself shaking his head. "And I take it you didn't know that her father and Jake's father are best friends?"

His lips pulled into a tight line and he clenched his jaw. "No…"

"I've never met Charlie before… He's never visited out here, they usually go back to the Seattle and Emmett and I go back to Chicago to visit family… But I've heard a lot about his love for Jake."

"Basically, what my wife is so poorly stating is that Charlie always pushed Bella to Jake… Even before they were in a relationship…"

"And because she never really spent much time with him until her mother remarried, I think she thought she owed it to him to be with Jake… I'm not saying that she didn't love him, because I honestly do believe that there was a point when they did truly love each other…" She continued, glaring at her husband briefly. "I guess… I just think that after a while, the relationship changed and she loved him… But not as a lover…" She raked her hands through her long hair. "I don't know if this is making sense."

Emmett laughed. "Sweetheart, we are men. The less words you use, the more we comprehend." Edward laughed with him and she just shrugged. "What she means is that after everything happened, the miscarriage and all, Bella and Jake became friends as opposed to lovers."

"She said that it made her relationship stronger."

Rose just shook her head. "I think she is mistaking stronger for something else…"

"Like what?" He probed.

"Friendship." It came so quickly that it wasn't hard for him to believe; she was so confident in her assessment and he knew that she knew Bella better than anyone else. "They had always been friends and I think that because Charlie always wanted her to end up with Jake that she made herself believe that it was love… I think they both made themselves believe it was love…"

"So what's that have to do with her and me?"

"I was getting there," she replied. "Charlie was over the moon that the two of them were getting married… He was never the kind of man to show much emotion, something she swears is related to her mother leaving him… I think she was so happy that he was happy…"

"You think she won't leave him because it will upset her father?"

Rose nodded her head. "She doesn't want to disappoint him. But there's more to that Edward…"

"What do you mean?"

"I know that she told you about the miscarriage." He nodded; it had been brief, just a comment that was said just as quickly as it was passed over. He hadn't wanted to press the issue too much as it was early in their acquaintance when she had mentioned it. "Did you know that she may never be able to have children again?"

----------

She stood outside the door to his apartment and ran the buzzer but there was no reply. She sighed. She just wanted to see him and he wasn't there. It seemed that nothing as going her way: from her early morning fight with Jake, to her father's concerned phone call… The day was just slowly becoming an uphill battle. She didn't even want to think about what would be waiting her back at the house when she did finally make it home. She knew that Jake would probably still be holding some animosity towards her and her choice to continue to withhold sex from him.

She sighed and let her body sink down against the wall. She would just wait. She had to see him again, to hear this voice and see his smile. She wanted his arms around her, to hold her and tell her that things would work out; that they would work out once things were settled. She wanted Edward but in a moment of clarity, she realized that she was afraid to leave Jake: afraid to hurt him even though he had hurt her so many times. She was afraid to hurt everyone if she left Jake: her father, Billy… They were her family and she was terrified that they would turn their back on her.

"_You're doing the right thing," Charlie said as Bella looked up from him while smoothing the white material of her wedding dress. "I've always known that you two would be happy together… He'll take care of you… He loves you."_

"_I love him too," she replied and she meant it. She did love Jake and as she touched the six month swell of her stomach, she knew that he would not only take care of her, but also of their baby that was growing in her stomach. She had fought against this for so long, but it seemed right. He was her best friend; and he had become her lover too and she always remembered hearing that best friends made the best lowers. So she was certain that it would work, how could it not when she saw how happy the decision made everyone? _

"Bella?" She heard his voice and looked up from the ground to see him standing there before her. Her eyes took him in: the disheveled hair that was only made messier as he ran his fingers nervously though it, his green eyes swimming with some kind of sadness that she had never seen before, and the small smile that appeared weak against his face. This was not the Edward she had left four days ago: this Edward wasn't recognizable.

"What are you doing here Bella?" He asked softly and reached down to take her hand to help her up.

"I wanted to see you." She bit her lip, suddenly afraid that he might have made other plans and that she should have called him first. "I should have called… I'm sorry."

She began to turn away but he held onto her arm tightly. "Don't go."

She nodded and let him pull her into his arms. Her eyes closed and the buried her nose into the fabric of his shirt, breathing him in, a surge of comfort washing over her as she did so.

----------

"I was worried when you didn't call," he admitted as he pulled her tighter against him. They hadn't done anything but cuddle on the couch though it took a great deal of restraint on his part. He kept thinking about everything that Rosalie and Emmett had told him and he couldn't help but wonder if she would ever be ready to leave her husband.

"I'm sorry…" she replied, nuzzling her head against his chest. She couldn't seem to get close enough to him.

"Is everything okay?" He asked as he weaved her long hair between his fingers, combing it gently, enjoying the feel of the silky strands.

"I just feel lost…" She sighed. She could hear his heartbeat through his shirt and it seemed to sooth her.

"Bella?" She looked up at him. "If something happens… Between you and Jake… You would tell me right?"

She nodded. "I promised that I would always be honest with you."

"Is that why you couldn't come? Why you wouldn't call me?" She had never seen him so nervous and she placed her hand against his jaw, rubbing her thumb against his cheek.

"I haven't slept with him in nearly three months," she confessed. "He did try this morning…"

She felt him tense. "But I stopped him."

"He's your husband Bella… You didn't…" He didn't get to finish as she had placed a few fingers over his lips, silencing him.

"He knows that I'm not happy Edward… I told him that I won't do anything until I know…"

"But you can't hold him off that long…"

"Three months… I've already held him off three months."

He pulled at his hair. "We've known each other for three months."

"I know."

----------

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella as she napped against him. He couldn't keep Rose and Emmett's conversation out of his mind and though it gave him hope he was still concerned that she would never leave Jake. They had both made it very clear that she was afraid of the backlash that she could receive from her family if she did end the relationship. Still, he was comforted by how both had voiced their opinions about how happy Bella had been since they had met, even when Jake was a complete ass to her, she still seemed to be relatively at ease.

"Edward…" She mumbled and he leaned down and kissed her head, glancing at the clock to see that it was now a little after five. He wasn't sure how late she could stay but he had made plans with Jasper and the rest of his band mates to practice a bit.

She tightened her arms around him and tossed a leg over his own. "Don't leave me."

"_You _don't leave me…" He knew she couldn't hear him, that she was deep in sleep, but it was the only thing that he thought he could say. "No matter what… I'll probably always love you."

"I love you." She murmured, and he wondered if she was awake after all. "I don't deserve you."

He sighed. He wished he could make her see that she was worth it.

----------

**A/N**

**I've never been in this kind of relationship but I've watched my parents relationship and I've watched my mother struggle to stay with my father because it was all she ever knew… Even though she wasn't happy… She wasn't doing it for me or my brother (we are both grown and have moved out) but because it was all she ever knew… And because she was ashamed that she couldn't make it work… The only reason that I know these things are because I have a good relationship with her and we've talked about it because she doesn't want me making the same decisions with my own life… **

**There will hopefully be a new chapter of Baby by Friday! Be on the lookout! **

**One last thing: a GIANT thank you to my amazing beta Zgirl21… I appreciate more than you know the constant feedback, and for really letting me rant and get it all out there. As well as validation that this story does have good characters… I needed that to keep going because I was getting seriously frustrated… And thank you again for reading that short story I sent for my class… It goes above and beyond the Twilight beta duties! **


	11. Tailor Made Part 1

**A/N:**

**Longest chapter yet! And it's only Part One. I'm not thrilled with this chapter, and there's a possibility that I'm going to go back and change things (I'll let you know when I post the second half). Still… I think it serves its purpose, well half of its purpose… The other half will come out hopefully in a few days!**

**Anyways… Just a few things:**

**There are a few of you who I want to thank. Some of my readers really opened up to me after I posted the last chapter… The things you said touched me deeply… And I appreciate your courage to be so candid. Thank you for sharing your story with me.**

**Second… Thank you zgirl21. Obviously you have helped me more than I can even explain. The constant reassurance has been wonderful and needed. **

**Third... Well, that will be at the end of this chapter… I don't want to detract yet.**

**So I'm releasing you! Enjoy! And remember to let me know what you think!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… Nor so I own the song, "Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop." That belongs to Landon Pigg.**

_**Chapter Eleven  
Part One**_

_Twenty-five  
All of these mixed emotions  
Tangled up in pure confusion,  
It's hard to let go of the past, but it seems,  
Easier as time is moving,_

_Well you said he makes you laugh,  
And he makes you happy,  
He sees you smiling back,  
It is everlasting_

_And so he's tailor made for you,  
With stunning golden hues,  
And one sweet tone to soothe,  
Your persistent beating heart it's just a start  
And I, have seen you everyday,  
You've never been like this before,  
He's tailor made, tailor, tailor made_

_So let go all of these mixed emotions,  
Forget all your hesitations  
Together entwined inside this feeling  
Feet off the ground, head hits the ceiling,_

_The he whispers in your ear,  
He's absolutely falling,  
The words he said are clear,  
So don't insist on stalling_

"Tailor Made," by Colbie Caillat

----------

His hands touched the shirt that lay scattered on the floor of his bedroom and he picked it up before bringing it to his nose; the lingering scent of her skin mixed with his detergent assaulted him and he closed his eyes, groaning from the sexual frustration that always seemed to arise from her scent. He couldn't get enough of her, and though she had been in his arms only forty minutes ago, his body was already mourning the loss of her. He sighed, folded the old shirt neatly, and placed it on his pillow. He would use it when it was time to sleep, he knew that though it was never as good as having her with him, a tangled mess of arms and legs as they held onto each other, her scent would eventually help him to drift off to a sleep that would be filled with dreams of her.

As he straightened up the room, picking up the clothes that had been scattered around the room in their haste, he noticed that Hudson had walked in, sniffing the air accusingly before looking up at him with sad eyes. Over the past few months, the dog had grown just as attached to Bella as he had and more often than not, when she was not there sleeping in his bed at night, the two of them were a sad picture to take in: both burying their head in the pillow that she often used, moaning and groaning because they just didn't feel complete without her there. When he had completed his task, he ruffled Hudson's head affectionately before retreating into the living room, leaving the dog to savor the smell of Bella before it dissipated. _At least I'm not alone._

When he had flopped down into the couch, he pulled his guitar into his lap. Laying with Bella earlier that afternoon and watching her sleep against him, so at peace and so relaxed, had sparked a melody in his head that he needed to get down. Too often, he waited too long to play the melody out loud and it was always missing something; but with her scent still clinging to his body and the memory of their afternoon still fresh in his mind, the song continued to play.

Music had always been an extension of his very soul; from a young age he had a connection to the melodies and had a way of creating music that seemed to represent his feelings. Always alone, he had thought that the music was complete, that he was complete within himself, but as she came into his life, it seemed that the music took on a whole new level and it didn't go unnoticed by anyone. He had never had a muse before; but not that was exactly what she was, his beautiful, angel of a muse and he knew that if she ever left, his music, his soul, would suffer.

His hands ghosted over the strings for a minute before he closed his eyes; the melody suddenly creeping back into the forefront of his mind. He let his hands move with grace over the strings, unconsciously stringing together various chords until they came together in the end and formed the melody that had been driving him crazy while she had lain in his arms. And when it was finished; when the song had ended on a soft and gentle note after the intense passion heavy middle crescendo, he smiled, leaning the guitar gingerly against the couch and feeling very accomplished. Lyrics would come later, at that moment, he had just needed a simple release, to play the music before it drove him mad or left him forever. Now, he would always have a melodic memory that he could connect to that afternoon.

It felt as though he had barely seen her since the day that she had shown up on his doorstep, the afternoon that Rosalie had confided in him all Bella's innermost secrets that she still kept hidden from him; for what reason he didn't know, he just hoped that she would stop running and learn that she could trust him because he wasn't going anywhere. Her husband had been a constant barrier to their relationship over the past week and he was growing tired of only being able to spend a few hours at a time with her. Instead of doing all the things he wanted to do with her; instead of taking her to Hyde park to enjoy the sun, instead of holding her hand and walking down Oxford street, instead of cuddling with her on the couch for hours upon hours, he found that his time was spent making love to her, his only assurance to her that no matter what, he loved her. He wasn't complaining exactly, he loved being with her, in so many ways it was the best thing in the world, but he wanted more; he wanted her completely and that was something he couldn't have when her husband was around.

His eyes glanced at the calendar. _Tuesday_. Two more days and he would have her all to himself for an extended weekend. Everything was set and to say he was anxious was an understatement; he felt like a child before the first day of school, nervous and excited. Everything was planned. He had called his mother and after a thirty minute talk, had convinced her to let him use the country home for a long weekend without interruptions. This however, had proven to be fairly difficult as she saw behind the guise and knew he was taking a woman with him; she made him promise to bring her around and he had, he just didn't give her a time frame. He had managed to convince Bella to invite Rose and Emmett, saying that after everything they had done for them, the lies and the support, he owed it for them to have a romantic weekend away. Thankfully, she had only put up a minor protest to that. What he didn't tell her was that he had already met the two, and he was looking forward to getting to know Rose and Emmett better, hoping that they would help him with Bella as the relationship progressed.

Everything was going exactly to plan; he just hoped that nothing changed in two days.

----------

"Where's your mind?" Edward looked up from his guitar, he had been tuning the strings and thinking of Bella, when he saw the face behind the voice, towering over him, drumsticks in one hand. Jasper was looking down intently at him, running his free hand through his messy blonde hair.

"Just thinking about the songs," he partially lied. Though he was thinking of Bella, the songs were about her, so it was more a guilt by association.

Jasper raised his eyebrows, "So I heard you were going up to the edge this weekend."

He nodded, "yeah. Alice mention it?"

"No, Esme. Seems she is really every excited to meet the mystery woman."

Edward bit the side of his lip, "I know. But…"

"She doesn't know she's married?" He shook his head and heard Jasper sigh. "I don't know… I think your mom's just thrilled to see you happy for once. I mean, she's going to leave him eventually right?"

Edward hadn't spoken to anyone about the things that rose and Emmett had said to him. Why, he couldn't quite figure out really. Part of him thought it was because it was Bella's secrets to tell, that before he could tell anyone about what was going on in his mind, she had to tell him the history behind everything. He knew how hard it probably was to dredge up the old feelings, and part of him wondered if she even _knew_ how the past was affecting her present; Rose seemed to imply that Bella had spent so many years just accepting things and putting everyone else in front of her that it was a possibility she was blind to all the control and power the men in her life had over her. Still, he knew far too much about her past than he should have because of Rose and Emmett and though he tried to analyze and dissect everything, he knew that he would be in violation of both hers and her best friends trust if he were to mention anything just yet.

He would wait. She would tell him; he would find a way. It was one of the reasons why he was looking forward to this trip with her. Deep down, he was hoping that once taken out of the environment that seemed to stifle her, she would be able to breathe and to come clean to him and they could begin plotting their future together. That was what he wanted more than anything else, he just hoped that it was a realistic dream.

"I wish I could give you an answer to that."

"I'm sorry." Edward just shrugged. "Will you stay with her if she doesn't?"

"I'll probably be with her until it hurts too much," he answered truthfully and Jasper placed his hand on his shoulder.

"If it's any consolation, she's stupid if she doesn't leave him. You're a good guy Ed, you should be happy, and I'm not convinced that you are."

"I know that you're just looking out for me… But I'm okay. I am happy."

He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince really; Jasper or himself. The truth was, he was happy when he was with Bella, when he could pretend that they were together and no one else in the world but them existed. It was torture though, the moments that they spent apart, the moments he knew she was spending with her husband. It was then that he hated the situation and hated everything about it. He knew that Jasper knew this, that Alice knew this as well, but until he was certain that he couldn't be with her because the pain of not having her in his arms all the time was too unbearable, he would get through it, because she was worth it. The smile she wore when they were together, the sounds she made when he made love to her, the way her hands massaged his hair while he would lay his head in her lap while she was reading and he was watching the television; all the pain was worth those small moments, because to him, it was everything.

----------

He cast his gaze to the door and watched as she walked in, her hair blowing softly in the wind and suddenly bringing back the images of them together on the beach in Brighton: her smile and the way she looked at him and the glorious scent of her hair mixed with the salty ocean air. He was smiling wide as she walked closer to him, his heart thumping frantically in his chest as it always did when she was near.

"I'm glad you could make it," he grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist once they had met each other half way. He pulled her against him tightly, feeling the curves of her body against his own, wishing that the clothes weren't in the way and they were locked away in the privacy of his own flat.

She smiled into his chest, her arms wrapping around his back, feeling the ripples of his muscles. "Me too."

"Rose and Emmett coming?" He reluctantly pulled away, but he knew that they couldn't be so open with each other in public and the last thing he wanted was to cause problems for her. He knew enough to realize that if her husband knew about them that it could be detrimental.

She shook her head. "Rose should be here soon but Emmett is with Jake."

He fought the scowl and the jealousy as he heard his name roll off her tongue. It was a stupid thing, she wasn't saying she wanted to be with him, but just the fact that she had probably been with him earlier and the fact that she was going home to him later, was enough to send the spark of jealousy through him. Instead, he quickly diverted his eyes for a moment as he took a deep breath, bottling the emotion up and letting go of it as he exhaled.

"Work?" he lifted his brow as he questioned her.

"There's a Katy Perry concert at the O2 and since AEG owns it… They both had to go." Her hand reached up and smoothed the hair that had fallen across his brow and though she should have removed it, she let it linger on his cheek a little, feeling the soft skin of his face against the palm of her hand. "Emmett wasn't going to, but it was easier. Fewer questions."

He nodded and stepped back, her hand falling from his cheek. He took the opportunity to reach for it, entwining their fingers, as he looked closely at her and the deep blue of the cotton dress she wore. "Are you wearing this to torment me?"

She smiled and ran her free hand up his chest, the soft fabric of his shirt reminding her of butter. "I didn't know that a simple day dress would torment you."

He closed his eyes for a moment and pulled her hips against his, his mouth hovering over her ear, his breath tickling her neck. "You always torment me." His hands brushed her bare arms and he felt the goose pimples that formed on her skin. "When does your husband leave?"

"Tomorrow," she replied, her voice breathy and she knew that if his arm wasn't wrapped around her securely, she would have been a puddle on the floor. She knew she should have been worried that someone would see them, but it was so hard to think of anything other than him when his breath was on her neck and his body pressed against hers. She didn't care; Edward wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"Please say you'll spend the night with me then." She nodded, not trusting herself to speak and his lips found her neck. He kissed her there quickly before pulling away, leaving her breathless and whimpering from the loss. "I'll see you when it's over."

Bella watched as he retreated, her hand pressing against the skin that he had just kissed. Her body felt as though it was on fire and she was in desperate need of a cool shower to ease the feeling. The club was crowded but she was able to find a table, off in the corner in a darker area. It allowed her a good view of the stage and she hoped that once his set was over, they would be able to have a bit of time alone before she would have to go back home.

"Sorry I'm late!" Rose smiled, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down. "Have you seen lover boy?"

Bella nodded, still in a daze from his very obvious display of affection. Still, she couldn't bring herself to care if anyone saw. In fact, with the large gathering of girls that made up the audience, she almost hoped that one of them had witnessed it. It was a possessive thought and she was surprised by it; she had never been one to get that jealous before.

"So… Before this thing starts and we can't hear each other talk… I wanted to go shopping tomorrow… Pick up some things for the weekend?"

Bella nodded and though she knew she should be looking at her friend, she couldn't take her eyes off the stage. The first time that she had gone to one of his gigs, she had been terrified; afraid to look at him, to see the passion that she knew would be in his eyes, afraid that if she saw him and watched him as he sang to her, that nothing would ever touch her so deeply. And she had been right. That first night, when she had finally gathered the courage to watch him, his eyes had been so intense as he looked at her, that she hadn't been able to breathe until it was over. Now, she craved that feeling.

"Bella?" She could hear her name so faint in the back ground but it wasn't until she felt the small hand on her shoulder that she jerked her head away from the stage where Edward was setting up his guitar and looked into her friend's soft blue eyes.

"What?" Bella blushed, knowing that Rose had figured her out.

"Will you go with me?"

"Go?"

"Shopping… For this weekend…"

"Yeah… That sounds reasonable. I just want to be finished by five." Rose lifted her eyebrows.

"Any particular reason why?" She knew, but she wanted Bella to admit it first.

"I wanted to spend some time with Edward alone before we leave…" Bella replied, "I feel like I haven't seen him in ages and I just…"

"Need to be with him?" Bella nodded. "I haven't seen you like this in a long time Bells."

"I don't know what is going on with me…"

"Just… Don't let go of it okay? I like this new you… You're happy and you laugh when you're with him… I don't think I've ever seen you laugh with Jake."

"I know," she whispered.

"Just go with it…" Rose smiled, reaching across the table and patting Bella's hand for emphasis. "Don't think… Just…"

Rose didn't get to finish. The lights in the club dimmed, the spotlight hitting the stage and Bella smiled as Edward was illuminated. If she had thought he had looked like a God before, nothing compared to him under the bright light of the spotlight; his copper hair, shining as it caught the light, his green eyes, lit with excitement as he spoke into the microphone, and then she watched his hands. She couldn't take her eyes off of them as they slowly, but tenderly moved across the strings and she blushed as her thoughts moved to how those hands had played her body so skillfully.

She sat there, no longer paying attention to her friend but Rose didn't mind. She kept her eyes on the interaction that she was witnessing before her. The way he would look at Bella while he sang, his eyes bright with happiness and the way Bella seemed so relaxed around him; so at ease and happy with who she was and it was refreshing.

"Alright guys… We just wanted to thank you for coming out here tonight. I've got one song left." The rest of the band exited the stage, leaving Edward alone with his guitar and he smiled as he sat down on a small stool, looking up one more time, his eyes meeting Bella's. "This one… Well… It was inspired by a certain person who has come into my life in a rather unconventional way."

His fingers moved, and Bella smiled as she heard the melody; she recognized it almost immediately. He had hummed it to her one night before she had fallen asleep. He always hummed to her, and at the time, she remembered thinking that she had never heard anything more beautiful.

_I think that possibly  
Maybe I'm falling for you  
Yes  
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you_

_I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down  
I want to come too_

Rose kept her eyes on the stage. She knew he had a beautiful voice but this time, there was something there that hadn't been there when she had heard him at The Huntsman. This time, she could hear the deepness of his feelings for Bella and any thoughts, any worries about him breaking Bella's heart in the future were expelled from her mind. This man was completely, and utterly, in love with Bella and even if she was too oblivious to see it, it didn't matter. Rose knew that she could trust Edward; that if she could convince Bella to leave Jake, that she could live a long and happy life with the man that was sitting on the stage before her, spilling out his heart to her.

_No one understands me quite like you do  
Through all of the shadowy corners of me_

_I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much  
All of the while I never knew_

_I think that possibly  
Maybe I'm falling for you  
Yes  
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you_

_I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine  
Now I'm shining too_

He hadn't intended on singing the song. He didn't even know that it was finished but when he saw her there, watching him while he sang, he had the strongest pull to let her know. The melody for the song had come quite easily; they had been cuddling on his couch one afternoon, she had been resting her head in his lap reading a book while he pretending to watch television but was instead watching her.

The lyrics on the other hand hadn't come quite as easily. He had spent weeks trying to find the right words, but they hadn't come to him until he was sitting at their coffee shop one afternoon without her. It was in that moment that he realized he didn't want to be without her; that he couldn't be without her and, most importantly, that he loved her.

_Because  
Oh  
Because I've fallen quite hard over you_

_If I didn't know you I'd rather not know  
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone_

_I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much  
All of the while I never knew  
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much  
All of the while I never knew_

_All of the while  
All of the while it was you  
You  
You  
You_

"Thank you… And, goodnight," he said softly into the mic before walking off stage, his guitar in hand.

Quickly, Edward stored the guitar back in the black case before walking out to the floor. A few women had stopped him and he quickly said a few words but all the while, he kept his eyes trained on the corner table. When he had finally managed to escape the crowd, he found himself at the table; Rose smiling widely at him and Bella just sitting there, looking down at her hands.

He wanted to know what it was she was thinking but he had a feeling that he knew it all too well. The look on her face showed that she appreciated the song, but he knew that he was only helping to complicate things and it broke his heart. He just wanted her to know.

"Bella?" She looked up at him and smiled and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "Oh Bella… Why are you crying?" He whispered into her ear.

"That was beautiful Edward," she smiled and his heart leapt in his chest but her eyes were still swimming in tears.

He reached forward and brushed his fingers softly under her eyes. "Please don't cry my Bella."

She nodded and he pressed his hand to her cheek. "I wish I could go home with you tonight." Her voice was soft but he heard every word and knew that it was her way of saying the same thing that he had on the stage; he just knew that she couldn't be quite as vocal as he had been because he still knew that there were so many things that she needed to work out.

"One more night…"

----------

"You're home late," Jacob commented when she walked into the bedroom. She stood there for a moment, watching as he folded a few shirts that were on the bed before placing them in the suitcase. The night had been exhausting and though she truly did love Edward's song and his confession, it all just continued to complicate her life. She loved Edward and she was struggling with the thoughts of how she felt for her husband. She didn't know what to do, how to act, how to feel; she felt more confused and lost and alone than she thought she ever had. This person whose skin she was living in, was completely unrecognizable to her and it frightened her.

"Rose and I lost track of time. I'm sorry," she said softly, not wanting to fight with him. They had managed to go the whole week without a fight and she wanted to keep that up. He had been so nice after the last fight the morning after they had gotten back from his business trip.

"Whatever… I've been home for two hours waiting for you." She watched as he zipped up his suitcase before tossing it back on the bedroom floor. She flinched with the loud bang. "You see Rose every fucking day… You couldn't come home just a little earlier to spend a few hours with me before I leave tomorrow?"

"I really am sorry Jake."

"Prove it," his voice was low and he stalked towards her, his eyes roaming over her body and she wrapped her arms around her body trying to shield herself.

"No Jake."

"You can't keep denying me Bella." His hand was on her arm, touching the bare skin and she shivered though for completely different reasons than she had when Edward had done the same thing only hours before.

"You said you understood." She was backing up towards the bedroom door but for every step she took backwards, he seemed to move towards her.

"You're my wife Bella and I have needs that need to be met," he growled and she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. This was something that she had never seen from him before, and, to be quite honest, it scared her. Still, she couldn't bring herself to blame him completely; she hadn't been sleeping with him. It seemed like a natural response to feel angry, maybe even hurt, when the other wouldn't consent to an act that had, always, in her mind, been an essential make up of the married relationship.

"I'm going to sleep in the other room," she finally managed to say. She didn't trust him in that moment; the look in his eyes was so dark, so intense, that she knew that if she stayed that he would try something. She didn't want to make him feel guilty for her inability to make up her own mind and she couldn't help but think that if she stayed and he acted on his impulse, that he would blame himself.

"Fine Bella… Be a bitch. You're good at that," he yelled as she retreated through the door and into the guestroom.

She locked the door once she was in before stripping her clothes off and getting into the bed. If she hadn't been so tired, she knew she probably would have ended up crying, but instead, she wrapped her arms around her body and pretended that Edward was there.

----------

Bella sighed loudly as she let Rose drag her around the lingerie section of Selfridges, grabbing scraps of fabric every so often and handing it to her. She hated buying underwear; she always scrutinized her body under the unforgiving florescent lights of the dressing room; it was second worse to swimsuit shopping and she had a terrifying feeling that Rose was going to make her do that as well. Shopping with Rose was more a marathon than a sprint, and unfortunately, Bella was worn out. Her night had been restless at best, and though she wanted to talk to Rose about it, she knew that Rose would never understand. So instead, she put on a smile and followed her around, letting her take control.

"What are you doing Rose?"

"Buying you new lingerie."

"I have plenty," she grumbled, her hands ghosting over the soft lace of a La Perla bra.

"No… You have things that belong to Jacob…" Rose stated, looking at her friend. "You should buy something for Edward… Something Jake hasn't tainted… Something that can belong to him and him alone."

Bella looked at the lingerie that lay on the table, her cheeks turning a soft pink. "I wouldn't know where to start… I don't know what he would like."

Rose let out a loud laugh which caused a few of the saleswomen to stare at her. "Oh sweetie, that boy wouldn't care what you were wearing… It's the thought Bella… He would be blown away by the gesture."

"But Jake… He would know."

"I'll keep it at home… Emmett and I will pack it for you."

"I just…" Rose just shook her head.

"You trust me right?" Bella nodded. "Okay… I'll get it then. I know how stressed you are about this anyways. How about we just go grab a drink and talk?"

----------

"Bella? Are you hungry?" She looked up from the book that she had been staring at to see Edward standing by the edge of the couch.

She shrugged and he pulled his brows together. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she lied. She still couldn't stop thinking about what had happened the night before: the way he had told her he was falling in love with her and the way her husband had demanded sex from her. The two men were so different from each other and yet now, she felt as though she owed something to both of them. To Edward, she felt she owed her heart to; she wanted to give him everything because he was giving her everything. To Jacob, she felt she owed her life to; he had pulled her from the depression she had existed in after the loss of their child, he had stuck around when it would have been so easy to walk away. So how could she ever forgive herself if she walked away from him when he was going through whatever it was he was trapped in?

"You can tell me Bella," he said softly and she realized that he was now sitting on the couch next to her, reaching for her hand and pulling her closer to him.

She just shook her head. "No… This is supposed to be a good weekend."

His hand found her hair and he let his fingers comb the long waves. "Can we just go to sleep? I didn't sleep very well last night and I just…"

"Anything you want Bella…" He breathed against her head before dropping a kiss against her hair. "Anything you want."

----------

They had been driving for over three hours when Edward finally turned off the main road. He had tried engaging her in conversation during the drive but she had been so distant. He was worried about her but he was afraid to say anything. All night she had been restless, talking in her sleep about both Jacob and himself. He knew that she was struggling with everything, and from the sound of her dreams, she seemed to be blaming herself for an argument that she had with her husband, but that was the only thing he could make out.

It hurt him to see how upset she was about everything and he wanted more than anything to just make it all go away. So many times he found himself wishing that he hadn't bumped into her that afternoon, that he should have gone to Alice's house like he had intended, instead of back to his flat after practice. Still… He couldn't imagine his life anymore without her and regardless of the problem, he knew that somehow they would make it work. He had people on his side, they would help her see that this was right. That _they_ were right.

"Ready?" His voice broke through the silence and she looked up at him. She hadn't even realized that they had stopped. Before she could answer he was out of the car and making his way to her door.

"You call this a house?" Bella asked as Edward opened the passenger side door of his Volvo once he parked in the driveway. Bella's eyes were wide as she took in the sprawling estate and he held back the chuckle, pleased with her reaction.

"Yes. This was home for eighteen years of my life."

"Does the Queen live here?" She grumbled and he smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her flush against his side before tucking her head beneath his chin.

"Silly Bella," he laughed as she moved her head and looked up at him smiling. "It's not that big."

"That's what you think. I grew up in a two bedroom house with one bathroom."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. "It doesn't change the fact that I'm still me," he said softly and she nodded.

"I'm sorry for being so distant…"

"It's okay. I know that this isn't easy for you," he spoke into her hair, pulling her tighter.

"Still… This is supposed to be a good weekend and I'm being such a downer."

"Well then… It seems we'll have to do something about that." He grinned and scooped her up in his arms. "There will be no more upset Bella… We are going to forget about everything and just have a good weekend together. Okay?"

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck; she knew he wouldn't drop her but she didn't want to take any chances. "Okay."

----------

Leah looked out the window of the plane. She could feel Jacob breathing beside her as he slept and she was doing all she could to ignore him. All her life she had a plan for herself: go to college, get a great job, get married and finally have a family. She never intended for things to turn out this way though; she never pictured herself as the kind of woman who would fall for a married man. First Sam… Then Jacob.

She hated herself. She could clearly remember the look on Emily's face that day when she had shown up at the AEG office demanding to speak to her; at first she had been so calm, but as she continued to yell in the confines of her office, the barriers began to break and tears were streaming down her cheeks staining them black from her mascara. She never wanted to cause anyone that kind of pain and it seemed to only make it worse when she told the woman she hadn't known Sam was married.

"_I don't understand," the woman said softly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she collapsed into one of the chairs in the office. "I've given him everything…"_

_Leah just stood there, her heart racing in her chest. She didn't know what to do but she wished that there was something. If she had known, she never would have gotten involved with Sam but he had been so sweet… He never wore a ring, he always answered the phone when she would call. Nothing had ever made her believe that there had been a wife._

"_What does he come to you for? What do you do for him that I don't?" _

_She closed her eyes and sat down at her desk, her hands pulling at her hair. "I don't know… I swear I didn't know… If I had known I never…"_

"_I've given him everything," the woman whispered. "I gave up my career… My family…"_

Sam hadn't stopped calling her after. He told her that he had been planning on leaving Emily and that he belonged with her. She was thankful that she never gave in though, because even among all his promises to leave, he never did. She didn't blame him really; the woman had become an essential fixture in his life. If he were to leave her and word of their affair leaked, it would have destroyed him; his father-in law would have rescinded his partnership at the law firm, and even Leah know that the majority of his money came from his wife.

So when everything had ended with Sam; it seemed that Jacob had been almost a breath of fresh air. He had been so understanding and sweet to her. When Leah had left the office that day, he had come in and taken her for coffee to make sure that everything was alright and though she wouldn't tell him, it was nice to know that someone seemed to care. And later that week, when they were walking through Central Park and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder to keep her warm… She had that familiar flip in her stomach and finally, she remembered thinking, she was with someone who was possibly available.

When they had kissed and moments later his wife had called, it seemed like everything was just crashing down around her again. And she had made a promise to herself that she and Jake would be nothing but friends… But then in Rome… They had drank too much and ended up in a rather compromising position, but still, she made sure that it went no farther than making out… And then Berlin. Berlin had changed everything. He had been angry about something and had said he was leaving Bella and again… They managed to drink too much and one thing led to another…

So when she saw Bella in Saint Tropez and she watched as Jake doted on her… She knew that nothing was ever going to change and that fact was even more apparent with how all the members of AEG were so taken with his wife; they adored her. Jake would never leave her because he knew that he would get shit from his superiors for it. She would always be in his life and Leah knew she had to accept that and the only way to keep herself from getting intimate with Jake, would be to befriend his wife. So she did. And then she saw a side of Jacob that she didn't even know existed.

He was rough and violent and his eyes were dark in a way that scared her. His grip on her arm when he pulled her to the side to yell at her had left small purple marks that she was able to cover with make-up, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was like this with his wife. _No, probably not_. Bella seemed too rational to stay with a man who abused her, she seemed to confident in herself and too happy.

"Thinking about Berlin?" His voice broke through her thoughts and she felt herself scowl.

"No." His hand moved to her lap and he squeezed her thigh.

"I am."

"Don't touch me Jake," she snapped, pushing his hand away and off her body.

He furrowed his brow for a moment before smiling. "Your right… Too many people here. We'll talk tonight."

She sighed and looked out the window. She didn't want to make a scene. _It's going to be a long weekend_.

----------

"I know you wanted to go out for dinner tonight… But maybe we could just make dinner here?" Bella asked as she moved her head on Edward's chest so she could look up at him. She was still exhausted and wanted nothing more than for a quiet night in.

"Is that what you want?"

"Are you okay with that?"

"Bella… I don't care what we do. All I want to do is spend time with you and get to know two of the most important people in your life. I don't care where we do it. We still have a few more days."

"Are you sure? I know you had something planned."

He shook his head and stroked her hair, tangling it in his fingers. "Bella. I swear."

Her eyes fell to the clock, "Rose and Emmett should be here soon. They'll probably be making good use of the bed all weekend."

He laughed, "Are they that… passionate?"

"Rose said that they've had to buy two new beds in the past four years."

When their laughter had died down, he reached down to her and cupped her chin, pulling her face up so they were eye to eye. "I'm very much looking forward to meeting them… I know how much they mean to you. How important they are in your life. I just hope they like me."

"They'll love you," she replied, scooting up closer to him, his body hard against her own and she could feel every inch of him against her. When she was finally level with him, she placed her hand against his cheek and leaned closer to him, brushing her lips softly against his for a moment, teasing, tempting him. She couldn't hold out long though; as many times as she had kissed him, it seemed that it was never enough and her plan to make him come to her was futile. She was never able to stay away from him for too long; her body craved him too much.

----------

Bella was in the kitchen making dinner when Rose and Emmett arrived. He hadn't been able to leave work until nearly three in the afternoon and they had been driving for the last three and a half hours. Rose had even mentioned that they had been seriously considering just waiting and coming up early the next morning.

"How was your dive?" Edward asked once they had all gathered in the kitchen. He had poured them each a glass of wine, save for an ice tea for Rose, and while Bella sautéed, Emmett and Rose sat on the bar stools while Edward stood by Bella, one arm wrapped loosely around her waist. He was enjoying being out of London with her; he was free to act as though she was his, as though she wasn't married.

"I made Rose drive," Emmett laughed and Rose just rolled his eyes.

"He had a long day so I _told_ him I would drive." She glared at him for a moment. "Like I'd ever let you tell me what to do."

"True… She tells me what to do most of the time," he chuckled.

"More like all the time Emmett," Bella countered and Edward laughed.

"Yeah, I'm whipped. I'm okay with that. I've got this beautiful woman right here and," he placed his hands on her stomach, "she's making a little me right there inside of her."

"How many do you want?" Edward asked and Bella found herself stiffen at the subject that was suddenly being discussed. She still had yet to tell Edward about her possible in ability to have children. Then again, she wasn't sure if it was worth telling him, she wasn't even sure that a relationship that would involve children was even in their future. She wanted to tell him, but it was too difficult to talk about; even know, five years later.

"Three."

Rose lifted her eyebrows. "Let's just see how this first one goes okay Monkey?"

He just shook his head. "Nope… Even if you don't want more, I'll find a way to convince you."

"Do you want to clean up before dinner?" Bella interjected, more than ready for a subject change.

----------

After dinner and a long round of 'questioning Edward' best disguised as 'getting to know Edward' both couples had retreated to their respective rooms, but not before Rose had slipped Bella the extra bag with the items she had purchased.

"There are a few lingerie sets… And a few swimsuits."

"How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing," She shrugged and Bella pouted.

"Rose…"

"Just think of it as us paying Edward back for inviting us here this weekend. Besides… You know he'll need to relax after Emmett has his little talk with him."

"What are you talking about?"

"You really think Emmett would come here, knowing he was going to meet him and not prepare a little lecture?" Bella sighed. "He's just looking out for you Bella… We both are. Though that man… He's pretty damn near perfect."

"I know…" Bella replied before hugging Rose. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Have fun." She smiled and Bella was certain she could see her eyes sparkle with mischief. It was that single look that made her terrified to look into the bag and see just what it was she had purchased.

----------

She looked at herself in the mirror, turning to the left, then to the right as she examined her body in the lingerie that Rose had purchased. She had to give it to her, the lingerie was nothing that she would ever pick out for Jake, she had traded the La Perla for Agent Provocateur, but it was elegant and beautiful in a way that she knew Edward would appreciate. The cream lace was virginal, and she knew exactly what it was that Rose was trying to get at, and she couldn't help the small smile.

She reached for one of his shirts, pulling it over her head, not wanting him to know what she had on underneath yet and when she walked out she saw him sitting on the bed, a book in his hands, _Tropic Of Cancer_. He must have heard the door because almost immediately, he placed the book on the bedside table and smiled widely at her, his arms opening up.

"Come here love."

Without thinking, she sucked her lower lip into her mouth as she stood there suddenly shy about showing hum what it was that she had under his shirt. She knew it was foolish, that he would love it, but this was the first time that she had worn something special for him and it made her heart race and her palms sweaty. It was almost like the first time they have been intimate. Still, there was more to her nerves and she knew it, she just wasn't sure how to admit it to herself; she was terrified of being with him in his childhood home, in his parents' home. Did they know about her? And if they did, how could they condone it?

"Love?" He asked, pushing the covers over his body and letting his feet hit the ground. He was by her side in a few a matter of moments. "What's wrong? Do you want to sleep elsewhere?"

She shook her head. He couldn't have been father from the truth. "Is everything okay?" He placed the palm of his hand against her cheek and she nodded.

"I'm just…"

"It's just me Bella… And it's just you… It's us."

"But it's your parents house and… I just keep thinking they wouldn't want me here."

"They just want me to be happy love… Well… They want me to be a doctor too," he smiled, trying to lighten the mood and she smiled back weakly at him. "But mostly, they want me to be happy and you make me happy Bella."

"I just feel like…"

"No Bella. There won't be any thinking this weekend. It's just us. That's it. Okay?" He asked softly as he pulled her with him towards the bed and she nodded timidly. "As much as I want you tonight… If you just want to sleep I can deal with that. I won't do anything you don't want to."

"Edward?" She asked, looking up at him through her long lashes.

"Yes love?"

"I want you."

_No need to ask twice_. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, pulling her body closer to him, as close as he could possibly get her and when that wasn't enough, he turned her around and lightly pushed her down on the bed. He hovered above her, his hands tugging at the bottom of the shirt and pulling it slowly up over her abdomen, and when he reached her breasts he nearly groaned at the sight before him. If he hadn't loved the shirt she was wearing, he would have just ripped it off, but he completed the task and tossed the shirt off to the side of the room.

"You planned this Ms. Swan," he accused and she smiled at him, her cheeks flushed. His eyes lingered on the cream lingerie, the sheer material that left barely anything unseen and he leaned down and pressed gentle, open mouthed kisses on her neck, then her collarbone and when he reached her sternum, she whimpered. "You are a tease."

"Edward…" she sighed, as his hands moved down her stomach and came to rest on the delicate lace of the matching panties. She pressed harder into his hand looking for any kind of friction to ease the throbbing that was growing between her legs; his finger began to trace the line of her, and she whimpered, wanting more.

"I'm taking my time with you tonight Bella… We haven't been able to take it slow in far too long."

----------

Leah paced around the hotel room not knowing what to do. Jacob had been relentless in his perusal and she finally had to tell him that she wasn't feeling well to get him to leave. He had mumbled something angrily under his breath but when she began to make herself gag, she was certain she had never seen a man flee so quickly. All she could think of at the time was that he didn't care enough about her if he was willing to let her be sick all alone.

Still, she was thankful that it had done the trick. But she was still confused. She knew that her body still wanted Jacob but she wasn't sure if it was because she had been celibate for so long and he had been the first since Sam, or if she really did have some kind of unknown physical connection to him. Desperately she wanted it to be the first; she knew that anything regarding Jacob would end in either heartbreak or physical pain. Regardless, she knew that she had some control because regardless of how her body craved the attention, she had managed to push him away. She just hoped that she would be able to get through the weekend. If she could, she knew that she would be able to purge herself of Jacob Black for good.

Her thoughts drifted to his wife. She was so innocent and she knew she had no idea of her husband's indiscretion. She would keep an image of Bella in her mind; it was the only tool at her disposal.

----------

**Wow… Long chapter and I realize that it is a bit disjointed but it was really difficult to write (this is quite literally, the third draft)… The next chapter will be shorter but will cover the same weekend. There will be much more interaction between the two couples at the country home… And there will be more Jacob and Leah interaction (this will serve as a tool to push Leah even more away from Jacob, and well… to demonize him just a little bit more).**

**Now… I have something to ask… I'm not very good with writing sex scenes and the next chapter needs one… Is anyone… Interested in helping me through this? I'm not opposed to writing it… I just think a coauthor might be needed for it (you will get recognized of course for the help). Anyways, if you are interested please let me know. It would be helpful if you have some of your writing posted so that I can see if the styles will mesh… But either way… I am looking for a bit of help. I feel that I can never write sex scenes well… They just feel too wordy when I do them.**

**And now, I am 100% finished. And this is just a reminder, to let me know what you think! **


	12. Loving You Part 2

**I hope you all want a long chapter because this was the longest chapter I have ever written before… I hadn't expected it. In fact, it was suppose to max out at 8,000 words… I give you 11,000. **

**So. This one here has a lemon. Be nice. It was difficult as all hell to write and I still don't like it. I'm not sure what it is but whenever I write them, they seem awkward. But you'll see for yourself.**

**Big thanks goes out to my betas: zgirl21 for her support and help and NoMoreThanUsual for fast validation and such positive feedback!**

**Now… Onto the chapter.**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any recognizable characters.  
**

_**Chapter Twelve  
(Part Two)**_

_Back of loneliness and hello tenderness  
I've been waiting for your call, for so long  
And, it must have been hard just to follow your soul,  
To stick the road that your heart wants you to go_

_And as you slide through the door with your morals on your sleeve  
And I think it's time for all those morals to leave  
So let's get down and freaky baby, let's get restless baby  
Come on get crazy with me and I said_

_When you're loving me, I'm loving you  
And I love your prowess and the things that you do  
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone  
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you  
And that's when we've got it going on, yeah oh_

_And I was so stranded, I was lost and abandoned, yea  
And I needed another home  
And you flew in my arms, you just flew right into my arms_

_And when you're loving me, I'm loving you  
And I love the prowess and the things that you do  
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone  
And when you're loving me, I'm loving you  
And that's when we've got it going on_

Paulo Nutini, "Loving You"

----------

The morning sunlight peaked through the window casting a soft yellow glow on the room. Edward stirred, his eyelids fluttering open slowly and, if only for a moment, he forgot where he was. The dark blue duvet was a far cry from the brown one that resided in his own bedroom, and the blue walls were an obvious difference from the white ones back in London. He was at his childhood home and for once, he didn't hate it. It was vastly different under these circumstances. Turning to the side, he saw the woman who was wrapped in his arms; the image brought a smile to his face. Her hair dark hair seemed to glow from the light of the sun and her breath was warm against his neck as she nuzzled herself closer to him. No, he was more than home, he was in heaven.

He loved waking up like this: her legs tangled between his own, her arm draped across his chest and her mouth parted slightly, her breathing slow and steady and warm against his skin. He felt at peace when she was there, the constant worry over her safety was no longer an issue because she was with him. But it was more than that; it was how easy sleep was when she was there, how the restless nights of tossing and turning, which happened when she was absent, ceased to exist. Their world was a bubble and though he knew better, he was happy in his ignorance and avoidance of their reality.

As he looked at her the life that he wanted with her flashed before his eyes: the simple wedding they would have, because she wouldn't want too much attention on herself, the birth of their first child, a girl who would have his strange hair and her deep chocolate eyes and a son that had her dark hair and his green eyes, possibly more, no, definitely more but they would figure that out later… Everything he thought he never wanted was suddenly everything he did want. He wanted to settle down, he wanted to be with the same woman for the rest of his life, he wanted to have children and to watch them grow old, to teach his sons how to play football and cricket and rugby, to scare away boys who would come to his front door, intent on taking his daughters out, but mainly, he wanted to grow old with Bella and to love her forever.

He ran his fingers over her bare back; her pale skin was tinted a slight brown from her weekend in Saint Tropez. He wouldn't have even been able to tell the difference if it wasn't for the slight tan line from where her bikini had covered her. Had Jacob touched her? Had he kissed her and the skin that lay exposed to the sun? His jaw clenched; the sudden awareness that something could have happened between them running through his mind. She had promised to tell him but how could he ever truly know? He shook his head as if to shake the thoughts from his mind. He had no reason to think she was lying, she never had before. At least, not to him.

Still, even if something did happen and if she never told him, would he have the right to hold it against her? He had known what he was getting into before this had started. He had been completely obsessed with her knowing all the while that she was off limits. How could he hold it against her if she chose to stay with Jacob? He knew he couldn't. It was her life, and her decision to make. She had already invested so many years in her relationship with the other man: four years of marriage and from what he gathered, at least ten years of friendship turned romance. Fourteen years with one person, it paled in comparison to his mere four months of knowing and well, loving her.

There was a soft rapping on the bedroom door and he reached down and pulled the covers over her naked back and shoulders. He knew it could have been one of two people and though Rose and probably seen her naked before, the idea didn't set well with him. He didn't want anyone but himself to see her in her state of undress, that was, in his mind, for his eyes and his eyes alone. Even if that wasn't the case come their return to London, he wanted to believe that it could be that, that it was his reality.

After a few moments the door creaked open and he saw the statuesque blonde looking into the room and eying them curiously.

"Good morning," she said softly, moving closer to the bed. He caught the smile that seemed to grow on her face as she glanced at the floor which elicited blush that could have rivaled Bella's when he realized that his clothes and boxer briefs were strewn among the floor along with the delicate lingerie that Bella had worn and that he had removed with haste as carefully as he could the night before.

"Good morning," he whispered, moving himself up the bed slightly so he was sitting more than lying. He felt Bella stir next to him but she merely tightened her left arm around his stomach making it difficult for him to move. The possessive act brought forth a small smirk and he noted that a few strands of hair had fallen across her face. With a light touch he brought the pads of his fingers to her cheek and brushed them away; he hated it when her face was obscured, he saw so little of it that he wanted nothing more than to see it every chance he got.

"I take it you had a good night." Her eyes were lifted curiously and again, he felt his cheeks redden as he nodded. His discomfort however was eliminated when he saw her smile and she quickly changed the subject. "What is there to do around here? Emmett is getting a bit restless."

"There isn't much… I was thinking of taking Bella to the edge this afternoon. If you want to go ahead we could meet you there later."

"Did you want to go there alone with her? We wouldn't want to intrude."

He shook his head, "I didn't have any concrete plans. I'm sure she would want to spend time with you as well. My intentions were never to keep her from either of you."

"I know, we just figured that you don't get to spend much time with her that you'd want some alone time."

He shrugged, "I have Sunday and Monday."

"Jake's back on Tuesday?"

Edward nodded and she sighed. He wanted to ask her more questions about Bella's husband but he knew not to, at least, not when she had the chance to wake up and hear the questions. She needed to tell him and she would, he would make sure of that, she just needed more time.

"Well… There's shopping in the village right?"

"High Street would be the best place to go."

"I'll have to check that out. What time were you thinking of going to the edge?"

"I'm not sure she's been sleeping much so whenever she wakes up?" It was more of a question than a statement but Rose knew what he was saying and why he was so concerned. Though Bella hadn't spoken to her about Jacob, she was not blind to the tense atmosphere the week before while in France, and she knew that things weren't entirely right. She also knew that when there were problems in the relationship that it led to a great deal of sleepless nights. Bella spent too much time thinking things through and analyzing everything until it resembled a big mess.

"Okay well… Give us a call and let us know what's going on."

She didn't give him time to respond. She had been heading to the door as she was speaking and with a quick glance over her shoulder to his nodding head, she was gone and closing the door behind her.

Bella stirred against his side, muttering some incoherent thought and he laid back down, pulling her closer to him. Her smell filled his nose: a combination of both her shampoo and body wash with the distinct scent of himself all mixed together creating a fragrance that stirred his passion again. It seemed that he could never have enough of her, not that it was all too hard to see why. She was the most beautiful and most precious thing in his life and he wanted her to know that and the only way he seemed to be able to tell her that was through the act of making love to her and through his music. It was the two things that he was always the most confident in, the two things he never failed at: sex and music.

"Jacob," she muttered and his heart constricted. Though he usually loved to hear her talk in her sleep, to listen to the crazy things that often rolled off her tongue, he couldn't help but feel his heart still as she spoke her husband's name and not his own.

He was surprised how quickly his worries rushed back to him. Would she ever leave Jacob? Would she ever be truly his? Would they ever be able to walk the streets of London and hold hands openly? Would he ever be able to kiss her whenever he wanted without the constant suspicion that someone could see them? He wanted so badly to believe that they could have the future that he often dreamed about, but sometimes it seemed that it would merely be just that: a dream.

He just didn't understand. She told him frequently how unhappy she was and yet, she was still married to him. Why? What was the tie that kept her from leaving Jacob? Though Rose has mentioned some things it didn't seem like a good enough excuse. He would never leave her if they couldn't have children of their own and yes, he hoped that they could if that ever was a possibility for them but it was by no means a deal breaker. He loved her too much. So why couldn't she accept the happiness in their situation and let him love her completely and fully without the lingering imposition of her husband?

Was it because of money? Because his job wasn't stable? Jacob was 28 and making more money in three months than he barely saw in a year. Yes, he had the trust fund but he didn't want to depend on his parents. And true, he used the flat that they owned but that was it; he paid his own bills. Still, he knew Bella wasn't that superficial but it was easier to think that it was the reason behind her apprehension. It was the one thing that he could change; the one almost tangible reason. He had options. He didn't have to stay with the band. He could provide that stability if that was what she needed. He would gladly give everything up for her.

He had always dreamed of playing sold out crowds at the Hammersmith Apollo but he would give it all up for a lifetime with Bella. He had his medical degree. He could finally put that to use and he knew without a doubt that his father would approve of it. And he wouldn't have to give up the band entirely. Sure, they wouldn't have as many practices and they couldn't play as may gigs as they did currently, but he could make it work. For her, he would make anything work. He didn't have to be a surgeon, a private physician would be good enough, it would still put a great deal of money in his bank account. It was a win-win situation: he would have her and she would have financial security. Not to mention, he was quite happy with the fact that if he did go forth with the plan, his father would stop nagging him.

He was biting his lip. No, it was useless. He knew Bella would never let him go through with it. She knew how passionately he felt about the music, how much he wanted to play. She would never let him quit and he both loved and hated her for it. Loved her because she wanted nothing but for him to be happy and hated her because she didn't seem to grasp the fact that any success in music would be nothing without her there with him.

He could feel the tension in his forehead and groaned softly. He was breaking all the rules. He had not more than twenty four hours ago told Bella that they wouldn't think all weekend, that they would just be and here he was, over thinking everything. It was giving him a tension headache and muddling up his mind. They only had four more days together, he would have to make the best of it and not worry about what would happen later. They would figure it out.

His arms tightened around her small waist as he pulled her closer and he heard her moan softly as he did so. Carefully, he dropped a kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes with his nose buried in the soft waves of her hair. He would sleep. He would let himself be in a world where nothing but the two of them and their feelings for each other existed because at that moment, it was all he could do until they were able to work out the rest. He would settle for that and hope that it would be enough.

"I love you," she murmured and he hoped that she was dreaming of him.

----------

"Where's that pussy whipped brother of yours?" Garrett's voice boomed through the pub where he had agreed to meet Alice and Jasper. It had been a week since he had last heard from his friend and he knew that it had to be because of that Bella Black woman that he was so obvious infatuated with. Still, when Alice had called, she had seemed concerned and he hoped that they were planning to stage an intervention. Edward needed a wakeup call and he needed one soon before he let himself fall even further into the bottomless pit that he had jumped feet first into.

"Cheshire." He glanced at the blonde that was sitting next to her and he clamped his jaw shut tight to keep it from falling open. "Garrett, this is Kate. Kate, this is my brother's mate Garrett."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Her voice was soft and though he wasn't entirely sure, because the pub was quickly getting louder as the minutes wore on, she sounded Scottish.

She extended her small, delicate hand forward and he clasped, marveling at how soft it was and how perfectly it seemed to fit with his own. "Likewise."

"Kate just moved to London from Milan," Alice continued.

"Milan?" He furrowed his eyebrows, he was certain that she didn't sound Italian.

"I was working for a fashion designer there for a few years before I was offered a fashion editor position at Vogue."

"Well… Terrible loss for Italy but a fantastic gain for us blokes here in London." She flushed at his comment and he beamed with pride that he had been able to bring out that kind of a response in the woman. Before he could embarrass himself however, he stood up and walked to the bar. He would need a drink if he was going to charm her tonight because he now had plans, and those plans involved Alice's blonde friend.

With a drink in front of him, he turned his attention back to Alice who was talking animatedly with Kate and they both stopped talking when he sat back down. "I take it he brought her with him?"

"He did."

"He's going to end up hurt over this." He brought the pint glass to his lips and sucked down a bit of the amber liquid as he watched Alice's facial expression change. He had managed to bring out the protective sister in her and he was beginning to fear it. He knew that she was small but looks were completely deceiving in her case. Alice had the ability to make grown men cry. He would know, she had put him in his place multiple times before.

"You don't know that," she said through clenched teeth and Jasper rubbed her shoulder trying to calm her down and make her relax.

He snorted and placed the glass back down on the table, a bit of the liquid sloshing over the side and running down the clear glass before pooling on the wood table top. "I know that he is way more invested in whatever it is that is happening between them than she is."

"Have you met her?"

"No. But I don't need to meet her to know this. If she was really invested in Edward she would wake up and leave that wanker husband of hers." He didn't want to upset Alice, not really, and he really didn't want to do this in front of Kate seeing as he was just meeting her and wanted nothing more than to impress her, but at the same time he was furious at everyone and their delusions. "You've all romanticized this relationship between them and you can't see passed your damn noses. So I'll say it once and that's it and you better listen and think about it."

He took a breath and looked to his side for a moment; Kate was staring into her glass, probably trying to drown in the pink concoction she was drinking and Jasper was still rubbing Alice's shoulder but it wasn't helping really, she still looked like she wanted to murder him.

"I haven't romanticized anything Garrett. You wouldn't know how he feels because you just use women for sex and throw them away. Exactly like he was before Bella walked into his life. I think you're just upset that your wingman is gone and you don't have anyone else to commiserate with," she seethed. "Besides, I've known him a whole hell of a lot longer than you and he has never been happier."

Garrett saw Jasper pull on his bottom lip and knew that he didn't quite agree with his girlfriend. _At least someone is on my side, even if he is too afraid to speak up_. "Whatever Alice. I call it like I see it. And the way I see it is this: She. Will. Never. Leave. Her. Husband."

Alice had jumped out of her seat once the last word had been said and was stomping towards the back where the toilets were, Kate trailing her to offer support and comfort. Jasper looked off and watched her until the door had slammed behind her before turning his attention back to Garrett.

"You shouldn't have said that."

"Oh come on, you know I'm telling the truth. You know that he isn't as happy as she is making him out to be."

"He thinks he's happy," Jasper responded.

"That's not enough. The man is going to seriously get hurt if he doesn't just drop it and you know that."

"It's not really our lives to interfere in… If he wants to be with Bella and he does, willingly knowing what might happen, that's his prerogative. Just stop pissing off Alice because you're just making a mess for me to have to deal with later and I'm exhausted."

"I'll drop it for now but I'm not going to stay silent forever… Especially since I just blew my chances with Kate trying to get Alice to see the light."

Jasper snorted and choked on his beer, coughing and laughing while Garrett looked on, his brows pulled together tightly. "You think you had a chance to begin with?"

"Oh fuck off."

----------

Emmett stood by the glass window, his eyes roaming over Rosalie's body as he watched the two most important women in his life lounge by the pool. He felt the usual warmth in his body that he always felt when he gazed upon her growing belly and the baby that was forming there. It was still a rather small bump, her being only a few months along, but he saw it and he loved it.

"She's three months along?" Emmett turned to see Edward standing to his side and if he embarrassed easily, he would have flushed but he couldn't have cared less really. He wanted the world to know how happy he was that he was finally becoming a father.

"Yeah. Five more months and I tell you, they can't come soon enough." Edward smiled and nodded while he handed the burly, bear of a man a beer that he had pulled from the refrigerator.

"I like you man but I think we need to have a bit of a talk."

"I had a feeling you would want to," Edward admitted and pointed to the other room.

"Bella's not my own blood but she might as well be." He fell into one of the couches and paused to take a pull of the beer as he watched Edward sit opposite him. "She doesn't have anyone here who really looks out for her beside Rose and I… Over the past three years that she's been here well… She's like my sister and I'd do anything for that girl." Edward nodded and remained silent, taking his own bottle and placing it to his lips. "I'm sure you'd do the same thing if your sister started dating someone… And I didn't have the chance to tell Jacob this before he and Bella were married or hell, when they even got together and I sure as hell wish I knew her back then."

"I would."

Emmet cocked his head to the side, not understanding exactly what Edward was saying.

"I would do the same thing for my own sister," he repeated. "If fact, when she got together with my best mate I more then told him that if he hurt her I would kill him."

Emmett put the bottle down and slapped his hands together. "Excellent. Then I'll just say a few things. One, you hurt her and I'll kill you. I like you but I won't fell any remorse at all because I love her." Edward nodded. "Second, you should know that Rose and I want nothing more than to see Bella happy and we both see that you make her happy… We are going to do whatever we can to try and make her see this..."

"Thank you."

Emmett laughed, "I'm not doing this for you, you idiot. I'm doing this for Bella. Well, and because I can't stand that dipshit of a husband of hers. If at any point Rose or I think that you aren't good enough, you better believe we will be more than happy to voice that opinion to her." Edward let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, he could feel his heart racing in his chest. He knew that Bella respected and admired the couple; she would pick them over him if she had to choose and well, he couldn't blame her. "Like I said… I like you, Rose likes you… Don't give us a reason to think otherwise."

Edward just nodded. He didn't really know what else to say because he knew he would never hurt her and though Emmett had been firm, he suspected he knew that as well. If anyone was going to get hurt, it would be himself but he was okay with that. He would rather it was him hurting than her. She was too precious to feel that kind of pain and he would make sure she knew that. When she was ready to make her choice he would let her and tell her that no matter what she chose, he would be happy for her and that she shouldn't look back with regret. He knew that he wouldn't. How could he possibly?

Tennyson had so perfectly said that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If, in loving Bella, he were to lose her, it wouldn't matter because it was the single, most powerful thing he had ever experienced. Her love had transformed him from the person that he was into the person that he had become. No longer was he searching for happiness within himself, he found happiness in those around him, and yes, most specifically in Bella, but he knew that there were others that could now evoke that same feeling. All the resentment that he had once harbored towards his own family even was slowly melting away; everything was so clear to him now. Love and happiness went hand in hand, and it wasn't until he found love, that he was able to find true happiness. He could never hate her, regardless of what she would eventually chose; she had taught him the most basic and important thing of all, to how love. But did she know? Did she know what love truly was and how it could transcend everything? Could he help show her, and make her a believer just as she had made him?

He was never a romantic, but now he knew he always would be.

----------

The hotel was beautiful and Leah couldn't deny that fact. What she hated was how it appeared to be a romantic getaway for other couples. As she sat in the drawing room she watched men and women holding hands as they made their way to the rooms where they were presumably going to spend the night enjoying each other. It stung and hurt in ways that almost made her want to cry.

Jealousy was something she never thought about much. It was a pointless emotion rooted only in the barbaric animalistic nature of man. Why hadn't evolution managed to squash it? The violence that it evoked was terrifying and horrible and most importantly despicable. She knew that once you engage in the emotion, it was hard to ever break the surface again; you drown in it, hurting not only yourself but everyone around you.

Still, as much as she hated to admit it, it was hard to not feel jealous of everyone around her. Their smiles made her sick, their words of love and endless devotion caused her stomach to flip and bile to rise. There was no way for her to not be jealous. Her own fear of being alone in the world was suddenly a bright blinking sign in front of her. Her own biological clock slowly ticking away and it was so obvious to her that her life could always be like this: a series of relationships doomed to failure.

All she wanted in life was to have someone to love and for them to love her back. As a child she had dreamed of her own prince, gallant and charming as he swooped down off her white steed and gathered her into his arms, telling her that no woman would ever be as beautiful as her and no man could possibly love her more than him. Why was it so hard to find someone? No longer did she hold her ideas of grandeur, she knew that dreams were merely that and princes were not real and men were not perfect, but why couldn't she find at least one decent man?

Would she forever be doomed to wander the world alone? Could she be happy? Could a life alone be enough? She wanted to hope that it could be. She knew she was fine by herself, knowing full well that she could take care of herself without being worried about her finances or her own personal safety. She was a strong, independent woman. Still, she wanted someone to love her fully and completely. But why was it that the only men in the world who wanted to love her were the kind of men incapable of giving her their heart? And, knowing that, how could they allow her to let them in?

_There was a pounding on her door and she sighed and walked to the peephole and saw him standing there, one arm leaning against the wood and the other pounding relentlessly._

"_Come on Leah, I know you're there… We need to talk."He sounded tired and possibly broken but she couldn't. Hadn't he realized that he had hurt her enough? "I know what this looks like… But it's over between her and I. We've been over for a long time she just doesn't know how to accept it."_

"_Go home to your wife and child Sam." She called, her back pushed against the wall as she slid down it until her knees were pressed against her stomach and she cradled herself in her arms. She willed the tears to cease. She was sick of trying and her eyes burned but there was no stopping them._

"_Leah don't do that… I want you. I don't want her."_

"_What about your son?"_

"_Lots of people get divorced and are still there for their children. Nothing will change that, I'll still be in his life but I want you in my life too Leah."_

_She could feel her resolve weaken as he spoke the words that she wanted him to say. She wanted to be angry with him, she wanted to yell and tell him that what he did was wrong but it was so hard to do that when he acted the way he did. When he was so attentive to her and seemed to really love her. She sighed, it was pointless to fight it. If he was leaving Emily then they could be together._

"Nice to see that your headache went away." She was broken from her reverie as she looked up to see Jacob towering over her. She cringed slightly. She had spent the whole day trying to avoid him because when she wasn't around him, she almost felt normal. It was only when he was around that she found herself losing control.

She wasn't in any danger of falling for his antics anymore. She had learned from her past and had learned from Jacob's own behavior. He was too terrifying. She had doubt in her mind that he could over power her and she didn't want to do anything to upset him, especially not with clients around.

"I'm just going over the figures for the meeting tomorrow."

"How about we go over the figures in your room?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Why? What happened?"

"I can't do this Jake. Not with you."

"You didn't have any problem doing that with me two weeks ago. Why not now?"

"Because I'm not going to get involved with you and hurt your wife in the process. She's too good of a person for that."

He laughed a dark, throaty laugh which surprised her. "You got that from a few days spent with her? You don't know shit Leah. That woman might seem all innocent and wonderful but she's a real bitch."

She shook her head, disgusted that he would say such horrible things about his wife just to get her to sleep with him. She knew that routine all too well, Sam had often said the same things and it was one of the reasons why she put up with him for so long. She knew better now. "Either way Jake… We work together; we never should have let it happen the first time."

He stared at her for a moment before shaking his head and stomping off leaving her in peace and by herself. She was thankful. It was easier when he wasn't around. Besides, she was rather thankful that it seemed his true colors were shining, it was easier to hate him and easier to keep herself from ever doing anything with him ever again.

----------

He waited for the fifteen minutes that she told him to wait before he walked into his bedroom to find the lights off and a few candles lit. He didn't know what to expect, but he could feel his heart race as he looked around, trying to find her. She wasn't there but the bathroom light was on and he cleared his throat loudly waiting for her to appear.

"You didn't tell me it was your birthday." He heard her call from behind the closed door.

"I didn't think it mattered… Besides, you being here with me is the best present I could ask for," he replied lamely, still it had been the truth. He didn't want anything but Bella for his birthday. Well, maybe Bella and lots of sex with her, but he figured that that went hand in hand. "How did you find out?"

"I was looking for something back at your flat before we left and I saw the birthday card."

"What were you looking for?"

The door opened and he thought his heart had stopped at the sight before him. She was standing near the door, a silly, slightly drunk grin on her face as she wore the black lace undergarment that he often spent nights fantasizing about. He snapped his jaw shut and felt his pants grow tight before a small smirk appeared on his face. She might have bought it for Jake months ago and now he was thanking his lucky stars that the man had fucked up because no one would ever see her in it but him. This was for him, and she was doing it because she knew he must have looked in that bag. _Damn vixen._

"Happy Birthday," she said, her cheeks tinged pink from what he assumed was his probably intense gaze. He couldn't help it though. She was stunning.

"Come here." He opened his arms up and she ran on her toes to him and threw herself into his arms. "God Bella… You're going to kill me tonight you know that?" She giggled, her hands brushing over his chest. "Though I couldn't think of a better way to die."

"Do you want anything to drink?" She asked, pulling away from him.

He didn't give her a response; instead he rolled her over onto her back so that he was on top of her, looking down at her face and the way her hair fanned out from underneath her. And, if he wasn't already aware of his painful arousal, when she pushed up and pressed her lace clad hips against his trousers, he knew just what kind of a state he was in.

His lips were on hers and kissing her hard and deep. He wanted her and he wasn't sure just how to get her close enough to him without fully entering her. He wasn't ready for that, but as he let one hand trail down her side, her body shivering underneath him, and finally resting it against her, rubbing her from outside the thong that matched the damn slip thing she wore, he knew she was.

She moaned into his mouth and he pressed his hand harder against her, finally removing his lips from hers and kissing her cheeks, her jaw, her chin, her throat, the side of her neck. He let his tongue press against the skin, tasting her, the salt from the sweat that made her body glisten mixed with her own personal taste. It was wonderful. He felt her hands as they fisted his hair, tugging hard as she writhed beneath him, rubbing against his hand harder for friction that she needed to calm the storm temporarily.

"I was supposed to seduce you Mr. Cullen," she panted and he smiled, removing his hand and moving his lips against hers once more.

"As you wish Isabella," he smiled as he pulled away from her again, letting her lay beneath him until she was ready.

He groaned when she was able to roll him over, her body straddling his stomach, the black lace hiking up even further on her thighs. She very rarely took control, but then again, he usually never let her as he always wanted to make her moan, but tonight, he wasn't going to fight it. If this was what she wanted, he would gladly sit back and enjoy the ride.

He let his eyes rake over her body, to take in the pale color of her skin against the sheer black lace and the way the candles casted a soft golden glow against her. She looked beautiful, so damn beautiful that it hurt him and he could feel it to his very core. His hands dug into the sheets. He needed to keep himself from reaching up and ripping the damn thing off her body. He wanted to skip the foreplay, hadn't they had enough? All he wanted was to be inside of her again, though unlike before, he knew it wouldn't be slow and gentle and she didn't appear to want that either.

She leaned down, her lips against his neck, kissing and sucking while her hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. "You taste so good," she murmured against his neck and he smiled, his hands lifting from the sheets of the bed and slowly trailing along her exposed thighs. She shivered and he felt it against his erection which she was slowly grinding against.

"Bella…"

She shook her head and pulled away from him, his chest now exposed, her fingers scraping lightly against the skin as she moved down his body. Her hands were on his pants before he could register that she had moved down his body and once her hands were on the fly, slowly reliving him of some of the pain caused from the constriction, he placed his own hands on hers.

"You don't have to."

She didn't listen and instead slowly moved off the bed, pulling with her both his pants and boxers leaving him naked and completely exposed. He didn't take his eyes off of her as she stood there before him, her eyes drinking in every ounce of his body, her eyes hooded. She was allowing an animalistic nature in her appear that he had never seen before and it was painfully erotic. He knew he would get his release, but the waiting was torture. Her hands reached down to the bottom of the negligee and she removed the thong before fingering the bottom of the baby doll, her eyes never leaving his.

"No… Leave it," he whispered unsure at first if she had even heard him but when she smirked and left it in place as she moved across his body once again, he smiled back, enjoying the way it fit her figure and exposed everything he wanted to see. She was a living fantasy and he wanted to enjoy that to the fullest.

She didn't move all the way up though, pausing to push herself between his legs and to settle down between his knees. He bit his lip and watched as he hand moved closer to the promise land and when he touched the base of his cock, his eyes went wide. Her hand felt smooth and cool against the heat and he closed his eyes, concentrating on how her skin felt against the sensitive area.

"Bella…" He groaned and he heard her faint giggle. Suddenly the cool of her hand was replaced by something, warm and wet. His eyes shot open and he pulled his head up in time to see her lips pucker and her tongue jut out of from between them, touching an open mouthed kiss to the head.

"Bella… You don't have to do that." His voice was strained. It felt so damn good and he didn't want her to stop but at the same time he had never let her do this to him before. She had tried, oh god she had tried but he never wanted her to think that it was something she _had _to do. Most of the women that he had been with before had merely reciprocated the action out of duty and he wanted her to know that he never wanted her to do anything that she didn't want to. Still, her lips felt so damn good against him that he was instantly regretting the words. He had imagined what this could be like, and though she had done nothing more than kiss the naked skin, he already know that the fantasy was severely lacking.

"I want to," she replied, her eyes meeting his and as her lips wrapped around the head, silencing him from protesting further, not that he was sure he would. Her mouth was wet and warm and as he touched the back of her throat, he moaned and lifted his hips slightly to push further in, to feel more of her mouth around him.

His eyes rolled into his head as he pressed his head down into the pillow. He could feel everything: the way her tongue felt as it swirled around the head, her hand that pumped what she couldn't take into her mouth, and the gentle vibrations that her moans made.

"God Bella…" he groaned and lifted his head to find that she was watching him. She pulled him out of her mouth and he whimpered from the loss of the contact but she didn't respond, she merely moved over him

He wanted her to take control, but he wasn't fairing well as she did and instead shifted under her, rolling her to the side and positioning himself on her. He needed her, and he needed her soon. His hand went straight to the bottom of the baby doll, pushing it up just enough so that his hands could touch the smooth skin of her stomach.

She wiggled under him and smiled as he leaned down and captured her lips as his hand moved lower. His erection pressed against her leg and she moved against it more as he moaned into her mouth, his fingers finally arriving at their destination. He ran them softly, almost teasingly, on her folds and could feel her wetness in his skin. His cock twitched in anticipation but he ignored what he wanted, and instead pressed his finger into her, moving it languorously as he felt her and she whimpered. He pulled away from her mouth and moved to her neck, kissing and nipping at the flesh as she moved against his hand with more force, trying to get him to move faster inside of her.

"Edward…" She said firmly, causing him to look up, their eyes meeting. He didn't need any more direction and he pulled his finger out of her and moved back up her, his hand gripping his painful erection as she spread her legs giving him the room that he needed.

He guided himself to her, letting his length move slowly inside before stopping. He could feel her tight walls around him and he savored the feeling for a moment before he felt the heel of her foot against his butt. Glancing at her, he could see the smirk and he grinned back and leaned down, resting his weight on his forearms as he began to move inside of her: slow and firm as she bucked at his hips, pushing him to go faster. As her arms snaked around him and her nails dug into his back softly he groaned and moved harder, much to her delight. His lips moved back to her neck as he continued to nip at the flesh, hoping beyond all hope that he wasn't going to leave a mark on her creamy skin. As much as he wanted to, he knew that it would be problematic if he did.

"Do you like that?" he grunted out and she moaned her response softly.

There were no words left to be spoken as he moved deeper and deeper into her, his own movements matched with her own. The rest of the world disappeared and though they were probably making more noise than they should have under the circumstances, neither seemed to care.

This was primal; it was pure passion in its rawest form. They pressed their bodies together, each trying to get closer to the other, neither feeling complete when they moved away. His lips once again found her throat and he kissed her there, tasting the sweet salt of her body. Her hands found his hair and she pulled him back to her mouth where their lips met with fervor and they kissed until her body shuddered beneath him followed by his own release moments later.

He collapsed on top of her, but pulled away when he realized that he could be crushing her.

"No," she whimpered, panting as she tried to regain her breath.

"What?"

"Stay there… I want to feel you on me."

He smiled and pressed down against her once more, still cautious of the weight that he put on her, not wanting to crush her. He could feel her hot breath on his sweaty skin, cooling the area and sending chills down his back. Her legs moved and she wrapped them around his waist, holding him tightly against her. They were close, as close as two lovers could possibly be, but he couldn't help but feel the divide that still lingered between them.

He would find a way. They would find a way.

----------

"Bella?" Her eyes fluttered. Gone was Edward's velvety voice and as she looked up, she could see Rose standing there. Her cheeks flushed and she quickly surveyed the area to insure that he had picked everything up. There wasn't a single article of clothing littering the floor.

Pulling the sheet up, she wrapped it around her body. The bed was cold and she had no idea how long he had been gone and it didn't settle well with her. Had she scared him away? Had she done something to upset him? She closed her eyes briefly trying to think of anything that would cause him to leave their bedroom. Nothing came to mind. Why would he leave and not wake her up? Why would he leave at all?

"Where's Edward?"

Rose just shrugged and sat down on the side of the bed. "I think he and Emmett went to the village to get some groceries or something. I heard Emmett grumble about making dinner tonight."

"Why wouldn't he wake me up? Was he upset with me?"

"Bella, stop over thinking everything for once…" she sighed, rubbing her furrowed brow. "What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know."

"He loves you Bella… Haven't you figured that out?"

"I don't deserve it," she sighed and she could feel the tears as they prickled her eyes.

She had tried multiple times to convince herself that she was worthy of him, that she was worthy of his feelings for her but she couldn't. She was letting him give up everything for her. He could he happy but not with her, not with her holding him back, making him think that there was a chance when she wasn't even sure that there was. The basic truth of it was that she had far too many problems to deal with, far too many insecurities and hang ups and she was relying on him to fix her. That wasn't fair. It was too much to put on one person. She was broken and he couldn't fix her, no matter how hard she wanted to believe that he could, no matter how badly she knew he wanted to.

Her life hadn't turned out as she had expected it to at all. There were times when she would thumb through the photos of the past and wonder what had happened to her. Though she had never been confident, she had always had a self assuredness that after losing the baby seemed to melt away. Baby making wasn't an essential thing in her life, she never considered that it was the only thing that a woman could do, but the fact that she wasn't able to, at least, to her knowledge, pained her in ways that she couldn't seem to describe. An essential part of her womanhood was ripped from her and it was all her fault. She couldn't take it back; she couldn't go back in time and stay home when Jacob had insisted that she did. She made herself into the person she was and this life was her punishment. Happiness wasn't something she felt she deserved but she was selfish and took from Edward all he had to give, while giving so very little back because there was nothing left of her to give to him. She hated herself.

"How can you say that? How do you not see the woman that Emmett and I see when you look in the mirror? This is ridiculous Bella! You can't keep blaming yourself for things that are completely out of your control!"

"You don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what this is like."

"That might be true… But I know what it feels like to have a life growing inside of you… I know how terrifying it is to lose that life. I've been there… But I didn't wallow in it Bella. You're still beating yourself up over something that happened four years ago!" Rose's voice was stern but quiet. "You keep withdrawing into yourself instead of dealing with it properly. How can you ever really come out of this if you refuse to get the help you need."

"I don't need help Rose…"

"One day you'll figure it out… I'm just afraid of what it's going to take for you to realize that you deserve more than the life you've settled for." Rose frowned while she stood up to walk to the door. With her hand on the knob she turned around one more time. "I just hope that you realize it before you lose everything. Happiness is in reach Bella but you're too blind to see that. I hope that one day you will realize that all this internalizing is only hurting you."

----------

Bella watched him from inside of the house. Her eyes carefully examining his movements as he dropped four steaks onto the grill. She could see the heat radiating off of it, distorting his perfect face and his smile as he laughed at something Emmett had told him. He wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead before closing the cover and picking up his beer. Her eyes went to his lips as they wrapped around the head of the bottle and she closed her eyes, images of him the night before flashing through her eyes.

"_God Bella… Beautiful Bella," he whispered against her skin. His lips were against her stomach, kissing every inch of skin and she looked down at him. His eyes were dark but not in the way that she was use to. With Jacob, dark eyes were a sign of his exerting dominance. Jacob was always dominant in the bedroom and Bella never argued, it was easier to be submissive. Edward's eyes were different though. When darkened to the most beautiful shade of green, a shade that reminded her of the evergreens of the Pacific Northwest, they told her one thing: pure and unadulterated passion._

_She moaned as his lips latched onto the nipple of her left breast and she felt him rest one hand over her heart. _

"_Yours," she whispered so quietly she knew he couldn't hear. It was all she could give him._

"Are you coming outside?" Rose's voice was light, but Bella could hear the remaining anger laced in it. All afternoon she had managed to stay in the bedroom. When Edward had returned home, she had pretended to still be asleep and though he had pressed his lips to her forehead, she remained still. No one had bothered her since, and she had taken to thinking. The one thing she promised Edward she wouldn't do.

"Hi." His smile was bright as he looked up and saw her walking towards him. Her heart flipped in her chest. She rarely saw that smile. It was big and lit his entire face up, such a contrast to the beautiful crooked one that she was so use to. This one, she knew, was strictly for her.

"Hi."

He opened his arms and she nestled herself against him as he clasped his arms around her tightly. Home. His arms always felt like being home. Was that the essential definition of true love? The ability to feel completely at ease with one person, to feel as though you belonged even when you thought you didn't?

"Did you sleep well?" His lips brushed her hair and she wrapped her hands around the bottle he held in his hands. She nodded her head and he placed the bottle to her lips, closing his eyes and groaning so soft that only she could hear as she wrapped them around the bottle. Taking a small sip, he leaned down and his warm breath was on her neck and sparking electricity all over her skin. "Tease."

She smiled as she released her lips on the bottle, licking them with her tongue and tasting the lingering beer. She wasn't a big fan of beer really, but she could taste his lips on the bottle and it seemed to ease the bitter flavor. Maybe she would drink beer all the time if there was a lingering flavor of Edward on it.

"I hope you're hungry." He grinned, brushing her hair off her face. "It's just us after tonight and I don't plan on moving from that bed much."

"I'm going to grab a beer. Do you want another one?" she asked, slipping from his grip as she began to walk back into the house. He nodded and watched her as she walked away.

She didn't look back over her shoulder. Instead, she closed her eyes and placed her hand on the French door. Being with Edward was everything she ever wanted in life, and Rose's words from the afternoon were reverberating through her mind. _Happiness is in reach Bella but you're too blind to see that. _Yes, happiness was within reach, but would he still feel the same way when he knew the truth? There really was only one way to find out, and then, she would find out just what the future held for her.

----------

They went to the edge after saying goodbye to Rose and Emmett. He had wanted to spend time alone with her and she wasn't opposed to that. Though they had gone to the place earlier in the weekend as a group, it was different when they were alone. It seemed different, the air around them had changed and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Everything was about to change and it both frightened and excited her.

She stood under the shade of a large tree as she looked at him; his bronze hair shining as the sunlight caught the gold flecks in it. He was beautiful, though that wasn't something she didn't already know, but seeing him in the sunlight was breathtaking. Her stomach churned with that familiar happiness that she always got when she was with him and she wondered if he felt it too.

He was always more vocal about his feelings for her but the reason she never said much to him was because she was still so unsure about her future. She wanted to give him everything she knew he wanted, but she wasn't sure she could. She knew he wanted children, he had mentioned it once, but she didn't know if that would ever be something she could give him; she knew he wanted to get married, but she already was married and after everything, even if she did get divorced, marriage wasn't something she was sure she would ever want again, even if it was with someone was wonderful as Edward. Still, she loved him, she just couldn't tell him that. It wasn't fair to him. Though none of this seemed fair to him.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of that." She blinked and saw that he had moved from his place overlooking the village and was sitting behind her, pulling her into his chest.

"Of what?" she asked as she situated herself in his arms; her side pressed against his chest, her head resting against the apex where his shoulder met his arm, her eyes gazing up at him.

His fingers touched her lips, tracing the small outline of the smile she hadn't realized she was wearing, "seeing you happy."

They didn't talk for a while. She just cuddled into his chest while he buried his head in her hair. They didn't need to talk. She just wanted to enjoy the time she had left with him and he just needed to be near her before she would be ripped from his arms yet again for an indefinable about of time.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I uhm…" He stuttered and she looked up at him, placing her hand against his cheek feeling the stubble from the hair that had been growing that day.

"What's wrong?" her voice was soft as he gazed down at her.

"I just…" he didn't know where to start but he knew he had to ask, he needed to know what she wanted for her future. He needed to know if she wanted him like he wanted her.

"What is it?" Her heart was racing, unsure as to what it was that suddenly had him so tongue tied. "You can tell me… Please, you're scaring me."

He chuckled nervously, "I'm scaring myself… I just don't want you to get upset with me."

"I won't. I promise," she whispered, her eyes never leaving his. She could see the fear in his eyes and she imagined that hers were similar.

He nodded, "you've always said how unhappy you are with him… But why are you still there? Why are you still with him when he makes you miserable?"

She bit her lip. This wasn't a conversation she had been looking forward to, but she knew that it was coming. For months now she had been telling him about her relationship but concealing the one thing she never wanted to talk about. The last person she had ever told was Rose and it had opened up scars that she never wanted to deal with ever again. But mostly, she was afraid that he would never see her in the same light ever again; she would be damaged and not worthy of him. Still, she owed him the truth.

"I haven't been completely honest with you…" she started, her eyes trained on the grass. He didn't let her look away though, his hand cupping her chin and pulling her eyes back to his own. She was amazed at how soft they were and how much, in that moment, she trusted him. "There was a miscarriage… But there's more than that… It was right after Jake and I got married… I went out to the store to get some things when I was in a car accident… When they went to take out the fetus, they found a cyst and though it was benign, there was some scaring after the removal… I guess between that and the extraction… my body just didn't take it very well. I might never have children again."

"Oh Bella…" He wrapped his arms around her tighter, kissing her forehead.

"I wasn't okay Edward… After it I mean…"

His fingers were combing her hair, trying to get her to continue, to help him understand.

"For six months I was like a zombie. I was there physically, but mentally I was miles away from everything… Jake stuck with me… He didn't leave when it could have been so easy to. I treated him horribly. I completely shut him out. But he didn't leave…" She sucked in a deep breath for a moment before exhaling. "He could have left and I wouldn't have blamed him… I would have probably done the same thing… The thing is… I just. Now… I don't know."

"You feel like you own it to him to stick around…" he whispered.

"I want to give you my heart Edward… I want to give you everything but there isn't anything left for me to give."

"What do you mean Bella?"

"I can't give you what you want…"

"You don't know what I want," he replied.

"Tell me what you see in your future Edward."

"I see you. I see us as a family Bella.. That's all I want. I want us to be happy and together."

"I can't give you that."

"Who says?"

"My body Edward! I can't give you children," she sighed. "And, I just… I can't leave him knowing he might be going through something. I can't leave him alone. I owe that to him."

"I don't care if we adopt Bella… I don't care, I just want you. That's all. But it doesn't matter what I want… What about you Bella… What do you want?"

"I don't know…" Her voice was low and he could see the tears pooling in her eyes and he felt his heart drop to his chest. It wasn't his intention to upset her, all he wanted was to understand and now he was hurting her, just like Jake was hurting her. He wasn't any better than her husband.

"I'm sorry Bella… I'm so sorry. I didn't want to upset you…"

She shook her head. "I don't know what I want Edward… I just know that I love you…"

There they were the three words he needed her to say. She may not have given him everything that he needed but for now… That would be enough.

"I love you too Bella…" he whispered against her hair.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" he asked, his fingers stroking the soft skin of her cheek.

"I want a family."

"I want a family too Bella, my Bella, my love."

----------

She smiled as she kissed him goodbye. There were things she would need to work out, but he would be there, she was certain of that. He loved her, and she loved him. They would figure it out together. Her heart soared with the happiness she knew Rose was talking about. She was happy. For the first time in years, she felt on top of the world.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said before kissing her one last time and she nodded. "I love you." He wanted to shout it from the roofs, he wanted everyone to know that he loved her and that she loved him back. Four long months of torture had led to this and he wanted to celebrate in it.

"I love you too."

----------

"Bella?" She looked up from the couch, setting down her battered copy of _Anna Karenina. _"Are you home?"

Jacob appeared at the entrance to the room and he looked at her curiously. "Hi."

"How was your trip?" She asked and watched as his face broke out into a smile. She had seen that particular smile only on a few occasions. The first was when she had agreed to marry him, the second when she had been walking down the aisle towards him, and the third, when he got the promotion that changed their lives.

"I'm up for promotion again at work. They want me to run the entire concert division here in Europe Bella." She bit her lip when she realized just what this meant for her. "I'm having the CEO over for dinner tomorrow night. He loves you and I figured it would help them speed this process up."

"How long before you know?"

"Baxter is retiring next summer so they are going to spend the rest of this summer and through the winter testing us out… I'm assuming we'll know sometime in February."

"Dinner?"

"No one makes a better roast than you Bells. Baxter, Davidson and Parker are all coming with their wives tomorrow night."

"Okay," she said softly and watched as he left the room, his bag still in hand.

She closed her eyes, pressing them tightly, trying hard not to cry. This changed everything. She couldn't leave Jacob when he needed her. A few more months wouldn't hurt anything. Edward would understand. It was the only way she could leave Jacob without feeling guilty. She would stick by him through this promotion and once he knew if he got it or not, she would leave.

Her stomach twisted. He would understand, she continued to tell herself, but she couldn't help but think likewise.

----------

**Well? I'd love to know what you think! And come play on the twilighted forum for this story. I've taken to posting teasers! **

**Thank you for your time. I know this chapter was long!**

**Oh, and one more thing… I'm toying with writing a story about Edward as a politician (running in the California Senatorial Election) and Bella, a former political correspondent for the Los Angeles Times who takes a job as either his Media Strategist or Communications strategist. I'm curious if you would be interested. It's a light hearted Edward SOB/Womanizer story… My degree is in US Politics and I thought that it might be fun to take what I actually know and work it into a story. **


	13. Cold Desert

**Will you ever forgive me for how long this has taken? I'm so sorry… Things are been beyond stressful in life right now. Finals this week, graduation on Sunday… Family flying into Seattle for said graduation… Finding a subletter (which yay, I did!), packing up my apartment and ultimately, driving back to California next Tuesday… Oh… and getting my grad school applications to London… **

**There may be maybe a break in June as my two best friends from London are flying to California for a two and a half week period… And that means we will be traveling down the coast to LA for a weekend and well, I might revert back into my 'London alcoholism" that nearly killed my liver a year ago haha. But also I just haven't seen them in over a year and well… Though I'll be back there in September it is going to be nice to have a bit of a vacation after this damn stressful last year of college.**

**Once this week is over, and things slow down, it will be easier and I can write the chapters the way they SHOULD be written… Which is why this is kind of a bit of a filler… Things are going to change drastically for our characters and that requires a lot more effort and my full attention… I think people will like that Edward is going to grow a backbone soon… I should also note, that the NEXT chapter will contain another flash into the future… Probably picking up in September or October. **

**I do have to say, I was overwhelmed by the support in the last chapter. Amazing! I never expected that many people to comment and review… And would it be too much to ask to see that again? I read each and every single one of them and they warm my heart! Thank you!**

**And now… On to the chapter.**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any recognizable characters**

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

_I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on  
That's when I know that you're alone  
It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground  
Special unspoken without sound_

_Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone  
Hand over your heart, let's go home  
Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs  
I've always been known to cross lines_

_I never ever cried when I was feeling down  
I've always been scared of the sound  
Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load  
I'm too young to feel this old_

_Here's to you, here's to me  
On to us, nobody knows  
Nobody sees, nobody but me_

Kings of Leon, "Cold Desert"

----------

The house was quiet though not the comfortable quiet that she would have liked. Tension seemed to linger in the atmosphere, thick enough that she feared she wouldn't be able to hid it from the guests that would be arriving. She was right in the middle of what she could only describe as the calm before the storm and if Bella knew anything, it was that she wasn't looking forward to the dinner that was planned, the one that she had painstakingly been planning for the past two days and incidentally, spent the entire day preparing for. Reaching for the remote control that rested on the cool marble counter top, she turned the music up louder to drown out her thoughts, they were too painful and she was certain she never hated herself more than she did now. Yiruma filled the large kitchen. She usually loved the sound of the piano, the soft delicate sounds that emanated from the large instrument, but it seemed that it wasn't enough for her anymore. It wasn't the instrument she longed to hear. She wanted one thing, a guitar and more than that, she wanted nothing more than to hear it playing a soft lullaby, her lullaby.

Things were so fucking complicated for her and she hated it. She had her husband: the man who hadn't seemed to appreciate her but whom she felt she owed a few more months to. She needed to know that he would be taken care of; that he would have what he had been working so hard for. Only then would her guilt be placated. But more importantly, she knew she also had Edward, the man who she now knew was the love of her life. What killed her the most was how desperately she wanted, more than anything else, to be with him and now; she felt trapped. She was trapped between her two worlds: the reality and the fantasy and she couldn't help but wonder if fantasy become her reality or would the world always manage to continue hitting her when she was down?

Any fear that Edward wouldn't want her because of her possible infertility was assuaged the moment they sat together at the edge, but the fear that he wouldn't wait for her was more palpable than ever. It was barely July and if Jake was certain that it would take until nearly February to find out if he would get the promotion, she wouldn't be able to really be with him for nearly seven months from now. Almost a year. She wasn't even sure she could hold out that long anymore.

"_Hi," she said, her lips forming a small half smile as he opened the door to his flat. She could see Hudson lying in the other room and his ears perk up as he heard her voice. It warmed her heart to know that she had that kind of effect on everyone that resided in the rather large flat, it made her feel as though she belonged there, that she was an important fixture in their lives. Though Hudson was his dog, he seemed to be like their child. She had come to love their walks and scratching his head as he lay at their feet. It was a family, their family, her family. _

"_Hello beautiful." His arm shot out and wrapped around her waist, pulling her from the hallway and into the room with him. She knew the door had closed, though in his haste and ability to dazzle her senseless, she hadn't taken notice to the action; the only thing she felt was his lips as they pressed lightly against her own before he pulled away and looked at her for a moment._

"_I missed you," he said, his warm breath fanning against her neck as he lowered his head and nuzzled the area._

"_I missed you too," she whispered, her mind willing her body and heart not to respond to his affections, it was useless yes, but she knew she had to try. She had come over for a specific reason. She had to tell him what was happening. She had to tell him that she needed to be with Jake a little while longer. Still, she knew that it would break not only her heart, but also his own. In fact, if she was truly honest with herself, she knew that it would hurt him even more than she wanted to admit and she didn't want him to feel that way, she didn't want to hurt him more than she already was. Still, she was too damn selfish to give it up._

"_Edward?" Her voice was shy and timid as it broke through the silence and with her head pressed against his chest, she could hear his heart beat stutter before picking up a faster pace. _

"_What?" _

"_I have to tell you something…" her voice trailed and his head snapped up. She could see the fear in his eyes and she knew that what he was thinking. He may not have worn his emotions on his face, but he showed them in the depths of his green eyes. Every single thought and emotion was swimming there. She knew he was afraid she was leaving him and she wanted so badly to tell him that she never would. _

"_What… What's wrong?" _

_She took his hand and led him to the living room where they sat on the couch. "I can't leave him yet…"_

"_What do you mean? I thought…"_

"_I know…" she sighed and squeezed his hand tighter._

"_No Bella… You said you would leave him by the end of the month." His voice was faltering and when she looked up, the sight broke her heart. His eyes were bright but not with the happiness and love that she often saw in them, this time they were bright from the reflection of the tears that were filling them and he was fighting to keep them from escaping. "You said we would be together without all this sneaking around."_

"_I know…"_

"_What the fuck happened then? What changed in twenty four hours?"_

"_He's up for promotion…"_

"_What does that have to do with you?"_

"_I need to act like a 'wife' for a few more months… I don't want to Edward… I don't want to at all… But I can't be with you if he isn't taken care of. I can't… I can't do that. I feel bad enough as it is and if he isn't taken care of… Shit… I just don't know what to do anymore… I want you… I want to be with you more than anything but…" Her voice trailed, her thoughts all confused and it made words almost impossible to find. _

_He closed his eyes and angled his chin towards the grown as he let out a long, deep sigh. She wanted him to push her away, to tell her to get out and to never come back, that she had managed to hurt him enough and he couldn't keep doing this. It would have been fair, she would have understood and so much of her, though terrified that he would, wanted him to. She was sick with guilt over how she felt, over how she was treating him. Why did he have to do this? What was he so god damn masochistic? How was she worth this? _

_But no, he didn't give her what she needed to hear. Instead, he was understanding, more so than she had imaged. He hadn't even fought her that hard. "How long?"_

_She bit her lip, "a few months?" She wanted to tell him that it would be longer than that but he looked so fragile, so upset. She would tell him later, when the wound had healed a little more. He could leave her, she knew that, and so much of her wanted him to. But she was selfish and she needed him. He kept her strong and there was no way she could stay strong if he wasn't with her._

Shaking her head as if to shake the thoughts from her mind, she leaned down and opened the oven door. The heat hit her face and she closed her eyes for a moment and welcomed it. Her own personal hell. How perfect that it was in her home, before a dinner that would benefit no one but her husband. How perfect that it was this, his job, that was continuing to send her life reeling and out of her control. No… She could control it. She could tell Jake that she was leaving, god knows he deserved it, but it wouldn't do anything to fix her. In order for her to come out of this, she knew that she would have to be sure that he was okay. It was the only way she wouldn't feel guilty. He may not have been the best husband in the world, far from it, but at the same time, did he deserve what she was doing to him?

Her eyes snapped open once the heat had dissipated slightly and she checked the thermometer. There was still about an hour left before the roast would be finished. It would give them sufficient time for horse d'oeuvres and pre dinner drinks, which would, in theory, give her time to prepare the soufflés for dessert. Still, she just wanted this night to be over and done with and it hadn't even started yet. Her bed was calling to her and she knew that upstairs, her phone was plugged in and his voice was only a god damn call away. That was what she wanted, what she needed and yet, she was hours away from it.

"Turn that crap down!" Jacob's voice bellowed through the small door and she jerked up, startled by the noise. Her fingers grazed the heated edge of the oven and her hand burned. The pale flesh burning a soft pink that she knew would later be a bright red.

"Shit." She winced and brought her finger to her mouth, sucking on the burned skin, blinking back the tears that were threatening to mess the makeup she was wearing.

"What?"

"You made me burn myself."

He chuckled, "I didn't do anything, you're the one who is always hurting yourself."

"Thanks Jake." Bella rolled her eyes at him. She was angry, but there was no point in causing drama at this point. The clock read seven, and that could only mean that his guests would be showing up soon.

"Don't forget to turn that damn music down Bella."

----------

The doorbell rang and Bella wiped her hands on the apron before taking it off and walking into the foyer where Jacob was standing, his hand on the door. He looked at her, a silent conversation stating 'ready or not' seemed to transpire between the two of them and she was by his side. Carefully, and almost reluctantly, he slipped his arm around her waist as he opened the door to find the three couples standing there; she had to fight every instinct in her body not to pull away from him. It didn't feel right, his arms were cold and hard and unfriendly.

Pleasantries were exchanged when the door opened and as Bella glanced up, something in the air bringing her attention to the street and it was there that she saw the figure pass by on the sidewalk and she felt the eyes as they burned into her. She knew who it was, it wasn't hard to figure out, no one could quicken the beat of her heart like he did, no one could touch her so deep down that it lit her entire body on fire. She quickly extracted herself from Jacob's grasp, feeling a sense of betrayal to the eyes that still watched her and her anxiety flared deep within her knowing she would have to find a way to slip out to see what was wrong. He had never visited her at her home before, at least, not when they could get caught.

Once the guests were settled and drinks and appetizers served, she retreated back into the kitchen thinking of any excuse she could to get out of the house for a few moments. When her eyes fell across the nearly full bottle of Grand Marnier that was going to be used in the soufflés, she reached for it and opened it. The orange liquor filled her senses and she put the bottle to her lips, taking a long swig and feeling the heat of the liquid as it slid down her throat. Drunk. It would be one way to get through the night.

Shaking her head however, she knew she couldn't do that; it would ruin everything if she did and it would only prolong the situation that she was in anyways. After one last long swig however, she walked to the sink and turned the tap on, watching as the water swirled in the sink and made its way down the drain. No evidence. It could just go straight down the drain and she could go and get another bottle. Jake wouldn't fight her on that, the soufflés were a critical aspect of the dinner. Her lips pulled into a small smile, Edward. She would see him soon and the wasted money was worth it. Smiling even wider, she watched as the liquor poured down the drain and the orange scent tickled her nose. Soon. So damn soon.

With the bottle empty, she reached for her purse and slung it over her shoulder and made her way into the family room where their guests were sitting and discussing something that was probably related to the company. Her intrusion however was noted as all seven eyes fell upon her and her flushed cheeks.

"Jake, I'm so sorry… I thought we had enough liquor but we don't. I need to pop down to the off license a few blocks away to pick up another bottle," she said softly as she looked at her husband, the empty, offending bottle in her hand in case he were to accuse her of lying.

"I thought it was nearly full?"

"I did too," she shrugged. Lying was becoming easier and easier and it scared her slightly. Was she losing herself in all this?

"Would you like some company dear?" Mrs. Davidson's voice asked as Bella turned to walk out of the room.

"Oh no… Please enjoy yourselves, I'll be back soon."

----------

She stepped onto the stoop and scanned the area for his figure. The street was dark and she knew he was hiding. Had she not been so concerned that the guests could hear her, she would have called out his name and it wasn't until he walked under a streetlight in the distant that she had been able to place him. He glowed under it, and the sight made her heart ache. His body however was calling her and before she could make the conscious decision to move, she already was, each footstep bringing her closer to his waiting arms.

"What are you doing here?" she asked once she had managed to successfully run across the small street that the home resided on.

He reached out and pulled her against him, savoring the way her body felt pressed firmly against his own. _Home_. They stood like that for what felt like a blissful eternity, though she knew it was probably only a few moments at best. His scent filled her nose and she wanted to drown in it, to drown in him.

"Come over tonight," he whispered, his lips against her ear and she shivered, savoring the feeling. She hadn't been this close to him since the day she had told him about Jake's possible promotion and suddenly, she realized just how much she missed it. How much she had missed him. Three days was far too long to be away from him. "I need you with me tonight. I need you."

"But the dinner," she whispered and pressed her forehead against his chest. She could hear his heart beating and with one hand she reached up and placed it over the spot where she heard it the clearest.

"I don't care if it's one o'clock in the morning… Hell it could be three... I just can't spend another night away from you Bella… I need to wake up tomorrow with you in my arms." He sighed and brushed a few strands of hair from her face. "Please Bella…"

"I'll call Rose," she relented, earlier than he had anticipated. He had thought she would have put up a bit more of a fight and the fact that she didn't made his heart swell. Though he knew she loved him, the fact that she was willing to put everything on the line and sneak out of her house with her husband to be with him was enough to reassure him of her feelings and the fact that it was really over with her and Jake. He knew he could wait. She wanted him, not her husband.

She watched the small, triumphant smile as it grew on his face. "I already called Emmett."

"That was a bit presumptuous."

"No, it wasn't."

"How do you figure?"

"I know you," he said softly, slipping his arm tighter around her waist. She just smiled up at him, standing on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. "Now… What was your excuse to get out for a few minutes?"

----------

Mrs. Davidson watched her hostess closely as she flittered around the kitchen, adding this or that to whatever it was that she was mixing and though it smelled delicious, she knew that something was wrong. She always had a fondness for Isabella Black. Something about the young girl had always managed to remind her of herself when she was younger, when she too was in her mid twenties. It was a spark, a flame that had long died out as she became Mrs. Davidson and Amanda Wallace faded into oblivion. Isabella still had a flicker of the flame but she knew that it was slowly dying and she wanted to block that, to hold a shield to it to keep it burning.

Her eyes focused on the small, narrow smile that lit the young woman's face as she opened the bottle of liquor before adding it to the mixture and she realized that it had been absent when she had left the house. Isabella Black had a secret and Amanda knew what it was. She had had many secrets of the sort during her long forty three years of marriage to Carl.

"Who is he?" she asked softly, but only after she had looked over her shoulder to be certain that no one was likely to interrupt.

Startled, Bella snapped her head up and saw the kind eyes of her husband's colleagues wife. "He who?"

"Isabella… Surely I'm not that blind. I know the look on your face and I don't fault you for that."

Bella's cheeks flushed and she looked back down, embarrassed as she had thought she had been so discrete.

"I won't say anything dear… That isn't my place to say anything and it would be hypocritical," she continued. "Women like us… Women who are married to men with power, who thrive on that power and thirst for it, we are so often left neglected. You take love where you can find it. I understand."

"It's not like that."

"What is it like then?"

"I…" She wanted to tell her. She so obviously seemed to understand, but part of Bella's thoughts told her that she didn't. _You take love where you can find it_. That wasn't what Bella had from Edward. That wasn't it at all. Yes, she had love from him, but there was so much more than that. She had security and safety, she had a promise of a better future, she had promise of a family and a love that seemed to be able to surpass the tests so many others failed.

"It's okay."

"I've never loved anyone as much as I love him," she admitted.

"Then why stay?"

"How would that make Jacob look right now? It's too important of a time and he wants this… I have to help him get this."

"And then?"

"And then I'm gone. All the guilt that we both feel… It's done."

"Is he too unfaithful?"

"Not that I am aware of… But I know the reason we are always at each other is because of this job… We aren't who we were when he began working for AEG… We want different things and we both need to accept that… I think only then will we finally stop hurting each other and let go of the past. I want more… I want something so much more than what I have and I can… I have it within arm's reach but I can't right now. Not until I know Jake is taken care of."

"So self sacrificing?"

"That's not exactly the truth. We loved each other once," Bella responded. "He will always be my friend… I can't just leave him in the dark. I know that I have what I want waiting for me… I need to give him what he wants."

"I hope you know what you're doing." The tone was ominous and before Bella had the chance to ask, she watched as the woman's back retreated into the other room. She knew… She knew what she was doing. Edward had understood. They would be fine. Everything would work out the way it was supposed to and once the promotion was sorted, she would move on with her life and finally allow herself to be happy. She would finally be able to give Edward what he deserved, what she knew rightfully belonged to him: her heart, completely.

----------

She stood at the sink scrubbing the china that she hadn't even wanted and hissing each time her burned finger passed under the scalding water. She had been on edge all evening, ever since her talk with Mrs. Davidson and the part of her that wasn't concerned about what the woman thought of her was anxious to leave the house to be with Edward again. It was nearing eleven thirty and there still had been no call and she was beginning to wonder if there would be one after all. The thought made her stomach plummet; it had been the one thing that had gotten her through it all, that had gotten her through the night: the prospect of being wrapped in Edward's arms that night. The secure thought that she would fall asleep feeling loved and warm and happy.

"Rosalie called."

Startled, she turned and saw Jake leaning against the island, his arms folded across his chest as he watched her intently.

"When?"

He shrugged and looked at the clock that lit the microwave. "Twenty minutes ago."

"What did she say?"

"Something about a fight with Emmett."

"I have to go," she stuttered quickly before putting the last plate in the dish rack and wiping her hands on the jeans she had changed into once their guests had left.

"Do you have to?"

"She's my best friend. Yes…"

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. "Will you be home tonight?"

"I don't know… I'm going to say no… Just, don't wait up. I'll see you tomorrow at some point." If he called after her, she wouldn't know. All she was focused on was getting to Edward. To see him again and to feel his arms wrapped around her. It was all she wanted, all she needed.

----------

He paced around the apartment and he knew it was making Hudson restless but Rose had called nearly an hour ago to let him know that she had spoken to Jake and that Bella would be on her way soon. So why wasn't she there yet? She should have been there, she should already be in his bed with her, she should already be wrapped tightly in his arms, their bodies should be tangled together and their chests should be rising and falling at a steady pace as they sleep.

If something had happened to her he never would have forgiven himself, especially if it happened while she was rushing to meet up with him. And that, was the only thing he could think about, it was all he could imagine, that something terrible had happened to her and she was hurt somewhere and no one would be able to find her or get to her. It would all he his fault and he would never see her again. He would never see her smile or hear her laugh, he would never get to kiss her lips or touch her body or feel the fire as it spread through his own body each time she touched him.

The buzzer rang, filling the quiet apartment and his heart raced. She was there, she was safe and he didn't bother to check the monitor and he merely pressed the button to unlock the door before opening his own, leaning against the doorframe and keeping his eyes trained on the lift, willing it to move faster and for the damn doors to open.

He let out the breath he hadn't known he had taken when the doors open and she stood there, the light from the elevator showing her in all her beauty. She was dressed simply, especially in contrast to the dress she had been wearing earlier in the night. Still, she was beautiful and he left the door and pulled her from the elevator and into his arms in a matter of moments.

"What took you so long," he whispered. "I was worried."

"I'm sorry… I didn't know Rose had called… She spoke to Jake and he only told me nearly a half hour after the phone conversation had taken place. I tried to get her as quickly as I could," she replied as she nuzzled her forehead against his chest.

"It's okay… You're here… I was just afraid something had happened to you." He pulled away and reached for her hand to pull her into the flat where they could be in their own solitude and enjoy one another but as his had gripped her finger, he noticed her wince. "Are you okay?"

She nodded her head and followed him into the flat, closing the door behind them as he took her hand in his and brought it to his eye level to inspect her fingers. "I just burned myself, it's nothing big."

"I don't agree. It's blistering love," he whispered as he ghosted a kiss over the burned skin. "Come on… I have something we can put on it to sooth it just a little bit. What happened?"

"Jake startled me when I was checking on the roast. Really, it's no big deal."

She watched as his jaw clenched tightly and his free hand balled into a tight fist. "And he didn't check to make sure you hadn't seriously injured yourself?"

"Really… It happens all the time."

He turned around so quick that it nearly made her fall backward and had it not been for the hand he had secured on the small of her back, she knew her ass would have met the floor. She could see the fury in his eyes, the anger that he was feeling at her husband's lack of regard for her and she understood, she did, but at the same time, shit happens, and he couldn't expect every single cut or burn or scrape to be cared for. "It's not okay Isabella. What if this got infected? And it must hurt like hell and you went and fucking cooked for him and his guests and I bet he didn't even fucking thank you for it."

"It's okay… Really…" She whispered, her eyes trained on the floor, unable and unwilling to met his penetrating glare.

"No Bella… It's not okay. He can't keep doing this."

"It was my fault," she replied and he cupped his hand on her chin to force her to look at him. She was nearly crying because she knew how right Edward was, she knew that what he said was the truth. Jacob should have checked to make sure the burn wasn't serious and he hadn't, but he was preoccupied and part of her wondered if they both knew that their marriage was over. No, she knew better than to think that. Deep down she knew that Jake truly did believe that they were still fine, that their relationship was fine. And she knew that was because she let him believe that, she let him think that everything was fine, she had never given him any reason think otherwise.

He sighed. He didn't want to fight with her and this was exactly what was happening. He didn't know how long they would have together, and he wanted to enjoy it but if they kept arguing about Jacob, he knew that he wouldn't be able to. So instead, he just continued his journey to the bathroom and placed her on the counter when they arrived in the large room so that he could get to work dressing the wound.

"Does that hurt?" his voice was soft as he looked up at her eyes and saw that she was blinking back tears.

"No," she replied softly and she turned her attention back to her lap where her had rested in the palm of his while his other hand rubbed the cream on softly. It was the truth too, for the first time all night her hand was surprisingly pain free and she attributed that to the ease that she felt around him. Even if they were 'fighting' or even if things were a bit tense between them, it didn't matter because deep down, she knew that it would be okay, that they would work it out. "I'm sorry."

"No… I'm sorry Bella… I don't want to fight."

"I don't either." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her softly for a moment before pulling away. "Come on… That's taken care of; let's get you to bed… I have a feeling that if you feel even a bit as tired as I do, then you are exhausted."

She nodded and he pushed himself between her legs and picked her up to carry her to his bedroom where they could finally get some peaceful sleep after being away from each other.

----------

**I know it was a short chapter in comparison but it served a point to show Edward's growing frustration. Which, is going to blow up very, very soon…**

**As always, I'd love to hear from you! And check out the twilighted forum for this, I do post teasers and what not!**

**Also… On another less important note and I've spoken about it before but there's been a change:**

**I'd also like to take a bit of time to talk about another story that I'm working on. I'm a Politics major (well, okay I'm graduating in a few days so I have a degree in politics) and I've noted that there are basically NO stories here with a Politician Edward. So I leave it to you...**

My working title is **Politically Incorrect**** though that was when I thought it was going to be a certain type of story... I've changed my mind. I can't bring myself to make Edward a womanizer... I tried... Oh how I tried and I wrote two whole chapters but I can't do it...**

But my premise is something along the lines of this:

Bella Swan is a 28 year-old political correspondent for the New York Times (I think... Though that could very easily change). She's somewhat jaded, having become disillusioned with Politics as she is acutely attuned to what is happening in not only the US but also the world.

Edward Cullen is a 31 year-old Junior Senator, with a rather lofty position on the US Senate Committee on Foreign Relations. Usually a job for high ranking Senators with long standing, he was chosen for his background in International Law.

There is high tension in the fictional state of the Republica de Soledaco (okay, so that could change because I'm not sure how I feel about it). It's a small country between Peru and Chile. Anyways, I'm going with a genocide type conflict that the government is trying to keep under wraps (I want to model it after Darfur and Rowanda, possibly even add a little bit of the Somalian Civil War that began in the early 1990's).

Being young (at least, in terms of a politician), Edward is distraught that they are trying to cover this up instead of working to help bring change to the country.

In college, Bella was a Journalism and Latin American Studies double major. Knowing what she does about the country, she knows what is happening. Knowing the political background of Edward Cullen, and his passion about human rights, she seeks him out to urge him to bring change.

What do you think? I do think the title will be changing. Politically Incorrect worked splendidly for a womanizing Edward story but as I said, I can't quite bring myself to write that.

Anyways, feedback is appreciated! Obviously I won't be doing anything with it for another week or two but I'm curious as to if it is an interesting concept to anyone else but me haha.


	14. Kiss and Say Goodbye

**To move this forward faster… We have moved six months into the story. We left off in the middle of July and we now pick up in the middle of January… It was the only way to move this to where I needed to get Edward to without dragging on their relationship the way it was playing out to be. The song Edward sings at the club is called "Mend Your Heart" and it's by William Fitzsimmons (I am amazed by the analogies… He is a beautiful song writer… And I am forever jealous of his ability). **

**This chapter pulls significantly from the one-shot… Though there is more to read as well. I wouldn't have done this if it wasn't necessary… **

**Time for some heart fail. **

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

_This has got to be the saddest day of my life  
I called you here today for a bit of bad news  
I won't be able to see you anymore  
Because of my obligations, and the ties that you have  
We've been meeting here every day  
And since this is our last day together  
I wanna hold you just one more time  
When you turn and walk away, don't look back  
I wanna remember you just like this  
Let's just kiss and say goodbye_

_I had to meet you here today  
There's just so many things to say  
Please don't' stop me 'till I'm through  
This is something I hate to do  
We've been meeting here so long  
I guess what we done, of was wrong  
Please darling, don't you cry  
Let's just kiss and say goodbye_

_Many months have passed us by  
I'm gonna miss you  
I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie  
I've got ties, and so do you  
I just think this is the thing to do  
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie  
Maybe you'll meet, you'll mee another guy  
Understand me, won't you try  
Let's just kiss and say goodbye_

_I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie  
Understand me, won't you try  
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie  
Take my handkerchief, wipe your eyes  
Maybe you'll find, you'll find another guy  
Let's kiss and say goodbye, pretty baby  
Please, don't you cry  
Understand me, won't you try  
Let's just kiss  
And say goodbye_

The Manhattans, "Kiss and Say Goodbye"

----------

He bit his lip and looked towards the crowd. Though it was hard to make out much of anything, other than the immaculately dressed label executives that were situated in a booth in the far corner, he knew she wasn't there. His heart was pounding; he needed her there to calm his unsteady nerves, he needed her to hold his hand, to kiss his cheek, to run her fingers through his hair. Fuck, he just needed her. What upset him the most was that she had promised him the moment he learned that Sony had contacted them to voice interest and a possible drop in during their next gig.

She had promised. And yet she wasn't there and he knew why. Jacob.

He was nervous. His future was hanging in the lines and though it was entirely possible that the two men sitting in the dark corner were nothing but two guys who had had a difficult day at work, he couldn't shake the thought that they were part of the Sony team. His dreams were either about to come crashing down on him or they were just about to be made a reality. He wanted her next to him for that. He wanted her to be there, to listen to the songs that had seemed to skyrocket their success in the city because they were all for her, all about her. If he made it, if his band made it, it wasn't because of pure raw talent, it was because of her. Their music had only come together when she had come into his life. She had given him purpose.

True, he knew he could do it without her but that wasn't the issue he was dealing with. He just wanted her there because for the first time since they had been together, he needed her. He couldn't figure out how it was fair that she was still with Jacob because he needed her for his job and she couldn't be there when he needed her for his music and his dreams. He loved her… Jacob didn't. It should have been an easy choice and yet, she couldn't make it. He was still taking a back seat to the idiot husband of hers. Why couldn't she just see that they were right? That they were perfect together? That they belonged together?

Pulling his phone from his pocket he glanced at the screen. Nothing.

"Edward!" He looked up from the phone and saw Garrett as he walked over, his arm around the waist of a rather beautiful blonde.

"Hey."

"Excited about tonight?" Edward just shrugged and looked from his friend to the woman with a curious glance wondering if she was the reason he hadn't been so persistent about getting him out of the flat. "God I'm sorry… Edward, this is Kate… Kate, this is my best mate Edward."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Edward… Garrett has told me so much about you," she smiled and extended her perfectly manicured hand towards him. He couldn't help but think that she was so different than Bella… Or at least, the real Bella, the Bella that only came out when they were together, the Bella that Jacob was smothering and trying to kill off.

He sucked up his thoughts and smiled at her. "It's wonderful to meet you too, though I'm sorry I haven't heard about you sooner." She smiled back at him and he glanced towards Garrett. "Thanks for telling me."

Garrett lifted his shoulders and cocked his head to the side. "Haven't seen you around… In fact, had it not been for Jasper and Alice, I never would have even heard about tonight."

"Well I'm glad you could make it… I should probably head to the back though."

"See you after?"

"Sure."

Edward didn't look over his shoulder. He knew how Garrett felt about Bella, he knew how he felt about the whole damn situation and if he told him the truth, he knew that sympathy was not something he would get. Even Alice was growing frustrated with him and his behavior though he knew she didn't blame him really.

"She's not here?" Jasper asked as he watched his friend sling his guitar over his shoulder.

"Doesn't appear to be."

"I'm sorry mate."

"Whatever…." He grumbled. He'd deal with it later. He'd call her and tell her how he felt, how angry he was. For the first time he felt betrayed and she needed to know that. She couldn't keep doing this to him. It was breaking him up inside.

"Are you ready?"

Edward nodded and walked onto the stage as the lights dimmed. He could hear the crowd but none of that mattered much to him anymore. He didn't want them, all he wanted was her. They played a few songs before he set his guitar down and walked to the piano. He didn't play it often, though it had been the instrument that had gotten him into music in the first place, but this song had called for it. He watched as the rest of his band mates exited the stage and made their way to the bar.

His hands ghosted over the old ivories; he noted that the color was yellowing though he couldn't be certain that it wasn't because of the light in the club. The tension began to melt slightly, it wasn't a complete release, but he found that whenever he returned to the wood bench and the white keys, something deep within him was soothed. He attributed that to the sound: he piano had a softer sound than the guitar. After teasing the keys for a moment he began to play, the song soft and melodic and beautiful. All he could do was curse her in his mind in that moment. She was supposed to hear this. She was supposed to be there.

He moved his mouth closer to the microphone before opening his mouth and letting himself pour it all out for the rest of the club to see: his anger, his love, his intense passion for her. He wanted people to see that he got her, that he understood her in ways that no one else did, or, as far as he was concerned, ever could.

_She is like the water where I clean my baby  
Floating from the front into the back to keep me  
Warm enough to cover me from getting chilly  
Cool enough to hide me from the heat_

_She is like a splinter that I caught in my toe  
Running from the dog that chases me  
Sharp enough to teach a lesson that I must learn  
Soft enough to never make be bleed_

_And I will find you there  
And I will mend your heart  
And I will find you there  
And I will mend your heart_

_She is like a cigarette inside an ashtray  
nothing but a fire sets her free  
Filling up my lungs until my body needs her  
Holding on so I can never breathe_

_She is like a gravestone sitting in the church yard  
Crooked from the ground in which she sleeps  
Whispering my name until I go to meet her  
Underneath the ground she finds her peace_

His head dipped to his chest and he closed his eyes tighter and listened to the applause. It was over. It was done. Yet he wasn't really sure what it was he was talking about.

----------

He was pacing. He always paced when he was confused or upset. He hadn't heard from her all that night and it was morning and still, not a single call or message. It wasn't like her to be so distant, it wasn't like her to not contact him. Since they had gone to the edge she had made sure to find some way to connect with him at least once a day, usually more than that and it was unsettling that she was absent right now. Even more disturbing in light of how terrible she had made him feel the night before. He could see Hudson off to the side, his head following his movements and his face showed his anxiety. Edward was struggling with his want to call her but he was struggling to contain his hurt for how she was treating him.

His phone rang and he looked at the screen. At least he wouldn't have to make the decision after all.

"Hello?" He kept his voice as carefree as he could but he knew he wasn't doing a very good job at masking his emotions.

"Edward…" her voice was sad and quiet and his eyes widened. She sounded terrible and it made him panic.

"Are you okay? Bella? Is everything okay?"

"It's fine," she sniffed. "I'm sorry." He knew she was crying and he was both happy and upset about that. It was hard for him to really understand how he was feeling. Though he was certain that he loved her, everything that went along with that was completely uncharted territory. No other woman had ever affected him like this.

"Where were you?" His voice was harder than he had anticipated but he was still upset. Even hearing his remorse wasn't enough to soften the blow of her rejection.

"I couldn't get away."

"That wasn't what I asked."

"I'm so sorry…" Her sobs grew louder and he could feel his heart race. "I'm so sorry… So sorry." Her voice was mechanical as she repeated her words, as though she was rocking her body back and forth, trying to find comfort, trying to find something solid to hold onto.

"What's wrong Bella?"

"I can't… I'm just… I'm sorry."

"Tell me please… If it explains where you were… I need to know Bella. You promised me, no lies."

"He… I… I couldn't say no," she sobbed and he clenched his fists. He was seeing red. He was having a difficult time comprehending what it was she was saying… Of course he knew what she was implying, he knew what she was saying but he didn't understand it. He couldn't wrap his head around it.

"Did he force you?"

"No… but I didn't have a choice…"

"Fuck Bella…" he sighed and sunk down into his couch, his free hand cradling his forehead. He hadn't expected it to hurt this bad when the act would finally happen. He knew that she couldn't hold off on him forever, he knew that eventually she would have to sleep with him, but knowing and actually _knowing_ were two different things.

"I'm so sorry…" she continued to cry. "I didn't want to… I swear Edward… I wanted to be with you but I couldn't go… You hate me…"

"No… I don't hate you Bella… I just…"

"I would hate me," she whispered. "I do hate me."

"I don't Bella… I love you too much… I just…" he paused searching for the right words. "It's just a lot to take in… I knew this would happen but it's different when it actually does…"

"Can I come over?" she questioned and he could hear the movement background, the distinct sound of a door opening and closing.

"Of course you can come over…"

----------

Fog enveloped the city like a blanket and Edward walked down the street, braving the winter chill in an attempt to find a payphone. His feet hit the pavement with loud, determined steps as he quickened his pace. He thrust his hand into his jeans pocket and rattled the change that rested deep down, his heart beats quickening with adrenaline as he realized what he was going to do. He had about two pounds of change there and had been saving them for a while and for some reason, tonight, he felt, was the night to put them to use.

All around him were reminders of everything that they had been. The coffee shop where they had first met at and his own clumsy accord and he had never been more thankful for a fight with his father than he had been that day. She had been the most beautiful woman he had ever known, striking and ethereal. He was so taken by her and it scared him and thrilled him at the same time. Only a few blocks down was the small, inconspicuous restaurant where he would order their take out when she did get to spend time with him. He had loved the place, she had loved the place… But now, walking there, the noise of the city muted and the sound of his feet guiding him, he felt terrified.

Everything was crumbling. His whole world was crashing down at his feet. She wasn't his. He had to give her up or he had to take action. He would never be the same without her but this was dragging out far too long and he wanted to know. He _needed_ to know. He would wait forever but her inability to give him any kind of answer was tearing him up inside, breaking him down slowly and crushing his soul and his reason for living. He had to do something before he lost himself completely. They had been tip toeing around the issue for six months now…

He finally found a red phone booth on the side of the road and opened it letting himself in. His hand was still in his pocket and he scooped a few of the coins out before beginning to place them in the phone. He knew the number by heart, this hadn't been the first time that he had called her at home, but this was the first time that he was calling when he knew she wasn't there but her husband was. The phone rang three times before someone answered.

"Hello?" His voice was deep and American and though Edward had seen the man, he couldn't quite get over the fact that this was him on the other end of the line. His heart pounded and he wondered if he could hear it on the other end. He hoped that he couldn't. His mouth was dry and he was finding it difficult to find the words that he needed to say now that he had the opportunity.

"Who is there?" Edward couldn't bring himself to talk and instead hung up, hearing the change cling as it fell down to the compartment where the leftover money was given back.

He wanted to tell him. To tell him that he and Bella were together and that she wanted to divorce him but that would have been a lie. He was merely upset; she had upset him when she had left that afternoon. It seemed that each time they went to say goodbye he could only pester her about what she was going to do, if she would ever leave Jacob and move in with him. She told him to wait, but he couldn't help but feel the sting of jealousy when she would leave, smelling of him, to go home to the husband that never appreciated her.

He stood in the phone booth and pulled the collar of his shirt to his nose. It still smelled of her.

The change was placed back in the phone and he dialed the number again. This time, it was a female voice that answered.

"Hello?" He hadn't been expecting her back so soon.

"Bella, sweetheart, who is it?" Edward could hear his voice in the background but he didn't say anything.

"Edward?" She whispered. "Is that you?"

"It's me." He responded solemnly and though he couldn't see her, he could imagine the look on her face, the twisted combination of both pain and pleasure. He'd seen the look many times before.

"What are you doing calling this number?" Her voice was soft but rushed and he knew that she was trying to keep the conversation from Jacob's ears.

"I needed to hear your voice." He said, it was, after all, partially the truth. "I'm sorry Bella. I'm so sorry for putting you through this."

"I chose to be in this situation though."

"But I should have left a long while ago. We are only hurting each other."

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I don't want to keep hurting you but I don't know what to do."

"I know." He responded and he could feel the tears, hot and wet, as they began to fall from his eyes. "I love you… More than anyone could ever love another but I need to back out of this… I don't want to but I can't keep asking you to leave him and I can't keep lying to myself thinking that one day you will."

"Please don't give up on me." She pleaded and he heard a door shut. She must have left the room that she had been in to escape Jacob's prying ears. "I know this isn't fair for you but I can't lose you."

"But you can't leave him either." He sighed and ran his fingers through his tousled hair, his eyes closed as he remembered her doing the same thing only a few hours prior as they made love in his bed.

"I love _you_." He could hear her practically begging and it hurt him to know that he was hurting her, and he felt like he was no different, no better, than the man that she lived with knowing that she was probably crying now, but he didn't know if he could keep doing this.

"Then why can't you leave him? Why can't we be together?" He hated himself, hated the role of the dirty mistress that he had taken on but he was addicted to Bella. Addicted to everything about her and though he knew he had to give her up, he wanted to convince himself that he could share her with her husband so long as she loved him and she was happy.

"It's not time. It's not the right time."

"Goodbye Bella." He hung up and leaned against the glass, sinking down onto the floor as he held his head in his hands. He didn't want to go back to his flat; he knew that all that was waiting there for him was his dog and his sheets that still smelled like her.

----------

Bella wiped at her eyes. They burned. She thought she would have been used to it by now. It seemed that every day she was crying and today had been a whopper in terms of tear shedding. She didn't feel that she deserved to cry though. She had, after all, brought his all on herself and she was hurting those around her more than anything else. Every decision that she was making somehow managed to come back and bite her in the ass.

Quickly she made her way back into the hallway and opened the closet door, pulling on the sleeve of her coat. She was so lost in her own mind that she hadn't even heard Jacob walk into the area. She always heard him, it was hard not to when his feet hit the hard tile.

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked as she pulled her coat back on. "You just got home."

"That was Rose, she and Emmett got into a fight and she asked me to come over."

"Oh." He replied, walking closer to her. "I have to leave tomorrow for Brussels for a week."

She sighed and watched as his face hardened. He was going to get defensive and he knew it. Before she could say anything though, he held his hands up and puffed out his chest. "I have to go! I don't have a choice!"

"I didn't say anything." She replied softly.

"You don't have to say anything for me to know what you're thinking."

He had no idea what she was thinking, in fact, she wasn't thinking about him at all. Her mind was on the man that had been in her body earlier that day. Her mind was focused on everything about him, everything that she loved, that damn crooked smile that sent her heart fluttering, the way his hands felt as he touched her body, the way his voice was soft and tender when he would tell her he loved her, the way he set her body on fire, and the way that she needed him. But she couldn't figure out why she couldn't just leave Jacob. She wasn't happy living in their townhouse alone or even with him. She didn't love him like that anymore, in fact, after Edward, she was certain she could never love anyone the way she loved him. Jake would always be in her heart, even after everything that had transpired. It didn't matter how cruel he was to her now, part of her would always see him as the man he once was. But still, all she wanted was to be with Edward, to be with him in his one bedroom flat in Chelsea. She was happy there, happier than she had ever been.

"You don't know what I'm thinking." She finally snapped.

"You're right. Maybe that's because you don't talk to me anymore." He was shouting and she hung her head. She was sick of fighting with him. "What happened to us Bella?" He had somehow managed to regain composure and she could see the pain behind his eyes. It was that look, the look that showed all his remorse, which kept her from leaving him when it would have been so easy. Even amongst everything, she knew that he still cared for her, which was why her betrayal would kill him and why she knew the only way she could ever leave him was if he had what he wanted outside of their relationship.

"London happened." She sighed and stood on her toes, kissing his cheek. "I think I'm going to stay with Rose tonight. She was pretty upset."

"I won't be here when you get back… I have to leave early in the morning." He sighed and brushed the hair off her face. "Stay here with me."

She shook her head. Edward needed her, she needed him. "I promised… I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were leaving tomorrow."

He sighed and nodded his head. "Alright."

"Have a safe flight." Her hand was on the doorknob and she was out the door practically running to Edward.

----------

Johnnie Walker. He would drown his sorrow in Johnnie Walker. It wasn't the best idea, he knew that for a fact, but he knew that somehow it might soften the blow of letting go of the only woman that he had ever loved.

Thankfully his black label bottle still was nearly half full, otherwise his prized blue label would have been making an appearance and he never really anticipated it as a drink of sorrow… He had been saving that one for a celebration: like the day Bella would finally leave Jake… Or the day that she would agree to marry him…

He managed to get the top off and he held the glass rim to his lips, letting the dark liquor slide down his throat as he ignored the burn and instead just focused on getting completely pissed. The sooner the better. He needed something to heal his heart and though it wasn't a complete fix, it was sure as hell better than nothing.

When the bottle was nearly a quarter of the way finished he could hear the frantic pounding on his door. He stumbled to it, tripling slightly and rolling his ankle a bit but when he peaked through the peephole he wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or of she really was standing there, tears in her eyes, mascara streaked down her lovely pale cheeks, flushed from the cool winter air.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he opened the door. His eyes were puffy and red from crying and she could feel her heart break into tiny pieces.

"I needed to see you." He stood off to the side and let her in. "I needed to know that you weren't going to give up on me."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and she knew that it was his reaction to stress, to try and calm his muddled mind. "Go home Bella."

"No." She said softly, walking closer to him and resting her palms against his bare chest. "I told him that I wasn't going to be home tonight, that I was with Rose. I want to wake up next to you… I want your arms around me… I want to feel you inside me again… I want to be close to you… I _need_ to be close to you."

"And what about what I need Bella?" He raised his voice and she took a few steps back. He had never yelled before and it frightened her, though she knew she deserved it, that he had every right to be upset with her, hell, she was upset with herself. She watched as he visibly flinched when he realized he had scared her and he took a few steps forward so he could wrap his arms around her and pull her up against him. She could smell the whiskey on his breath. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to yell."

"I know." She whispered and pressed her forehead to his chest, taking a deep breath and smelling his skin, loosing herself in the comforting scent of his soap and she realized that he had washed her scent off of him from earlier in the day. That hurt her more than she would have liked to admit.

"So you can really stay the night?" His voice was hopeful.

"I can stay every night for a week." She said, looking up at him as he moved one arm from around her waist to her cheek, cradling it in his large palm. She leaned against him and he dropped his head down and pressed his lips to her forehead before picking her up and carrying her to his bed.

----------

The sun peaked through the clouds when the rained had stopped and he looked at the way the sunlight changed the color of her hair. She was curled up against him asleep, her mouth opened slightly and he could feel her warm breath on his naked chest. He pulled her tighter into him as he closed his eyes, pretending that this was how he could wake every morning but he knew Jacob would be coming back in two days and she would go back to the home she shared with him and he would be left with the memories of her in his bed, only made stronger by the fact that her delectable scent had permeated into his sheets.

He felt her stretch and he groaned as she rubbed against his erection.

"Good morning." She smiled, pressing her lips against his neck and pressing her hips against his own, grinding against him a bit.

"Good morning." He replied placing his hand against her bare back, rubbing her soft, naked skin as she trailed gentle kisses along his jaw.

"Tell me you love me." She whispered as she pulled away, resting her head on his arm.

He looked down at her, their eyes connecting and he moved his other hand to her cheek.

"You know I love you."

"Tell me to leave him."

"I can't do that."

"Please…" She begged and he watched as the tears pooled in her eyes. He hated that it seemed that every time they were together, she always seemed to cry. Wasn't love supposed to be easy? Why was this so hard?

"You know I want you… All of you, forever… But I can't tell you to leave him. I don't want you to resent me later for making you chose."He sighed and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I love you." She sighed. "More than I have ever loved him."

His heart swelled at the words but he knew better than to get his hopes up. This was something she had told him many times before, but she was still with Jacob.

"I wish this was real… I wish everything in my past could just disappear…" She said softly against his skin. "I wish that this was my life."

"I know." He replied.

"Let me just pretend then, pretend that I live here… Pretend that there is nothing else in the world but us."

"Okay," he whispered softly as he closed his eyes and pulled her closer to him before pressing his lips against her own, doing exactly that, pretending that this was their life, that they were together and that nothing else existed. It was the only thing that he could give her, even if it did break his heart.

When she left this time, he knew that he couldn't keep her in his world. This was too hard for the both of them. They needed a clean break and that was what he would have to do. There was no more room for their relationship. They were only hurting each other. She would be okay, it was the out that she needed. He would give her that. And he was hopeful that over time, the ache he would feel for her would subside and he could find someone else that he might be able to love enough to keep her memory at bay.

----------

**Well? Once again… I'd love to hear from you… As you can tell, the story is winding down… I estimate a five or so chapters to go… The chapters will feature Edward's heartbreak, Bella's psychological search for herself and what she wants in life, and some cameo's by a few other characters that are going to help our heartbroken characters find the ending that they deserve.**

**As per the positive response about the political Edward story… It will be done and I'll start it as soon as this story is complete… There is a chance of a sequel for this story… I'm not sure though… We'll have to see how it plays out.**


	15. Piece By Piece

**Hello again! I'll keep this short and sweet. You all blew me away with your response to the last chapter. Thank you… I know that Bella is a hard character to read but things will get clearer as the story moves forward and you'll figure out how this is going to happen… Especially as you read this chapter.**

**This was difficult to write… But as always, I'd love to know what you think.**

**And again: Thank you to zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual for your support!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Fifteen**_

_First of all must go  
Your scent upon my pillow  
And then I'll say goodbye  
To your whispers in my dreams_

_And then our lips will part  
In my mind and in my heart  
'Cause your kiss  
Went deeper than my skin_

_Piece by piece  
Is how I'll let go of you  
Kiss by kiss  
Will leave my mind one at a time  
One at a time_

_First of all must fly  
My dreams of you and I  
There's no point in holding on to those_

_And then our ties will break  
For your and my own sake  
Just remember  
This is what you chose_

_Piece by piece  
Is how I'll let go of you  
Kiss by kiss  
Will leave my mind one at a time  
One at a time_

_I'll shed like skin  
Our memories of lazy days  
And fade away the shadows of your face_

_Piece by piece  
Is how I'll let go of you  
Kiss by kiss  
Will leave my mind one at a time  
One at a time, one at a time_

_Katie Melua, "Piece by Piece"_

----------

"Goodbye," she whispered as her hand cupped his cheek, the stubble from not shaving scratching the sensitive skin of her palm. Her heart was heavy as she looked at him; her eyes searching his for answers, for understanding. There was a sadness there that she knew had been lingering all week though she had been trying her hardest to ignore it. It wasn't as easy now. She knew that this goodbye was exactly that, goodbye.

He leaned into her hand, pressing his cheek against it harder, trying to memorize the feel of it, to be able to draw from it later, when she was gone. It was masochistic, remembering anything about her, wanting to remember anything about her would only hurt him in the end, but as much as he knew he needed to forget, he couldn't. Most of all, he didn't want to. She was such a large part of his life, that if he tried to forget, he would lose all his best memories.

"Goodbye," he said softly back and reached forward, his large hand grasping the back of her neck and bringing her face closer to his.

He let his lips just graze her own for a moment before he pressed them to hers with a fierceness that surprised them both. He wanted nothing more than to taste everything, to leave her dazzled and wanting more, because even though he knew that nothing was going to change, the deepest depths of his soul hoped that with that single kiss, he could change the course of their relationship, change the fate of their relationship. He wanted to show her that she belonged with him, because they both knew that she did. He wanted her to know that she would never feel this way about anyone else and that walking away would be the biggest regret of her life. He wanted her to go to her husband and end it, once and for all. The kiss was his last hope, his last chance, and it hurt him knowing that it wouldn't help. She was too stubborn, too set in her ways. He knew she had a reason for what she was doing, but he knew he couldn't risk his heart any longer.

She parted her lips and deepened the kiss. She wanted nothing more than to savor it, to remember the way his lips felt, the way he tasted, the way he made her feel. She wanted him to know that despite the pain that she had caused him, that she loved him, that she would always love him. She wanted him to know that there would never be anyone else for her but him. She wanted to try and get him to reconsider, even though she knew that it would break him. It was selfish and she knew that, but she couldn't help but want that. She tangled her fingers in his hair and sobbed into his mouth but still refused to part from him. These would be their last moments and she wanted it to last for as long as she could. She didn't want to let go. He had shown her that she was worth loving even though it couldn't have come at a worse time for her. He had found her, lost in the world that she was living in and managed to help her resurface. All of that would be gone soon. She would no longer be his Bella… She would no longer be the old Bella. She would go back to being Jacob's Bella, a person she hated, but now felt she deserved to be. She didn't deserve to be happy after breaking Edward so terribly. She would suffer and she would do it gratefully. It was the only way for her now. She just hoped that he would find someone else, someone who couldn't hurt him like she had. He deserved all the happiness in the world.

After he pulled away, she whimpered. It wasn't enough time for her and she choked back a sob as the backs of his fingers trailed down the side of her cheek. His eyes were glistening and it broke her heart as she closed her own to erase the image. This wasn't how she wanted to see him. She hated that she was doing this to him, it wasn't fair and it was why she knew that she had to walk away. It was what he wanted, what she knew he needed.

Gathering the courage she could muster, she pressed a final kiss to his cheek. "I love you… I always will."

"Forever…" he whispered and kissed her forehead before turning around and going back into the building, shutting the door on her, knowing full well that the pain of watching her walk away would be more than he could ever possibly bear.

He leaned against the back of the door and he could hear her crying before she said a soft goodbye to the nothingness before her. It was only then that he was able to sink down to the floor and let the months of pain finally bubble to the surface.

So he cried. For the first time in his life he really, truly cried, knowing that there was nothing else that he could do. It was the only way to purge the pain, the only way to attempt to ever reconcile with the situation. If they were truly meant to be, some day, she would find him again or he would find her and the obstacles that were keeping them from moving forward would no longer be there. Until then, he knew he had to find a way to live his life. He had to find a way to survive.

----------

The rain was pelting the ground furiously and, though she was short, she always seemed to get hit by others umbrella's. She figured it was because people never really saw her when it rained; her bright and expensive wardrobe was never appreciated when people were buried behind the shields of their umbrellas. Careful not to step in a puddle or drop the things she was carrying, she made her way to the door and smiled as William, Edward's doorman, held it open for her before taking the wet umbrella from her.

"Thank you William," she smiled.

"You're welcome Miss. Cullen."

"Have you seen my brother around?"

He appeared thoughtful for a moment and she watched the worry line form in his brow. "Only on his short trips to the off license. I've never seen him drink so much in all these years."

"How exactly does he look?" she hated to ask, she already knew the answer but for some reason, she needed to hear it to brace herself to the reality that she was going to be walking into.

"Like a man who doesn't have a reason to live anymore," he sighed. "I haven't seen Ms. Swan with him as of late… Should I take that to be the reason?"

She forced a tight smile and nodded her head.

"That's a shame… She was a lovely woman," he responded genuinely and Alice bit her lip. She wondered if he knew that she had been married and that for the past few months Edward had been nearly tearing his hair out because he was so frustrated by the situation. Still, she knew that he had been happy with her and she knew that he was completely and utterly broken up by what was happening.

"She was."

"I don't think I had ever seen him so excited to be with a woman. And I've known him for a while know."

She didn't know how to respond to that, she knew that what William was saying was true, but now she knew that he was hurting so bad that she was having a hard time reconciling it with how he had felt before. Could that happiness even be worth it when he was feeling so horribly now?

"I suppose you're right," she relented and waved goodbye to the immaculacy dressed man as she entered the elevator.

She didn't really know what to do or really, how to react in this situation. She had never known Edward to get so emotionally invested in a person before, though not for lack of her trying to push him to do just that. It didn't seem fair to her that it would happen, though it would be destined for failure. His relationship with Bella had been intense and passionate and there wasn't a bone in her body that didn't believe that he was in love with her. But the way Bella had seemed to treat it so casually, the fact that even knowing how intense Edward's feelings were she continued to stay with the husband she claimed to love, the more she wondered if she had felt anything at all for him. Shouldn't the choice have been easy? She couldn't understand; she was certain that if she was married to someone else who treated her horribly and Jasper had come along, the choice would have been simple. Right?

It was hard to shake the thought that maybe things weren't as black and white as she wanted them to be. She wasn't sure anymore if she could really judge Bella for the way she was with Edward, that maybe the choice wasn't easy. Maybe it was easier to judge, maybe it was easier to say that you could leave your husband than it really was to actually get up and leave. She didn't know and she hoped that she would never know. Why would anyone want to be in that situation? Why would anyone want to make that kind of choice?

Alice trudged her way to his door once the elevator doors had opened at the top level. She was loaded down by the heavy bags of sustenance and hygiene products that she had purchased prior to her trip to his flat. To say he went AWOL would have been an understatement; they were beginning to think that he was MIA. She hadn't heard a thing from him since the day he called to say that he had let go of her and that she was gone. Her heart broke for him to hear the agony in his voice.

She put the bags down and began to pound on the door, though still no answer from him. In a last ditch effort to get in, she reached into her pocket and extracted the key. He had given it to her a few years back in case he ever locked himself out or if he needed someone to check on Hudson. Usually she had no qualms against using it, but in this situation, she couldn't help but be hesitant about it.

"If you don't answer this door Edward I'll use the key," she yelled and when she could only hear Hudson's barking, she relented and opened the door.

She knew that she was going to walk into something she wasn't likely to enjoy seeing but she hadn't prepared herself for the sight before her. The usually tidy Edward was completely gone. The room was a disaster, and that was being nice. Cardboard take out containers littered the floor, empty bottles of Johnnie Walker and Jack Daniels were strewn all over the coffee table and nearby floor space, and the entire flat smelled like something had curled up and died in a corner. The curtains were drawn and no light was able to make its way through the drapes and though she wanted to ignore it, she saw, and smelled, the evidence that he hadn't taken Hudson out in what could have been days. It was that evidence alone that alerted her to the extremity of the problem; he never neglected his canine.

She made her way down the hall to the bedroom and peaking in she saw him, face down on the bed, his head buried in a pillow. He was asleep and, as she looked at the bedside table to the bottle of whiskey, he was probably drunk as well.

Retreating back to the living room, she pulled her phone from her purse and dialed the number.

"Jazz… I need you."

----------

"Where are you today?" Bella looked up from her plate to the woman sitting in front of her. She was surprised to see that she had made an unlikely friend in Leah, but after hearing what she had been through from Emmett, part of her felt a bit connected to her.

"Sorry," she sighed. She hadn't slept in weeks and she knew that it was showing, the dark circles under her eyes gave that away. Even more apparent was her lack of appetite. Jake had commented that he thought she had never looked better, but Rose had nearly forced food down her throat every day she had seen her in the past week.

"Is something bothering you?"

"Nothing that can really be changed."

Leah eyed her curiously, watching the way she played with her food but never really ate much. She knew that something was wrong, she even thought she knew what it was. "Is everything okay with Jacob?"

"What?" Bella was startled, she hadn't even thought much about Jacob really, how could she when all her thoughts were on Edward.

"Did you and Jacob have a fight?"

"Not really."

"Has he…" Leah wanted to ask if he had even been aggressive, especially as she remembered how violent he had been with her in St. Tropez. Bella had seemed, at least at the time, to be someone who wouldn't put up with it, but the more time she spent with her, the more she saw a woman conflicted, a woman unsure of her own self and the amazing person she was deep inside.

"You aren't the same person you were when you got married." It was a statement, not a question and she watched as Bella looked up and their eyes connected.

"I'm not sure I ever was the real me…"

"Who is the real Bella?"

"I'm not sure I can answer that."

The door opened and Bella's eyes immediately went to the door. She shouldn't have gone there, she shouldn't have taken Leah there but part of her just wanted to catch a glimpse of his bronze hair and though it had been their coffee shop, she wasn't sure he still went there now she was out of the picture. She had tried to call him multiple times but each time she hung up when he answered.

"_Bella how much have you had to drink?" She looked up from her phone to see Rose towering over her, her wine glass in her hand. _

_Still, she couldn't answer because in reality, she hadn't even really been keeping track. Maybe a bottle… Bottle and a half._

"_I don't think you should do that."_

"_Do what?"_

"_Call him," Rose responded softly but she was interrupted when the baby monitor alerted them both that Aiden had woken and was probably in need of a diaper change._

_When the room was empty, she pressed send and listened as the phone rang._

"_Bella?"Her heart broke with the sound of his voice, so broken, so defeated, so sad. Her mouth however was clamped shut. She didn't even know why she had called. Didn't she want him to move on? Didn't she leave so he could find someone who could really be there for him? Now, here she was calling him and making it worse. "Bella…" She could hear the muffled sob and pressed end and let herself cry, the tears only exaggerated by the alcohol._

"Bella?"

"What?" She shook her head as she snapped out of her daydream. She missed him and she knew that it was obvious to everyone but Jake.

"I'm moving back to New York…" Leah smiled sadly. She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew that something had changed in Bella over the past few days. She just wanted to know what it was. Regardless, especially with her impending move, she had tried countless times to tell Bella about what had happened with Jake, but every time she was never able to find the courage. Maybe she shouldn't tell her, maybe she was better off not knowing. She knew that leaving would make it easier to keep her secret.

"When?"

"The end of the week."

Bella felt like she was hit with a ton of bricks. First she lost Edward, and now she was losing Leah. True the relationship with the woman had started off rocky, but as she learned more about the woman, she more she realized that she had merely been a victim of the people around her and she began to relate to her more than she wanted to admit, at least, out loud.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

----------

"Come on Ed… You need to take a shower." Jasper was shaking the limp body that was lying on the bed but he wasn't getting much of a response: merely a grumble here and a fuck off there.

"Anything?" Alice popped her head in the room and eyed her boyfriend who shook his head.

"He won't budge."

"Fuck."

"I've never seen him this bad before Ali…"

"I know… I haven't either."

He hated that they acted like he wasn't there. Here they were, standing in his god damn flat, talking about him, and if his head didn't hurt, he knew he would have been screaming at them to get the fuck out. Why couldn't they just get the fact that he wanted to be alone? He didn't want anyone around him, he wanted to smell her scent on the sheets, and even though it was going away, he didn't give a shit because two weeks ago she had been laying there, she had been sleeping there, and they had been making love there. Why couldn't they leave him be? Why couldn't the world just fucking stop pestering him.

He knew that they were only acting out of love, but he didn't want to hear them bad mouthing her anymore. As painful as it was, he understood and he couldn't hate her as much as he wanted to. It wasn't possible to hate her, not when he loved her as much as he did. She could have sentenced him to death and it wouldn't have matter, hell she could have had him hung, drawn and quartered and he still would have loved her until he took his last breath. Why couldn't they just leave him the fuck alone?

"Will you get the fuck out of my flat?" he managed to get out, getting a hard slap on his back by what who he assumed was his sister.

"Don't you dare fucking speak to me that way." He could hear the tears in her eyes as she spoke and her voice cracked.

"Fuck Alice… I'm just…"

"Wallowing."

"I don't want to get out of bed okay."

"How will you ever get over this if you don't?" She said softly, sitting down on the bed and pushing him over, making him look at her. What she saw hurt her: the beard that had managed to grow, the red eyes, the dark circles under them, the shallow, gaunt look of his face.

"I just need more time."

"Ed… We didn't want to tell you this way but you don't have a few days…" Jasper interrupted and because he couldn't stand laying and having this conversation, he pulled himself up.

"What do you mean?"

"Sony offered us a contract a week and a half ago… They want us to record and that means you have to join the land of the living again."

There it was, the one thing that should have made him happy. Two weeks ago, he knew it would have. Now it just seemed hard to hear. He wanted her with him, he knew how happy she would be for him. But he also knew that he couldn't disappoint the others, he had to move on… At least, he had to move on, on the outside.

----------

"You should see someone Bella…" Rose watched as her friend polished off the bottle of wine. That small gesture was happening more and more often.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean… This isn't healthy."

"What the fuck would you know?" Rose recoiled for a moment and snatched the glass and bottle away from her before stomping into the kitchen and tossing it in the sink. She could hear that the glass had broke but she didn't give a shit anymore. She was too concerned about Bella, too upset watching her drink herself into a stupor so she could sleep at night.

"I know that you haven't had a decent night's sleep in three weeks. I know that you call him when you're drunk and tell him you love him… I know that you should just fucking leave your husband and go to the man that loves you… I know that you made a mess of this whole fucking situation… I know that you're going to regret this for the rest of your life and I won't fucking sit back and watching this anymore."

"Then don't… Leave!" Bella screamed as she stood up, her knee hitting the table as she doubled over and rubbed the area, feeling later the warm liquid of her blood.

"I'm not going to leave… No… You're going to get help… You're going to a psychiatrist and you're going to sort your fucking shit out…"

"There's nothing to sort out Rose... Edward is gone… He'll never want me back again and I don't fucking blame him… You're not even addressing the fact that I can't just leave Jake…"

"What's it going to take for you to realize that you can't keep putting that asshole before yourself? What the fuck has he ever done for you anyways?"

"Just get the fuck out Rose," she screamed and went to hit her but Rose grabbed her fists and pulled her into a hug. Bella clung to her fiercely, sobbing, letting the tears make a wet puddle on Rose's shoulder as her friend rubbed her back and let her cry it out. Right now, Rose knew she needed tough love, but she also needed someone there to cry on… Getting her help would wait until the next day, when she was sober, when she could think straight and know that it was the right thing for her to do. Because she knew Bella, and she knew that with enough evidence, she would agree. The drinking, Rose was certain, would be enough, at least, with what Bella had told her about her mother, she knew that it would scare her enough to seek help.

----------

"And how did you feel after you lost your child?"

Bella fiddled with the pillow that she was clutching to her body. She was uncomfortable and she knew that it showed but she wasn't sure really how to react to a situation like this. This was all new for her. Sure, she could remember going to therapy when she was younger, when her teachers had told her mother that she was exhibiting odd behavior, but this was different. At that time her issues stemmed from her parents, now, she knew she was there to talk about herself.

"I don't know."

"Were you scared?"

"I suppose." She watched as the woman scribbled a few notes down on the paper.

"Bella… If we are going to continue, you must agree to really open up… We can't figure things out unless you really want to."

"I just don't see how going into something that I shut off is going to fix anything."

"Did you ever see anyone when you lost the baby?"

"No… Jake said we could get through it together." Again, she watched as a few notes were scribbled and the woman's eyes brightened.

"How is your relationship with your husband?"

"Normal," she lied but she didn't feel comfortable confiding in a perfect stranger.

"And how do you classify a normal marriage?"

"He works… I stay at home. Normal."

"And the sex?"

"I don't see how that is relevant."

"How did Jake react to losing the baby?" she changed the subject.

"He was devastated… He wanted the baby just as much as I did," she replied quietly, playing with a piece of thread that was hanging off the edge of the decorative pillow.

"Did he cry? Did he show his feelings?"

"He was too busy making sure I was okay."

"Bella… for next week… I really want you to think about that night that you had the car crash and how you felt when you lost the baby… I want you to think about how Jake reacted as well…" Bella nodded as she stood up, picking her purse off the table in the process. "And Bella… If you really want to figure things out… You really have to open up to me."

She looked down to the ground for a moment before looking up and locking eyes with the doctor. "I'll do my best."

"That's all I ask."

----------

He reached into his pocket when he felt the phone vibrate. Her name lit up the screen and though he knew he shouldn't answer, he couldn't help it. She still called every so often, and though he had taken to not answering, it made him feel better that she was still thinking about it. Deep down, it almost gave him hope that she would leave Jake. Still, the only reason that he answered it this time was because it had been nearly seven months now, Jake would have had an answer on whether he was getting the promotion and the deepest part of his heart was hoping that she was calling to tell him she had left Jake.

"Hello?"

"Edward." His name rolling off her lips, even though he could hear it only from the phone, made his heart beat wildly. He hadn't realized that he had missed her voice so much.

"Bella…" he breathed as though his very life depended on it.

"Where are you?" She whispered into the phone as he was setting up his equipment on the stage for the performance they had.

"The Mean Fiddler… My band has a gig tonight." He sighed. So much had happened, so many changes in his life and it killed him not to share those experiences with her. When they had been signed, at least, when he learned that they had been signed and he had reentered the world because Jasper and Alice had forced him to, he wanted nothing more than to celebrate with her. He knew that she would have been so proud of him, but he knew that he couldn't call her so he had kept the news to himself. It was hard to do but he forced himself not to call her. He focused his energy elsewhere instead, writing music every day and drowning his emotions in whisky every night because it helped numb the pain. At least the writing was proactive and because he wasn't drunk twenty four-seven , it seemed to placate his sister.

"Oh." She sighed. "How have you been?"

"I've been okay." He balanced the phone against his shoulder as he fiddled with the microphone. It was a lie. He hadn't been okay, but he didn't want her to know that. Regardless of how things were between them, how much resentment he held for her inability to leave Jake, he didn't want her to feel guilty; he didn't want to trivialize what they had because he knew that they were in love. He loved her and he knew that she loved him; they just weren't meant to be. It had been a right situation but a wrong time kind of thing and he couldn't fault her for that. Maybe if they had met earlier or later things could have been different. He would never know.

"Did you meet someone else?" She asked. Her heart was beating wildly as she awaited his answer, afraid that he would say yes, though she knew she had no claim to him. Not when she couldn't leave her husband. She had wanted him to, she wanted him to be happy even if it wasn't happiness with her. She couldn't fault him for moving on or attempting to move on, even if she couldn't.

"Would it change things if I said I had? Would it make it easier for you?" He looked to the audience where the brunette was standing next to his sister. He didn't know what to tell Bella really, had he met someone, yes… Did she mean anything to him? No. Jane had come along a week after they had been signed and Alice had taken a liking to her and it was obvious that she was attracted to him. She helped the loneliness sometimes, but over the four weeks that he had known her now, he couldn't stop comparing her to Bella, and she didn't do much to help the pain that he felt every waking moment.

"No."

"I don't know what to tell you," he replied, sitting down on the stool that was next to his guitar.

"You have…"

"Bella…" he sighed. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I'm sorry…"

"Why did you call Bella?"

"I just…" she didn't know what to tell him, hell, she didn't really even know why she had called. The therapist had somehow managed to rattle her and he was the only one who really knew how she felt about the miscarriage, about her husband and part of her just needed him, even though she knew she couldn't have him. "Is she good to you?"

"She's a sweet girl." His fingers were gripping at his hair and he was surprised that he hadn't ripped any of it out with the strength that he was pulling it at.

"I'm…" He could hear her heavy breathing and he knew she was holding back the tears. "I'm happy for you."

"Why have you called Bella?" His eyes were back to the audience and he locked them with his sister who was looking at him curiously and he closed his eyes and shook his head as she started to advance towards him.

"I wanted to hear your voice." She knew it wasn't a complete lie, she knew that his voice would settle some of her nerves but mainly she wanted him back again but now she knew that she couldn't ask him that.

"Did you leave him?" He finally asked.

"No. But if you tell me to, I will…"

"I already told you I won't do that. But I think I'll be waiting if you ever do. I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone as much as I love you… My heart won't allow it."

"What about Jane?"

"She's a sweet girl," he replied again. It was true, she was, but he also knew that if Bella ever did leave Jake that Jane wouldn't matter. Nothing would matter but her because his heart belonged to Bella, it always would, just as deep down, he knew that Bella's heart belonged to him.

"I've missed you." She breathed into the phone and he could feel his heart expand tortuously in his chest.

"I've missed you too." He said honestly. "My band was signed."

"That's fantastic Edward!" She said, maybe a little too loudly but when she peeked out the door she saw that Jacob was passed out on their couch. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to but that went against my plan to not talk to you."

"Oh."

"Listen Bella… I have to go… You have a husband and we can't keep doing this to each other. I have to let you go."

"Edward?" She asked as he was about press the end button, to try and silence her forever.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." He sighed and ended the call, shoving his phone into his back pocket and storming off the stage before Alice or Jasper had time to question him.

----------

Leah walked down First Avenue and held her coat tightly to her body. She had forgotten how cold New York winters were. Though London was cold, the rain kept it slightly warmer. She was reveling in the sounds of the city around her but deep down she could feel the guilt that she had left without telling Bella the truth about Jacob, especially as she knew that the relationship between her friend and her husband was not as perfect as she had once thought.

Though she would never admit to it, she had seen once, the dark bruise on her arm. A hand, and a large one at that. Bella dismissed it, laughing that Jake had been a little bit over enthusiastic one night in bed… But Leah had had that handprint on her own arm once and it wasn't from a romp in the bed.

"Leah!"

She stepped forward but when she heard her name again she stopped and spun on her heels. What she hadn't expected was to see the woman before her.

"Emily." Leah shifted her weight from her left foot to her right. She didn't know what to say to her ex-lovers wife but when she looked in her eyes, she saw no animosity, no sign of hatred or regret or secret plan to pull a knife from her purse and plunge it in her heart.

"You've moved back to New York?"

"Yes… AEG needed me here again."

Emily nodded her head, "I've been meaning to get in touch with you… I was going to call the company to ask for your contact information, you can imagine how surprised I am to run into you here… Though I'm quite happy about it."

"Emily… I haven't seen Sam in a long while now."

"I know…" she grinned. "Listen… Can we do coffee? Do you have some time?"

Leah looked down at her watch, it was just after eleven and she wasn't starting at the office until the middle of the week which did allot her plenty of time, still, she couldn't shake the fear of what Emily could possibly want to say. Still, part of her felt that she owed it to the woman to listen to her, to speak with her and hear her out. The last time they had spoken had not been much of a chat but rather Emily crying and Leah standing there, watching as the woman fell apart over her husband's infidelity.

"Sure." She offered her a weak smile and followed her down the street to the nearest Starbucks. She didn't know what she was in for, but she was bracing herself for the worst. Mostly, she just hoped that tucked in her purse wasn't a weapon of sorts and she wasn't harboring some plot to kill her.

After ordering their drinks they both took a seat facing each other. Leah was uncomfortable, but she noticed that Emily was quite at ease.

"I know you're surprised to see me… And, you're probably even more surprised to see me so happy to see you." Leah nodded. She had been surprised about that actually. And well, if she was being honest, she was frightened by it. "I spent so much time angry with you about what had happened and I said horrible things…"

"I deserved them."

"No…" Emily interjected, "you didn't." She paused for a moment and took a sip of her coffee. "I wanted to badly to blame you for what had happened that I failed to see what was happening in my own marriage. I blamed you… In my mind you were this woman sent to tempt my husband and make him cheat…" She watched as Emily smiled and chuckled slightly. "I never thought that you were the victim just as much as I was."

"What?"

"Sam is well… A very persuasive person… I knew that from the beginning. He was a charmer and always got his way… I've deduced it to the smile… I think that for a long time he was able to make me believe he was one person, while in reality, he was completely different than who he was making himself out to be…" She paused again, "Am I making sense?"

Leah nodded and fiddled with the top of her coffee.

"I let him manipulate me for years… I was blinded… I didn't see him as anything other than the family man, the man who loved me, or at least, claimed to love me… I let him change me… Did you know that before we met I was a curator at the Museum of Modern Art?" Leah shook her head. "I was… But he wanted a stay at home wife… And I loved him so I gave up my job…"

"I don't understand what this has to do with anything…"

"After I found out about you… I went to therapy. We were supposed to be in couples therapy but you can imagine that Sam never actually showed up… The more I talked about what I had wanted in life and what I actually had, the more I realized just how jaded I had been and just how wrong I was about my entire relationship with Sam… Sam didn't want me… He wanted my name… My father… He wanted a job at the firm and he could only get that through me… I let him treat me the way that he did." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Mostly though, this wasn't clear until after you left… You weren't the only one… I found out that he was carrying on a relationship with another woman… They'd been seeing each other for two years apparently…"

"Two years?" Emily nodded and Leah knew that meant that even when he had been her, he was also carrying on with another woman.

"As you can imagine, I filed for divorce as soon as I found out… Dad fired him… I now have custody of the children… And though I'm not working at MoMA, I do own a gallery uptown."

"You're happy?"

"Happier than I've ever been… And, I guess I have you to thank for that really…"

"I don't understand."

"If I hadn't found out about you… I never would have gotten the help that I needed to actually figure out what shit Sam was… I never would have found myself again." Leah studied the woman's face and watched as she smiled. "You helped me in ways that I'll never be able to thank you for…"

"I have to admit…" Leah smiled, knowing that the woman was truly being genuine, "I thought you were planning to kill me when I saw you on the street."

Both women laughed and carried on their conversation for another hour. Leah was fascinated by the way that Emily had turned her life around and it got her to thinking. For the first time she was beginning to realize that maybe she had been wrong in leaving and not telling Bella… If Emily had been able to change her life around upon learning of what her husband had done, maybe Bella would have the same success. She could only hope right?

----------

**I know it ends on a slightly positive note but things still have to get worse for Bella before they can get better… She still cannot seem to open up… And the only way she can accept and move on is if she can truly be honest with her therapist.**

**As always, I'd love to hear from you… **

**And… Don't forget, I always post a teaser for the next chapter on the twilighted forum for this story!**


	16. I'm Not Feeling It Anymore

**Hey guys. Thanks again for your feedback. It's good to know what you are thinking, even if it's hard to hear sometimes. **

**This chapter serves as a little bit of a transition into the turning point which will take place in chapter seventeen… Thank you, to my wonderful beta zgirl21 for helping me find the RIGHT thing for the turning point because what I had originally had planned was just too much… I think that it will be much easier for you all to read… That being said… I think I was wrong about it getting more difficult to read… I think that this chapter ends on a pretty positive note and shows hope for a better future for both our characters. I'm really excited about the next chapter! I hope to have it up by Tuesday.**

**Edward's song is by Landon Pigg (another I know) it's called "Can't Let Go"  
**

**As always, thank you again to zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Sixteen**_

_Have to get back, have to get back the base  
I need to talk to somebody, I can trust  
Too many cooks, are trying to spoil the broth  
I can't feel it in my throat, that's all she wrote_

_I'm not feeling it no more, I'm not feeling it anymore  
Not feeling it no more, not feeling it anymore_

_We all know that money, don't buy you love  
You just get a job and somewhere to live  
You have to look for happiness, within yourself  
And don't go chasing thinking that it is somewhere else_

_I'm not feeling it no more, I'm not feeling it anymore  
Baby I'm trying to give you the score  
I'm not feeling it no more_

_I was pretending all the time  
I was giving everybody what they wanted  
And I lost my piece of mind  
All I ever wanted was simply just to be me  
All you ever need is the truth  
And the truth will set you free_

"I'm Not Feeling It Anymore," by Van Morrison

----------

He tossed the leather bag that contained his work on the floor of the entry way as soon as he walked through the door. It had been a long day but he wasn't complaining really, he loved what he did, even more so with Emmett around less and Leah out of the country. When his wife began spending time with the woman, he was certain that Leah would spill the truth about their relationship. Wasn't that what all ex-lovers did? Though he had no personal experiences regarding that subject, he had seen it happen in movies countless amounts of times… and then there was Jim Gregson.

Jim had been Jacob's mentor during his first two years at AEG. Fresh out of college, he had come to idolize the man. Jim had everything Jacob had ever dreamed of: a beautiful wife, millions of dollars, a job he loved, and a charismatic personality that seemed to draw in everyone. When he had first met the man, he knew that he wanted to be exactly like him, and he swore to himself that one day, though hopefully not quite too far down the road, he would have it all. Jim also, as it had turned out, had a mistress. To make matters worse, the woman, Jamie Hartson, was no older than Jake himself. In fact, they had been hired at the same time. When Jim refused to leave his wife, Jamie filed a sexual harassment suit and Jim was fired immediately. What became of him, Jacob had no clue. At the time, he had been put off by his mentor's behavior, though it seemed that the more he thought about it, the more he dwelled on the situation, Jacob began to believe that Jim hadn't been as smart as he had thought. He knew that if he ever cheated, he wouldn't be like Jim; he would be smart enough to get away with it.

Thankfully, nearly a month after Leah had left; Bella had never mentioned anything about an affair. For the first time he was finally starting to calm down, certain that he had gotten away with it and he could not move on with his life and act as though nothing had happened. It was, after all, the best option for him. The company was still undecided as to who they wanted to promote and that was enough weighing on him; the past few months that he had been worrying about that and Leah, had nearly drove him mad. Maybe now, he thought, Bella would warm up to him again and they could find a way to reconnect.

As he walked through the hall and into the dark kitchen, he realized that he wasn't even sure Bella was home. Things had been tense between them for a while, he was not even going to deny that; it seemed that everything she did wore on his nerves and vice versa. He also couldn't deny that it had been worse over the past month. She was changing before his very eyes and he didn't like it. Gone was the Bella who did everything he desired, gone the woman who would always have dinner on the table when he arrived home, gone the woman afraid of herself and most importantly to him, gone was the woman that he had spent the past three years trying to shape into the perfect corporate wife.

As he flicked the light switch, the large kitchen quickly illuminated, causing him to squint momentarily, he briefly caught the small white business card that was sitting on the marble countertop by her purse. Thinking that she had changed purses before leaving and scribbled a note to let him know where she had gone, he picked it up in his hands. What he hadn't expected was for it to be a card for a therapist. A Dr. Charlotte O'Neal, office located in Kensington, off High Street. He couldn't help but wonder if this Dr. O'Neal was the cause of the change in his wife.

"Oh! I didn't know you had come home." His jaw was clenched tightly when he heard her voice.

"Seems there's a lot we don't know about each other," he forced as he turned towards her and scowled, from the card that he had found or the fact that she was dressed in the ratty sweats that he had told her to get rid of, he wasn't sure.

Her eyes flickered to his hand and her eyes widened in surprised.

"When exactly where you planning on telling me that you were seeing a shrink?"

She backed up towards the wall as he stalked closer to her, his hand still holding her doctors number, the doctor that she and Rose had found, the doctor forcing her to reopen the old wounds that she had packed with cotton so many years ago to keep from bleeding and taking over her life.

"It's not a big deal," she whispered.

"Not a big deal? What the fuck Bella… What the hell is so fucking wrong with your perfect life that you need to see a therapist?"

"I just…"

"What?" he demanded. "I have given you everything… What else could you possibly want?"

"I just don't know who I am anymore."

"I know who you are and that's all that matters. You're my wife," he growled and tossed the card in the trash. "You don't need to see some fucking shrink."

She was biting her lower lip trying to find the words to tell him that she needed someone to talk to, someone to help her figure herself out, to figure out what she wanted in life, to figure out what she was doing with her life. Everything was so complicated, so difficult and so hard for her to understand that she didn't know what to do anymore. She hated herself desperately; she hated her decisions and the consequences of them for not only her, but also for the people in her life. But she knew she couldn't say that to him, so instead of fighting him about it she merely hung her head in shame.

"I'll cancel my appointment," she lied, thankful that she had become better at it. She would have to find a way to pay for it without Jacob finding out and somehow, she knew that Rose would help her.

"Yes, you will."

----------

He ran a hand through his hair as his free fingers tapped impatiently on the table. He hated going out in public now, there was no longer such a thing as privacy. He hadn't been anticipating this when he had signed the contract with Sony. The anxiety that he had developed since leaving Bella was made worse by the constant flickering of lights as he tried to live his life. The paparazzi, he concluded, were worse than the greatest heartache. Though he could hide his pain from his friends and family, he somehow believed that the magic in the camera would somehow show him for who he really was: a broken man hiding behind a mask.

"What's on your mind?" His head snapped up and he saw Jane had taken the seat across from him, her lips pulled into a sympathetic smile. "You look like you've had another rough night. Did you sleep at all?"

"Two full hours."

She frowned as she watched him, before she reached across the table to stroke the top of his hand with her fingertips. She had liked Edward Cullen the moment she had laid eyes on him in the Sony Music building. He was beautiful, even if she knew it was wrong to call a man by such an adjective, there were no other words. His jaw was perfectly chiseled, his hair so perfectly tousled, and his eyes, such a vivid color of green that she was certain even the beautiful countryside of the Lake District would have been jealous. However, there was more to him than that. She had heard his music and the tortured way that the words seemed to sound as they escaped his mouth. It was for that reason, the sound of the music, that she knew that he was deeply troubled. This was further emphasized by the look on his face mere moments after signing a multi million pound recording contract. He should have been ecstatic, but he looked more like a lost soul.

"Bad dreams again?" she pressed, leaning back in her chair, still stroking his hand softly while she watched him as he closed his eyes and nodded his head. "About her?"

"I don't want to talk about it really," he whimpered.

Of course she had been right. Bella had been haunting him since he had left her for his own sanity, though it seemed, at least in Jane's opinion, that he was far worse without her in his life than he was when she had been there. He hadn't told her much about the situation, merely that she was married and though she had told him that she would leave her husband, she continued to put it off, claiming she needed to make sure he was taken care of before they could be together. Jane couldn't help but think that the woman had been a bloody fool for even bothering to stick with her husband, especially when the other option was Edward, perfect, sweet, Edward, but, she knew that it was only one side of the story, and it was coming from the mouth of a man so passionately in love with her that he was doing everything he could to hate her in hopes that he would forget.

"She stopped calling…" he sighed and turned his hand over so that their palms were pressed against each other. "I don't even know why I'm so bothered by it…"

"Because even though you hurt, you still want to hear her voice."

"Isn't that the most fucked up thing you've ever heard?"

"I've heard worse."

He snorted and she watched as a small smile tugged on his lips. "Like what?"

"My sister's friend, Irina went absolutely psychotic after her boyfriend left her… And I mean crazy Edward. She bought this stupid voodoo doll and tried to curse him… She stalked him, and nearly burned down his flat when she watched him take another woman home. This was nearly eight months after they had broken up." She smiled at the memory and shook her head. "Last I checked, you haven't been practicing black magic, and you're too busy to stalk the woman… And I think you love her too much to even think about hurting her anyways so there goes the burning down her home idea."

He laughed for a moment and she smiled, glad to have brought some joy to his day. She had been making it her goal to find a way to make him smile or laugh even if it was just a few times each day. It wasn't much, but she knew that even if it was for only a moment that he would forget about the other woman and maybe one day, he might be able to love again and she wanted to be that woman. Still, even if that time never came, she still wanted to be there for him, to be his friend and she was pretty certain that he was appreciative of her presence.

"See. You're not that crazy!"

The frown was back and she felt her heart ache, he looked so wonderful when he smiled. "No. I guess I'm not. Though I have seriously thought about stalking her."

"Where would that get you?"

"Absolutely nowhere… But at least I would feel like I could breathe again."

"She might leave him still," she suggested against her better judgment.

"I'm still holding out hope," he sighed and looked at the woman across from him.

He knew that Jane had feelings for him and he felt guilty for running to her so often, especially knowing how she felt but he couldn't help it really. In the shit that had become his life, she seemed to offer a shoulder to cry on and he needed that. He hadn't been lying when he told Bella that Jane had been a sweet girl, she was, and he knew he was the world's biggest shit for using her the way he was but she had known all along that his heart wasn't up for the taking.

"I'm sorry Jane," he said softly and watched as she shook her head.

"For what? What could you possibly have to be sorry about?"

"For putting all my problems on you… You shouldn't have to deal with this."

"I want to Edward." She reached for his hand again but he pulled it away and placed it in his lap. "What's wrong?" Though her voice remained clam, he could see the hurt in her eyes. She was such an open book, something that was an entirely new concept to him. Bella had been so difficult to read, something that had both frustrated and excited him to no end. She had always kept him on his toes.

"I don't want you to think that this can ever be anything more than friendship… I don't want you to wait for me because there isn't anything to wait for."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You never know what the future is going to bring… I'm not giving up on you and if what you need now if a friend then I'll be there… If you want more later… I'll be there too. I know that right now things seem horrible… I get that. I've been there too Edward. I've had my own heart ripped out before… But going through that… It makes you love harder when you can love again. If that is me some day, great… If not… I'll be okay."

He found that his hand was in his hair again as she spoke. He knew that she was never going to budge but he was afraid that he was going to end up hurting her. No, he knew that he was going to end up hurting her because he knew that he could never love her, not in the way that she wanted him to. It wasn't in the cards for him and he knew it wasn't fair to give someone something that didn't exist. His heart wasn't there anymore, Bella had taken it and she would forever have it.

"I can't be more than just your friend Jane."

"That's enough," she replied, and she truly meant it. "Now… You want to tell me about those dreams?"

"I dreamed that she completely forgot about me," he stated while cringing as the memory of the dream came flooding back to him. "She was walking down Sloane Street when I saw her… She looked me directly in the eye and I said her name and she just kept walking. It was like I was a ghost... Invisible to her... I kept calling her name... Telling her it was me... But she never turned around and eventually disappeared."

"It was just a dream."

"But it felt so real," he replied. "Even though I left… Even though I know that this is the right thing… I can't bear the thought of her forgetting about me, forgetting about us."

"I don't think she will… I think we both know that she loves you… Your paths just crossed at the wrong time."

"Can they ever cross again at the right time?"

"Only time will tell," she smiled and reached across the table. This time, he let her hold his hand. "I think that you should take this time to figure out what you would need if she ever did come back… If you could ever trust her again… If you could truly be happy."

"I know I could. I would be happy forever if she came back to me."

"But could you ever trust her?"

"I don't know."

"What would you need from her?"

"I don't know," he said again, and he knew that Jane had a point. If she ever did come back to him, they would have a lot to figure out… And he knew that he would need a lot more from her this time around and it scared him that maybe she didn't know how to give him that. She had been so controlled by Jake that even though he knew she loved him, he wasn't sure she really knew what it mean to really be in love. He hadn't thought this much in a while and his thoughts were giving him a headache.

----------

She hated underground stations; even in the chill of winter, the heat that radiated from them was enough to make her nauseous. She could see the image of what she was going to walk down to: men in their neatly pressed suits, wiping the drops of sweat with their hands and women fanning themselves with their copies of _The Times_. She hated tube travel now, especially as her aversion to crowds had grown over the past few months. She hated the way the bright florescent lights seemed to beat down on her like a spotlight; though maybe it was just a manifestation of her own guilt. Still, it was the easiest way around the city and into the surrounding suburbs, and seeing as she had nothing else to do, nothing else to take her mind off the thousands of things that were currently running through it, she made her descent into the underbelly.

Her arms brushed against the other travelers and she pulled them closer to her body when a rather large man ran straight into her shoulder, nearly knocking her off balance. As she looked around, she knew that it would be best to wait for a while, to wait for traffic to die down a bit before getting on. She was already down in the station and though she could have gone back up and walked to a coffee shop just off the main street, she wasn't willing to put forth that much effort. Instead she looked around until her eyes fell upon a small news agent off to the side where there was a clearing of people.

Once she made her way over, her eyes scanned the covers of the magazines and as she was about to reach for her usual, she glanced over the new week's edition of _Hello!_. A small picture was there, but it was enough to send her heart fluttering and her hand reaching for it unconsciously. He was everywhere now it seemed and she was unable to outrun him. Never one to believe in things like ghosts, she now began to wonder if there was some kind of truth in those who say they had seen them. He was not dead, no… but he was dead in her life and now the haunting apparition of a life that now seemed so long ago, so out of reach, was torturing her and reminding her of everything she once had.

Still, even in the pain that seemed to fill her body at the reminder of him, she couldn't keep the small smile from tugging at her lips; she couldn't help but feel joy for him that his band was succeeding. Not that she hadn't expected them to; she had known all along that he would go the distance. It had always been him who never believed that the dream would come true. She was proud of him; she just wished she could have been there to celebrate it with him. It was unlikely, and it was a thought she knew she shouldn't even entertain. Still, the museum had sparked memories within her that still had her mind reeling and the fact that she was going to torture herself more was not lost on her. She knew better than to open it, but at the same time, she couldn't stop herself. Flipping hastily through it, she finally landed on the article.

There were a few pictures but her eyes fell on the one that was the largest, the one that made her heart twist and wrench so terribly she had to hold onto something for support. His hand was laced together with another and as she examined it closer, her eyes fell on the stunning woman with him. She was beautiful, no denying that and her eyes flickered to his face. He looked so… fragile, unhappy, lost… She had done this, she had caused this to happen and she knew that if she had only been able to give him what he wanted, then it could have been her there with him, and he could have been happy, he would have been happy. In this moment of his life, he should have been happy and she had taken that away from him. The epiphany hit her hard.

Her fingers touched his lips on the page and with her other hand, she reached into her purse and extracted her phone. When she found the number her finger hovered over the delete button. As she closed her eyes, ready to press it, to erase him from her life, she was witness to her own ghost yet again.

_Please don't… _She heard the voice call and she pressed her eyes even tighter, trying to block the tears. It was so vivid, so close that she almost had to look around her. She knew it was nothing, his voice often haunted her and she had been holding on so tight but she knew that she couldn't keep doing this.

Still the voice pressed on. _One day it will be okay… Don't let go of me._ She shook her head and opened her eyes, the tears escaping and making tracks down her cheeks, taking with them the black tar of her mascara.

She put the magazine down and as she walked away she pressed her finger down hard on the button. With that… he was gone. She was letting go and letting him move forward. She hoped that she could do the same.

----------

"Have you thought about what I said to you on Monday?" Charlotte asked her as they took their usual seats across from each other.

"I'm not sure I can do this."

"Why?"

"Because the last time I thought about it… It took me six months to recover," Bella said as she looked down at the floor, ashamed to admit that she had let depression get to her once and how terrified she was that it was getting to her again and that it would only get worse if she rehashed the past.

"Keeping the past inside is never going to allow you to heal."

"I know…" she said quietly.

"What happened that afternoon?"

Bella took a deep breath.

"_Where are you going?" Jake looked up from the Mariners game and towards the door where Bella was standing, her purse slung over one arm and his car keys in the other._

"_I was going to the store… I'm craving mint chocolate chip," she stated matter-of-factly before lowering her voice. "And I wanted to go see Angela for a bit. Ben Jr. is getting so big and I just wanted to spend some time around the baby to get used to it. She's coming soon and I'm still worried that I'm going to mess it all up."_

_Jake rolled his eyes. "It's raining Bella. You're not going out."_

"_You don't own me Jake."_

"_You're staying here Bella," he pressed and she clenched her jaw and watched as he turned his head back to the television._

_She continued to stand there, starring at the back of his head before he spoke up again. "Hey babe? Can you get me a beer from the fridge?"_

"_Get it yourself," she snapped and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her._

_Three hours later, once she had finally managed to calm down, she found herself three miles from their Queen Annes Hill apartment. The rain had only gotten worse and she was driving slowly, her windshield wipers working overtime to keep the large drops off and her view unobstructed. Still, when something seemed to dart across the street, she pressed hard on the brake and the car hydroplaned on the slick roads. Everything was a blur of rain and darkness mixed with the sounds of squealing brakes and her screams before everything went black._

Charlotte handed Bella a tissue and watched as the young woman wiped her eyes and blew her nose as she let the painful memory wash over her. Though she herself had never lost a child before, she had seen her sister in law though a similar experience when she was only twenty three. It was that experience which influenced her to work with women dealing the pain of losing a child.

"And how did Jacob handle the whole ordeal?"

"Those six months after… I don't remember much at all… I remember waking up at the hospital and him telling me that I had lost the child… I remember the doctor saying in the distance somewhere that he wasn't sure if I would have children again… And then… I don't know, everything just…" She closed her eyes as she searched for the words. "It's like, the world ceased to exist. Nothing else mattered anymore. I had failed in my duty to protect my unborn child… I killed her. If I hadn't gone out like Jake had said it never would have happened… I'd have my daughter."

"How can you be held responsible for an accident Bella?"

"Because he told me not to go out… The weather was terrible and I knew it. I never should have gotten in that car, it was stupid but I was angry with him and…"

"And?"

"And I just needed to get out for a bit… I'd been spending so much time at home and I wanted to see my friend and her baby… I wanted be on my own and not under his watch."

"His watch?"

"When he learned that I was pregnant he became so obsessed with making sure I was safe… He just wanted what was best for us."

Charlotte bit back her instinct to frown. She was surprised that even now, ten years after watching women struggle with their controlling husbands, that she still wanted to cringe when she listened to the justification of their behavior. "So you never answered my first question: how did Jacob handle it?"

"He was there for me… He stuck with me while I was catatonic. My dad had wanted to hospitalize me, which I didn't find out until later, but Jacob had insisted that I remain at home."

"Did Jacob ever consider letting you get counseling?" She watched as Bella's eyes widened and dropped to the ground again.

"Jake doesn't believe in therapy. He thought that because he was there… it would be enough. That I didn't need anything else but him."

"And what did you think?"

"I don't know… Anytime I thought about the accident I could feel myself closing off… I didn't want to go through it again… I didn't want to live it again in my mind while I was conscious. I always saw it when I dreamed."

"Did Jacob blame you for the accident?"

"No… Yes… I don't know." Charlotte could feel Bella closing off again and glanced at the clock for a moment. She knew that her session was almost over but she didn't want to end it but she knew that she had to, she had another patient directly after her. She could tell that though all the facts and evidence was there that her husband was controlling her life, that Bella had shut herself off from it as a way to protect herself. If she could only connect the dots, she would finally see how her husband's behavior had pushed Bella to believe that she was deserving of what had happened. She was so close and for the most part, Charlotte was surprised with how quickly Bella was beginning to open up… Though she assumed it had more to do with the fact that instead of coming once a week, Bella had been making appointments for three times a week.

"For Friday, I'd like you to think about Jacob's behavior towards you after the accident… The things you remember, not the things that you were told. I know it's difficult Bella, but you really are making progress."

Bella nodded and stood up, pausing at the door to turn and look at her doctor. "Thank you," she whispered.

----------

He stood in the recording studio and looked at the lyrics on the sheet in front of him. He wasn't sure why he had decided he wanted his song on the album. No, that was a lie; he knew exactly why he wanted this song on the album. Though he hadn't heard from Bella in two weeks, he didn't stop thinking about her, and he knew that somehow, she was still thinking about him. He also knew that when the album was released, and if they weren't together at that point in time, she would still pick it up and when she came across track 4, she would know that it was for her.

"Are you ready Edward?"

He nodded his head as the prerecorded melody began to play in his headphones.

_Well, you're the closest thing I have  
To bring up in a conversation  
About love that didn't last  
But I could never call you mine_

'_Cause I could never call myself yours  
And if we were really meant to be  
Well, then we justify destiny  
It's not that our love died, just never really bloomed_

_No, I can't let go, no, I can't let go of you  
You're holding me back without even trying to  
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past  
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back_

_And then we saw our paths diverge  
And I guess I felt okay about it  
Until you got with another man  
And then I couldn't understand why it bothered me so_

_How we didn't die  
We just never had a chance to grow_

"Hey Ed."

He snapped his head up and looked towards the window at Jasper.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think this song is good for the album."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that every fucking song is about your heartbreak and I don't think we need to depress our fans."

He pulled the headphones off, the scowl on his face apparent to everyone as he slammed the door behind him and joined them.

"Do you have anything else to say?"

"I just think that you need to stop dwelling on it all."

"You know what… I'm fucking sick of this… I can't change how I'm feeling and I'm sorry that I'm not acting the way you want me to but this is how it is for me now." Everything that he had been holding in for the past month and a half was coming out with a vengeance. He had been silent about his feelings for far too long and he couldn't keep it in anymore.

"It's been a month and a half Ed."

"I don't care if it takes another year… I love her. I can't change that, you can't change that, no one can change that. You know…" his voice trailed off as Jasper searched his face.

"What?" He kept his voice level and calm. For the first time since the disaster, as Jasper had named it, Edward was letting him in.

"I'm happiest when I sing about her… I'm sick of pretending that I don't care… I'm so fucking sick of pretending to be who you all want me to be. I can't change that… Singing about her… It makes it real and I know that she'll hear it and she'll know that I still love her… That's all that matters to me."

Jasper's lips pulled into a smile. "That's really all I needed to know."

"What do you mean?"

"You stopped being honest with me a long time ago… I didn't know what you were thinking… You're with Jane one minute and the next you're singing songs about Bella…"

"Jane's just a friend," he interrupted but Jasper held his hand up to silence him again.

"I know… I get it. I understand. I'd feel the same way if it was Alice." He ran his hand through his mess of blonde curls. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Edward replied. And it was. Things had been tense between them, but it was only because Edward knew he wasn't being honest with his best friend, and even with himself for that matter. The less he allowed himself to think about it, the more it ate him up inside. Jane had been right. Talking was the only answer. It was the only way that he could find any kind of relief. The only way that he could prepare himself for whatever the future might bring.

----------

**Okay… That's it for this chapter. Preview of chapter seventeen can be found on the twilighted forum for this story Sunday night/Monday morning… It depends on work really.**


	17. Winds of Change

**Okay guys… Here it is, as promised, chapter seventeen.**

**It's a pretty critical chapter. So I'm not going to say that much just: Thank you zgirl21 for giving me the idea… I hope it lives up to what you were expecting… and thank you NoMoreThanUsual for your support and excitement about the story!**

**Heads up that after Monday, updates might be few and far between as two friends from London are coming to CA for two(ish) weeks (June 8-23) and a third is coming not long after that during the same period (June 17-21)… Tie that in with a trip to LA with them (June 12-14) and it leaves a busy month… Still I'll try my hardest.**

**I hope to have another chapter to you by Saturday!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Seventeen**_

_In the still of the night it shines so clear  
And the comfort of finding it here  
And as I walk the night gets colder  
And I know that I don't know  
And it seems as I get older  
My life goes over  
In the winds of change_

_I guess nothing turned out like I planned  
Everything's sure to fall out of hand  
And it takes a lot to find it  
And it takes a lot I know  
To believe that there is meaning  
Inside this moment  
In the winds of change_

_As it turns you upside down  
As confusing as it seems  
Keep your head high and your feet on the ground  
And turn and chase your dreams  
In the winds of change_

"Winds of Change" by Lifehouse

----------

Rose looked down at the number stored in her phonebook. She wanted to call it, mainly because she knew that he was probably curious, but she wasn't sure it was her place. Before, when things were different, the simple act was nothing that she had to think twice about, but everything had changed since then and it was hard. She missed him and she knew Emmett did too; the four of them had become a small, tight knit family. But that was to be expected when keeping secrets of the magnitude of theirs.

Aiden giggled and she stood up, making her way towards the crib that they had set up in the family room.

"Did you have a good nap?" she cooed, picking him up and rocking him gently in her arms.

The child seemed appeased to be back in his mothers arms and she sat back down on the couch, still contemplating what she truly wanted to do in that moment. She missed their family, and being honest with herself, she missed Edward as well. He had been a delightful addition and both she and Emmett had grown so close to him over the past few months it bothered her that he felt he couldn't still come to them. Still, part of her seemed to understand why he might be harboring apprehension in contacting them: they were Bella's friends first.

Heavy footsteps came from the hall and her head snapped up to her husband who was walking towards her. Even after seven years of marriage, she couldn't help but smile brightly at him. He still had the ability to turn her into a puddle of goo with just a smoldering glance.

"And how was your nap?" she teased as he flopped down onto the couch beside her.

"Missing one warm body." His lips found her neck and he kissed her there, smiling against the skin when he felt the shiver that her body created. "You looked awfully deep in thought… What's bothering you?" He pulled away and slipped his arm around his wife, bringing her closer towards him as he gazed down on his family.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment before resting her head on the back of his arm and rolling her head up to look at him. "Have you heard from Edward?"

Emmett snarled and she regretted even bringing it up. "No… But I'm still in the right mind to rip that boy a new one if I do ever see or hear from him again."

"What do you mean?"

"He fucking promised not to hurt her and now she's all kinds of messed up… I have no idea what to do anymore."

She cocked her head to the side. "What are you talking about?"

"What, do you not see what I see? She's gone all depressed and somber… She's not the happy girl she was when they were together. He left her Rose… He promised me that he wouldn't do that. He fucking swore it to me and now he's gone and she's fucking gone and everything… I don't know."

She shook her head. "You don't know the whole story… Em, what would you have done if I had been married when we met?"

"Fucked you senseless… Then I would have made you leave him," he chuckled and she used her free hand to slap his chest.

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"He was hurting… I should have seen it but it was too late… He did what he had to do to protect himself and I don't blame him for that. I just wish that I had seen it sooner and I wish that I hadn't been so cavalier about the whole thing."

"Babe, this isn't something you could have changed. He knew what he was getting into when he signed up for the relationship with her. He knew she was married."

"Yes… It is. I was so damn adamant that Bella leave Jake that I pushed her into something that she wasn't ready for. I should have gotten her help before this and they could have remained friends and when she was finally ready I could have told her to go for it. Their feelings haven't changed for each other. I pushed her too hard. I messed this all up, if he should be angry with anyone, it's probably me."

"Oh yeah, sure. If he's so broken up about it then what's up with that chick he's been photographed with lately?" he snorted.

"I don't know really but I don't believe that they're really together."

"Oh yeah, sure Baby. I'm sure they're just friends."

"You do know it's entirely possible to hold your friend's hand… To go out to dinner with your friend. And well, most importantly, to be friends with the opposite sex."

"Sure it is."

"Something else is bothering you," she stated and he shook his head. "What is it?"

"The four of us were supposed to be friends…" he said dryly as his gaze shifted to the ground. "Why would he just stop being friends with us because of Bella? And even more so, Bella barely comes around anymore. What the hell happened to us?"

"There's the cancer," she sighed and reached her free hand up to run her fingers through his hair. "I think it hurts him too much… I think it hurts her too much."

He sighed and pulled her closer, right now, he just wanted to be near her. He hated that everything that he had come to know for nearly a year now was crashing down. He hated knowing that two of his best friends were hurting and there was nothing he could do about it, nothing that he could do to save them.

----------

"So what have you been doing when Jake's not around?" Charlotte probed one afternoon, nearly a month since they had began their sessions.

"I go the National Gallery a lot." Bella was hedging the questions, uncertain if she should come clean about the affair she had with Edward. Desperately she wanted to talk about it, but she knew she was afraid of being judged for her actions.

"And?"

Sighing, she knew it was now or never. "I met someone nearly a year ago."

"Tell me about this person."

"He was like… a breath of fresh air. For the first time in a long while, I was able to forget about everything, the pain that I felt from the accident… the neglect… all of it ceased to exist and it was just… us."

"Keep going."

"I fell in love with him," she said softly, her eyes on the ground. "And I was a coward and I've hurt him beyond any kind of repair. I want to make it right but I don't know how, especially because I don't even know how to right the situation that I'm in to begin with.

"He gave me everything and I couldn't give him a thing. No, I take that back. I did give him open ended promises." She reached for the tissues and pressed one against the corners of her eyes that were now pooling with the salty liquid.

"What do you mean open ended?"

"It's not a lie that I'm unhappy with Jacob… But I know I can't leave him until he is taken care of. He's been nothing but supportive and well… I don't want to cause him pain and I know that ultimately I will but it would be easier if I knew that he had the one thing he wanted more than anything else, even more than he wants me."

"Which would be?"

"This promotion at work."

Charlotte sighed for a moment. "I need you to think about something Bella… but I don't want you to react, just think. Are you maybe confusing supportive with controlling?"

----------

Though he should have been writing songs, he couldn't find the muse to do so, and instead he was writing lists. All kinds of lists: his top ten favorite songs, his top ten favorite foods, his top ten favorite bands… All in an attempt to clear his mind and the more he wrote the easier it became and soon his lists began to change. Now he was scribbling the ten things he loved about Bella Swan, his ten favorite memories involving Bella Swan, ten things about Bella Swan's smile that he loved, ten things about Bella Swan's eyes that he loved and finally, ten things about Bella Swan that broke his heart.

He didn't know what had prompted the list making, but he knew that it was helping. Slowly he was purging his heart of all the pain that he had been storing and his heart was getting a bit lighter. This didn't mean the pain was gone, by no means was that the case, he knew that the pain would always be there unless she was with him, but it did keep it from hurting quite as bad. Thinking about her, he had determined, was the only way. He knew it made the memories more clear, especially as he dreamed, but he wasn't fighting it anymore because he knew that it didn't matter.

The more he thought about her, the more he started to think about Jane's advice. He knew that he could be happy with Bella if she ever did come back, but he was still uncertain as to whether he would ever be able to trust her again. The wounds ran so deep and the seemingly empty promises that she had made him and failed to follow through on had ripped into him so deeply that it was hard to even trust his friend's promises anymore.

Still, he knew that if she was sincere, if she truly was able to show him that she had changed, and that she really did love him and want to make him happy and enter into an equal partnership, that he wouldn't pass up the opportunity. He just didn't know how he would know if she was sincere or not. Then again, he knew it was something that he would have to deal with when, or if, the time ever came. He hoped that it would and that it wasn't too far down the road. He wasn't sure how much longer he could live without her.

He heard the familiar sound of his ringtone and reached for his phone and glanced at the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Hey Edward," her voice resonated and he smiled, thankful to have someone to take his mind off the thoughts that he had been having while he sat alone in his flat.

"Jane. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Just fucking bored… I thought I'd see what you were up to." There was a pause between the both of them. "You're fucking moping aren't you?"

"No. Well, not entirely. I've been thinking as well."

"Thinking about what?"

"What we had talked about… About what I would need from her."

"How about we meet up and you tell me what you've been thinking," Jane replied.

"Sounds good. The usual?"

"The usual," she replied.

----------

Bella walked into the Waterstone's in Piccadilly. It was one of her new favorite places in London and probably because of the sheer size of the bookstore. Five whole floors, nearly all of them devoted to books. In so many ways it reminded her of home, of being at the University of Washington library, though these books were brand new and didn't have the old, musty smell that the ones she was remembering had.

She also figured that the place was large enough that she could hide there. And often, that's what she would do. She's scan the books until she found one, then she'd purchase it before going to take a seat and lose herself in whatever world it was that she was reading about. Plus, she knew that it was one place that she wouldn't run into Edward. Or rather, she assumed she wouldn't run into him.

What she didn't know, however, was that at the very moment that she was running her fingers on the bindings of the books in front of her, her ex-lover, love of her life, was on the fifth floor, enjoying a drink with the woman who was quickly becoming his best friend.

"So," Jane asked as they sat down with their usual two pints of the lager that was on tap, "what have you been thinking about?"

He sipped the drink for a moment before looking at her. "She has to prove herself to me."

Jane laughed, "No shit. But what does she have to do?"

He shrugged unable to really give her the answer that she was looking for because he himself didn't really have an idea as to what the grand gesture would have to be. "I have no fucking clue. I suppose I'll know it when I see it."

"Why do you like this place so much anyhow?" Jane asked, changing the subject, knowing full well that he was right; that there was no way that he could have a definitive answer. What was important, and she was happy he realized it, was that she would have to prove herself.

"I suppose it's because she loves books… I don't know, part of me always hopes that I'll run into her here."

"Does she come here?"

"No idea, we didn't go to bookstores together."

"So why would you assume she would be here?"

"Because I know she probably doesn't go to the National Gallery much anymore because it became our place… And she loves books… I mean, truly loves them Jane. I've never seen a single person tear through a novel like she does." He smiled and closed his eyes, in his head he was reliving the moment when he had watched her pick up her copy of Wuthering Heights for the first time.

Jane wanted to encourage the talk about her, noting that he had seemed to relax as he did so. "What was her favorite?"

"The classics. God, she had this old copy of Wuthering Heights, she had probably read this particular one twenty times, at least. It was in a state… The binding was nearly falling off…" he chuckled. "We got into this huge argument about Catherine and Heathcliff… God… And then Romeo and Juliet…"

"What about them?"

"Her idolization of the relationships… Such a positive understanding of them… Heathcliff and Catherine got what they had coming to them. Both were too selfish and too prideful, but she loved them… I think she was always rooting for them to come out of it together… And well, Romeo and Juliet, another one that she was so adamant about… She would cry every time she read the end. It was adorable and I loved watching her and I could never convince her that they were doomed from the beginning. Not to mention the boy was seriously flawed. Was he not at the ball because of another woman?"

"Love at first sight."

"Okay, I'll give you that… But neither relationship ever stood a chance. Love could have existed between them both but maybe that wasn't enough."

Jane furrowed her brow for a moment. "Did you ever think that maybe, being that she loves literature like this, that she thinks that as well?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… She loves these stories and she always roots for them to work out, but they never do," she said and watched as he cocked his head to the side, listening to her words. "Maybe the thought that what she had with you was doomed to fail as well. It's obvious how happy you too were… If I haven't heard it, I've seen it in the pictures. But if she believes what she reads, she probably thought that the happiness wouldn't last. Isn't that what life has taught her?"

"I suppose I never thought of it that way."

Jane just shrugged. "Sometimes, you have to look at the little things before understanding the big picture."

While Edward and Jane drank on the fifth floor, Bella was still standing on the third floor, her eyes and fingers raking over the different books, trying to find anything that was catching her attention. Finally, her eyes fell on the name of an author that she had recalled Rose talking about: Jodi Picoult. She pulled out the first one the saw, a book called Picture Perfect, and slowly opened it, careful not to crease the binding.

_The woman looked into the sky. She did not know where she was, but it was quiet; and since her head was pounding, she was grateful. She tried to remember how she got there in the first place… She stared at a bus sighing at the corner stop. She didn't know where she was. She didn't know the closest police station. She didn't even know her own name._

Carefully, she closed the book and scanned the back.

_To the world, they had everything. Cassie Barrett was a renowned anthropologist. Alex Rivers was a respect actor. They met on the set of a motion picture in Africa. They shared childhood tales, toasted the future, and declared their love in a fairy-tale wedding. But when they returned to California, something altered the picture of their perfect marriage. A frightening pattern took shape—a cycle of hurt, denial, and broken promises, thinly veiled by glamour. Torn between fear and compassion, Cassie wrestled with the questions she never dreamed she would face. Why did she stay? And how could she leave?_

It was a far cry from the normal things that Bella would read, but something about the situation made her decide that it was something that had sparked her interest. So instead of putting it back on the shelf, like she so often did when it came to contemporary literature, she cradled it in her arm and proceeded to find the queue to pay.

And when it was paid for, she found her chair and sat down and flipped it open. Each word on the page seeming to describe the very nature of how she was feeling: the husband who hurt her and the lover who possessed her in ways that were indescribable. But she was Cassie, and Jacob was Alex and she knew, without a doubt, that Edward was Will.

Cassie was lost, she was confused but she knew she loved Will, she knew deep down. And it was painful to admit, and it was confusing as hell but deep down, the love and passion that didn't exist in her own marriage was there in the stranger who had taken care of her. The stranger who loved her deeply regardless of how she saw herself and of how little she had to give. He knew her, and he knew that he was taking a chance, but he did everything he could to show her that.

_I did not tell her that he was so gentle he sometimes made me cry. I did not tell her that afterward, he would hold me so tightly the breath was driven from my lungs, as if he were afraid I'd disappear. I did not tell her that every now and then, as he prayed to me with his hands and his heart and his mouth, I felt as cherished and as blessed as a saint._

Everything was solidified as she read Will's words, "You're too much a part of me… If you cut yourself free…then I bleed to death."

Bella was crying quietly as she sat in the chair. The tears falling from her eyes and landing on the white paper underneath her leaving stains on the book. She wanted everything to be clear, she wanted to see herself as these characters but she still had trouble relating Alex to Jacob. Jacob had never clubbed her over the head, he still was better than Alex, and she still felt guilty for loving Edward.

The paths of the lovers did not cross that day, though it seemed, they were getting closer.

----------

Rose finally gathered the courage to call Edward three days later. She had put Aiden down for his afternoon nap when she saw her phone resting on the coffee table. It had been in the back of her mind to have a get together between her husband and her best friend's ex-lover but she still was unsure as to how she could truly broach the subject. Throwing caution to the wind, she decided that it didn't matter. Bella was her friend yes, but so was Edward and she wanted to help him as well. She, after all, knew that this was partially her fault.

What she hadn't anticipated was for him to pick up. She had the voice mail message all planned out in her head, exactly what she would say and how she would say it. His voice, startled her.

"Rose?"

"Oh… Um… Hi," she managed to stutter, surprised at her lack of confidence in the situation. She was always so confident.

"Is everything okay? Is Bella…" his voice trailed, as though he was afraid to ponder the possibility that something was wrong with her, that she had been hurt or damaged in a way and he hadn't been there to save her, to help her, to protect her.

"Oh… Yes… She's fine, I suppose. I was actually, um, calling to talk to you."

"To me?"

"Congratulations…" she said softly, "I wish we could have been there… or at least gathered the courage to call you sooner."

"Thank you… It does mean a lot and I wouldn't say that you're to blame for all this. I could have called as well."

"Yes… you could have but I don't blame you… It's a difficult situation… It's just… we miss you."

His heart stalled as he heard we. "We?"

"Emmett and I," she replied and then her voice dropped a few levels, "and Bella."

There was silence on both ends of the phone for a while. Edward was trying to calm the beating of his heart at the mere mention of her name and the fact that she missed him; he couldn't help but wonder if there was hope after all. He was beginning to fix himself but he knew that the missing piece of it all was her. Rose on the other hand was mortified that she had even mentioned Bella's name and took his silence as a negative, fearing now that she had managed to alienate him even further.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have," she finally managed.

"No really… It's okay, I've… well I've been wondering about her…"

"I still shouldn't have," she replied. "I guess what I wanted to know… what Emmett and I wanted to know, was if you were free to meet with us… Dinner or something. We miss you Edward."

"Of course… I'd love to see you both. How is Thursday?"

"Thursday will work just fine. Come here to our house, I'll cook… or rather, I'll order take out."

"That sounds nice Rose."

"Thank you Edward."

"No… Thank you Rose… I really am happy to hear from you." She could hear the truth in his voice and she smiled as she said goodbye and hung up the phone. She knew that it was another step in the right direction.

----------

She slid into the driver's seat of the BMW Jacob had purchased for her a year ago that she had only driven on that same day. It still smelled new and for a moment she just sat there, leaning against the leather seat as she closed her eyes and tried to mentally prepare herself. The telltale signs of her anxiety began to resurface as she tried to calm her mind: the shallow breaths and the heavy chest. She had to remind herself that it was merely a panic attack and that she wasn't going to die, even if it felt like she was. Deep down she would have preferred to have been in the house or walking on the streets but Charlotte had insisted that one of the steps to conquering her demons was to get behind the wheel again.

She reached forward and listened as the car turned over. The purr of the engine filled the small space and she quickly opened the garage door. She didn't know where she was going, but her 'homework' was to drive for at least a solid hour. An hour. It was easily accomplished in London, what with the horrible traffic, but she knew that Charlotte didn't mean sitting, waiting; she would have to get out of the city and into the country to drive. Thankfully the car was equipped with a GPS device.

An hour and a half later, she found herself on the M6 driving past a Birmingham exit. Taking notice of where she was and in what direction she was heading in, she found an open patch on the side of the road and pulled over, shutting off the engine before allowing herself to just sit there. This was life for her and she closed her eyes and fought back the tears when she realized for the first time that every attempt to fight her demons led her right back to him, the one person she knew understood her even though she didn't understand herself.. Unconsciously she had led herself halfway to his childhood home and she wondered how she could even attempt to move forward when her mind wouldn't let her.

Without thinking, she flipped on her blinker and continued on the M6 knowing full well where she would find herself, but not really caring, not if, if only for a moment, it brought her closer to him.

----------

Leah's guilt had taken her this far, now all she had to do was step off the plane at Heathrow and figure out how she could tell Bella the entire truth. In the six hours she had spent in the air, she had come up with nothing. Everything still was a jumble and she knew that regardless, Bella would hate her. Though she had every reason to. For months she had hid the fact that she had slept with her husband and she had become her friend on top of that. Friend's didn't do that and Leah was a terrible friend.

To say that AEG wasn't too thrilled with her need to go back to London would have been an understatement. They couldn't understand what it was that she needed to finish that required her to take more time off of work, it was then that she realized that she was miserable at her job and quit. There had been a long time ago when she thought it was everything, but the job had really brought her nothing more than undue stress and problems. Maybe now, she thought, she could figure out what she really wanted to do with her life. Besides, the one good thing that had come out of the job had been the savings account that she had managed to acquire. She wasn't worried; she would have plenty of time to figure things out.

When she finally did step off the plane she felt a sense of dread that hadn't existed. Bella had become such a good friend to her and part of her wondered if she was truly doing the right thing. She never wanted to cause her pain but she knew that ultimately, that was exactly what she was doing. Well, that and the fact that she knew she would lose her friend forever. It was a difficult situation and she was wrong in the first place for even thinking she could live with the guilt.

As she stood in line at boarder control, she remembered to turn her phone on. There had been no missed calls, though she hadn't assumed there would be, not when she wasn't employed anymore.

"Where are you staying miss?" She snapped out of her reverie and looked up at the eyes of the man who was patiently examining her passport.

"The Dorchester."

"And why are you visiting the country?"

"Vacation."

He nodded and pressed the stamp down on the paper. "Have a pleasant trip."

"Thank you," she muttered under her breath and gathered her things. The trip, she knew, would be anything but pleasant.

----------

Bella sat at the Edge in what she remembered to be the very same spot where Edward had held her and she told him that she would be leaving Jacob for him. They were the best memories that she had with him, and she cherished them though she seldom allowed herself the delight of reliving them. It felt wrong not doing that here though, here things were different. Here they were Edward and Bella and she could vividly recall each and every detail of their relationship without guilt. But it didn't keep her from feeing upset with the way things had ended, with the fact that they hadn't managed to persevere the way the land here had, the way the legends had, the way the magic of this place had. The sky seemed to mimic her own emotions: the darkness telling of rain to come just as she could feel her own eyes clouding over and the tears threatening to spill if she continued to ponder where things had gone wrong.

And just like that, the cloud began to pour and so did her tears. She sat for a little while longer though, still not willing to part with the area though she knew she was risking her heath. It didn't really matter anymore. This was the only place that she had been since they had parted that she truly felt at one with him. It was almost as though part of himself was tied to the land, and she knew for a fact, that part of them was tied here. She only wondered if she could ever have that back, if they could ever have that back.

Willing herself up, she stood and walked back to the car. She still had a long three and a half hour drive, and that was if the rain didn't impede traffic, which she knew, it probably would.

Nearly an hour outside of London, the rain grew more violent and she could feel her heart as it pounded in her chest. This was the type of weather that brought back everything from the past to her mind and the fact that she was driving only made her more anxious. She flipped the wipers on a higher speed and decreased her own, just to be safe. In her mind, she was cursing Charlotte, but she knew that if she managed to conquer this, then she was on the right path.

The radio played a soft song that seemed to relax her a bit though her knuckles were still white as she gripped the leather wheel. Something didn't feel right and though she was relaxing, she couldn't relax completely.

"This is crazy Isabella," she told herself out loud. "It's just rain."

She tried to busy her mind with other thoughts: the fact that she hadn't seen Rose or Emmett in weeks and how she should call them up, the fact that she hadn't heard from Leah since she had moved back to New York and how she felt that maybe their friendship hadn't really meant anything to her at all, but ultimately, her mind continued to go back to the book that she had bought only a few days ago at the bookstore.

She despised Alex, hated him and the character and everything he represented. She hated that someone so cruel could exist, even in a fictional world. And, in many ways, she hated Cassie and how she was so blinded by Alex and the glamorous lifestyle that they lived, how just because every other woman in the world wanted to fuck her husband, she felt that she should be happy with the life she was living. But what hurt her the most, was how much she related to the woman. She hated that she couldn't find the strength the leave Jacob and the strength to love Edward the way he deserved to be loved. She hated how she took everything form Edward but had so little to give back to him. She hated that she had allowed him to fall for her and be unable to catch him, and she hated, that she loved him just as passionately but felt that she couldn't do a thing about it.

As she relaxed into the seat, she pondered her own situation more. She thought about the way Jacob had treated her and compared it to the way Edward had. She thought about Jacob's needy and greedy touches and kisses and Edward's worshipping and loving ones. She thought about their words and the way Jacob's usually hurt her and how Edward had always managed to bring a certain joy to her day. She thought about how unfair she had been to Edward and how she gave everything to the man who gave her so little and nothing to the man who gave her everything.

So deep in her thoughts, Bella was no longer paying attention to the road and the heavy rain so when the animal darted across the road, surprised, she slammed on the brakes, and turned her wheel, losing all control of the vehicle as it spun on the slick roads.

If your life is supposed to flash before you, Bella was upset with what she saw and how clear everything came to her though it was too late now to go back and change everything: she saw the way that Jacob had possessed her, the way he had made her feel guilty over something she really knew she had no control over, she saw the way his eyes had darkened when he grew angry, the impending danger of his behavior, she saw how his words were carefully chosen to hurt her feelings or make her feel less of herself, and she saw the way he belittled her and made her believe that she was worthy of nothing better than what he gave her. And before everything went blank and she slipped into her unconscious, she saw Edward and she smiled because he was there, like always, when she needed him the most.

----------

"Thank you, for coming," Rose smiled as she opened the door to see Edward standing there, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

"Thank you for calling and inviting me."

He followed her into the house and handed her the flowers and Emmett the bottle and was surprised when he clasped his hand on his shoulder and drew him into a bone crushing man hug.

"It's good to see you again."

"I thought you wouldn't want to see me," Edward responded matter-of-factly. "I broke my promise."

Emmett shrugged. "Who's saying you broke it? There's still time to figure it all out. I think I was a bit too quick to judge anyways."

"I was going to ask if you'd seen her…" he said softly, casting his eyes down to the ground. "I haven't heard from her in so long… I just…"

"She's been on a road to self discovery, or at least, that's what Rose says. I'm not really sure though…"

"Does she…" He couldn't find the strength within himself to ask if she still thought of him, if she still loved him. He was pretty sure the answer was yes, but his own self deprecating personality wasn't willing to accept it. He sometimes hated the person he had become since finding true love.

"She does," Emmett replied, not needing any further prompt to know what he was talking about and watched as Edward merely nodded his head solemnly.

Rose had ordered take out from a small Italian place not too far from their home and half way through the meal, a phone call interrupted everything.

"Excuse me," she said softly to the two men as she stood and made her way to the phone.

Not taking much notice, Edward and Emmett continued their discussion about football and which team would go all the way that season: Emmett was insistent on Chelsea whereas Edward merely shook his head claiming it would be Arsenal. When they had finally managed to agree to disagree, they looked up and saw Rose standing there, her hand clutching the phone and her eyes brimming with tears.

"Baby what's wrong?"

"It's Bella."

Edward snapped out of his chair and rushed over to his friend's wife. "What's wrong? What happened to her?" He was frantic for information, his heart heavy as he thought that he might never be able to see her alive and well again, that they might never have the chance to be together again as he so often dreamed that they would.

"There was an accident…" she stuttered, the words coming out in a jumbled mess as she fought the sobs. "They're rushing her to St. Thomas'."

"I have to go…"

"Edward… You can't… Jacob will be there."

"I don't give a fuck… She's hurt Rose… I have to be there." His heart was pounding wildly and he was having a difficult time comprehending what was happening, all he knew was that he had to get to her, he had to let her know that he loved her, that he would always love her regardless of what had happened, he had to tell her that they could find a way to make it work because he didn't work without her, he just… Fuck, he just needed her.

Emmett approached him, resting one hand on his shoulder. "It's better if you don't… We'll call you… I'll personally keep you updated. But Jacob can't know... I'll tell her that you want to see her."

"I just… Can I…I need to be at the hospital. I'll stay away, I'll look inconspicuous, but I need to be there if she needs me."

Emmett looked to his wife who was cradling Aiden in her arms and she nodded her head. "If Jake asks, we'll tell him he's with us… It's the truth after all."

----------

**Cliffhanger… Sorry guys… But you don't really believe I'd kill her right? I mean… I know most of you hate her… But I think she's figuring things out. **

**As always, I'd love to hear from you.**

**If anyone has read High Fidelity... You bet I took the list making from that... Damn... Such a good book. I love Rob... I shouldn't because he's so damn psychotic and pyschologically fucked... But he's got this amazing mind in so many different ways and he's such an entertaining narrator... The book far outshines the movie.  
**


	18. Bring Me Down

**Wow guys… I'm so sorry for how long this has taken… I'll just say that real life of course did get in the way and though I'm not thrilled with the chapter, I think it's because I'm so out of the swing of writing, though I anticipate the next one should be up to par… It was quite a difficult chapter to work through… But I will say that it's the first positive step in a long, long time… I hope that Bella starts to redeem herself… Though it's still going to take some time. **

**Thank you for being so patient. I know that it's been nearly a month and I thank you for not giving up on me. And I want to thank everyone for reviewing the last chapter. You all amaze me with your kind words and though I can't respond to everyone, I do cherish what you say and it brings a smile to my face.**

**I'd love to see the same kind of response to this chapter as to the other… There are so many of you who have this on alert and I'd love to know what you think as so many of you read it but only a few actually end up reviewing… Granted I don't write for reviews… I'd just love to know, especially now as the story begins to take a turn. **

**Thank you of course to zgirl21 and to NoMoreThanUsual. You both are amazing!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Eighteen**_

_So here we are again  
Staring at the end of what we made and who we are  
Never knowing when  
One of us will break apart and walk the other way_

_Love, I don't know what to say  
Love, I don't know how to stay  
When you won't let me be the person that I am_

_The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore  
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms  
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all  
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down_

_What are we to do?  
What are we to say to one another now we're through?  
Thanks for being you  
Thanks for being all the things I had to say goodbye to_

_I'm over being lied to  
I'm over being pushed into the  
Person that you want me to become_

_The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore  
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms  
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing I gave it all  
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down_

_Where did we go wrong?  
We let it be so long  
But now there's no turning back, let's face the facts_

Lenka, "Bring Me Down"

__________

She never wondered what death meant or what it would feel like or how it would affect the people around her. After the accident, the one that took the life of her baby, a part of her own soul had died; a part that she knew she would never get back and subsequently allowed her to believe that she was already dead. But over the past year, something had changed, something that made up a fundamental part of who she was and she didn't have to question it anymore because she knew why. Edward. He had changed her, had brought her back from the dead, and restored the life force in her that had faded all those years ago on that dark and rainy street in Seattle. Death was now frightening though she was comforted in knowing that she could no longer hurt him anymore.

There was no bright white light beckoning her from the land of the living. She didn't feel an overwhelming sense of warmth and love enveloping her soul and body and though she could hear in the very depths of her mind a voice, she knew that it wasn't that of Saint Paul welcoming her through the pearly gates of Heaven. A part of her felt that the notion of Heaven was foolish, at least when she considered the long list of mortal sins that she had committed over the past year and never repented for. If Saint Paul had smiled at her and welcomed her though she would have questioned his sanity or the sanity of his supervisor; she knew she didn't deserve it and she knew she wasn't sorry for the sins she had committed. In fact, she would have surely laughed in his face and demand that he send her past purgatory and straight to hell. At least then she would know she could repent for the pain that she had caused Edward.

The one regret she knew she would have would be that she never told him how much she truly loved him. She had been selfish and cruel and treated him without regard to his own feelings. She let him love her but she had been unable to love him back because she was too afraid of what it meant, of what it would signify, of what it would do to her character. She had been so concerned with the husband she now knew she never really loved, that she had missed out on the love of a lifetime, the love of a true soul mate.

Ironic that the last book she had read had been _Romeo and Juliet_. As a young adult she had devoured the play, deconstructed every single line and wished that some day she would find her own Romeo. When Jake had come along, her parents had just divorced and she was splitting her time between Phoenix and Forks and he had been merely a breath of fresh air; someone she could confide in, a friend, her best friend. And when she was sixteen and he had come home from college and kissed her as they watched the sun set at La Push beach, she gave him her heart because that was what she knew, it was what she read about, what she dreamed about. Everything was perfect, _they _were perfect and it had felt right because she didn't know anything else and she never would have known different if she hadn't met Edward.

She should have left Jake the day her white blouse had been ruined on King Street. Even know she could recall with perfect clarity the electricity that pulsed through the air the moment their bodies collided. But she had been too foolish and even when he had kissed her, when she had kissed him and her whole damn world had turned upside down, she was still too much of a coward to make the right choice; she was too blinded by her own insecurities, blinded by the past that had always managed to haunt her, and blinded by her own misconceptions and understanding of what love truly was. Now, it was too late and she hated that she would never be able to apologize for it and to him. She would have to hope that somehow, he would know.

Her tombstone would read Black, but her heart and her soul would forever be branded Cullen.

__________

The rain hadn't managed to let up even three days later and it pounded against the asphalt with a ferocity that Edward had thought only existed in the pages of novels. London rain shouldn't have surprised him, he just hated that it seemed to fall like this as his own world was falling down as well. Metaphorical rain, used to symbolize the emotions of the characters in works of fiction seemed to be playing a role in his own very life and he wondered if she had something to do with it. He hated that it was the first thing that his mind traveled towards because if that was the case, he knew she was speaking from a place that was not earthly bound.

His body ached. His heart ached. His soul ached. Any pain that he thought existed when she had left was magnified at the pending thought of her death. He could have survived her being alive and not with him, but the thought that she no longer existed in the world tore at him in a way that he hadn't imaged was possible.

In that moment the lack of sound caused him to pine for music. He needed something to seek comfort in; a sound that could play that would put his mind and body at ease, even if only for a little while. Billie Holiday, _I Cover the Waterfront_. Van Morrison, _Comfortably Numb_. Otis Redding, _Pain In My Heart_. It didn't matter what the tune was, he just needed something and there was nothing, only the sound of the rain against the black cab and the sounds of the city street as it passed him by.

"Can you turn on the radio?" he questioned, leaning forward a little and he watched as the cabbie just reached forward and the station began to play through the small cab. The familiar cords of a song that he knew all too well echoing through the silence.

What little hope that he had to seek comfort in music was turned painful when the sound of his own song, a song about her, filled his ears and the sad tenor of his voice rang out. _I can't let go… No, I can't let go of you… You're holding me back without even trying to… I can't let go… I can't move on from the past… Without lifting a finger you're holding me back…_

"Please…" he whispered to himself as his head rested against the window, "let it be okay."

__________

There was an annoying beeping sound resonating through her ear drums and it served to be rather infuriating to her, made only more so with the poking and prodding of her body, a body that she felt eerily disconnect to. Still, she knew, if only because of the noise that she could hear, that she wasn't dead, that somehow, against all odds, she had managed to survive, at least for a little while.

She couldn't help but hope that there was something, or someone out there who had enough faith in her that they were giving her a second chance at life, a chance to make the decisions that she should have made. For once, she was beginning to feel hopeful; happy that maybe her own luck was turning around, that she was finally in control of her own future and she had the ability to make it into something that she was truly excited about. And yet, amongst the joy there was still an overwhelming sense of dread and fear that maybe the life that she wanted, the life she should have picked all along, would not be there for her.

"She seems to be waking up Dr. Cullen," a female voice called from one of her sides, though her own perception was off kilter and she knew not where it was coming from and when she tried to discern it by moving her head, she found that she was locked in place.

Her eyes began to flutter, the light from the ceiling blinding and she wondered why she ever thought to look for a bright white light when it only hurt. Around her she could hear feet as they scattered around her, tools and trays clanging and because she couldn't feel much of her body anymore, she worried what the damage must have been, worried about just how bad she was probably hurt. Still, she knew it was a miracle that she was even waking up and not comatose.

"Isabella, can you hear me?" The voice was angelic and slightly familiar but she was still having trouble adjusting to the world around her. "Isabella?"

She opened her mouth and though she tried to speak, it appeared that nothing more than a strangled sound was able to come out. Panic radiated through her body as she wondered what was wrong. Had her vocal cords been cut? Would she ever be able to speak again? Her body stiffened and again she felt someone touch her, though this time the hand was soft and reassuring.

"It's okay… You're safe. Your body is merely stressed. Relax Isabella."

She nodded and again tried to open her eyes, this time the light adjusted more easily and her eyes were met with the face of a man she had merely seen in photographs and whose name she had heard from the lips of the man that she loved.

__________

Edward had never hated hospitals as much as he did at the moment. With his father a successful surgeon, he had spent much of his youth terrorizing the nurses as he ran, much to his father's chagrin, up and down the linoleum covered floors and, if he had been feeling particularly playful, he would take his shoes off using the lack of friction to slide across them as well. Of course, it had landed him in trouble many a times over. Still, as he grew older, he continued to spend countless hours there, shadowing his father, growing to enjoy his visits and the people that he met; it was always an adventure, nothing was ever the exact same when he came in and he loved that about it.

But now, things were different, _he_ was different. No longer did the hospital captivate him as it once had, and knowing that the woman that he loved was in there, just beyond the sliding glass doors that he was currently pacing in front of, was tearing at his heart in the worst possible way. He began to doubt everything that had happened between them over the past few months apart and he feared that amongst it all, she didn't know, didn't realize or understand that he loved her more than his own damn life. He was afraid that she would leave this earth and never know just how much she had changed him and just how much she would always mean to him.

"Edward?"

His head snapped up and he saw Rose standing next to him, her hand touching his shoulder, rubbing it in a manner to try and sooth his frazzled nerves. In that moment, everything that had been building, everything that he had been feeling seemed to explode and he was crying, for the first time, not because she wasn't there, but because she may never be there ever again.

"It will be okay…" Rose soothed, bringing him into her arms and cradling him, knowing that as much as she hurt over the situation, he was feeling far worse than she could ever imagine. "She'll be okay."

The rain had managed to let up, the stars peaking through the clouds, but he didn't care and he didn't notice. All he could think about was the accident and Bella. He was furious at her for driving in the first place; she had to have known how bad the weather was and yet she still was there, out in it, putting herself at risk, in danger knowing full well that she was an anxious driver. He just wanted to know why she was driving because if she hadn't been, things would have been different, she wouldn't be in there, fighting for her life.

"Rose…" Edward wiped at his eyes, not wanting Emmett to see him like this and both he and Rosalie turned their heads to see her husband looming over them.

"Is everything okay?"

"Jacob just got here. He was asking for you."

"Do you want to stay here with Em?" she whispered softly in Edward's ear, loosening her grip on his shoulders and pulling away from him slightly.

"I need…" He cradled his head in his hands, pressing hard on both sides hoping that the pain would allow all the thoughts that were currently filling his mind to go away. The last thing that he really needed was to continue thinking that she wasn't going to make it out of this. He had to believe that everything would be okay. He had to have faith even though it was the hardest thing in the world for him. "I need to go to her."

"We'll find a way…" Rose replied, running her fingers through his hair. "Somehow… We will figure this out Edward… I promise."

__________

"Isabella, do you know where you are?" Carlisle Cullen spoke and her eyes widened. She wondered if this was merely a dream. What could have been the odds that the man who saved her life was the man who was responsible for helping conceive her Edward? Was this life being cruel or being inconceivably forgiving? She knew that she didn't deserve Edward and now she owed her life to his father; if they were to ever be together after this, if that was even a possibility for them, she would owe everything that she was to that man for giving her that chance.

Her throat hurt, her body hurt, so instead of speaking, she half nodded and half shook her head. She knew she was in a hospital. Having visited plenty in her lifetime, she was more than able to discern that. What she didn't know was how long she had been there, what hospital she was in, and what exactly was wrong with her.

"You're at St. Thomas' and you've been here for three days. You were in a rather terrible accident on the M6 and lost control of your vehicle. Do you remember any of this?"

She shut her eyes tightly and in that moment flashes of what had happen interlaced with the accident of five years ago was playing behind her eyelids. She wanted to be angry with herself, she wanted to be angry with Charlotte for telling her that this was something she had to do, but she couldn't because it had led to the most startling realizations of her life: that she did not love Jacob, that he did not love her, and that she would spend the rest of her life showing Edward that she loved him if he would allow her to.

__________

Rose stomped into the waiting room where she found Jacob sitting, his laptop perched on the top of his thighs as he typed rapidly on the keyboard. He wasn't even paying attention and she wondered if he had even thought to ask about Bella or the status of her condition. Seemingly oblivious to her presence, the placed her palm on the back of the black plastic and slammed it shut.

"What the fuck?" His head jerked up and he saw her standing here, her arms now crossed tightly at her chest. "What do you think you're fucking doing?"

"Nice of you to show up," she sneered, her eyes narrowing as he put the computer on the seat next to him. "I can tell you really care about your wife."

"What do you expect me to do Rose? Drop everything? It's not like she's even awake."

"I don't think I've ever met anyone as selfish and as narcissistic as you are."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if you even cared the slightest bit for Bella you would have called work and told them you needed time off. But you didn't. All you fucking care about is yourself and not the woman who has given up everything to follow you here… The woman who puts you before herself… The woman who sticks with you even when you are too much of a dipshit to really be there for her when she needs you."

"What can I possibly do for her when she's not even awake?"

"You could sit by her side and pray that she comes out of it! Fuck… Anything would be better than you going to work and expecting me and Em to fill in for your role but you know what, we've been doing that for two years now. I don't know why she even thinks she owes it to you to stick around."

Rose had never felt this angry before. She could feel every ounce of the emotion as it pulsed through her, as it filled her veins and took over her body. Her jaw was tight, her eyes narrow, her fists balled up and she wondered how badly it would hurt later. If she wasn't in a hospital, or if she knew for a fact that she could cause him even a shred of pain, she would have decked him, not only for her but for Bella and for Edward. Jacob had barely been at the hospital over the past three days that Bella had been unconscious; he had been there for a few hours on that first day and on the second only stopped in for an hour to speak to the doctor on duty before returning home or to work. Now, they were in the third day and though he showed up early, she was still furious that he was not focused on Bella but rather on work and getting ahead. He had his precious promotion and yet it still seemed as though he needed more. She knew that if it was Emmett who was unconscious she wouldn't have left his side, nothing would be able to tear her away from him.

And there was Edward. Edward who loved Bella but couldn't be with her and had left only because Rose said that he had to in order to keep suspicion down over the nature of their relationship. Life didn't seem fair in that moment and she hurt for her friends, hurt for them because more than anything she just wanted them to be together and yet fate and everything else seemed hell bend on keeping them apart.

"I'm here aren't I?" Her head snapped up and she gazed at him, her eyes taking in the darkness of his eyes, the anger and the impending danger that loomed there. She could tell that his patience was wearing thin and for the first time, she began to fear that he would snap and she wondered if this was something that Bella often saw and if it played into her inability to leave him.

"Whatever Jacob," she grumbled. "What the hell did you want?"

"I have to leave in two hours to go back to the office, will you be here?"

She snorted. "Of course you're leaving… And of course I'll be here. I love her too much to stay away."

__________

It had taken three whole days for Leah to muster up the courage to venture into Notting Hill and with every step that she took, her heart pounded in her chest regardless of how hard she tried to steady it. She didn't anticipate that Bella would ever forgive her for what she had done, for sleeping with her husband and then hiding it from her and allowing a friendship to blossom between them, but she knew that her friend had the right to know just how conniving her husband was and that she could be happy again. Even if Bella refused to ever see her again, Leah knew she would always feel a fond kinship to the woman.

From a distance she saw someone sitting on the stoop and as she grew closer she could tell that he was looking at something. Her steps halted when she was about five feet away and she let her eyes graze over him. He was dressed casually in worn jeans and a dark blue button up shirt that had been rolled up to his elbows and his hair was sticking up in every which way and he seemed to only make it worse as he ran his fingers through it, a habit, she mused, that was probably out of his control. Quietly, she inched forward and saw that in his hands he held a photograph, though she could not make out the image.

"I'm sorry, do you mind if I pass?" she managed to finally say and she watched as his head jerked up and she was met with a pair of sad, green eyes, swimming with an emotion that she knew all too well.

"There isn't anyone home," he muttered and stood up, the action allowing her a glance at the photograph.

Her eyes widened as she saw her friend wrapped in his arms and a brilliant smile lit on both their faces. The pose was natural and she noted that Bella's head was resting on his shoulder and though they were trying to be inconspicuous, neither were looking at the camera but were rather looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes. It was touching and, though it was a photograph, she felt as though she was intruding on something so completely personal that she had to look away.

Having been caught, he stuffed the photo into his back pocket and shut his eyes tightly, afraid for a moment that he might have just made Bella's predicament even worse than it already was and it wasn't until he felt the small hand on his arm that he looked up and saw the soft, compassionate gaze of the woman who had just learned their secret.

"You love her don't you?" Though he imagined it was supposed to be a question, there was no question in her intonation.

Unable to find the words, he merely nodded his head and sat back down on the steps. The exhaustion from not being able to sleep because of his worry had taken a toll on his body and even she could see it: the deep, purple bags under his eyes, the shallow gaunt structure of his face. He was merely a man without a soul.

"I think she tried to tell me about you a few times but she lost her nerve," she merely said as she sat down next to him. "I think she was afraid."

His gaze didn't leave the street so she continued to talk.

"I should have figured it out really… And, maybe I knew all along but didn't really see it. When Jake was out of town, she was a different person. She was happy, and alive and bright… I should have seen it but I didn't… I think I was too caught up in my own problems to really see what was right in front of me." She let out a sigh, surprised that she was letting this all out to a person who was a relative stranger. She wasn't sure what it was that possessed her, but telling this man, this man who so obviously loved Bella in a way she knew Jake didn't, seemed natural.

"Jake has been cheating on her and I don't think she knows… In fact, I know she doesn't because I was too much of a coward to tell her." He turned to look at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I slept with her husband," she admitted and for the first time, it felt as though part of her soul was restored and the weight that she had been carrying was slowly being lifted and she was able to breathe just a little bit better. "And I'm such a bitch because instead of telling her, I befriended her…"

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"Why didn't you ever call her husband?"

"I tried," he admitted and cradled his head in his hands. "I couldn't hurt her like that. I still don't even know what he's capable of."

"I tried too… But I thought she was so in love with him and the last thing I wanted to do was cause her pain…"

The air grew silent between them before she spoke up again. "Could I see that picture?"

He nodded and reached into his pocket and pulled it out, allowing the woman who said she was Bella's friend to gaze onto the image.

"Maybe if I had told her things could have been different…" she sighed and ran her finger over the picture of the couple. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "What brought you back?"

"I came to tell her the truth."

"It might be too late," he said softly and lifted his head, his eyes back to staring blankly at the pavement in front of him.

Leah didn't know what it was he was talking about, but she felt her heart wrench and she wondered if this all could have been avoided. She hated that she had caused not only Bella pain, but unconsciously also the man who she knew loved her more than anyone could ever hope to be loved.

__________

Rosalie had called him the moment that she had learned that Bella had woken up. His heart had never leapt so high in his chest before and the feeling of relief, never quite as strong as it had been when she spoke those words on the phone. He had also never run out of his apartment so quickly and though he knew it was wrong of him, he also knew that Jane would understand when he didn't show up for their lunch later that afternoon.

So that was how he found himself, sitting in the waiting room across from Emmett and Rosalie, Jacob in his direct line of vision. In his mind, he had visions of punching him and telling him that he loved his wife more passionately than he ever could and that the feelings were reciprocated. He felt no different than the man who had tried to make the phone call to him all those months ago. Nothing had changed; his feelings were just as strong, if not stronger than they had been. Still, he didn't act on them, still not sure what the future would bring and the last thing he wanted as to be kicked out of the hospital.

"Who is he?" He heard the gruff American voice speak finally.

"He's with us," Rose replied, no hint of anything else in her voice.

"I don't like the way he fucking looks at me."

Edward balled his hands into tight fists, channeling his aggression elsewhere but when he felt the cold, hard gaze of Bella's husband on him, his head snapped up, his eyes landing on Jacob's whose eyes seemed to widen in response.

"You're that guy in that band… The new one," Jake spoke, standing up and walking over towards him. "Your single just made the Billboard top twenty."

Edward just stared at him unsure as to what to do and completely flabbergasted by the man's mood swing. Still, he found it amazing that he hadn't recognized him from the Brits after party, then again, he had been a no body at the time and if he knew anything about Jacob Black, it was that he was married to his job. Though, on the other hand, the part of him that found it amazing that he didn't recognize him was furious that he was going to start talking business while Bella was still recovering. The man had absolutely no decorum.

"Emmett why didn't you mention this?"

"Because the time isn't exactly ideal for business," Edward grunted and spoke for Emmett. He looked at the hand that was outstretched to him with disgust and refused to take it.

"Isn't your label shopping around for a company to manage your tour come the release of your CD?"

"Jake… Seriously, I don't think this is the time," Emmett finally spoke up, noting the look of complete distaste on Edwards face. He knew that it was only a matter of moments before he snapped and would do something that he would later regret, something that may even get him kicked out of the hospital.

"Let me give you my card at least…"

"I would rather you didn't."

"Nonsense… Might as well make use of a terrible situation."

Edward stood up and puffed his chest out as much as he could though he knew that he still looked rather small in comparison to the large man before him. It didn't matter though, Jacob's behavior was completely appalling and how the man could even think about work at a time like the one that they were in was baffling to him. Jasper and the rest of his band mates had realized that he would be useless and had even gone so far as to forbid him to even come to any kind of rehearsal, not that he would have gone anyways. There was no way that he could have concentrated on the music when Bella was laying in a hospital. No, every ounce of energy he had was spent thinking about her and he couldn't do that if he had to think about chords and lyrics and how they sounded as he played them. That didn't matter to him, nothing was more important to him than Bella, even if he hadn't seen or heard from her in months. She was still the center of his world, she was still able to affect his emotions and his actions more potently than anything else ever could.

Edward's behavior however did not keep Jacob from reaching into his pocket and pulling out his card which he held between three fingers on his right hand which was extended towards Edward. His eyes went wide however as he watched Edward rip it from his finger tips before tearing it up into pieces and letting them fall to the floor.

"What the fuck? We just want to help you out… As a company AEG knows what they are doing… We're professionals who can really make your concert sell," Jacob snarled, never having been treated in such a manner.

"AEG might be professionals, but you are nothing but scum… I said from the beginning that now was not the time to speak about any concert that Waking in the Fire is going to put on. Aren't there more important things right now?"

"What would you know?"

Emmett stood from his seat, prepared to angle his way in between the two men who were now nose to nose. He could sense the tension though he knew that Jacob was unaware to what it really was that was bothering Edward.

"I know more than you think and I think it's sick that you're conducting business instead of looking after your wife who I would imagine would give up everything to make sure that you had what you wanted…" Jacob was about to cut him off but Edward slammed his palm against the large mans chest, pushing him back slightly. "And you… instead of giving her what she really needs right now, are more concerned with getting your own way than supporting her."

Jacob's hand clenched into a tight fist as he fought the urge to punch the musician before him. He knew that if his career didn't depend on it, and the fact that AEG was desperately trying to land the band who had been dubbed the next big band of 2010, then he would have had no qualms with making sure that his large fist connected with the face of the arrogant musician before him who knew nothing about the situation.

"I'd watch your mouth," he finally spoke through clenched teeth.

"Or what?"

"Or your band will go nowhere."

Edward laughed, the sound low and guttural. "I think I'd be more concerned about your life before you start thinking about mine."

As he was about to turn and walk away, Edward felt the large hand on his shoulder, turning him around before another fist went straight to his jaw, a rather loud crack filling the waiting room that had grown silent as the men had argued.

Instead of fighting back, Edward took the high road. He stood back up, his hand rubbing his jaw, knowing full well that it would kill him in a few hours and a bruise was likely to develop, and eyed the man who was now shaking his fist furiously.

If it didn't hurt, he would have laughed but instead he just shook his head. "You really are an idiot and you don't deserve what life has given you… One day, I guarantee that it will all come crashing down on you and I'll be standing there telling you, I told you so."

Before Jacob had the chance to respond, Edward was gone.

Willing to finish the fight that Edward had walked away from, Emmett squared his shoulders with his friend's husband. "He's right you know."

"Right about what?"

"You'll get what's coming to you."

__________

She had been lucid now for five days. The extent of her injuries now known: her right leg badly broken in three places, her left arm was fractured, twenty stitches across her forehead from a gash caused by a large piece of glass they assumed came from the windshield, and a scar that would form on the lower region of stomach later as a result of the surgery to stop the internal bleeding in her organs. Dr. Cullen had said that she was lucky the paramedics had gotten to her when they did, any later and she could have been dead.

She truly had been given a second chance and she knew exactly what she had to do with it.

She bit her lip as she felt her heart race, her eyes trained on the door, waiting for him to come in. Rose had told her about everything that had transpired over the past week: Jacob's absence, Edward's pain, and the fight. Her heart broke when she heard about the fight. Edward had been standing up for her and Jake had decked him. The ordeal had only helped her to understand that the epiphany she had before losing consciousness was correct, that she had been blinded all along and that she did deserve better than what Jacob had given her.

It was past four in the afternoon and Jacob had still not shown up.

"Ms. Black?" She looked from the window to the door to see Dr. Cullen standing there, his hands holding her chart and a small smile gracing his beautiful face. "How are you feeling?"

"I'd be lying if I said I felt great… But the painkillers help."

"I'm afraid it's going to hurt for a little while but I assure you that you will heal up nicely."

She smiled and nodded her head. "I've been through this enough to know that as well."

He let out of small chuckle, "yes… I did take a look at your rather impressive file."

"And you should see the one back in the states."

"I can only imagine."

She just nodded her head and leaned back against the pillow and watched him as he shuffled around the room taking her stats and writing them down on the chart.

"I assume you know that I don't often do this."

"What do you mean?"

"Check up on a patient as much as I have been checking up on you." He motioned to the bed and she nodded and watched as he sat down. "My son…"

Her eyes grew wide for a moment and she watched the small smile play on her doctor's lips.

"My son seems to be rather worried about you. I'll admit I was curious to know why exactly, as I had never heard him speak of you before though I was rather excited to see this change in him… After university he became rather… selfish." His words were soft and thoughtful. "His mother and I weren't sure what exactly had caused the change in him, he wasn't the same son that we had sent off to Oxford… Though, I suppose my insistence that he give up music and work in the hospital didn't do anything to quell his attitude."

"I'm sorry… I just don't understand…" she interrupted and he shook his head.

"About a year ago… He started coming around more… He was happier and though we still argued about his band he still continued to come around… He was nearly becoming the same man that we had sent off… But about six months ago… It changed again… He lost himself." Carlisle paused for a moment and rubbed his brow. "Alice had said that he had met someone but it ended under unfortunate terms and only after a great deal of pressuring her did she finally admit that the woman had been married and she couldn't leave her husband for some unknown reason… We let up on him a bit… Stopped pressuring him and it wasn't until I saw him at the hospital the other day did I realize that you were her."

"I'm sorry…" she said softly, tears filling her eyes.

Carlisle just shrugged. "Life… Sometimes it gives you a second chance Isabella… I admit that I don't know your predicament well, but I've had to deal with your husband… I think I know why you are so afraid to leave… But don't let that stop you… There are people who love you… Rosalie and Emmett barely left the hospital… Lean on them… But don't let this pass you by."

He laid his hand on her shoulder and she drew her bottom lip between her teeth while she nodded, "I know."

They sat there in silence for a moment before he smiled sadly at her and retreated out the door leaving her to her own thoughts as she tried to figure out how she could do the one thing that she knew she needed to while she still had the courage to do it.

__________

When she woke she found Jacob sitting on the chair across from her bed typing on that damned laptop that he seemed to bring everywhere. Bella stared at him for a good ten minutes before he finally looked up and closed the screen before leaning back into the chair.

"I called your father," he finally spoke. "He was going to come but I said not to bother, that you were fine."

"I wish you hadn't done that. I would have liked to have seen him."

"It's fine, you're fine… I don't get why everyone is acting so crazy."

Her heart was racing in her chest and she was thankful that Dr. Cullen had disconnected the heart monitor because she knew that it would have been off the charts and Jacob would have been able to tell what she was about to say.

"I'm not fine Jacob… I haven't been in a long time."

He rolled his eyes. "You're crazy Isabella."

"No Jake… I'm not happy… We aren't happy."

He sat up straighter, his hands wrapping around the wood armrests, his knuckles turning white. "What exactly are you saying?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"I'm saying that I can't be who you want me to be because I'm sick of it and because I just want to be me again. I'm saying that I don't trust you and that I don't think I ever can. I'm sick of taking second place, even third sometimes, to your work and everyone else. I'm sick of you telling me what to do and for blaming me for everything that goes wrong. But most of all, I'm sick of being married to you… I can't be married to you anymore, I'm done Jake. So, very done with it all."

"You can't divorce me Bella, I won't sign the papers."

"You don't have to… Washington State default laws still allow me to divorce you. I'm not asking for anything. I don't want money, I just want to be done with this… I can't live like this anymore."

"You love me Bella. You know you do."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't Jake… and you don't love me either. So why can't you just let me go?"

"Because you are mine Bella," he snarled and she looked away from him and out the window.

They were silent and Jake moved towards the bed, sitting down on the side in the exact place where Dr. Cullen had sat earlier that afternoon. His eyes searched her face but she refused to look at him, she didn't know what else to say, she just knew that she was done and though he wouldn't accept it, she wouldn't be going back to their townhouse.

"Rose and Emmett are packing up my things… I'm not going back to the house when I get out of here."

"Yes, yes you fucking are!" She didn't tremble as he yelled, finally finding the strength within herself to not allow him to intimidate her. He was startled by her reaction, or rather, lack of reaction. In the past she would have cowered under his words and now she just sat there, her eyes indifferent and he knew that the words she spoke were true. He no longer had the ability to control her and it sent a jolt of anger through him that caused him to slam his palm on the bed, nearly missing the broken leg.

"You're going to fucking regret this," he snarled as he pushed himself off the bed and to his feet before reaching down and wrapping his hand around her wrist. "You'll see that you'll have nothing."

"That's where you're wrong…" she replied, not backing down as she pulled her hand from his grip. "I'll have everything again."

__________

**Well?**

**There's been concern about how I'm going to reunite Bella and Edward… Let it be known that she is still has some self discovery to go through… Until she is certain of who she is, she has no right to be in a relationship… And when that time does come… You better believe she is going to have to fight for Edward. He still loves her… But that doesn't mean he's a masochist and that he's just going to let her off the hook.**

**There will be more Leah coming up as well.**

**Oh and come play on the twilighted forum. I do still post teasers there… Sometimes, more than once.**

**You can also find me on twitter… I update about the story occasionally to let you know what is going on and when things are going to get posted!**


	19. Steer

**Thank you all again for the amazing feedback you give me. You all seriously are amazing! Thank you for sticking with me through this and not getting too angry with me!**

**I hope that you like this chapter… There's a bit of action here… And an ending that promises a bit of a happier ending in the next chapter. Charlie is a bit OOC here… But it was the only way he could really fit in this story and well… I like to think that this is the Charlie that was always there… I have a bit of a soft spot for him really.**

**Oh, and the highlight: Jake is going to get what's coming to him.**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Nineteen**_

_Feel it falling off like clothing  
Taste it rolling on your tongue  
See the lights above you glowing  
Oh and breathe them deep into your lungs_

_It was always simple, not hidden hard  
You've been pulling at the strings playing puppeteer for kings  
And you've had enough_

_But the search ends here  
Where the night is totally clear  
And your heart is fierce  
So now you finally know that you control where you go  
You can steer_

_So hold this feeling like a newborn  
All the freedom surging through your veins  
You have opened up a new door  
So bring on the wind, fire and rain_

_It was always simple, not hidden hard  
You've been played at a game called remembering your name  
And you stuffed it up_

_But the search ends here  
Where the night is totally clear  
And your heart is fierce  
So now you finally know that you control where you go  
You can steer_

_Cause you've been listening for answers  
But the city screams and all your dreams go unheard_

_But the search ends here  
Where the night is totally clear  
And your heart is fierce  
So now you finally know that you control where you go  
You can steer  
Get out of the box and step into the clear  
Cause now you finally know you can steer_

Missy Higgins, "Steer"

__________

His eyes landed on the reflection of himself in the mirror and he softly rubbed his hand against the still tender flesh of his jaw. The swelling had gone down immensely but the injury was still not much better than it had been only five days ago, in fact, the hideous red color it had started as merely morphed into a bluish purple splotch that his agent and stylist had been furious over. He couldn't have really cared much what they thought though, for him the bruise served as a reminder of the fight that he had walked away from though it nearly killed him to do so. He had wanted nothing more than to take his own fist and swing wildly at the man who had initiated the dispute, but because he knew it was the right thing to do, not only for himself but for Bella as well, he just shook his head at the brute and dismissed him as though he were nothing but gum on the soles of his brand new shoes.

Perhaps that was exactly what Jacob Black was to Edward Cullen: the pesky gum that he ruined his new trainers with as he walked along Slone Street. Jacob was stuck to him and would be for as long as he would love Bella, which he knew, now more than ever, would be forever. Jacob would follow them, follow him, like a ghost from the past unwilling or unable to cross over, to let go, to move on. It was a price he knew he had to pay and one that he would pay willingly: the price of never having met Bella would have been much more unbearable than the pain that he felt now. His life had been altered, though he felt it was for the best, that he was a better person because of it.

"How does it feel?"

Edward dropped his hand from his jaw ceasing the inspection and willed the thoughts of Jacob Black and Bella Swan to leave his mind and to let him find peace for a little while; at least, until the lights went off and he was alone in his bedroom, in his bed, with the memories that he had created with her and had not been able to defile.

He turned to his best friend who was leaning against the white molding of the door frame while his eyes were fixed intently on him, or maybe the bruise, Edward wasn't quite sure. "It's better than it was before," he stated honestly. "Where's my sister?"

Jasper's lips pulled into a small smile. "In the living room… I think Hudson's probably mauling her by now."

"Yeah… Poor dog hasn't had much female attention lately."

"Has Jane not been around?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders as the two men fell into step, making their way to the front of the flat. "We chat… She met some bloke at a pub the other night and has been spending quite a lot of time with him."

"This is a good thing?"

Jasper watched her friend closely. Though he knew what the answer would be, he had hoped, deep down, that Edward would surprise him, that he would somehow have found a way to move on from Bella Black and been jealous as fuck that Jane was spending time with someone else. He knew however, that it was a childish fantasy, founded mainly on the premise that he hated to see his best friend in so much pain and wanted nothing more than for the smile to be returned.

He knew she was a good woman, that she had meant Edward no harm, that she hadn't anticipated breaking him so thoroughly, but it didn't help that regardless, she _had_. The past two weeks had been nearly unbearable as his friend, who was on the verge of being put back together, or at least, close enough to functioning, lost all control once again at the thought that she might never be alive in the world. Jasper had never prayed so hard for someone to live, and, neither had Alice. They both knew that if Bella had died, Edward would have likely followed closely behind her. It would have been a loss that neither would have been prepared for.

Though Edward's character might have been in question before Bella had entered his life, Jasper knew without a doubt that he was a better man since her. Still, amongst it all, when he had come home with the telltale signs of a bar fight, he had been surprised to learn that it had actually taken place in the hospital, at the hands of the man Bella was married to, and Edward, amongst all the pain he felt and the resentment towards the bloke, had walked away. It was something Jasper admired in him; he knew that it hadn't been an easy feat. What he did find crazy however, was his apparent lack of interest in letting the man pay for what he had done.

"_What happened?!" Alice shrieked as she watched her brother walk into the room. Jasper's head jerked and saw the large red splotch on the left side of Edward's jaw as well as the small trail of dried blood that seemed to form at his nostril and trail down his chin. _

"_Just a minor altercation," he responded as he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly as though it was something that happened every day._

"_Who the hell did that?"_

_Edward seemed to stall for a moment, as though he was afraid to tell the truth. "Jacob Black."_

_They stood there, open mouthed and amazed. "What?"_

"_He tried to fucking do business with me while in the god damn waiting room."_

"_Did you punch him back?" Alice questioned, rocking excitedly on her heels. "Please tell me you threw in a good punch for everything."_

_Edward just shook his head. "If I had punched him… Nothing good would have come of it."_

"_So at least tell me you are going to press charges."Jasper continued to inspect the surface of Edward's skin. The punch had been with quite a deal of force, that much was obvious, and he knew that it would be at least a month before the bruising would finally vanish. They had been scheduled for a photo shoot in three days; Edward would never be able to photograph with that on his jaw. _

"_I can't do that either Jasper… This has been hard enough on her as it is… I don't want to put her through any more undue stress. After seeing him react to me the way he has… I would fear for her and her well being if he ever truly found out why I was there. It's better this way; at least then she'll be safe."_

"It's a very good thing… That she's found someone," Edward replied, a small smile on his lips, his voice pulling Jasper from his own thoughts. "Jane should be happy and she should be around someone who can make her happy… I told her from the start that I could never be that person."

"You never even tried."

"It doesn't matter and as weak as this is going to make me sound, I gave my heart away and I'll never get it back… I don't want it back. It's Bella's to keep and though she isn't with me, I _know_, more than ever, that I still have hers; I know that I will always have hers."

"I don't know how that's possible."

Edward sighed and looked down at his hands before turning to face Jasper one more time. "Rose said that she was driving home from the edge when the accident happened."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"That's where you're wrong. We were there Jazz and it was the one place where we could be together and not hide… The memories there…"

"How do you know she wasn't saying goodbye?"

"I just do," he replied truthfully.

"Poor girl." Edward lifted his eyebrows in confusion. "Jane… The tabloids are going to have a field day if they spot her with whoever this bloke is. The public believes that you two are together. They will rip her apart."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. We've never confirmed anything other than being good friends and it was their fault for ever insisting otherwise. She's happy now, that's all that matters."

"And what about you?" Jasper added, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Bella's alive and I know, somehow, that she still loves me… And really, that's all that matters to me."

__________

Leah knew that Bella wasn't living at Jacob's townhouse anymore, she had come across that information in a rather hostile manner. Jacob had been home when she knocked, and because she expected him to be at work, she was startled and he had merely sneered at her.

"_If you're planning on wrecking my marriage you're too late," he snapped and she took a step back down to the sidewalk._

"_What?"_

"_Bella is gone. She left."_

"_Where?"_

"_Probably with those fucking idiots I work with." _

_He didn't give her another chance to speak and instead slammed the door. If she had been holding onto the railing, she knew she probably would have been able to feel the vibration from the action._

She had never been to the McCarty home before, though she knew exactly where it was and as she walked along the Embankment, she could feel her heart in her chest. She wasn't sure it was the right thing to do anymore either. It was obvious that Bella was no longer under Jake's spell, and she had very obviously left him. Would it really serve a purpose to tell her that he had been having an affair all along?

She was at the flat before she had the chance to decide and swallowing her pride, she pressed the buzzer, knowing full well, that even though she had left Jake, Bella still deserved the truth.

__________

"I can't believe you're here!" Bella smiled as they took seats in the living room. Rose had gone out to give them privacy leaving them completely alone in the large penthouse flat that offered the best view of the Thames that Leah had ever seen in a London home. "I hope you didn't come because of the accident."

Leah bit her lip and shook her head, "Bella… That's not it… I came back because there was something I had to tell you and as easy as it would have been to do this on the phone… You deserve better than that."

Bella's eyebrows pulled together in confusion, "What is it?"

Leah didn't know where to start so she started from the beginning: how she had met Jacob in New York and everything that she was going through with Sam and had gone through with Sam. She told her about how he had never led her to believe that he was married, even after that first kiss and it wasn't until she was already falling for him that she learned about the wife that existed back in London. She watched Bella's face, which remained stoic the entire time, and then told her about Rome and how they had spent the night together and finally she told her about the night she and Jacob had finally had sex and how terrible she felt the next day and how she was ashamed of herself though Jacob had insisted that he was leaving his wife.

"And then… I don't know, I started spending time with you when we were in France and I saw how absolutely wonderful you were and I knew that I had to do something to make it right…"

Bella continued to sit there, staring at the couch that Leah was sitting on, her mind doing flips as she tried to sort everything out. It was impossible though. She had spent so many months guilty and sick over what she had done and yet Jake was doing the exact same thing. And, though she wanted to be furious with Leah, she knew that she couldn't because she herself knew now how manipulative Jacob could be. Hindsight was 20/20. Both women had made terrible choices and choices that Bella knew would haunt them for the rest of their lives.

"And when I met the man and I saw how much he loved you I felt even worse… I couldn't help but wonder if I had swallowed my own pride and just told you from the beginning, that you could have been happy with him by now."

"What?" She snapped out of her thoughts and glanced once more at Leah who had tears streaming down her face. "What man?"

"I never caught his name," she choked out. "But I saw the picture of the two of you… And he loves you and though I had never heard a word about him, I saw the look on your face in the picture and you love him too."

"Edward…" she breathed, everything came back to Edward.

Leah however just nodded. "I'm a terrible person Bella and I've ruined everything."

Bella however just shook her head. "I think we've both managed to ruin everything… You can't be the only one held responsible."

"I would understand completely if you never forgave me."

Bella just shrugged, "I think I'm just angry that it took you so long to tell me but I think I also know that it's better that I hear it now, after the fact, now that I've separated myself from him… I think, if I had known about this before the accident, I'm not sure I would have believed it."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I know me and I know how I was before…"

"And how are you now?"

"I'm trying to figure that out."

__________

He could hear the light London rain as it pattered against the window, washing away the grime of the day and cleaning the city. There had been so many changes in the past week that he was still trying to wrap his head around it. From his seat in the kitchen, he could hear the soft laughter of his wife and best friend as they talked privately amongst themselves in the other room and he felt content knowing they were both safe.

When Bella was released from the hospital, Emmett had made sure that all her belongings were taken from the Notting Hill townhouse and placed in the home that he shared with Rose. There would have been no reason for her to ever go back, and he knew that it was the right thing to do under the knowledge that she had told Jacob that she wanted a divorce. It would have been a setback if she had gone back and he could still recall with perfect memory the way Jacob had glared at him, fists clenched, as he watched him pack up Bella's belongings.

They had no idea how long she would stay but it wasn't an issue for them. They would have gladly taken her in forever if that was what she needed. There was a sense of relief between them that she was no longer under Jacobs roof, that she would no longer be put through the hell he was subjecting her to, something they saw more clearly now than ever before. She was finally on the right track, and Emmett couldn't help but hope, that the right track involved Edward coming back into their lives again.

Though he had spent a great deal of time angry with the man, under, of course, false pretenses, he knew that his disappointment stemmed from a feeling of betrayal. Though they never intended to grow so close, and when Edward had seemed to cut off all connection between them, it had hurt him more than he wanted to admit. He didn't have a large family anymore, at least, not in London. When he took the job at AEG, both Rose and himself knew that it would mean leaving everything behind so their family became the friends that they had made her and the two of them that ended up meaning the most to them had been Edward and Bella and during those hard months, even Bella seemed to distance herself. The affair had caused pain for everyone involved, even pain for those who it hadn't intended to hurt.

Seeing him every day in that hospital though, sparked a hope in Emmett that he hadn't felt in a long while. The anguish, the pain that he knew Edward was feeling was enough to give him something to cling onto. Everything he needed to know from him seemed to be said: the fact that he still loved her more than anything else, the fact that even the music, the record contract, all of it, didn't seem to mean as much to him without her there with him, and most importantly, that Jane was merely nothing more than a very good friend. He knew, for the first time, that even among all the pain, if they could find a way back to each other, they would be okay, that they could survive it and, possibly, come out stronger in the end because of it.

Emmett held the small phone in his hands, every now and then playing the video that his wife had managed to capture and wondering all the while what he could really do with it. The image was as clear as day: Jacob's face and his fist as it connected with great force at the very obvious face of Edward Cullen. AEG was already suspicious about Jacob's role in the hospital showdown, though it seemed everyone else was still baffled as to what Edward was actually doing there to begin with. He knew what he had to do with it, but he also knew that it would cause problems not only for him, but for everyone involved.

Drama was not something that Emmett McCarty thrived on. In fact, it had been one of the things that had kept him from his wife for two years before finally giving into her. With perfect clarity, he could recall the day he first laid eyes on her. He had come home from his first year of college to find his younger sister Katie on the couch with the blonde bombshell as they gossiped about boys and other girls from their school. It was a completely superficial assessment of the girl, but his experience with college girls even had told him that the beautiful ones often came with baggage and Emmett wanted nothing to do with that. Never in his life had he been happier to discover that looks were deceiving.

He knew then exactly what he had to do, but he also knew that Edward had the right to know because as soon as this came out, everything else would be sure to follow.

__________

"Are you planning on telling him that you are going back to Washington?"

Bella sighed and looked down at her cast, tracing her finger over the hard plaster as she shook her head, "I think it's best if I just leave. He knows I'm okay and I just…" Her voice trailed off as she looked up and out the window at the clouds that covered the city like a dark blanket.

"Bella he still loves you."

"I know that, I just don't think that I can give him what he needs, if he even wanted me back."

"That's bullshit."

"No it's not…" she replied before taking a deep breath. "How can I give him anything when I don't have anything left to give right now? I've put him through enough and the last thing he needs is for me to continue holding him back."

"And you truly think that is exactly what you would be doing to him?" Rose questioned, glancing down at Aiden who was still sleeping peacefully in her arms.

"It is."

"You know he was there… every fucking day at the hospital because of you, because he loved you. I don't think he cares about anything else now and you're not with Jacob anymore, you are free to be with him and you're running away… Don't run away from true love Bella… Don't run away from happiness now that you are so close to actually having it."

Bella knew that Rose would never understand where she was right now. Yes, she knew she was free from Jacob and immensely happy because of that, but there were still so many problems that she had yet to work out and she couldn't bring Edward into that. Though only he knew of the true pain she had been though in the past, his life was much too demanding of him, and she had managed to hurt him in more ways than she even wanted to admit and knew deep down that those scars could never be fixed. She needed to go home, to mend things there, to sort her own life out, to be happy alone before she could ever be happy with anyone else.

"Charlie is expecting me back… It's for the best."

"And what about us? What about Emmet and I and Aiden?" The tears were pricking her eyes as she raised her voice, though not enough to wake the child still sleeping. "How can Aiden grow up and never know his Aunt Bella?"

"I'm not leaving you."

"If you leave you'll never come back here. You're our family Bell…" The air grew silent between them, neither knowing what to say or how to say it. "If you leave, everything here falls apart."

"Don't say that. You and Emmett are strong and you'll be fine, more than fine. And we can talk on the phone Rose… And maybe, when things are better, I'll come visit. I'm not leaving you, I'm leaving London and the memories that it holds. It's too painful to be here."

"So call him… Let him be there for you because he wants to be… Let him help you."

Bella continued to shake her head. "I can't do that to him and you know that Rose. I just can't. He deserves so much more than I have to give and we both know that."

"Regardless of what you think he deserves, he wants you, he's only ever wanted you and by running off, you are being selfish and hurting him more than I think you even know."

__________

Edward sat on the stool and held the guitar close to his body. It had been a while since he had picked it up but with Bella being okay, the rest of the band decided that it was time to get back to work. Still, it didn't make things easy on him and knowing that all he wanted to do was call her, to see her, anything, anything; she was still eating him up inside, playing games with his emotions, and she didn't even know it.

"You look like a total tool, you know that right?" Edward smiled when he looked up to see Emmett standing in front of him, a big grin plastered on his face.

"Comes with the guitar."

"The bruise doesn't help."

"What brings you here Em?" he asked, putting the guitar back down and meeting his friend halfway.

"I needed to talk to you… about the hospital."

"Somewhere private perhaps?"

__________

She knew that she was probably making a mistake, that leaving London wasn't the answer to all her prayers, but she also knew that she couldn't impose on Rose and Emmett and she wasn't ready to go to Edward. After a long phone conversation with Charlie, he had managed to convince her that she should come home and, because it seemed like the only viable option, she accepted and bought the first plane ticket home. The distance, she hoped, would help her put things into perspective.

"Call me when you land in Seattle, I don't care what time it is here," Rose said, wrapping her arms around Bella as she hugged her tightly.

"I will… Tell Emmett I love him."

"I will."

They didn't say goodbye, Rose had made her promise not to because she didn't want to believe that this could be the last time that they ever saw each other, the last time that there were in the same city, living together. Bella hadn't known what to tell her exactly. She didn't know where she would be in three days let alone three months. She wanted to believe that she would be healthy enough to come back, to find Edward and beg for him to find it in his heart to forgive her, to take her back, but she knew that it was a dream that would most likely never come true.

As she took her seat, she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of it. It would be a long flight, but she would use it productively to find a way to start sorting through the mess that had become her life and to try to figure out if she could ever truly be happy again.

__________

They sat across from each other at a small café. They had been there before, multiple times actually, long before the drama between their family had ensued, long before Bella and Edward had gone their separate ways, but this time it felt different, and both men knew it was different, though for entirely different reasons. Edward still felt his guilt at not having kept in touch with the man before him after everything had crashed down at his feet and Emmett knew that there were a great deal of things he had to tell Edward and he wasn't quite sure where to start.

"How is she?" Edward finally managed to ask, the fingers of his right hand weaving through the strands of his hair as he pulled it back forcefully. It was an unconscious action that happened nearly every time he spoke about Bella.

Emmett's eyes drifted to the table.

"What is it?"

"She's gone back to Washington."

Edward felt his heart drop to his stomach and the world seemed to close in on him. How had no one told him? How could she not have told him? He had the right to know that she was leaving, he had the right to say goodbye and to hold her one last time, he had the right to tell her that she was making a mistake and that she should just come home with him, that they could make a life together, that they could be happy again.

"When?"

"Her flight left a few hours ago."

"How could you not tell me?"

"She didn't want you to know… She thought it would be easier."

"Easier!" he shouted. "Easier than what?"

Emmett just shook his head, "I don't know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" His hurt was morphing into anger as the moments passed. He knew that it wasn't Emmett's fault but he still felt slightly betrayed that he hadn't told him.

"I don't know." Emmett hung his head. "I'm sorry."

Edward's jaw was set tightly, and though he didn't know he was doing it, he couldn't stop clenching his fists. He wasn't angry at Emmett, not really, he was angrier with Bella and her stupid notion that she knew what was best for him. She didn't know because if she did, she never would have allowed him to give up on her regardless of the situation. Though he knew walking away was the right thing to do, it was the thing he knew he didn't want to do, the thing he knew was the worst thing to do. And because of this, he struggled with anger towards her and love towards her and didn't know what was the most dominant anymore.

"It's not your fault," he managed to speak through clenched teeth.

"I should have told you."

After another long pause Emmett knew there were other things Edward had a right to know, things that they had been keeping from him.

"She left Jake."

Edward's head shot up, "what?"

"In the hospital… only a few days after she really gained consciousness she told him that she didn't want to be with him and that she wanted a divorce."

His heart swelled and for a moment, Edward wondered if he was having an out of body experience. Everything had just changed with those three words, she left Jacob. But the feeling didn't last long as he realized that though she had left her husband, she had not sought him out to tell him that they could be together now. His wishes had come true but there was one big difference: she didn't seem to want him anymore.

"Why didn't she tell me Em?" he said softly, his hand once again fisting his hair as he pulled on it roughly.

"She said that you were better off without her… That she still had things to figure out and she couldn't let you do that for her."

"Did she know about the affair?"

Emmett furrowed his brow, "what affair?"

"Jacob's affair."

__________

She didn't want to be in the house; especially knowing that Bella wasn't there and Emmett was out to lunch with Edward discussing important information that was pertinent to the hospital situation. So instead, she decided to enjoy the fact that it wasn't raining in London and take Aiden out for a stroll and possibly drown her own feelings out with a bit of shopping.

This was how Rose found herself pushing the pram down Floral Street in Covet Garden, all alone for the first time in three years, when her phone rang.

"Hey monkey," she smiled, hearing her husband's voice, knowing that he was all she really had left in London and the only person she really wanted to see in that moment. But as she listened to him talk, the urgency in his voice and the tremble of his tenor, she knew that something was wrong.

"I'm nearly there… I'll be there in a few minutes."

__________

When she walked into the café, she could barely make out the mess of hair that stuck up in the back corner and knew immediately that it was Edward. The two men were deep in conversation and she could feel her body tighten knowing exactly what it was.

"Hi," she said meekly, pushing the pram against the table and taking the empty seat next to her husband.

"Did Bella tell you about Leah and Jacob?" Emmett asked after kissing her cheek.

"No…"

"Wasn't Leah just at the flat a few days ago?"

"Yes… But I left with Aiden to give them privacy but when I came home Leah was gone and Bella seemed fine," she replied. "Why? What happened?"

"Leah had an affair with Jacob around the same time that Bella and I were together."

Rose turned to look at her husband after Edward had finished speaking but before she could say anything, he held his hand up. "I knew that something was going on, or at least, I suspected something was going on… But I never said anything for lack of proof."

"Emmett McCarty!" Rose all but shouted. "How could you keep this from me? From Edward? From Bella?!"

"Like I said," he stated calmly, "I didn't have any actual proof that something was happening… I couldn't just go around accusing him and what if nothing was going on, don't you know what that would have done to her?! We already know how guilty she felt the whole time, the last thing we needed was another thing to make it even worse."

"I hate that mother fucker," Edward said softly under his breath. "Why couldn't he have just let her go?"

"Because Jacob isn't like that," Rose replied, reaching across the table and placing her hand on top of his.

After another long pause in the conversation Edward had the strength to look up again. "Do you think… maybe… she was worse off than we had even imagined?"

Rose just nodded her head, not needing words to convey the truth that she had discovered only when Bella had finally opened up about everything: about the name calling, the harsh grabs the belittling. She had known that it wasn't healthy, but she was appalled that it was worse than even she could have imagined.

"That's kind of why I had originally wanted to see you Ed," Emmett sighed. "Rose well… She managed to capture everything on her phone." He paused to lean over to kiss the side of his wife's head. "How she managed to think so quickly will always surprise and amaze me… But the evidence is there and it would no doubt get Jake fired… Would you be willing to go through with it?"

"Why didn't you just show your boss?"

"Because in doing this, there might be a lot of questioning as to why you were truly there… I needed to know if you would be willing to come out about your relationship with Bella if need be."

Edward just nodded. "I'm not ashamed about it. I love her and if she truly is done with him and he can't hurt her again, I see no reason to not do something about it."

"I had hoped that was what you were going to say."

__________

Charlie had been more than supportive as soon as she stepped off that plane and into his waiting arms. In fact, they stood there, her crying while he squeezed her and held her tightly for a good ten minutes before they pulled away and he proceeded to help her bring her things to the cruiser. To say she was surprised by his welcoming would have been an understatement, but it had also been exactly what she needed and she wasn't about to question it.

The four hour drive however had been awkward and tense, though she also assumed that it was because of her own doing. All she had told him on the phone was that things weren't working out for her in London, that her marriage had fallen apart and that she was divorcing Jake because she couldn't stand to be that unhappy anymore. He had barely said anything other than if she wanted, she would always have her bedroom in his home and he would be more than happy for her to come back home and live with him until she was ready to start over again.

Thousands of miles away, she could still hear the love in his voice and wished that she had heard it before.

Everything in the house was exactly the same as she had remembered it. The same couch, in the same place and the same television which she suspected was still on the same channel it always was on. This was a constant in her life, and it always had been. Charlie never changed, he was fine with the status quo and there was something comforting in that. But as she looked at the photos on the wall, she was able to see a very clear difference. There were no photos of her and Jacob, Charlie had taken those down and replaced them with the ones that she had sent him of her and Rose and Emmett as well as a few framed photos of when she was a child.

She knew then that maybe Charlie was capable of change.

__________

Jacob was in his office when the boss had called him in. Though his work had suffered slightly since Bella had left, he wasn't afraid that his job was in jeopardy. They had even seemed to overlook the fact that Edward Cullen and his stupid band were probably never going to agree to give AEG the contract.

What he didn't expect however, as he entered the top floor office, was for the computer to be on and an image of his fist hitting that damn musicians to be playing.

"I can explain," he said quickly as his eyes darted to his boss' angry face who merely lifted his left eyebrow before studying the footage once again. "He provoked me."

"I'm sure," Mr. Cooper responded dryly, "which explains why he walked away?"

"Of course he walked away! This was a set up!"

"Two weeks later and he hasn't pressed charges and you assume this is a set up? If it was a set up wouldn't he have pressed charges from the start?"

Words were swimming around in Jacob's mind as he tried to come up with a plausible explanation, but it seemed that nothing was coming to mind and he was only drawing a blank. He didn't know what to do anymore or what to say and for the first time, he knew that everything was slowly slipping through his fingertips: first Bella and now he was certain, his job.

"I…"

"You can imagine how this looks for us."

Jacob just nodded.

"I can't have my man in charge punching celebrities just because they," Cooper lifted his fingers in the air, motioning in air quotes, "provoked him."

"I'm sorry."

"There are two ways this can go… You can resign and apologize to the man and walk away quietly, or we can fire you… the choice really is yours and to be honest, you're getting off much easier than you should but because Edward Cullen refuses to press charges, we'd rather not let this get out in public."

"Why won't he press charges?"

He heard the footsteps as the person entered the room. "Because you're just not worth it."

Turning around, Jacob saw the man standing with Emmett and he could feel his rage boiling up within him once again. He knew then that it had been Emmett who had sold him out, just like it had been Emmett who had packed up his wife's belongings, and Emmett's wife who saw to it that Bella never answered her phone or came to the door when he went to see her and bring her back home.

"For what it's worth," he grumbled, hating that this was the only option that would cause him to come out unscathed, "I'm sorry."

Edward snorted his eyes bright with amusement. "I'm not. In fact, I'm rather thankful that you did what you did…" Emmett reached up and placed his hand on the musician's shoulder.

"Edward now's not the time."

"Now's the perfect time!" he shouted. "I couldn't be more thankful that you are the asshole you are and that your wife finally had the galls to stand up to you and leave you. You never deserved her. You never deserved what she did for you."

"What does Isabella have to do with this?"

"Bella has everything to do with this… Are you that dense?" Edward was still chuckling, knowing full well that Jacob would never touch him again. "Obviously you are because you would have recognized me and you would have known that Bella never loved you."

Jacob's eyes narrowed and in that moment he knew exactly what Edward was talking about. Edward had been with Bella at the party all those months ago, the man who danced with her and looked at her as though she was the world's most precious gift. The man whose hands were too low on her back, and whose eyes were filled with lust and adoration. He didn't know how he hadn't seen it sooner.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," he managed to respond, his jaw clenched tightly.

"I know more about Bella then you could even hope to know… Thank you, by the way, for pushing her straight into my arms."

Jacob started to advance towards Edward but Emmett shielded him and dug his palms deep into his chest, effectively blocking him.

"Get out of my way," he snarled and Emmett just shook his head.

"I've seen enough!" The voice of Mr. Cooper rang through and before Jacob had a chance to say anything else, he felt the grasp of strong hands on his arms as they began to force him out the office and away from Edward Cullen and the life he had built at AEG.

"Oh, and Mr. Black… I'll be seeing to it that you never work in this industry again after this little display… I had believed that this could have been an amicable split but I fear my judgment of you was severely off."

"Is it too late to say, I told you so?"

Jacob heard the words come from the mouth of Edward Cullen and broke free from the grasp of his captors but just as he was about to lift his fist, he felt the swift knee to his groin before a punch to his nose and looking up through teary eyes, he saw Edward standing there, holding his hand and shaking his head.

"I should have punched you for punching me, but that's not what this is about. You deserved worse than that you know, but that was for hurting Bella," Edward said, before nodding at Mr. Cooper and stalking towards the elevator, Emmett in tow behind him.

__________

She looked at her father as he sat across from her holding one of her small hands between both of his own. The years, she knew, had taken a toll on him: the dark brown of his hair was scattered with silver strands that he joked made him look more distinguished, the deep lines on his forehead and the edges of his eyes seemed more prominent than the last time she had flown home to visit, and, though he covered it well, she could see that his body too was changing with age.

There had been a time when she had questioned his love for her as all daughters sometimes question their fathers, but as she looked into his eyes and at the way that he was gazing so intently at her, any fear that she might have had about his support was instantly expelled. She saw not the man who had spent so much of her teenage years avoiding love and compassion for fear of being hurt again, not the man who gruffly handed her pepper spray whenever she ventured into the city, and not the man who wanted her to marry his best friends son because he trusted him; for the first time she saw her father, the man who helped bring her into this world, and the man who, despite all his heartache, still found a way to look at his daughter who sparked the memories of the wife he had lost, and the man, who she knew, would love her in spite of of her many flaws. Her father's love was unconditional and she knew now, and wished she knew then, that he would love her regardless of what she chose to do.

"I'm sorry Bella," he finally said, breaking the silence that had fallen between them and as he went to pull his hands from hers, she stopped him, holding his hand as though her very life depended on it.

"For what?"

"For thinking I always knew what was best for you," he responded and watched as the tears filled his daughter's eyes. "All those years I pushed you into something I think I knew wasn't even right for you because it was what _I _wanted. I thought he was safe, I thought he would keep you safe… I just didn't want you to get hurt and that's exactly what happened."

"You couldn't have changed that."

He shrugged. "Maybe not... I just didn't want you to go through what I went through with your mother."

Bella closed her eyes and was flooded with images of Edward's face before she spoke, "I never loved him as much as you loved mom… I was never in any danger of being hurt by him."

Charlie's eyes softened. "Then who are you crying for?"

So Bella told him everything she could about Jacob and how he had been using the miscarriage as a weapon against her, and when she told him this she had to restrain him because she saw the look of anger flash across his eyes but there was no point in it because even she knew that Jacob wasn't here and there was nothing he could do about it anymore. So she changed the topic and told him how she had found love again and about Edward and how he made her feel and how happy she was when she was with him. She told him about how leaving him had nearly killed her and how it took losing him and nearly losing her life to really see the pain that Jacob had been causing her.

"So why are you here kid?" he asked, reaching across to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Because I've hurt him and he needs someone who can really be there for him."

"And you can't be that person?"

"I don't even know who I am," she said softly.

"Doesn't sound like it to me Bells," he said quietly, his eyes watching his daughter as she looked up at him, her face confused by his words. "It sounds exactly like you know who you are and what you want…"

"How can you say that?"

"Because I know you… And I can see you… You think you don't deserve him but Bells… You do. If anyone deserves a happy ending it's you… And by the sound of things, so does he. You are in control of your own life, know that, it took me years to figure that out… Don't make the same mistakes that I did kid."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I spent years blaming your mother and everyone but the one person who really deserved it. I let the anger of her leaving consume me and refused to believe that I had anything to do with it. I knew she was unhappy but I guess I thought she'd get over it… I don't know but when she left… I just… " he paused for a minute and Bella nodded her head, not needing him to articulate it any differently, she knew what he was saying. "And because of that, I let so many things pass me by and I made some pretty shit decisions. I let you marry that piece of shit… I let you move thousands of miles away with him… And I lost touch with you… But then… I don't know…"

"You met someone," she smiled, wiping the last few tears from her eyes as she watched her father's eyes widen.

"I did and I realized that I couldn't keep letting outside forces drive my life… I have control over what happens to me and Bella… so do you."

__________

**Okay guys! That's the end of this chapter… Only a few left… Two probably and an epilogue… I can't believe this is almost over… **

**Let me know what's on your mind and then come play on the forum! The girls on there are seriously amazing and really help me think through things! You girls are great!**


	20. On My Way Home

**A/N:**

**I know it's been a while, so I'll keep this short. I'm sorry for the delay… There were family issues that came up and I've been doing job interviews and grad school interviews (which require early mornings as they are all London based schools), so I've been really busy… And now I have a job that requires me to get up at 4:30am every morning so well… You get the picture.**

**This was a difficult chapter to write and I'm still not sure it played out the way I wanted it to… But it's also the fifth draft and I'm not sure I can re-write it anymore times… **

**I hope you liked it.**

**Thanks of course to: zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual. You both rock!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Twenty**_

_If you feel like getting even, I understand  
I just wanna say 'I'm sorry' things got out of hand  
I only wanted to you like me, that's how I am_

_Is it harder on your own  
Is it hard to be someone  
I've heard you're turning into stone  
While I'm on my way home  
And I've been for so long  
I'm on my way home_

_If you feel like you've been cheated, that's no surprise  
But there were things back then that I did not realize  
I came to understand that sometimes your feelings lie_

_Is it hard to be unknown  
Is it dull to be alone  
I've heard you're sinking like a stone  
While I'm on my way home  
And I've been for so long  
On my way home_

_Is it harder on your own  
Is it hard to be someone  
I've heard you're sinking like a stone  
While I'm on my way home  
I'm on my way home  
And I've been for so long  
I'm on my way home_

_And I've been for so long  
I'm on my way home  
On my way home_

"On My Way Home," The Perishers

__________

Charlie didn't hover; it was one of his traits that he knew Bella appreciated. When she had moved in with him during her junior year of high school, he had been a fairly relaxed father; he had more than willingly given her the space she would have needed and wanted in order to adjust to living in a new town with new people. And, if he was being honest with himself, he knew that she had a good head on her shoulders and never would have gotten caught up in anything serious. So even when the boys in town started to show interest in her, he just smiled and shook his head knowing full well that she was more than capable of handling the situation on her own.

He had, of course, like any father, been concerned about her apparent lack of interest in her peers. Often times he was afraid that she had inherited his own antisocial behaviorisms, and though it worried him, she had always seemed so content and happy that he never thought to question her about it. It was probably the reason why he welcomed Jacob Black's affections towards his daughter when he started to come around. Charlie had seen the change in Bella nearly immediately; she seemed to enjoy being around others, no longer spending all her weekends holed up in her bedroom reading her books or studying for tests that she would have passed anyways. Jacob had seemed to bring her to life and it was all he wanted for his daughter.

Things had changed however, after the accident and most obviously, after the move to London. He suspected that living in a foreign area had taken a toll on the relationship, but he never had considered that Jacob would have turned as vicious as Bella had described him to be; if he hadn't known his daughter so well, he would have thought that she was lying but when she told him, the look in her eyes, the heartbreak and terror was so apparent that it nearly brought him to tears. He hated that he had bore witness to the marriage that broke his daughter, hated that he had been so approving of the man without questioning the boy, hated that he had done nothing, even when he had suspected that something was off.

Now Charlie was left with the broken pieces and he didn't know where to start. Bella had been home for a week now and since her breakdown in the kitchen that first night back in Washington, he had barely seen her. As he was nearing retirement he was spending less time at the station and because he knew that Bella needed him around, he did everything he could to stay at the house as much as possible, yet it didn't seem to matter; she never left her room. Sure, there were the few times in passing that he would catch a glimpse of her as she flittered from the bedroom to the bathroom or, when hunger and thirst became too unbearable, he would sometimes catch her rummaging around the kitchen. But all these sightings never led to any kind of conversation and that bothered him because he didn't know what he could do to try and fix things, to try and make things better for her. It broke his heart to see her hurting so much.

When he and Renee learned that they were having a daughter, Charlie had never known so much panic before in his life. He knew nothing about girls and the small things he did know, terrified him. But he could clearly remember the moment that the doctor placed his baby in his arms and he stared down at her, her infant colored blue-grey eyes staring up at him, he had never felt such love for anything else, nor had he felt the desire to protect another being so greatly. He felt now that he had failed, and that was a kind of pain that he knew he would feel forever.

Sighing, as he realized that he needed help, he picked up the phone that was resting near the couch. Reinforcement was exactly what he needed and he knew exactly who would be more than willing to help him out. He scrolled through the electronic phone book that Sue's son had set up for him one evening before finding the number he needed.

Her voice, light and airy, interrupted the ringing. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Cheney?"

"This is she."

"Angela, it's Bella's father…" he paused for a moment, considering his words.

"Of course it is! How are you chief?"

"I was wondering if you might have time to take a trip to Forks… There's someone here who needs you."

__________

Edward looked up at the large house as he raked his fingers through his hair. It was getting too long, he realized, and he knew that a hair cut was going to be in order very soon. Still, it was only a fleeting thought because almost instantly he was remembering what had last brought him out here, who had last brought him out here. When his mother had called to tell him that both she and his father wanted to do Christmas in the country, he had adamantly refused, not wanting to be back in the house that had been both served to bring him the greatest amount of happiness, but also the greatest amount of pain.

"Edward?"

He felt the small arms embrace him before he smelled her comforting scent. It had been too long and he had been hiding everything for even longer. His arms instinctively wrapped around her much smaller frame and just like that, he was five again, sobbing into the crook of her neck as she rubbed his back soothingly. He didn't know what it was he was so upset about anymore; he just knew that for the first time it felt good to be wrapped in the arms of someone who loved him, who would continue to love him, even after he spilled out the biggest secret of his life.

Esme managed to pull her son into the house and lead him to the living room. Call it a mother's intuition or blind luck, but she knew that there was some kind of strong pull urging her to spend the weekend at the country home and when she watched Edward's car pull into the driveway, she knew that this was the reason, that this was why she was there. Instead of pushing him to talk however, she let him lay on the couch, his head resting in her lap as she stroked his hair, listening to the muffled sounds of his sobbing as it began to cease.

She didn't know the entire story behind what was happening with Edward, any time she tried to inquire about the state of his life, his face always contorted to a painful grimace before he shook his head and dismissed her entirely. For the longest time she always assumed that his problems stemmed from his rocky relationship with Carlisle; it never escaped her notice that her husband often pestered their son about his choice in career when they had paid for his Oxford education that he wasn't using.

It wasn't until Alice had a few too many glasses of wine one night that Esme learned the real truth: that Edward had fallen and fallen hard for a woman who was married. This in and of itself did not surprise her much. Esme knew that when Edward was ready he would find the right person and would love her with the same fierce passion that she experienced with her own husband, Cullen men were destined to love with their entire being. What had surprised her, however, was that the woman had been married. Still, she knew, and she knew from experience, that when you loved someone, everything else didn't matter, that your heart wanted what it wanted and regardless of how terrible the reality of the situation really was.

"Everything is so fucked up." He finally managed.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything… She fucking left the country," he responded as he sat up and wiped at the corners of his eyes with the backs of his hands, watching his mother as she grimaced. "Sorry… I didn't mean to curse."

"It's okay." Edward was always surprised with the softness of his mother's voice, it was everything he needed. "Who left? Bella?"

She had never spoken her name and though Edward suspected that she knew about the woman, he couldn't help the widening of his eyes as she mentioned her. Though, because he had nothing more to say, he could do nothing but nod his head.

"Where did she go?"

"Back home… She left her husband and went back home."

"She didn't tell you?"

"No," he sighed and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. His body was so tense and he couldn't find relief.

There was a silence that fell between the mother and son: Esme contemplating her words, trying to see if she could tell her son the story that both he and Alice never knew, and Edward wondering if there was anything in this world that could alleviate the pain that he had spent months masking which had so quickly bubbled back to the surface.

"Dad and I never told you how we met did we?"

He snapped his head up to look at her, his eyebrows raised curiously, wondering what it was she was getting at, "yes… You were a first year at university and he was nearly finishing his medical degree… You weren't paying attention and were speaking with Aunt Delia when you ran into each other and his books and papers went flying everywhere. The rest I suppose, is history?"

Esme shook her head, "your father… he was involved with someone when we met."

"What?"

"He had been seeing a woman for three years when we met, they were engaged."

"Why didn't you ever tell us this?"

She smiled and chuckled to herself, "no one wants to hear that story… That one is much too painful."

"What happened?"

"Your father is, if more than anything, a man true to his word. Before he left for Oxford, he was deeply involved with a girl from his village, Catherine. He told me, that into his second year, he had proposed because he felt that he loved her and they planned to get married soon after he finished his degree as she went to Manchester. "Esme stopped for a moment and took her son's hand, letting her fingers rub small circles on the top of his hand. "I was so in love with him, even though I knew he was spoken for and one night when we were at a party…"

Edward groaned, "I'm not sure I want to hear this."

She smiled and chuckled lightly. "We were together for the rest of that year until he had to go home and my parents sent me to France for the summer… Though we talked, he said that he couldn't leave her because he had given her his word and he broke my heart… Later, when I returned to school, I looked for him everywhere, especially when I learned from Uncle Aro that he had called off the engagement.

"He didn't come back for me. Aro said that he believed he had hurt me too much and that I never would have forgiven him…" Esme shook her head. "Men are so foolish sometimes… Though maybe we all are, because I would have forgiven him, I _did_ forgive him."

"When did he come back?"

"He didn't, not really. After I finished my degree, I moved to London. One afternoon, on my way to work, I was rushing down the steps of the Sloane Square tube station when I tripped and fell… Apparently, your father had lived in the area as well and was on his way to work… They say it's coincidence, but I think there was more to it than that."

"And you forgave him? For leaving? For not telling you he left his fiancé?"

"He's the love of my life Edward… I'm not saying it wasn't painful… But in the end, that didn't really matter… I'm not saying I let him off the hook… It took months to get the trust back in our relationship, but I've never been more thankful for a second chance."

"Why are you telling me this?" Though he knew, he somehow needed his mother to verify it for him. He needed to hear it from her that she believed that somehow, he and Bella would find each other once again because he knew that his life would never be complete without her.

"Because I know how you are feeling… And I have faith that she just needs to realize that everything from the past… the pain that you've both caused each other… That none of it really matters, that one year is trivial in comparison to a lifetime of happiness together… Give her time…"

__________

The knock on her door made her groan; she didn't want to talk to anyone right now. It was selfish, but she wanted to wallow.

"What are you doing?"

Bella shot out of bed and looked to the door, startled that the voice was not her father's.

"Angela?"

"In the flesh."

"What? Who?"

Angela smiled and went to the bed, flopping down next to her best friend, the friend she hadn't seen in two years but loved just as much as she had before she left.

"Charlie called… So what's going on?" She knew of course; Charlie had filled her in on the major details: the problems with Jacob (which, in and of itself, didn't surprise her much), the affair with the musician, the accident and how she left Jacob. Part of Angela was jealous of Bella, she was living such an exciting life, though the majority of her being was saddened, and hurt for her best friend.

"I'm sure you already know…"

"I do but I don't understand why you're here."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella… Tell me you aren't just as blind as you were in high school." Angela just watched as Bella scrunched her brow. "I mean… No man would stick around if he didn't love you… And he was there, at the hospital… You left Jacob, you don't have anything holding you back anymore."

"I know he was there Angie… I know that he loves me and god… I want him so badly but that doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do… I've hurt him so badly."

"So make it better."

Bella could feel the tears as they began to pool in her eyes, "that's the problem… I don't know how."

Angela didn't pressure her any longer. Instead she laid back on the pillow and enjoyed the silence with her. There wasn't anything else she could tell her, yet she, for the most part, just wanted her to think about it. It was true that she didn't know the entire details of the situation, but that didn't change much really; deep down she knew that Bella knew what she had to do… She just needed a swift kick in the ass and that was exactly what best friends were for.

__________

Bella pushed the large metal cart down the cereal aisle as she inspected the different boxes. Charlie's kitchen was void of everything except for three frozen dinner entrees and though she wasn't sure how long she was going to be living with Charlie or staying in Washington, she knew that either way, food would still be a necessity. The sheer volume of the choice before her was overwhelming however; she had forgotten how different it was shopping for food in the United States as opposed to the United Kingdom, hell, the entirety of Europe for that matter. Like her life, she would have to make a choice and though it should have been easy, she was beginning to realize that there wasn't such a thing for her anymore.

She could stick with the usual, her daily bowl of cheerios. It was comforting, was always the same though if she felt like it, she could add a banana or strawberries, but regardless, they always sat there, floating in her milk like little life preservers, keeping her afloat; it never changed, they never changed. But, as her eyes flickered over the boxes she saw how many different choices she truly had: Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, Corn Flakes, Shredded Wheat, Cinnamon Toast Crunch… The possibilities were endless and yet, as her eyes passed over the Cinnamon Toast Crunch one more time, a flicker of a distant memory flashed before her, a conversation held between her and Edward in which he had told her that the cereal was one of the most memorable things from his trip to the states. So without thinking, she reached forward, plucked the box off the shelf and tossed it amongst the rest of the items she had managed o select.

It had been a week since she had returned to the United States and one thing was blatantly obvious to her, Washington no longer felt like her home. It was a startling realization but one that she knew was coming to her. Her home was with Edward, it always had been because from the moment she had met him, her entire life fell into place, her whole being came to life and without him, she was left with an empty heart. Angela was right, though that wasn't very surprising, if she wanted to be whole again, _she_ had to make things better and that was exactly what she was going to try and do.

As she reached the checkout she momentarily checked the weekly rags though what she saw nearly made her faint. On the cover of _Life & Style_ was Edward. Her breath caught in her chest as her heart raced, pounding violently against her chest at the mere sight of his face. She had been so wrapped up in everything back in London that she had failed to note that the band was becoming popular even here in the states, not that she ever doubted they would, not with his voice and stellar good looks. Her hand reached for it though she couldn't tear her eyes from his beautiful face, marred with the hideous bruise and his eyes tired and dull. Her heart ached from the photograph and it was only then that she saw the caption in large, yellow lettering: Edward Cullen caught in violent love triangle.

Without thinking, she threw it into the basket, resolving to read it when she was back home and could call Rosalie to ask her about it.

__________

_Life & Style reports exclusively that Waking in the Fire's front man Edward Cullen has been involved in a salacious affair with an AEG executive's wife._

_Two weeks ago, photos surfaced of the musician's face marred with a rather nasty looking bruise. It appears that an altercation between him and Jacob Black happened at the hospital that Black's wife was busy recovering at from a nasty accident on the M6. _

"_Edward has done nothing wrong but love the woman while her husband used her to make his own life easier," a source close to the couple tells us. "When she was in the accident, Jacob was barely around and it was Edward who was visiting her every day, waiting to hear from the doctors."_

_Eye witnesses say that when Black approached Cullen in the waiting room, Black was furious having learned of the affair. Though any taped video of the altercation has been confiscated, the bruise speaks for itself. The question remains is who is this woman and what were her intentions._

"_Everyone is so quick to point fingers and I'm sure that once this surfaces, everyone is going to believe that she is with him because of his status, but they fell in love before the band even became famous."_

_In fact, we've learned that Cullen and Mrs. Black had been separated for three months when the accident took place and the two had barely even spoken. So why was Edward at the hospital?_

"_Plain and simple… it doesn't take a genius to answer that one, the man loves her."_

_This is startling for anyone outside of the know… Wasn't it only a few weeks ago we saw him walking hand in hand with Jane McCullough?_

_It appears that Jane entered into Edward's life shortly after the split between Mrs. Black and himself. Though there was always a question as to the status of their relationship, the constant hand holding always seemed to point in the direction of a relationship. However, since the altercation, Jane has been seen around London with another bloke who has now been identified as Sony BMG executive Tom Dailey. _

She couldn't bring herself to read anymore. This was the last thing that she had ever expected and she wondered just how things had gotten this out of hand. Her heart broke, not because she was involved in this, but because she was afraid of how this would affect Edward. Her name was officially slandered, her biggest fear finally a reality, but really, all she could think of was how he must be feeling and how all she wanted to do was make it all go away for his sake.

__________

Rosalie answered the phone after five rings and Bella had never been so happy to hear another person's voice before. She hadn't realized just how much she missed the tall, beautiful blonde who quickly became her person, the one stable in her life who never worried about hurting her feelings if it was the truth.

"Bella?"

"Hey Rose…"

"Thank god! Why haven't you called?"

Bella bit her lip for a moment, "Things got a bit…"

"Come back Bella…" Rose didn't even need to know anything else… She had suspected all along that as soon as she would get home that Bella would just sulk and wallow in her misery. She couldn't fix this from Washington and it was the one thing that Rose tried to tell her before she left, she just didn't listen. But Bella was stubborn like that.

"I need to ask you something…"

"Yes, he still fucking loves you."

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"I need Edward's address and his schedule and… I need his phone number."

"Oh thank holy fuck!" Bella couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face as she heard Rosalie's enthusiasm. "It took you long enough! I'll send an e-mail."

"Thank you Rose."

"Thank you Bella… For coming to your senses."

__________

The weekend at the edge was exactly what he needed and as he walked to his door, he saw the box against the front door and couldn't for the life of him figure out what it could have been. He hadn't ordered anything, and if the label was sending something, he was certain that they would have informed him before they did that.

Once he was situated and the box was sitting on the kitchen table, he took a knife to the tape and opened it, his hand immediately pulling the white envelope out and extracting the letter, carefully letting his eyes graze over the familiar messy script.

_Dearest Edward,_

_I wish I knew how to start this… after everything that we have shared, I would have thought this would be easy. I've never been more wrong of anything else in my life. So instead, I'll start with what I know. _

_I feel like Lady Chatterley sometimes, or rather, I once did. When I arrived in Washington, I found the book nestled deep into my bookcase and as I read it, I couldn't help but think of you and of us and our situation. Though I loved Jacob, I knew after meeting you, after having that inexplicable connection and draw towards you, that though I had loved him, my soul would always be bound to you. _

_If I could apologize for anything, it's for the way that I treated our relationship with such disregard. It was easier to believe that you would always be there, and that when I was ready, we could be together the way we had once spoken about. I hope you know, that though I never left Jacob until it was too late, my feelings for you never faltered and even from here, I am forever in love with you. _

_What I don't know how to do, though I desperately want to, is how to make things right again between us. I know that I have hurt you and as much as I want to take it all away, I know that it is impossible. So instead, I am sending you this with a promise to show you that I know you, that I love you, that I'll always love you._

Edward looked up from the letter that he held in his shaking hands and as he brought it to his nose, he could smell her, freesia and strawberries and innocence and sunshine, on the delicate paper. Her scrawl was nearly unreadable, but he loved her all the more for it, and maybe she was right, maybe her leaving, putting an ocean and entire continent between them, would provide them both the time they needed to figure it out, to show one another that they knew each other but still had so much more to learn. He could only hope that this was them, moving closer together, crossing the land and the sea, and finding each other amongst the mess that they had created.

As he opened the box he smiled. Nestled into the wrapping he saw a book, _A Room with a View_. He had told her that he had been meaning to read it, she had remembered. And, as he picked it up, he saw a notebook that was laying beneath it with yet another note from her. "Because we can't discuss it in person, I've written down points I am almost certain you would have brought up and what my reactions to you would have been."

Placing the book and notebook aside, he found the CD. The metallic outside cast rainbow shadows over the room as the sun from the window caught it and as he looked at it closely, he saw that it was entitled with a D.H. Lawrence quote; a quote he knew would set the tone of the entire collection of songs stored on the plastic memory keeper, "one must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it, and the journey is always towards the other soul."

__________

The next letter arrived three days later and Edward smiled when he saw it, mixed in with the other crap that always seemed to fill his mailbox. For two days the CD that she had made had been on repeat and he hadn't been able to stop listening to it. For some reason, he knew that she couldn't say everything that she had to and the songs were there for that matter. If she went into every detail of her life, and the life that she had before and after she met him, that it would take far too long and he was okay with that. He appreciated it that she was using music, a medium that he understood, that he loved.

He pressed play on his iPod speakers and let the eleventh track play as he sunk into his chair, Hudson sitting at his feet: James Morrison, "You Give Me Something." Carefully, he unfolded the paper and let his eyes read the words she had to say this time, hopeful that it would give him more of an insight into how she was and what was going through her mind.

_Edward,_

_I've been working with a therapist for the past few months and though I'm in Seattle now, I still speak with her on the phone every few days… She suggested someone here, but I was afraid that it would only put me behind if I had to find someone else… _

_Obviously, because of this, I've been thinking a lot… about us and I keep coming to the same conclusion: I never appreciated you when I had you. I think it was because of that, that I knew I had to leave England when I left Jacob. You didn't deserve to be with someone who couldn't see just how amazing you are._

_So here is what I want you to know, the reasons why I love you…_

_You have this uncanny ability to put me at ease in any and every situation_

_When you smile at me, it's like the whole world disappears and I know that you can see only me_

_You have the biggest heart that I've ever known… You can love even when you've been hurt and I envy you for that_

_You see the real me and it doesn't scare you_

_You are the most intelligent man I've ever met… And you're capable of such great things, even if you don't always believe in yourself_

_You aren't afraid to tell me the truth… I think it's why I've been afraid to face you… I'm terrified of what you might have to say to me and I'm such a coward from running away from you and not facing you like I should have_

_You make me feel alive. When I'm with you, it's like everything else that I've been through doesn't matter, because, I know that to you, it doesn't_

_When you hold me, I feel like nothing can be wrong in the world_

_I love you Edward… and though I've been running from it… I don't want to anymore._

"_What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies between us." Emerson said that… For the first time, I understand him… I can only hope that you do too._

It was hard for him not to smile at the end of the letter, and though he knew that she had hurt him, he also knew that this was their unconventional way of mending the divide and finding their way back to each other. Slowly, he was learning things about her that he had overlooked before. Where he had once thought her to be uncompassionate and unaware of how much she had hurt him, he was beginning to see that she could see him, it was just through opaque glass.

Though he had suspected it from the start, her words only helped show him just how much Jacob had broken her. He never thought she suspected that she was unworthy of him.

__________

The letters continued to come, though they were less intense than the first two had been. He had even taken to composing his own letter, though every time he went to send it, he couldn't bring it to drop it in the post box. And yet, even though he had not responded, he was surprised at her persistence. She had not given up, even one month and eighteen letters later, they still continued to come.

What surprised him even more was the letter he had waiting for him when he checked into his hotel in Vienna.

He stuffed it in his back pocket but it didn't escape Alice's eyes as she reached him and pulled it out.

"What's this?"

"Alice," he grumbled, "give it back."

"Washington…" she read the postmark and her eyes went wide before her smile mimicked it. "Oh my god! Why didn't you tell me?"

"This is personal Alice."

"Are you together again?"

Edward didn't know how to interpret the change in attitude that Alice had towards his former lover. She had spent so much time trying to convince him that he didn't need her in his life, and now, it seemed as though she was ready to plan a wedding.

"No."

"Then?"

"She's been writing to me… explaining the reasons she did what she did."

"Have you spoken to her?"

He shook his head and she grimaced at him. "Why not?"

"Alice… This isn't your business," he responded, ripping the letter from her fingertips but as he saw her pout he knew that he couldn't hold out on her. "I think I'm still afraid that it's too good to be true. She's not ready Alice… When she's ready… And there's still a lot of problems I'm working through regarding her in my own head."

"So she's still writing and doesn't know you want her to keep writing?"

He shrugged and watched as Alice smiled again, "it's good that she is. It shows she's not giving up on you."

"I think so too."

Edward left it with that and walked down the hall to his own room. Alice and Jasper were on a different floor and he was rather thankful for that. In the last city they were in, their rooms were right next to each other and he hadn't been able to sleep from the loud noise that resonated from the other side of the wall.

When he was comfortable and all his things situated in the right places, he laid down on the bed and opened the letter, watching as her scrawl came into focus. As he did with every other one, he brought it to his nose, once again breathing in her scent, thankful that somehow the paper was able to saturate it enough.

_Edward,_

_I was in Seattle with my best friend the other day… Angela. We were walking through Pikes Place Market when I saw a couple walking with their son… I see couples all the time but for some reason, I thought of you and I think it was because the man had auburn hair and his companion was a brunette as well. The son was adorable, Edward. He was the kind of son that I always imagined, do imagine having with you if we ever get there… I tried to shake it off, tried to believe that it was foolish even thinking about this. _

_So we continued to pursue the market and I tried to put it behind me. But as we were walking down 1__st__ avenue later, I thought back to something that happened at the hospital._

_Did you know that your father was my doctor? I suppose you probably do… But the day that I told Jacob that I wanted a divorce… your father said something to me… "Life… sometimes give you a second chance… don't let this pass you by." _

_That's exactly what I did… I was being given a second chance at life… a life that I would have been proud of, one that I would have been excited to have… and I threw it away because I was too afraid. Your father could see that in my eyes and he tried to tell me… even Rose tried… _

_Things I'll forever regret_

_Hurting you_

_It's a short list and though I wanted to put marrying Jacob on it… I can't bring myself to do that. Being with Jacob brought me three of the most important people in my life: Emmett, Rosalie and most importantly, you. How can I regret someone who brought me to the love of my life?_

_I hurt you. I can't deny that and I can't pretend that I didn't. I think what bothers me the most about it, is that you were so willing to give me the world and I made decisions that I should have made with you. I wanted to believe that I knew what was best… But I was so blind because what was best has only seemed to be the worst decision. I left because I thought it was the right thing to do. I've never felt worthy of you, but when I had you in my life, I was too selfish to even think about letting go… So when everything happened and I was able to see my life for what it was, I was so convinced that I could only bring you down. I wish I could have seen that by leaving, I was continuing to do just that._

"_Can't Let Go," is a beautiful song Edward… And if that's still how you feel… I'm glad I'm not alone in this._

_There was another reason for writing this, a reason that was completely unselfish. If I've learned anything since I've come home, it's that a father's love is unconditional. I know that you have had problems with your father Edward… But he loves you… Talk to him. Mend that relationship. It's one less obstacle in your way, and one more person on your side._

His hand fell to his chest taking with it the letter as he pressed his head into the pillow. For the first time, he was beginning to believe that maybe Bella knew him better than he even knew himself. He did need his father, and though he was trying to deny it, she saw through him, through everything. And what he found most startling of all was that his father knew about her the entire time and tried to fix it, tried to get Bella to go back to him. Though he often questioned it, for the first time, he truly felt the fatherly love that Bella was talking about

__________

"Edward… What are you doing here?" Carlisle opened the door to find is son standing in his office. The last he had heard, he was supposed to be in Amsterdam, and yet, here he was, in his office.

"We had a few days off… and I needed to talk to you."

"Is everything alright?" Ever since he had graduated from Oxford and Carlisle had been on him to find a real job, their relationship had been more than strained. There were times when they would go months without speaking, Carlisle always thinking that his son was just throwing away the talent that he had. It wasn't until he had seen his son play one night, while sitting in a dark corner in the back of some club that was popular with the twenty something's, that he realized how deep his son's passion was and how good he was when it came to music. Though he knew then as well that it was probably too late to mend any bridges that had been burned unless Edward truly wanted it that way: there had been too many harsh words exchanged.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"About you and mum…"

Carlisle just flopped into his chair and raked his fingers through his hair, a habit that he had passed on to his own son. "It was such a hard period in my life… In your mum's life… It was better to tell the story as it should have happened then as it really did."

"But even after everything… I know you know about Bella," he sighed. "You knew how bad it was for me… Or at least, I suspected you knew how bad it was and you had been in her position… I don't know… I don't understand, the more I think about everything, the more confused I get."

"I wanted to tell you, every single time I saw you but I couldn't because… I guess part of me was deeply ashamed of how I had handled things with your mum. She forgave me, yes… But I don't think I've ever, even now, forgiven myself." He paused and took a deep breath. "When you hurt someone like that, someone that you love that much, and it cuts them that deep to the core, it's hard to imagine that they could ever forgive you and that you could ever be worthy of them… And, I've hurt you too over the years…

"I never wanted to believe that medicine wasn't your calling. I thought that you were being foolish and young and acting on childish dreams… It wasn't until I saw you play that I knew how wrong I was and I wanted to tell you about that but I knew that I had pushed you away. God Edward… I've done a lot of shitty things in my life but what I did to you, it's nearly as bad, if not worse, than what I did to your mum."

"But Bella dad."

"It wasn't my story to tell… I might have been through a similar situation but I didn't know the girl well enough to do that. What I should have told you was that I spoke with her in the hospital and could see just how desperate she was for a way out of the situation she was in… And when she didn't deny the relationship with you… That was what you should have known but… I guess I thought she would go back to you… I thought that it would have been different, that because she had been through what she had with her husband it would have alleviated the guilt she felt about being with you while being married to him. Though it was similar to what I had been though, it was still uniquely different."

Edward nodded his head; it wasn't the answer that he wanted, but it was what he needed.

"For what it's worth… I'm sorry," Carlisle moved closer to his son, but still kept a bit of a distance. He wanted to hug him, to wrap him up in his arms like he had when he was a child but he couldn't bring himself to do it, not without knowing that he wouldn't get pushed away.

Thankfully he didn't have to dwell on it long because Edward bridged the distance and embraced his father, the act mending the past and moving them forward to a different future.

"I'm sorry too."

__________

Edward walked around the city after leaving his father. He would have taken Hudson with him, but he had left the dog with his mother and though Carlisle knew he was in town, he asked him not to tell her. He wanted some time to decompress after everything, time to put his life into perspective. That was why he went walking and he continued to walk until the daylight faded and twilight took over. The streets were thinning and a chill took over so he directed his steps back towards his flat.

As he walked down the hall he could see another package resting against the frame of his door and like always, he couldn't stop the smile from appearing. When he was closer, he reached down and picked it up, tucking it under his arm as he let himself in. After putting his keys down he opened it to find a lack of a letter and merely a CD.

The CD had one song on it and he noted immediately that it wasn't labeled. Carefully, he placed it in the stereo and pressed play, the soft sounds of the piano playing filtered through the speakers, it was a song that he recognized nearly immediately, Bella had loved it, Jon McLaughlin, "For You From Me." She was telling him that she was ready, and it was hard to contain the smile, because though he hadn't responded to her, she hadn't given up and he knew that deep down, the feelings were there, and she loved him just as much as he loved her.

Just as the voice filled the room, he heard the knock on his door which sent his heart racing. No one had known that he had come back to the city aside from his father and band mates but as he walked closer he looked through the peephole and his breath caught in his throat.

"Bella?" he whispered when he opened the door to find her standing there and he could see the fear in her eyes.

"Hi Edward," she replied, her voice just as quiet and though she wanted to close her eyes and hide herself, she couldn't take her eyes off his face, the face that she had lived without for far too long.

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you…" She finally tore her eyes away from him, her cheeks heating up with the blush from her embarrassment. "Can I come in?"

He nodded and stepped aside, closing the door once she was inside. He felt like he was in a dream. She was there, in his flat. He had dreamed of this and yet now, it felt so surreal. He could reach out and touch her if he wanted and he did want to, he wanted to pull her into his arms the moment he opened the door and found her standing there, but he couldn't just yet, so instead he just kept his eyes trained on her, partly afraid that if he looked away, she would be gone.

"When did you get here?"

"Yesterday."

"How did you know?"

She bit her lip and rubbed her arm. "Emmett told me… I just… There were things… I miss you Edward… I thought that going away would be better, for the both of us and it made things worse… And I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry for everything… And I know I don't deserve you… But you said that you would be waiting and I know you haven't returned my letters but I had to know…" She dropped her gaze back down to the floor, unable to find the courage to look him in the eyes. "I just needed to know if you still felt the same way."

"I…"

"Nevermind… I'm a foolish girl. I'll leave. I'm so sorry Edward… Truly, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have even come back." The words came quickly, unable to bear the thought of him rejecting her and as she turned around and began to shuffle towards the door, she nearly gasped when she felt him grab her arm.

"Don't you even think about leaving again," he replied, turning her to look him directly in the eye, his other hand under her chin. "Don't you even dare Bella…"

"How can you…"

"How can I what?"

"How can you forgive me?"

"I don't know that I have yet… I just… You belong here… with me."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out," she replied softly as he pulled her into his arms.

"It doesn't matter… You figured it out… You're here."

"For as long as you want me."

"Forever…" he breathed, leaning down and pressing his forehead against her own. "I want you for forever Isabella."

"Forever," she repeated.

__________

**Okay… So… They still have a lot to work out… But… They're back together. I promise you that. **

**When you're done here, come play on the forum. You girls are amazing!**


	21. A Moon Song

**Okay, so here it is… It's taken awhile… Karlotita09 knows this first hand as she read all my annoying twitter posts about how Londonward would not cooperate. He's a hot motherfucker, but he's stubborn as shit… Though… Through her 'inspiring' pictures and talk, well… It got done…**

**I hope you like it… It's so hard for me to not write as much angst but I'm trying… It's just taking me a bit longer than I had anticipated! **

**I'm thinking three chapters remain… Maybe as many as five but I'm not sure I can stretch it out that long… We'll see… I'll have to see what the characters do.**

**As always, thank you all for the great feedback! You amaze me and though I don't respond to each one, I do read them and they do keep me going! Obviously I wouldn't even be writing THIS many chapters if it wasn't for the suggestions! So keep them coming! I love knowing what you think!**

**And thank you to zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual you both are amazing!**

**Now… Off to the chapter!**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Twenty One**_

_A green-eyed boy, he met an autumn-eyed girl.  
And she said, "Take your time, I'm from the other side of the world."  
And there were rules to be broken: there were differences to mend.  
But when he looked into her eyes, there was no way he could pretend._

_And she said, "Truth is sorrow, we will never be that way."  
But he said, "Truth is pleasure, that is all there is to say."  
Still some say, "Truth is hidden, it lies very far below."  
But I say, "Truth is beauty. That is all you need to know."_

_Now I'm falling like the snow.  
You are like the moon: I watch you as you grow.  
Now you're falling like the snow.  
Still I'm hanging on the moon: I watch you far below._

_And so I stand upon the wreckage of the kingdom of the world,  
and I stare upon the ruins and remember this girl.  
You see, the boy would be her nightingale if she would be his muse.  
But when she looked into his eyes there was nothing she could refuse.  
And so the green-eyed boy he kissed the autumn-eyed girl.  
Their kiss is painted on the urn, watch it as it twirls._

_And she said, "Truth is sorrow, we will never be that way."  
And he said, "Truth is pleasure, that is all there is to say."  
But some say, "Truth is hidden, it lies very far below."  
But I say, "Truth is beauty. That is all you need to know."_

_Now I'm falling like the snow.  
You are like the moon: I watch you as you grow.  
Now you're falling like the snow.  
Still I'm hanging on the moon: I watch you far below._

_And now I'm falling like the snow.  
You are like the moon: I watch you as you grow.  
And now you're falling like the snow.  
Still I'm hanging on the moon: I watch you far below._

David Berkeley, "A Moon Song"

__________

Everything seemed to stand still. Though time was slowly ticking, a fact made obvious by the noise coming from the second hand of the clock resting on the fireplace mantle, both were too caught up in the moment to really pay attention to it. Instead, they stood there, arms wound around each other; forehead's pressed firmly together, noses grazing one another as they matched one another's breaths. Something foreign seemed to buzz between them, something that hadn't existed in their time together before this moment; a raw power of hope, of happiness, of full completeness that never was able to exist before. They were together and unlike before, there was no fear that the time would pass too quickly, or that this would be the last time that they would feel one another in their arms; this was real, no longer just a dream or a passing fantasy. She wasn't worried about the husband that she had previously had at home and he found that he wasn't afraid that she was going to leave him, running as far away, as fast as possible, back into the other man's arms. He didn't exist this time around, but they did, and to them, though it was left unspoken, that was all that mattered.

"I can't believe you're here," he whispered for the fifth time, his breath fanning across her lips allowing her to taste him in an intimate, though unassumingly so, way. "This isn't real. This is a dream. You can't possibly be real. You can't possibly be here."

"I'm real. I'm here."

"I thought you were never coming back. I thought I lost you."

"I thought that too," she replied, reaching up and cupping his cheek with the palm of her hand. She needed to touch him, needed to feel his skin on her own and know that somehow, they could find a way to work though this, to be together without the complications of the past. "You never lost me though… I've always been yours."

His heart ached with a fierce difference than it had when she had been gone from his life: breaking and mending and then breaking and mending all over again in a matter of moments, of seconds. Each word from her lips seemed to crash down on him, the truth, the cold hard truth of her words sunk deep into his body and he could feel it deep in his soul; the very words that he had longed her hear were not being held back and he was overwhelmed and thrilled all at the same time. She had come back though she hadn't intended to and all along she was his, always his, just as he had always hoped and expected. And though she hadn't anticipated coming back to him, she had, and she was there, in his living room; he could see her, feel her, taste her on his tongue and it was still not enough for him because though they were the same people, they were also completely different.

"I missed you." Her words were soft and quiet, barely breaking through the thick emotion of the room, and he wasn't even sure that he had heard her, but then she pressed her nose closer to his own, their lips barely an inch away from touching. "I missed you so much that I thought it would kill me."

"I wanted to hate you."

"I wanted you to hate me. You were _supposed_ to hate me." For the first time since they had reunited, she pulled away, putting space between them, knowing that if they were going to have this conversation that they couldn't be caught up in the spell that seemed to cover them, that seemed to surround them and make them incoherent. But even though she knew they had to talk, she still couldn't find the courage to look up at him, to look into his eyes and see the hurt that she had caused him, the months of pain and she knew had hit him so much harder than it had hit her. _She_ had made the decision to leave, _she_ had made the decision to break off contact with him, _she _had made the decision to go back to Washington and try to live a life without him. "I wanted you to despise me."

"You know I can't do that," he replied, stepping a bit closer to her and yet not close enough.

"You should."

"Maybe I should Bella," he sighed, taking a deep breath as he moved even closer, bridging the entire distance that she had put between their bodies, "but I can't… I never have been able to; even if it was the one thing that I should have done. I couldn't then, I can't now, and I'm sure I never will."

"Why? How can you say that after what I've done?"

Though her gaze was still casted down to the carpeted rug, her eyes seemingly finding something interesting nestled among the fibers, he could tell that she was tugging the bottom of her lip into her mouth, pressing her teeth down against the full flesh and he knew that she was waging an emotional and mental war deep within her mind. It was to be expected, he knew that; they had been through so much that it would have been impossible for there not to be questions, or apprehensions and misgivings before sorting all this out. He knew that they would have to face all this, but he didn't want to at the moment, all he wanted was to celebrate, to revel in the fact that she was there, that, for the first time in months, he could hold her in his arms. The harsh reality that they were stuck in could be hashed out later and though it might not have been the best decision in the world, he didn't see a problem with putting it off for just a little while longer.

"Bella…" He needed to see her eyes, needed her to look up at him and when she refused to part her gaze with the floor, he hooked his fingers under her chin and lifted it so she had no other choice. "Bella, please, stop hiding from me… I can't stand to not see your face after so long."

Tears pooled in her eyes as she nodded, still tugging on her lip with more strength than she had anticipated as she could taste the salty iron on her tongue. "I should go."

"Where?" His heart was racing at the thought of her leaving. She had finally come back and now he was afraid that after the small conversation that they had just managed to have she was ready to run again because it would have been easier than dealing with what they really faced. There was no way that he would let her run from him again, not now that they had a real chance to be together, not now that he knew she truly loved him, that she always had. He would never forgive himself if he let love slip through his fingers one more time.

"Back to Rose and Emmett's… I'm staying with them until I figure everything out… I just… He told me you were here and I couldn't wait any longer… I had to come see you."

She stood on her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before turning to walk to the door. He, however, wanted nothing to do with that and reached forward, his fingers grabbing her own, fingers laced together, as he pulled her to stop her. "Bella… Look at me."

Her eyes fell to their joined hands and then to his face as she turned around and let him pull her into his body, his arms around her, palm pressed her to back to keep her close. "Stay Bella… Please don't leave me tonight… I've slept without you for far too long and I'm exhausted and I just… I just fucking need you here with me…"

She looked up, no longer afraid to meet his eyes as she saw them swimming with an emotion that she hadn't seen in so long.

"Don't leave… Please Bella… fuck I can't do this without you any longer."

"I'm not going anywhere."

__________

Dawn was breaking casting a light, misty glow aided by the London morning fog, and Bella still hadn't been able to find sleep. Her mind had been a whirlwind of battling emotions and thoughts that she couldn't seem to work out, to fit into perfect pieces so they aligned just properly. She knew it was foolish, that these things just didn't fall into place, hell, she had first had experience in that, but it didn't stop her from wanting to believe that it could, that it would.

Her eyes fell on the man next to her, his mouth slightly parted as he took deep, slow breaths though it, a soft snore accompanying each intake of air. The sound brought a small smile to her face; never one to really enjoy a man who snored, she couldn't help but thrill in the sound that he made, and a part of her found it oddly enduring. It was a sign that he was there, that he was real. And still, she knew that he wasn't one to make much noise in his sleep and it troubled her to know that the noise probably stemmed from sleepless nights, most likely from her own decisions. Her eyes traveled to his face and she pulled away from him slightly, his hand slipping from her waist before settling on the curve of her hip as she propped herself up on her elbow to gaze at his face from a different view.

His brow was smooth, a few strands of hair falling and covering his eyes and she reached forward and gently pushed it away, letting her hand linger on the top of his head, her fingers playing with the soft silk that rested there. It brought back a multitude of memories and instead of pushing them away, she closed her eyes and let them assault her. She couldn't figure out how she had let herself be so stupid, how she let herself make the decisions that she had when it was obvious that this was exactly where she needed to be.

When she opened her eyes she let her finger travel down his temple before tracing the curve of his jaw and feeling the rough stubble she knew was a result of merely one day of not shaving. When she had shown up at his flat that night, she hadn't been anticipating spending the night, in fact, she was sure that it was something that she _shouldn't_ do, but when he had pulled her into his arms and begged her to stay, pleaded with her, she knew that she couldn't deny him, that because he wanted her to, she would stay and give him what he needed because this was exactly what he needed. There was no denying him, not anymore, she had done that enough in the past and she was hell bent on making it right this time around.

But the decision to stay had merely been solidified when she had looked up at him when she had finally agreed to it. His eyes were bright and wide and she knew that he needed this, that _they_ needed this night. They had been apart from each other for so long that nothing was wrong with being reacquainted, and there had been a silent agreement that they would do nothing more than hold one another because anything else would have been too much in that moment. This wasn't about physical intimacy and yet, she had never felt more connected to another human being in her entire life.

She didn't know what the future would bring. She knew that there was no way that she could move in with him, even if it was what he wanted. They needed time to get to know one another again, they needed time to learn who they were. She knew that he was no longer the same person that he was when they had broken up, just as she was no longer the same woman she was when she had been with him and Jacob. In their time apart, she had blossomed into the person that she had always been before Jacob had smothered her and tried to put out her fire, and she was certain that fame had changed Edward as well. No, she knew that moving in together wouldn't be the right thing to do, they had to start over again. She just hoped that he knew and understood that as well.

__________

The sun streaked through the window and tickled his eyes, forcing him to wake though he was desperately trying to cling to the dreams of the night. He hated mornings like this; the kind when the dreams are so pleasant that waking seems like a fate worse than death. A groan escaped his mouth as he threw one arm over his face to block the light out. She had been with him, she had come home and they had been together. It had been months since he had been able to dream of something so pleasant that involved her and he hated that the stupid sun had managed to take him from that world.

It was then that he felt the arm tighten around his waist and a small body press into his back, molding into him. His heart rate quickened. He knew that body. He knew that body better than he knew himself and when he felt the leg of the person with him wrap around his hip, he knew he was going to come undone.

"Bella," he sighed and closed his eyes, pressing back into her while he placed his arm on top of her own.

Never before had he been happier to find that his dream had not been a dream at all, but it was in fact, real.

He couldn't even describe how wonderful it felt to be wrapped in her embrace, and it also didn't escape his thoughts that this was so different than before. He had always wondered if he had always been the one to initiate the holding because she had always felt guilty and yet here she was, holding him. A wave of reassurance seemed to wash over him and he couldn't help but smile. She was invested in this and he knew, that somewhere in her mind, this was a subconscious way of saying just that.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he carefully reached to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Why are you whispering?"

"What do you want Alice?"

"There's someone there with you!" He could practically see her beaming. "Who is she?"

"Are we really going to go there?" he growled, about ready to hang up on his sister. He felt Bella stir beside him, unwrapping her leg from his and turning on her other side.

"Please?"

"Who do you think it is Alice? Really…"

"I knew it! Jazz didn't believe me!"

"Is this why you called?" He glanced over his shoulder and watched her, reaching over for a moment to push some of the hair off her neck. It amazed him how much he missed her body against his own, then again, part of him thought that was to be expected after having gone without her for so long.

"Part of the reason… Are you flying back to Amsterdam today or holding out until tomorrow night?"

He knew he had other obligations, that being the final leg of the tour that he was currently on but he didn't want anything to do with that anymore. Before it just seemed to pass the time, but now that he had what he wanted, nothing was more important to him than reconnecting with her. He knew that wasn't something he could do when he still have two more weeks of traveling around Europe.

"I don't know…"

"Will you call me when you do? The boys want to know so they can plan ahead."

"I will."

"Talk to you later!"

"Bye Alice."

He hung up right away, knowing full well that if he didn't she would only continue to pester him about whatever it was that was going to transpire between him and Bella. The thing was, he didn't know and he knew that he needed to be on the same page with Bella before any kind of decision was going to be made. He wanted her to come with him, desperately wanted her on the road with him, but there had been so many changes in his life that he wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do for the both of them. He was desperately afraid of the media attention, the fan attention, and even the attention that his band mates might give their relationship. They couldn't sort this out in front of an audience and if that meant having to be away from her for two more weeks, he would have to find a way to endure. He just hoped that she would understand.

__________

"I thought you had left."

He heard her voice before he was able to look to see her sitting on the couch, her legs tucked up under her butt, her eyes wet from what he imagined was tears. He frowned for a moment before putting the cardboard container on the coffee table along with the bag of pastries before sitting next to her and pulling her into his arms.

"Why did you think that?"

"You weren't there when I woke up…"

His hand found her hair and he softly let the strands slip through his fingers as she gripped his shirt and held onto him as though she was afraid he would disappear. "Why the tears?"

"I thought you had changed your mind. I thought you decided that I wasn't worth all of this."

He clenched his jaw with her confession before pulling away and cradling her head between his hands and forcing her to look at him. "Bella, listen to me and listen to me good. I am never going to change my mind when it comes to you… If that was the case, I would have moved on months ago. Please know that…"

"I know… it's just some irrational fear that I have and I hate it because I have no right to even think these things… You would have every right to walk away and I have no right to be upset about it. I would deserve it."

He shook his head. "I know you think you don't deserve me… deserve us but I don't care Bella… What scares me is that if you keep thinking this way, I'm going to lose you. I'm so afraid that one day, I'm going to wake up and find that you have gone back to Washington. I'm terrified you are going to run away from this," he replied pointing between the two of them, "from us. I need to know that you're here to say… That you're not going to leave me again."

"You have every right to be afraid of that… I would be too. Well, okay, maybe I _am_ afraid of that because obviously I'm afraid that you're going to leave me because of how I've acted. I promise I won't leave you, not unless you want me to."

"Don't you get it? I don't want you to leave me ever again Bella. I mean that, truly, I do. I don't care how bad things get, I don't care if we hate each other sometimes; I just know that I need you with me forever."

"We make a pretty pathetic pair don't we?"

He chuckled and nuzzled her neck, breathing her in, savoring the smell of her that he had so desperately missed. "Who cares?"

"You have to go back on tour," she sighed, resting her head in the crook of his neck, listening to the steady beating of his heart.

"I do."

"When?"

"That was kind of one of the things I needed to talk to you about." She pulled away again and looked up at him, her head cocked to the side slightly, confused as to what she had to do with the situation at all. "I was supposed to leave tonight but, being essentially a selfish man, I think I'm changing my flight so we can have one more night together."

"Will you be in trouble for that?"

"No, the concert is tomorrow night. If I leave in the morning, I'll be there in time."

"I don't want to be the reason that you don't make it in time."

"Personally, I couldn't think of a better reason." She watched as the crooked smirk slowly appeared on his face and she blushed furiously, for the first time in months, knowing exactly what that look meant. "There's just… we have a lot to work out and I don't want to leave without getting some kind of a foundation started."

"It's only two weeks."

"Two weeks that might scare you and send you running."

She was biting her lip again, another battle waging in her head as she tried to figure out how she could show him that she wasn't going to leave him, even if he was away from her for that long. It might have been something she thought was the right thing to do, but time had only shown her that sometimes what you think is right and what truly is, is sometimes the worse decision in the world. How could she convince him that she was truly there for good, or at least, until he realizes how mismatched they truly were. God, she hoped that he never realized that though, because she also knew from experience that she couldn't live without him.

"I'm not going to run. I think Rose would tie me to a chair if I were in danger of it at any point while you're away."

"I'll have to speak to her before I leave then," he grinned before reaching towards her and cradling her cheek in the palm of his hand. "We do need to talk before I leave."

"I know."

"Is now okay?"

"Do we really have a choice?"

"I don't think we do."

__________

Rose was pacing. It wasn't something she was accustomed to, but Bella hadn't returned and it was after three in the afternoon and she was still gone. This could mean only two things: Edward had rejected Bella and she was too afraid to come back to the house, or they were together and rather blissfully happy. She hoped more than anything that it was the later and not the former. If it was the former, she was certain that Bella would be broken for the rest of her life.

"You need to calm down."

She looked up and scowled at her husband who was cradling their son on his lap on the couch.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Sweetheart, if something was wrong, she would have called… You're being all mother hen on her but she's a grown woman and I've been with Edward a lot… She was never in any danger of not getting him back."

"It's one thing to say that when he was pining after her, but it's different when the person actually shows up at your door."

"And you would know this how? I do believe I've never lost you."

"Em…"

"No, you're not getting out of this one…" he glowered from his position in the other room.

Reluctantly, she sighed and sat down next to him. "Royce King."

"That punk ass who tried to crash our wedding?" She nodded and he looked down at the son that that had created, trying hard not to let his anger get the better of him. All this time she had only let him believe that he was a disgruntled lover from high school. Never once had she ever insinuated that she had once loved him. "Did you love him?"

"How much can you love someone when you're 18?"

"What happened?"

"I was 16 when we met and 17 when we started to date. It was the summer before he went to college at USC…" Emmett searched her face for any lingering emotion and was relieved to find that she showed no emotion when speaking of him. "He cheated on me and I found out… I thought for so long that if he came crawling back to me that I would forgive him for the pain that he had caused but I couldn't."

"So he did?"

"Yes."

"You do know that there is a difference in the situation?"

"I suppose… But still."

"No Rose… Edward loves her, and she loves him. It's completely different."

"I've seen him… He's broken."

"But he's been getting by and I just know… he said that if she ever came back there wouldn't be any second guessing. I'm not saying it's not going to be difficult… It's going to be hard as hell on them but that doesn't matter because they'd be together." Aiden was sleeping now and he stood up to bring him to his crib. "That doesn't excuse you lying to me about Royce though."

"I'm sorry… I don't even know why I did," she sighed. "No, I do know… I didn't want you to think that I was damaged goods, because, for a while, I was."

"Until me," he smiled.

"Until you."

__________

They stared at each other for a while, neither knowing where to start and both too afraid to dig into it. There was a lot at stake, and they both were aware of that, but it didn't make it any easier.

"I would take you with me if I could, you know that right?" He finally spoke and watched as she nodded her head. "This is just… It's too precious right now and the last thing I need is for the press to get a hold of this… We're too fragile right now and I don't want that to hurt us. They've been brutal and I don' want you in the grunt of it all."

"What do they know? Not much has gotten to the states…" She was telling the truth, in fact, after that first _Life & Style_ article she had happened upon at the Thriftway, she hadn't seen any mention of the love triangle that she had been in.

"They know about you… about Jacob… about my feelings for you. Jake has gone public saying that he is going to sue AEG for 'wrongful termination' stating that I had provoked him… That he was trying to save his marriage and I came between the two of you. I'm just terrified of what they will say when they see us together and I want us to be stronger before we have to go through that."

"I'm not going to run."

"You say that now," he sighed. "You don't know what it's like, to have to live your life with cameras in your face… You've never been comfortable with attention Bella and that's what is going to happen. They're going to splatter your name across the cover of _Hello_ and _OK_ and I can't protect you from that."

"I'm a big girl."

"That doesn't change the fact that it will happen."

"I know what you're trying to protect me from but I'm sure there is some truth to what the papers are printing. I'd like to say that I was innocent in all this and it was all Jake's fault but I made the decisions that I did…"

"I don't care… I don't want to see you slandered for something that Jake is fabricating." She watched him run his hands through his hair, a sign, she knew, of his aggravation. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to make sure that everyone knows he's lying. Please just… Trust me?"

"You know I do."

The silence fell between them again, neither fully comfortable nor fully uncomfortable either. It was a strange situation, one that neither expected to be in, and yet, there they were, smack dab in the middle of trying to figure out how they were going to proceed.

"What are you going to do while I'm gone?"

"I need to find a place to live… I can't crash with Rose and Emmett forever."

"You can stay here."

She shook her head and watched as he went back to pulling at his hair. "It's not that I don't want to, because I do… I want more than anything to be with you all the time, especially after all the lost time but it's not good for either of us."

"How can you say that?"

"We are different…Whether we admit to it or not, it's the truth and I think that if we are serious about being with each other, we have to start over. I think it's the only way. We need to learn about who we are now."

"For how long?"

"For as long as it takes."

He nodded, "so where do we start?"

"How about dinner?"

__________

Though she shouldn't have been, she was surprised with how easily things fell into place with him. Dinner had been what they needed. Skipping the ritzy restaurants that he had often wanted to take her to, they opted for a small Italian bistro off Kings Street, very close to his own flat. They had laughed and occasionally he would scoot closer to her and kiss her tenderly though chastely, between the difficult conversations that they both knew was necessary.

"Can you stay again tonight?" he asked as they walked hand in hand towards his flat.

"I shouldn't."

"But you will?"

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I'm afraid that if I stay with you… I'm afraid that I want you too much to keep myself under control."

"Do you think that you're alone in that?" He questioned, his voice noticeably huskier than before.

"I'm just afraid that it would be too soon."

"Bella I'd never let you do anything you would regret, especially if it involved regretting us. What I want is for you to stop thinking of excuses for you to leave me because by saying this, I think that's what you're doing… Even if something did happen, it wouldn't change anything because I still love you, I'm so fucking in love with you that it hurts sometimes."

"But it would ruin everything?"

"How could showing you just how much I love you, even after everything we've been through… The fact that that feeling has never faltered… It means something Bella and there isn't denying that. I don't see anything wrong with showing you that… But I'd never, ever do that if you weren't ready."

"I know."

"So, am I right? Are you looking for a way to sabotage this?"

She shrugged. She knew that part of her was, part of her was terrified of letting this develop and only get hurt in the end. She knew that it would be easier to push him away, to get him to hate her while she was there because maybe that would hurt less than for them to be intimate, and for her to continue to become deeper involved and for the pain to be even that much more.

"I told you not to hide from me… Even if this hurts my feelings temporarily, I need you to be honest with me."

"I think part of me is."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being honest."

__________

He stayed up longer than he had anticipated. There wasn't anything to pack because he didn't bring anything with him, and he wasn't nervous about going back, he was just anxious about having to leave her. This was a feeling that he knew all too well, a feeling that had been his companion for so many months and now she was his and it was still there.

She was so peaceful when she slept, and as creepy as it might have sounded, he loved watching her. She was so relaxed, so much herself in that moment that it was almost like being granted entry into her private world. She revealed so much about herself as she slept and it wasn't just the sleep talking. He knew when she was tense because her body was rigid; he knew when she was afraid because she always brought her own hand next to her mouth…

This time, she was wrapped around him, her legs entwined with his own, her arms holding his waist tightly. This was the pose she struck the night before they always had to part: her insecure sleep stature and he wished more than anything that he could show her that this wasn't the last time they would share a bed, he had hoped that he had gotten that through her head before she had fallen asleep.

"_Are you still ticklish here?" he smiled, his fingers descending on her ribs as she squirmed underneath him, awakening his own libido that he had been desperately trying to control, especially since he knew she wasn't ready for that yet, and he knew she had a point, even if all he wanted to do was ravish her._

"_Edward!" she panted and his mind went straight to the gutter. Before he knew what he was doing his lips were on hers and his fingers stilled their movement, digging instead, into the soft flesh of her hips. _

_His tongue swept across her lower lip and she opened up to him, her own arms wrapping around his neck as she pulled him closer to her as they deepened the kiss. He had forgotten how wonderful she tasted and he cursed his own mind at thinking that he knew because his memories did not do her justice. She was sweet and he could still taste the lingering wine from dinner. Before he knew what he was doing, his hands began to wander, pushing up the tee-shirt that he had given her up her stomach, his hands seeking out her flesh. She was so soft and enticing and as he brushed the underside of her breasts and she let out a soft moan, something inside him clicked and caused him to pull away, breathless and mortified that he had overstepped the boundaries that they had set up._

"_Oh god…" He pressed his forehead into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry Bella…"_

"_For what?"_

"_For doing exactly what I told you I wouldn't."_

"_I wasn't exactly saying no."_

"_I know but… That doesn't excuse what I did. I promised you… And you're right… It would be better to wait but it seems my body doesn't want to."_

"_Mine doesn't either."_

"_I love you too much to mess this up…"_

"_Me too," she whispered and he rolled over onto the side and gathered her into his arms. "I told you that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself… I never have had much control when it came to you."_

"_You never should have been in that position… I promised you that I wouldn't."_

_She reached up to his forehead and pushed the hair off of it so she could see his eyes. "It's okay…"_

"_It can't happen again… Not until we're ready."_

"_Just hold me then."_

"_Nothing would make me happier," he smiled, crushing her body closer to him and listening to her breathing as she let sleep take her._

He smiled and leaned down, pressing his lips to her hair for one last kiss before closing his eyes.

__________

Edward left the next morning, but not before spending the morning holding her tightly against him, and kissing her every chance that he had. He wasn't looking forward to going back on tour, at least, not without her. He wished that things could have been different, that they could have had a more normal relationship, but he also knew that this situation would only make them stronger in the end. He had proof of that: his parent's relationship.

They were the strongest couple that he knew and he knew so well how much love existed between the two of them. It was obvious, even after twenty plus years of marriage. The way they both looked at each other was enough to convince anyone of their love. His father still lit up whenever his mother walked into a room and vice versa. And a great deal of Edward's psyche told him that this was because of what they had gone through before finally coming together. Surely, the same would be for him and Bella.

When he left she was still snuggled into the covers, wearing his clothes. It was a sight that he missed and it made him putter around longer before kissing her goodbye and telling her that she could stay in his flat until she found a decent place to live. Though it was tempting, she had declined, knowing that if she did stay, it would be nearly impossible to leave when he did come back. But still, it didn't stop her from stealing two button up plaid shirts from his closet to keep close when she was missing him. It was a major plus that they smelled of his scent.

It would be a long two weeks, but she was certain that it would be okay.

__________

**So there it was! I hope you enjoyed it… I think it brings a lot of things to light… Both of them have deep rooted insecurities.**

**And I never do this but I'm going to recommend a movie… If you get the chance… go see (500) Days of Summer… It's one of the best movies I've seen all year… BY FAR! Zooey Deschanel is lovely as usual, Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a very convincing Tom Hansen… I always forget how good of an actor he is. You can't help but fall a little bit in love with his character. It made me laugh like crazy and it made me cry (not surprising coming from me)… and the music… Oh the music in the movie is FANTASTIC! Everything from The Smiths to Simon and Garfunkel to Regina Spektor to Carla Bruni (I know a lot of people don't like her but I like her music, especially the pre Nicolas Sarkozy stuff: think her album Quelqu'un m'a dit)… It's like a soundtrack to life. **

**Okay… Rant over! I'm looking forward to hearing from you!**


	22. You, My Love

**I'm going to keep this short and sweet… Thank you for being so patient! This chapter was quite difficult… And I think you'll see why… There was a lot to write… And it never just seemed to FEEL right… I hope I did them justice…**

**Thank you to zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual… You both are amazing and so supportive! Thank you, thank you, thank you! **

**And thank you to everyone who is reading. I don't say that enough but you can't imagine how much I appreciate you!**

**And lastly, I hope you enjoy and please, if you have the time, let me know what you think! **

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Twenty Two**_

_Sun falls down like the memory of a sword  
Turned everything from gold into grey  
There's a light that still finds your face  
Giving all the dust and shadows a name._

_And the night turns just as cold as the surface of the moon  
Showing nothing more than sorrow and the face  
There's a sight seeping slowly in my mind  
With a sound that is waking up the shade  
With a sound that is waking up the shade_

_It's you, my love so kind are your eyes  
I see them in the darkest skies  
If it's true, my love, I've got to see the way  
I'll love you till my dying day_

_A feeling hits your heart like an arrow in the snow  
Waking all the blood that's sweeping in your veins  
It's alright for it that you don't really know  
Just how the waters are going to deal with your remains  
Just how the waters are going to deal with your remains_

_There's a spirit in your mind, I can see it in your eyes  
Like a gift you bring to ease a trouble to  
Where we cast another storm beneath the sad stained moon  
And wait to find ourselves alone  
In a room  
And wait to find ourselves alone…_

_It's you, my love so kind are your eyes  
I see them in the darkest skies  
If it's true, my love I've got to see the way  
I'll love you till my dying day_

Marcus Foster, "You, My Love"

__________

The Paradiso. He had dreamed once of playing the venue on a world tour, so much so that the image had been burned into his own mind. The first time he had been there was in 1995 when his father had taken him to see the Stones play an acoustic set and even then he had been in awe of the converted church. The high ceilings, the amazing acoustics, the sheer life force of the place, even at the young age of eleven he had been able to appreciate it and know that someday he would give anything to be there in Keith Richard's place. It had always been his dream, so it was startling that now, moments away from standing on the stage to a sold out crowd, on a stage that so many other musicians that he respected had stood on, he felt nothing. Kurt Cobain had stood there; even Glen Matlock played his last gig ever with the Sex Pistols there before Sid Vicious too his place among the iconic band. He was standing in a place filled with so much creative history, hell, he was creating history and it didn't seem to matter as much as it had in the past. Part of him couldn't help but wonder if he would feel the same way when they closed the tour at the Olympia in Paris, another venue he had dreamed of since his fascination with Jeff Buckley had begun when seeing him play that same year. Amazing how time and experience can change even the most lasting of dreams, how everything you once thought you wanted can change in the blink of an eye. Now, all that he wanted, all he could think about, was having the two weeks end so that he could be back in London and have her cradled safely into his arms. Nothing else mattered anymore.

"You've got about ten minutes Edward."

He looked up from the table he was sitting at, noticing that he had been digging his black pick into the palm of his hand, a small red mark now appearing on the flesh. His manager seemed to eye him with curiosity, no doubt wondering why he was lacking the enthusiasm that he had been able to fake on the first leg of the tour. "I'll be out in a moment." Nate would never understand that it was so much easier to fake being happy about the tour when there was nothing waiting for him back at home.

As he stood up, he let his mind wander to the woman who was waiting for him back in England, or at least, the woman he hoped would be waiting for him. He knew better than to worry that she would run, Rose had promised that if at any moment she feared Bella might flee, she would contact him immediately to help him talk her down. Thankfully, that event had yet to transpire. Still, the thought lingered in the back of his mind; she had run once, what was there to stop her this time around? But, she had promised him and though she had broken promises to him before in the past, he was certain that this time she would not. This time, everything was different; she was different, he was different, _they_ were different.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a text message from the one person he needed to hear from. It was short and simple but it was enough to bring a smile to his lips and give him the strength to pull through the gig, especially knowing that she would be waiting for him when it was over.

_Break a leg hotshot. I miss you, more than you can imagine._

__________

He had never been happier to walk into a hotel room as he was in that moment. It could have been a dump, and the bed could have been lumpy, but he didn't notice, all he saw was heaven in the form of a stuffed mattress. He was exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally, everything was draining him and the one person who could make it better was not with him because he had been foolish enough to convince himself that it was better if she stayed in London until everything with the press was sorted out. He knew he was a fucking idiot, and he was regretting the decision more and more with each passing day. Luckily for him, the hotel wasn't a dump and the bed wasn't lumpy.

He sighed as he let the mattress swallow his tense body and though it was happening much slower than he would have liked, he could feel the stiff muscles of his body begin to smooth and relax with each deep breath. He had one more week of this torture, one more week of sleeping without her, of not seeing her face, her smile, not feeling her lips against his own… But he didn't know how long that would even last because they had a North American tour lined up and though they weren't headlining and were instead opening for another bad that was moving their way up the Billboard top 10, there was no way that he, or any of the other band members would be able to back out of that. But he still didn't know what that meant for him and for Bella, what it would mean for their relationship or getting their relationship back on track. If he asked her to go with him, would that scare her? Was that something she would consider moving too fast? And even among it all, he didn't understand her hesitancy to jump right back into where they had left off.

Okay well, maybe that was a lie because he did understand why. He knew that they were both different but that didn't seem like a good enough reason to stay away from each other. After so much time apart, the only thing he could think about was spending every waking moment with her, and hell, even those moments when they were sleeping too because sleep wasn't the same when she wasn't wrapped up in his arms. He feared that the more she thought about needing space and getting to know one another, that the more she would realize that his new life wasn't compatible with hers. The press was vicious and they would continue to be vicious, calling her out, calling him out, and trying to rip them apart at the seams and what if she decided that it wasn't worth it? That they weren't worth it? Could he give it up? Could he do that to his band, the band that he had been with for six years because love was more important than anything else? What a stupid question, he knew that he could and he would if it came down to that because as much as music was a part of him, she was so much more than that and living without her the past six months had been enough for him, he would not go through that again.

His hands grabbed for this phone, the bulky object feeling foreign in his hand after the small pick that he had clutched for the last hour and a half. It was awkward and took a moment for him to find his bearings but as soon as he had it in front of him he scrolled through the phonebook, his eyes eagerly searching out the one number he wanted to call more than anything else.

The phone only rang once before the familiar click of the answer sounded.

"Hey." Though he couldn't see her, he could hear the smile on her face and he closed his eyes and let her warm voice wash over him, wishing that she was there with him.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Have you found a flat yet?" He bit his lip as he listened to her pause. More than anything he wanted to demand that she stop her search and that she move in with him because it was what he wanted and what he thought was best for them, but he also knew how stubborn she was and once she set her mind to something, she was more than likely to never waver from it. He loved that about her, and he knew that it was something that she was just discovering about herself, and maybe this was why she was so adamant about living on her own. She never had that experience before and who was he to take that from her.

"No," she sighed. "I've seen about ten places but none are really where I imagine living."

"Where do you imagine living?" In his mind he was pleading her to tell him that she wanted to nix all this talk about separate places and that she couldn't bear to live anywhere but where he was. He just couldn't see the point in her paying rent when he was certain that they would be together all the time.

"This is going to sound crazy but I have no idea… I just think that when I walk into a place, I'll know."

"Have you checked out Chelsea?"

"Is this you saying you want me close by?"

"Bella, of course I want you close by… In fact, I'd much rather you actually lived in my building, or really, in my flat, but I'm not going to pressure you into that." He heard her sigh on the other end and then the very distinct sound of a baby, wailing for attention. "What's that?"

"I'm sorry, I'm looking after Aiden for Rose and Emmett tonight… He just got back from being with you and well… I think they were feeling a little amorous. I… uh… I hope you don't mind but I took him to your place."

He smiled, visions of Bella and a baby, their own baby, filling his mind. He had never seen her with Aiden, but he imagined that she would be an amazing mom. Her caring nature was ingrained into her, he had known this all along, had seen it in her inability to put anyone before herself, even if that was what was right. She would be a wonderful mother to his children and he thrilled at the thought. His friends would have laughed at him a year ago if they knew he was thinking such things.

"I hope that's okay," she worried and he realized that he had been silent for longer than he had anticipated. "I can go back to their place."

"No Bella… It's okay, it's more than okay… I'm so glad you're there." He heard her coo to Aiden and he wished that he was there, that he could help her care for their friends child, that they could play house, even if only for a little while. "I love that you are there."

"How is the tour going? Are you enjoying Berlin?"

"There are places I'd rather be besides here… but it's okay… How are you?"

__________

It would have been easy to fall in love with the apartment she was in, anyone would have. The floor the ceiling windows that overlooked the Thames and Blackfriars bridge, which was, apart from Tower Bridge, her favorite in London, would have been enough to sell her on it. But that was a thing of the past, no longer was she able to make this kind of decision with just herself in mind. Each time she stepped foot into the apartments her agent led her to, she couldn't help but let her mind wander as she explored the rooms: could she see Edward here? Could she see them together, making love in the bedroom, the bathroom, or on the floor of the living room while the fire roared, casting a red and orange glow in the room? Was it the kind of place where he could bring his guitar and compose beautiful music, or the kind of place where Hudson could lounge on the floor comfortably while they cuddled on the couch and watched whatever movie they had picked up at Blockbuster?

"It's not right."

"Bells, I think you're getting a little too picky here," Rose sighed, eyeing her best friend as they looked at the sixth apartment that day. Rose had been certain that Bella would have liked this one, hell, she was even considering renting it to have a sanctuary away from her own hectic household if Bella didn't want it. "We've seen twenty flats over the past week; you have to pick one if you're serious about moving out on your own."

"There is one more, off Brompton, near Sloane Square, and I believe there might be a flat opening up off of Kings Road" the agent interjected as she began closing down the flat, pulling the blinds down and turning off the lights while the two women loitered near the door.

"If you're looking for something closer to Edward that would be the ticket, you wouldn't even be a mile away I'm sure."

"That's not necessarily what I'm looking for." Rose lifted her eyebrow, questioning the validity of her friend's words, and Bella just shook her head. "Yes, it would be great to be by him but that's not what it's about. I want to walk into a place and know that it's right, that I'm home there… That he and I could have a home there." The agent flittered back into the room and looked at the two expectantly. "I'd like to see it if that's okay?"

"Sure, let me go ring the building manager."

When she had left Rose turned to Bella and eyed her curiously. "If this is about Edward, why don't you just wait until he gets back and let him go with you to find the right place… It might make it easier."

"If I waited for him to come back, he'd insist that I move in with him and we aren't ready for that. I need to do this while he's gone, before he can dazzle me out of my plans."

"Which are what exactly?"

"To stabilize whatever the hell is going on with us so that we can finally move forward."

"And this requires living alone?"

"It does… For a little while, until we can figure things out between us."

__________

She pulled the sleeve of his shirt to her nose and inhaled; fresh detergent and sweet musk filling her nose as she closed her eyes and let the warmth that always accompanied his scent was over her. It was cold that day, one of the reasons why she had opted to throw on his long sleeved shirt and yes, she could have just as easily worn a sweater, but she loved wearing his clothes and feeling close to him. It was a little piece of him that was tangible and at the moment it was something she needed. Looking at apartments and not being with him was hell, especially given that she knew that it was important that he support her decision so wearing something that was reminiscent of him, was helping the process.

"You know, you could be, I don't know, a little more subtle."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, looking over the table at Rose who was, with one eye, looking pointedly at her while the other was watching Aiden as he played with the sweet flaky pastry that Bella had purchased for him even with Rose's protests that he would be up all night if he ate it. She just grinned and told her that as the boy's aunt, it was her duty to spoil him when his parents wouldn't.

"Everyone knows that shirt."

"Oh come on, it could be _anyone's_! Who would even assume that it was Ed… E's," she stuttered, remembering that they were not in private and instead in the rather crowded garden area of the Belgravia Patisserie Valerie. There was the unspoken rule that in public, especially with Rose who was known among a few gossip rags, that Edward's name would not be spoken for fear that they would figure out just who she was before they were able to figure out how to put their own spin on the situation that Jacob had made worse. Edward had made her promise and she wasn't willing to do anything that might hurt the trust that they were slowly building with one another.

"You can really be naïve can't you? You know that people have been asking me who you are don't you?"

"And what do you tell them?"

"That doesn't matter… I just think you should be more careful before wearing shirts that are so obviously his in public." Her eyes did not meet Bella's and instead turned to focus on her son who was covered in crumbs and giggling as he tore up the pastry some more.

"But it was cold."

"Wear a sweater then…"

"Rose… I just…" she sighed, she knew that Rose would understand if she told her why she wore them: that she reveled in how it made her feel close to him when he wasn't around, how she had gone nearly over half a year without him and smelling him on her was better than anything she could have ever imagined, was more comforting than anything she could have ever imagined, especially given the delicate nature of their current relationship.

"I know… Trust me Bella, I know."

"Is it really that obvious?"

"I'm not sure how many people don't know that shirt; thankfully they haven't seen it up close enough to see how much of a rag it really is."

"Hey! I like this one."

Rose snorted, a few patrons nearby turning to look at the table and see what the commotion was all about. "I know, which says something about your _true_ sense of style."

__________

If they had believed that the first week had passed slowly, nothing could have prepared either of them for the last week. It seemed that any time they would glance at a clock the second hand seemed to move at an excruciatingly slow pace and where days had once seemed to pass by like the blink of an eye, they now seemed to drag. It wasn't exactly something that could have been helped either though because the only thing either really wanted was to be with one another. It was for that reason, and that reason alone, that they both tried their hardest to keep themselves busy during the day: Bella searching for an apartment and Edward playing his guitar and writing new songs.

It was the nights that made everything a little more bearable; the night was _their_ time and nothing was going to take that away from them. While Rose had tried hard to convince her to come out with her, she merely shook her head and told her that there were more important things to do, or that she just wasn't in the mood to drink alcohol. Likewise, Edward found that his fellow band members were rather enjoying the travel and the different cities every night and while they went out to explore the nightlife after their set, he nearly always trekked back to his hotel room and collapsed on the bed before calling her and letting her voice fill his ears. Together, they would spend the entire night on the phone, talking and teasing one another until the words drifted off into silence and both would let sleep take over them as they sighed one another's names and vowed to meet each other in their dreams.

It was on one of those nights, two days before Edward was due to be back in London, that Bella found herself pacing around the apartment that she had finally settled on. It was a small place, but it was perfect for her: a one bedroom, furnished flat just off Kings Road and less than two miles from Edward's own place. It had been everything that she had been looking for, containing room not only for Edward and some of his things if he wanted to leave them there, but space for Hudson so he wouldn't be alone, a spacious kitchen that she had already begun planning meals for both of them, a fireplace right under the mounted television screen that she knew would come in handy in a few months, and even a small balcony that overlooked the small, quiet street. Yes, it had been perfect, and she knew as soon as she walked into it that it was the right place for her, for him, for _them_.

Still, even though she was comfortable with the place, she knew that he was still nervous about her decision to not move in with him and instead, to find a place on her own. It was obvious to her that it bothered him and she was terrified that it made him think that she didn't want him because that wasn't the issue at all. The biggest part of her knew she just needed a place, even if only for a little while, to have to herself, to be her own. It was an experience that she had been denied in the past and something she sometimes wondered if it led to her inner resentment for Jacob. After everything that she had been through with the first man in her life, she knew she couldn't bear to go through that again, especially with Edward; she loved him too much to end up hating him as much as she hated Jacob, not that she suspected that would ever be the case. She just didn't want to take any unnecessary risks, and chances that could lead to a downfall between the two of them because she never wanted to imagine her life without him any longer.

The buzzing of her phone alerted her to not only the time, but also her surroundings and she sprinted towards it, thankfully only tripping once, though not so badly that it completely knocked her off her feet.

"Hi," she smiled, panting quietly, not wanting him to know that she had rushed to the phone and fret about her current state of health. He knew she was accident prone, knew that she often attracted danger and pain like a magnet and was often overprotective to a fault.

"Hi," he sighed contentedly and she heard the ruffling of sheets and pillows.

"Already in bed?"

"Like I'd be anywhere else?"

"The boys are going to get furious at you for your anti-social behavior," she teased and reached down to pull a few things onto the kitchen table.

"I don't care really. Besides, they know that I'd be a complete wanker all night if they forced me out when I could be back in bed talking to you."

"Still… I don't want to come between you and the boys."

"I, frankly, don't give a damn, but either way, you're not." He could hear the faint ruffling of bags in the background. "Where are you tonight?" He knew that she had been spending more time at his flat and he was hoping that she had just listened to him and gone ahead and moved in, it really did seem like the most logical thing to do and the sound on the other end did seem to alert him to some kind of movement; maybe god was smiling down on him and letting him get his way for once.

"My apartment."

"You found one? So soon?" She could hear the sadness in his voice and she knew it was a result of him being so certain that she would give up on her apartment search and just move in with him, but she knew that even if this was only for a month or two months, it was something she had to do.

"Mmhmm."

"Is there enough room for me there?"

"No, none at all," she teased and heard him chuckle on the other end. "Did you even have to ask? There's even a small green space outside the door for Hudson."

"How long is the lease?"

"It's week to week."

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," he sighed.

"For what?"

"For everything… For you."

She didn't know how to respond to him so instead she made her way to the bedroom and flopped down on the bed, wiggling herself under the covers. "Two more days…"

"I know." He wanted nothing more than for her to be there, at the airport when his plane touched down, but he also knew that too many people knew of his pending arrival and the last thing he wanted as for them to be hounded by paparazzi. Yes, he knew Jacob's appeal in the papers had dissipated, especially since he had been out of the country and quite obviously, not in the arms of the man's wife, ex-wife, soon to be ex-wife, but he had a sinking feeling that once he was back the rumor mill would be as well. He needed to make sure that he secured a story that would paint both him and Bella in a positive light, especially against Jacob's horrendous accusations. This, he knew, would mean not only involving the lives of their friends, but also the life of another rather innocent victim in the shit storm that was Jacob Black. He would have to find Leah and he would have to go to her and ask her to do the one thing he was afraid she would never want to: to admit to an affair with the man and prove that Jacob wasn't the innocent bystander that he tried to make himself out to be.

"I want to be there when you get in."

"Bella…"

"If I can't be at the airport, can I be at your flat?" She questioned and his heart was torn between breaking and feeling elated. He really did hate that she couldn't be there when he did finally get back into town. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her and if it wasn't for those damn magazines and their hateful lies and interference into his life, he could do that. Instead, because of their existence, he would have to wait at least an hour before doing so. Either way, at least she would be there.

"I wouldn't dream of you being anywhere else."

__________

It was raining on the day of Edward's return and Bella was struggling with the bags that weighed her down while attempting to maintain her grip on the umbrella that she was holding to keep her dry. She would have laughed at herself four years ago if she had been told that she would one day use an umbrella; growing up near Seattle, it was a crime to be caught dead with one, of course, unless you were a tourist and unversed in the way of rain. But it seemed Londoners didn't share that same repulsion to the device that Seattleites had and she found herself growing fond of the shield: it made her hair so much more manageable and she was never freezing down to the core because her clothes were soaking wet.

"Good afternoon Miss. Swan," William smiled as he held the door to Edward's building open and helped with the three Whole Foods bags that hung from her left elbow. "Enjoying the rain?"

She grinned at him. Only William would have known that she had been craving the rain for the past few weeks and it would have been her luck that the usually rainy London would see nothing of the sort. Her love affair with rain was rather tumultuous; she would go through bouts of loving it and then bouts of hating it but London rain, she realized was so different than Seattle rain. Then again she wondered if it was because of the company she kept in London that made it that much better. Either way, that didn't matter, what did matter was that it was wonderful that it seemed to be raining on this day, the day that Edward was returning and they would finally be together again. It was a baptism of sorts; a cleansing of their past so they could truly move on and forward with one another to a better future.

"It's perfect weather for a homecoming," she replied, the grin still on her face as she closed the umbrella and shook off the large water droplets, watching as they scattered and created a shower all on their own.

"Would you like some help bringing the things to Mr. Cullen's flat?" he offered, reaching for the wet umbrella and placing it behind the front desk as he would usually do.

"Would you mind terribly? I don't want to put you out."

"Of course not, it wouldn't be any trouble at all."

Bella knew that Edward had spoken to William before he had left and asked him to look after her, though they both attempted to act completely oblivious to this suggestion any time that she made it. He wanted to know that she was taken care of if she did ever come around and he trusted William immensely. It wasn't hard to understand why. The man was a true gentleman, and, even on his off days, his manners were impeccable. She imagined that over the course of the past few months, they had somehow formed some kind of bond and she wondered if William had become a kind of stand in father for Edward.

When the bags had been placed on the counter she turned to see that William was already leaving the room and heading back to his post down in the lobby.

"William?"

"Yes Miss. Swan?"

"Thank you… for everything."

He grinned, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"For looking after him… when everything was so messed up."

He just shook his head, "He's a good boy… I've known him for so long now, since his mother and father bought the place… and he was going through a rough time. Anyone with a heart would have done the same."

"But you didn't have to… and the fact that you did. I don't know much about that time, but I know that it probably meant the world to him… His relationship with his father… it's well… tense at best."

"As I said… it was a rough time all around. I'm sure that that part of his life is long gone. In fact, I'm certain of it, I can see it in his eyes."

"Still, thank you… and thank you for giving me a second chance. You saw him every day, so you of all people must know how badly I hurt him."

William eyed her with an intensity that made her slightly nervous. It was true though and she knew it, he had seen Edward nearly each and every day, he knew how bad he was, how much she had hurt him and yet here he was, welcoming her, helping her, acting as though those days had never happened.

"Isabella…" her eyes widened as he used her first name for the first time, ever. "We all make mistakes and sometimes when we are making them, we hurt those who we love the most. It's inevitable, it's life. But I also know that when the person makes the conscious decision to rectify that wrong, when they take the time to make it right, it shows character. As for you and Edward… Francois de La Rochefoucauld once said, 'one forgives to the degree that one loves,' the two of you love so deeply and if it were anyone else, I wouldn't dream of them getting through this… but the two of you… I have no doubts that you will survive."

"Do you truly believe that?" Her eyes were watering. She never doubted her love for Edward or his love for her, but when it was verified through the eyes of another, someone who spent his life observing the people in the building, it just meant more. Of anyone, he would know and his faith in them, it was overwhelming.

"I do," he smiled thoughtfully towards her, his hand on the door knob. "Have a good evening… If you like, I can let you know when he arrives."

She nodded and ran over towards him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. His body stiffened momentarily, obviously not use to any kind of physical contact with the tenants but he quickly relaxed and hugged her back. "I can't thank you enough," she replied as she pulled away and he just smiled, reminding her, if only for a moment, of her own father, before he patted her shoulder and turned to walk out the door, shutting it softly behind him.

When she had settled into his apartment, she began pulling the ingredients from the bags, scattering them on his counter so she could see exactly what she had to get done. It was just after four and she would be lucky if she had three hours to prepare everything: this meant preparing the lasagna, setting up the living room, and changing into something she thought he would appreciate more than the jeans and shirt she was currently wearing. She wasn't sure if they were entirely ready for this step, but she knew that she couldn't be around him anymore and not do this. She craved him, both physically and emotionally and it was about time that she showed him just how much she really did need him because in the past, she knew that she hadn't let him know often enough, if at all.

_His fingers teased the skin of her neck, trailing down along her collarbone, down to her shoulder, round up along her beasts before finally settling on her heart. She could feel it beating, pounding against her skin, calling to him, begging him to set her free. His lips followed the trail of his fingers softly caressing her skin while his tongue darted out to taste her every so often. It was when his lips finally found her heart, pressing a tender kiss against the area that she twisted her fingers in his hair and closed her eyes. _

"_Yours," she whispered so quietly that she knew he wouldn't hear it. It was all she could give him and though she longed for him to hear the words, she knew that it would only hurt them both if he could._

That had been then, but everything was different now and as she walked to the iPod dock, her own resting in the palm of her hand, she knew that tonight would solidify them and would make them stronger than they had ever been or had ever hoped to be in the past.

__________

He was thankful that they had changed their plans and decided to land at London City Airport. Emmett had called with news that Heathrow had been swarming with paparazzi, each one just waiting to hound not only Edward but the other members of the band as well. None of them had been up to dealing with that, especially after such a long month and a half. And it was even worse for him because he knew that as soon as he was spotted the questions regarding Bella and himself would be flying all over the place and he wasn't sure he would be able to deny it any longer. It also helped that landing so much closer to London would also get him home faster; home to the one place where he knew Bella was waiting for him.

Edward slung his bag over his shoulder as he exited the plane, the rain falling on his head and flattening his hair. It was the one downfall of the airport: exiting the plane off the tarmac and not being able to just walk straight into the airport. But he couldn't really be that upset about, not if it saved him from the hassle of reporters.

"Someone's anxious," Jasper grinned as they rushed to the covered area and towards baggage claim. "I can't imagine why that would be."

"Like you aren't?" Edward spun on his heel and grinned at his best friend who laughed with him.

"Touché."

"Edward!" He should have been used to it, but it startled him each and every time. There had been no guarantee that they wouldn't find him there, in fact, Emmett had told him that there would probably be a few that would have staked out the airport just in case, but he hated that he couldn't just be alone for even ten minutes.

"Figures…" Edward grumbled under his breath while Jasper slapped his back and smiled as a light flashed.

"Edward have you seen Isabella Black since her return to London?"

"Edward did you know she came back?"

"Have you been in touch with her?"

"Are you dating again?"

His hand clenched into a tight fist as they began to question his relationship status. He couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why it was any of their business anyway who he dated. If he was happy, shouldn't that have been enough? What did she have to do with is music, despite the obvious fact that she was his muse?

"Is she getting a divorce?"

Another flash lit up his face and it was obvious to everyone, Jasper especially, that his nerves were wearing thin with the questioning and the flashes. It was still unnerving to him that they had found out that she was back and though he knew it was to be expected, he hated that she might have been hounded while he was gone and never known because he knew she would never tell him.

"Edward get in the car and go home… Alice and I will bring your things to you tomorrow…"

"No, they won't dictate how I live my life," he snarled.

"Where is Bella? Is she here?"

"I think," he started as he whipped around and addressed the photographers, "that you should leave me and my personal life alone. If, and when I feel comfortable disclosing that information, I will, but as for now, I would appreciate it if you respected my wishes. If you want to ask me about the tour, or about the band, I would be more than happy to speak with you." His jaw was still tight and Jasper looked on, amazed that he hadn't lashed out the way he knew he truly wanted to. But he also knew, that it wouldn't help his case when it was obvious that he and Bella were together, because if Jasper knew one thing for sure, it was that this relationship couldn't stay under wraps much longer.

"As for right now," he continued, "I've had a long flight and I'm rather exhausted. I'm sure I speak for not only myself, but also the other members of the band, when I say that we would just like to get our things and go home to get some rest."

He watched as the majority of the men nodded, snapped a few last photographs of the band and disbanded and though a few remained, he was much less trying on his nerves. As he watched his suitcase push through the hanging plastic sheeting on the wall he reached down for it, his hand gripping his cell phone. He hadn't seen an English paper in two weeks and with the questions that had been thrown his way, he was terrified that Jacob had come back to wreak havoc on the life that was finally starting to fall into place.

__________

Rain pelted the black car that he sat in as it inched through the streets of London. Though he had been calmed by Emmett's assurance that Jacob had not been in the papers, nor had Bella, the fact that it was taking so long to get to her was beginning to wear on his already frayed nerves. His nervous energy was manifesting itself in his inability to remain still for longer than a few seconds at a time. As he waited, he would fist his jeans, pulling at the pants until he couldn't anymore as he had run out of material and then release it only to start the process all over again.

His phone buzzed and he reached into his pocket to see that it was his mum. It seemed to have both a calming and nerve wracking effect on his body. Though he was always more of a mother's boy than anything else and there was always a sense of calm that washed over him when he heard her voice or saw her face, he couldn't fathom why she was calling him at that moment and it alarmed him. The original sense of calm was immediately crushed when he began to put the pieces together: Bella in his apartment, Alice getting home yesterday knowing full well Bella would be there, Husdon staying at his parent's home. His mother, he was now certain, had gone to drop off his dog in order to meet his girlfriend, behind his back nonetheless. Alice was so dead to him now.

"Hello Mum," he sighed as he answered her phone call, knowing that if he didn't answer now, she would only continue to call him until he did and he didn't want to be interrupted later that night.

"Hello sweetheart. I just wanted to let you know that I dropped Hudson off round your flat."Her voice lingered and his heart quickened as he realized what she was starting to imply. This hadn't been how he had anticipated their meeting.

"Mum…" His hand was in his hair, giving his jeans a much needed break.

"Why didn't you tell me she came back?" she sighed. "You know that me of all people would have been understanding, supportive even."

"I just… We only had a few days together before Amsterdam and that was all that mattered… I'm sorry… I did want to tell you but when I got back on the road everything was so crazy… Every night was spent on the phone with her and I just figured that when I got back to London I would introduce you… Though it seems that you've already introduced yourself, haven't you?"

"She's lovely Edward."He could practically hear her smile on the other end. "She's exactly the kind of woman we've always wanted for you. She's absolutely perfect for you."

"How could you possibly know that if you just met her?"

"Call it a mother's intuition sweetheart… I just know these things."

"Now you sound like Alice," he grumbled though he knew that his mother was right, that Bella was the right person for him and that there could be no one else. And, deep down, he also knew that she would fit right in with his own family. Even though Alice hadn't seen eye to eye with him about the nature of the relationship before this, he could see how happy she was that things had changed and that Bella was now exclusively his.

Esme chuckled on the other end, "did you ever think that maybe she gets it from me?"

"Yeah, you're both nuts."

"Edward Anthony that is no way to speak to the woman who gave birth to you!"

"Sorry Mum," he laughed as the car pulled up in front of his building. "Mum, I just got to my building, can I call you later?"

"Of course, have a wonderful evening tonight, you deserve it. And I want you to bring her round the house this weekend for dinner."

"I'll speak with her about it."

"No need, I already have."

"Mother!"

"Goodnight sweetheart," she replied before the line went down and he cursed at the phone under his breath, wishing that he had just let Rose take care of Hudson like she had offered in the first place, at least then this never would have transpired.

He sighed, knowing that there would be no way out of it and exited the car, thanking the driver and walking towards the building with his bag slung over his shoulder, his guitar case in one hand and a suitcase in the other towards the one person that would truly make coming back to London, coming back home.

__________

Emmett glanced down at the press release that lay before him still fighting a war with himself if releasing it was in the best interest of his two best friends, his family. They were running out of time and he knew that it would only be a matter of days before Jacob was back to pestering the press, and as soon as Bella's divorce papers reached him, he knew that shit would truly hit the fan and her own character would be called into question. It had been that knowledge alone that had led him to seek out Leah and to get, with her permission, her side of the entire story.

"I don't know what to do," he sighed when he felt a small hand grasp his shoulder, rubbing the tense muscle to try and get him to relax. "I just don't know what to do anymore."

"She asked me the other day if I had spoken to the press about her and Edward."

"What did you say?"

"I avoided it… I don't want her to know that we were the source behind the _Life & Style_ article because I don't want to break our trust even if I don't regret it at all… Especially when it was part of the reason I know she came back… Her phone call to me came so conveniently at the same time, even if she does want to deny it," Rose replied, reaching over her husband and picking up the picture of the four of them from their weekend at the Edge. They looked so happy, them against the world and she knew that they could never return to that until all this drama with Jacob was cleared up once and for all. "The press has been asking about her though… And I kind of let her have it about wearing his shirts out in public."

Emmett laughed, his shoulders shaking as he shook his head. "What did she say?"

"She basically told me to fuck off… well, in a very Bella way. She doesn't understand though that everyone knows the shirts she pulled from his closet. I mean, he wears them all the time when he's in town, as it is, I'm surprised he didn't bring them with him."

"I was told Nate made him leave it at home," he chuckled with his wife before growing somber. "Do you think this is the best thing to do?"

"What did Nate say?"

"As his manager, he says that they should do nothing and let it pass because he believes that it will just all go away once people see that they're happy or whatever… As his friend things are a little different… I don't think he wants to see anyone stressed out about this." He reached up and raked his fingers through his short hair. "Johnson thinks I should do this because I know the whole story but for the most part AEG just wants this whole thing to go away and I don't blame them really, it hasn't exactly been welcomed press and Jake is making things ten times worse."

"What did Leah say?"

"She just wants Bells to be happy and she knows she has the chance to finally have that in her life."

"So she willingly talked?"

Emmett nodded before picking up the paper one more time. They had options; the article could go out in a reputable magazine lending extreme credibility to the story. Besides, they had sources, evidence that what Jake was saying was bull shit. They had to believe them. But part of him still felt sleazy doing this behind Edward's back and without his permission. He had told him that he could do it himself, that he _had_ to do it himself, but Emmett worried that Edward was in way over his head and just too plain preoccupied to get it done properly. Emmett had an outsiders view, he was slightly less biased, and he knew how to go about this from years of publicity training.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to sleep on it," he sighed, grabbing his wife's hand as he stood up and led her to the bedroom.

__________

He could hear the smooth music before he even opened the door, something that sounded distinctly like Frank Sinatra, and he couldn't help but smile. With his hand on the door, he paused and steadied his nerves. He wasn't sure why, but his heart was racing and his hands were shaking. Everything was different and he seemed to know that once he walked through that door, everything was going to change.

With one last breath he twisted the doorknob and opened the door, the sight before him nearly knocking him off his tired feet. The air lingered with the scent of lasagna and what could only have been the many vanilla candles that she had lit, lighting the room and casting a yellow glow. With a thud, he dropped the bag from his shoulder and moved further into the room, closing the door and locking it behind him.

"Bella?" He asked, his voice shaking slightly with his own nerves. He could hear the sound of small feet as they ran into the room and he watched as Hudson came barreling towards him, hitting his legs before jumping up, his front legs on his torso. "Hey buddy."

His hand stroked the soft patch of fur on his head and Hudson dropped to his haunches, looking down the hall at the shadowy movement.

"Bella?"

The moment he said her name she walked into the light and the air left his lungs. She was wearing one of his button downs and a pair of his boxers, her hair hung in loose curls, and her feet were bare. The yellow glow from the candles caused her skin and hair to shine in the most beautiful way he had ever seen. She was sexy, though in a casual, she wasn't trying to hard kind of way. Sure, he couldn't deny that she looked amazing in lingerie, but the girl standing in front of him was heartbreakingly beautiful, the kind of girl who he knew would possess him to the very depths of his soul.

She stood there, biting her lip, her eyes not leaving his until he opened his arms and she ran to him, throwing herself into his embrace and squeezing him back as hard as she could. His lips descended on her, kissing her hair, her temple, her cheek, her eyes, before finally landing upon her lips for a soft kiss that she deepened by weaving her fingers through his hair and pulling his face closer to hers, before sweeping her tongue on his lower lip to beg him to open up to her. And when they couldn't hold their breath any longer, they pulled away and he pressed his forehead to hers.

"God it's good to be home," he sighed, his hand reaching up to stroke her cheek.

"It's good to have you home."

"What is all this?" he smiled, pulling away and gesturing with his free hand to the room. It was then that he noticed the blanket on the floor, the bottle of wine that was breathing and the two empty wine glasses.

"I wanted to do something for you… Go change into something more comfortable and dinner will be ready when you get back… You must be hungry."

He smirked, his hand trailing down from her cheek to her neck and down the expanse of her exposed collarbone, feeling her as she pressed herself closer to him, her body trembling slightly from his touch. "I'm hungry alright," he mumbled, his lips against her neck as he felt her body go limp in his arms.

He didn't need any kind of encouragement as he reached down and grasped her legs, lifting her up, and wrapping them around his waist. With her chest against his, he could tell she wasn't wearing a bra and he smiled against her lips, walking to the blanket that she had laid out and lowering the both of them onto it.

"Tell me if you want me to stop Isabella, because if you don't I'm not going to." She moaned and reached down, struggling to grasp the bottom of his tee shirt to pull it over his head and when he finally realized what she wanted, he pulled away and discarded the offending object himself before pressing himself on top of her once again, his eyes looking straight into hers, trying to understand what she wanted, what she expected from tonight.

"I want you," she replied softly, "all I've ever wanted is you."

"You've always had me."

He took his time, removing each article of clothing with a care reserved for only the most important of tasks. He was right when he told himself that this was going to be different than any other night because it was. In the months apart from each other, he had forgotten what it had been like to be with her, to touch her and watch her respond to him. He had forgotten just how soft her skin was, and how his hand fit perfectly at the curve of her hip and how if he trailed his finger along her pelvic bone, she shivered in anticipation. He kissed and touched every single inch of exposed skin, not minding that his erection was painfully making itself aware because he just didn't give a shit about himself. In the fantasies that he had had of her, in the memories that he lived in, he had been so wrong, so foolishly wrong of how wonderful she was, how good she tasted, how beautiful the noises she made where that it was staggering and somewhat alarming. He had lived in those memories and had believed them to be perfect and never imagined he could be so wrong.

When he physically couldn't stand to not be in her any longer, he reached down and discarded the rest of his clothes and when she reached out to touch him, to give him the same pleasure that he had just given her, he shook his head.

"No… Right now… I just need you," he growled, spreading her legs and moving between them.

"But," she whimpered, her protests silenced by a fierce kiss.

"We have all fucking night Bella… We have our whole fucking lives… Give me this."

And because she couldn't deny him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer just as he entered her and the overwhelming sense of home touched them both and neither knew or understood how they had gone so long without one another, how they had managed to survive that long. Nothing would ever feel that right, nothing could ever be as right as they were. Two perfect pieces, two bodies made for one another, two souls forever entwined and never to be parted ever again.

And as he moved in her, slowly and deeply and passionately, she could feel the tears as they filled her eyes. He was forgiving her in the most tender of ways. Each thrust, each long and slow pull of his body away from hers was telling her that nothing else mattered, that the past was done and all that laid before them was the present and the future. He was giving her the words that she had told him when she had tried to get him to understand. And when the tears rolled onto her cheeks and he leaned down to kiss them away; she knew that they would be okay, that they would be more than okay, that they were destined to survive this.

"I love you," he whispered against her ear.

"Forever," she replied as his body tensed with his climax. "Forever, and always."

Spent, he collapsed on her, supporting part of his weight on his forearms while he laid his head against her heart, listening to the rapid, erratic beating that he knew matched his own and without thinking, he turned his head and placed a kiss to that spot.

"Yours," she said, this time loud enough for him to hear and when he looked up at her she could see the glassy gaze of his green eyes. "It's always been yours."

__________

**Wow guys… I'm still kind of not feeling the ending really… But it's been a REALLY long time since I've written a lemon… I promise that it will get better haha. **

**Anyways, I'd love to hear from you! So you know what to do!**

**Oh and quick question that I've been meaning to ask for a while now… How many of you actually go and listen to the songs I suggest in each chapter?**


	23. You Showed Me The Way

**Okay guys… Here it is… The final, full chapter. *Tear* It's been an amazing ride.**

**Thank you to zgirl21 and nomorethanusual who have been there from the beginning. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter… It was beyond difficult to write. I hope I did them justice. **

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Chapter Twenty Three**_

_You showed me the way  
When I was someone in distress  
A heart in search of happiness  
You showed me the way_

_My sky was so gray  
I never knew I'd feel a thrill  
I couldn't dream a dream until  
You showed me the way_

_The moment you found me  
The shadows around me  
Just disappeared from view  
The world became rosy  
Each corner so cozy  
Darling all because of you_

_You showed me the way  
And I've learned that love can be paradise  
For you and me, here's all I can say  
You showed me the way_

"You Showed Me the Way," Billie Holiday

__________

All hell was about to break loose. Emmett could feel it, Rose could feel it and the only two who seemed oblivious to this fact were the two were had been locked away in Chelsea. Not that either blamed them really; they had a lot of catching up to do. Still, for two weeks, the couple had barely heard from Edward or Bella, save from a few, 'we're still alive, and thanks for inviting us out but we made plans to stay at home' text messages. Rose thought it was cute, Emmett however was growing more and more anxious over not being able to talk to Edward regarding what he was now calling 'Jacob Gate."

"You really need to relax," Rose sighed, flopping down on the couch next to her husband who was surrounded by the headlines of the week. He had become a man obsessed and it bothered her. Where as he once spent his nights with his family, now he would sit at the table and thumb through the rags, reading Jacob's carefully constructed words, revenge firmly positioned in the forefront of his mind.

"Have you seen this crap?"

Rose reached for the magazine, if it could be called that, in his hand, her eyes reading the front page: _Edward Cullen's Jealous Rage_. Her lips pulled down into a firm frown while her fingers flipped through the pages, finally settling on the article.

"Word is, Edward is threatened by Jacob's reemergence into his wife's life as he works to try and patch things up with her. 'He's worried that now he finally has her, she's going to run back to her husband,' our source claims. 'Jacob's willing to forgive her for her indiscretions and she's thinking seriously about going back to him. She's only with Edward because she thought Jacob would never forgive her.'" She paused for a moment, scanning down the page just a little bit more. "'Jacob has been frantically sending her text messages and calling her, reassuring her that he still loves her and that he wants to try again and Edward hasn't been taking it well,' our source continues. 'They've been arguing at lot lately and Bella's begun to worry about his volatile behavior. He's literally pushing her back to her husband by acting this way.'"

"This is such crap!" She tossed the magazine down amongst the others. "How much is he paying is 'source'?"

"I'd say that his source is himself."

"I'm going to assume that they haven't seen it?"

"Being that we've barely heard a thing from them, I'd say that was probably a pretty fair assumption but you never know. Hell, they could be laughing about it."

"No, Bella wouldn't laugh about this shit." Rose found herself scowling at the magazines once again, understanding her husband's obsession. It was tough to have to watch this, to see your friends ripped and torn because they had made a mistake, done the wrong thing. Still, they weren't rubbing it in Jacob's face, they weren't even going public. She had known he was capable of cruel behavior but this level of deceit was astonishing to her. "Are you going to leak the story?"

Emmett shook his head and leaned back against the couch. His arms sought his wife and he pulled her close to him, tucking her head under his chin. "No… It's not my story to tell but if we ever do see them, I will advise them both that they need to do something before this spirals even more out of control."

__________

Edward was certain that he had never been happier than he was in that moment watching Bella sleep, her body curled up against his own. Even the lingering thought of Jacob Black couldn't touch him now, couldn't lessen the happiness he was feeling. Well, maybe he could a little. Three days prior, Bella had gone out to purchase food for them when she had stumbled upon the tabloids that Jacob was feeding his lies to. She had purchased them, afraid to read them in public and the two of them spent the night thumbing through them. Edward tried hard not to laugh at the farfetched lies the man was capable of creating, but any jovial feeling he had was dispelled the moment he saw the tears in Bella's eyes. He had hated Jacob Black before, but now, he despised him. Even outside of their marriage he was doing all he could to hurt her. It wasn't fair.

Needless to say, the past two nights had been hell and Bella hadn't been sleeping much which gave Edward plenty of time to think about their options. Being back for two weeks now, he had managed to stay out of the public eye, though that had more to do with that fact that he rarely, if ever, left his flat. This also meant that he had been able to spend uninterrupted time with Bella; something they both needed more than anything else. If he had been unsure if they could weather the storm, he was almost certain now that things would be okay. With that revelation he and also realized that he didn't want to keep hiding. His idea of a relationship did not include hiding it from the world. He had nothing to be ashamed of; they had nothing to be ashamed of; especially not now that Jacob was going around saying the things that he was.

"What are you thinking about?" He heard her voice, thick with sleep but still the most beautiful sound in the world to him. She brushed her fingers along the stubble of his jaw, growing thick enough to nearly be considered a beard now.

"Nothing really, just things."

"What kinds of things?"

He rolled over onto his side, draping his arm around her waist and pulling her close to him. "I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to act like we are ashamed of our relationship because there isn't anything to be ashamed of. I love you… I want the whole fucking world to know."

She bit her lip. To say she hadn't been expecting this was a lie; ever since he had gotten back to London, she knew that this wasn't too far off. It was stupid to think that they could keep this a secret and, if she was being honest with herself, she knew she didn't want to keep hiding it but now, more than ever, she was terrified of what might transpire if they did just come out with it. She wondered if it might have been easier if they hadn't waited so long; if they hadn't given Jacob the chance to tell his 'story' to the press.

Edward could feel her retreating. He worried that he was coming on too strong, that he was scaring her, pushing her to move faster that she was ready to. It was a plausible fear; he knew that her issues were still deep rooted. Four times during their two weeks of bliss she had left to visit Charlotte, even though he tried everything in his power to keep her in bed. Still, he didn't want her to feel afraid for their future because there was still one huge obstacle for them to overcome and if she wasn't with him on this… Well, he just knew that it wouldn't end well. He was also painfully aware of how hard it would be to let go of her a second time.

"Talk to me…" he whispered. He tried to keep his voice calm but he could hear it cracking as he pleaded with her. Deep down he had hoped they were past this, but in a quick moment he could see all her insecurities rise back to the surface.

Reaching forward he ran his index finger along the soft line of her jaw, tracing its way to her lip. She seemed to relax a bit as he tugged at the pink flesh that was trapped between her teeth. Slowly, the tender skin slipped from the pearly trap and he watched in wonder as it released: pink and red and puffy. On first instinct, he leaned in to kiss her, to claim her lips with his own but he knew that nothing would be resolved if he did. Second instinct kicked in and instead of angling his lips to hers, he pressed his head against her shoulder, his stubble covered chin nuzzling her collarbone, his nose breathing her in.

"Please don't shut me out," he sighed against her skin, his hand still pressed against her face. He felt close to her, but still never close enough. A lifetime of being with her could never quench that desire, could never quell the constant stirring in his gut to be with her in every way of the word.

"I'm afraid," she finally replied, her voice quiet as though she was terrified that the words were going to let him down, that her fears would scare him. She had done enough harm to him and though she knew he wanted the truth, she also knew that the truth had the ability to hurt him even more.

"Of what?"

"Of ruining everything for you. You've worked so hard to get where you are and what if all this drama regarding our relationship, regarding Jacob's lies… what if it makes things impossible for you?" Her eyes were watering and he let the pads of his fingertips brush them away. "What if I cause your dream to slip through your finger tips? I can't bear the thought that you'd regret giving up music to be with me."

"I'd never…"

"No wait," she continued, shaking her head and pressing the palm of her hand against his mouth to silence him. "Let me talk."

He nodded and she felt his lips kiss her hand.

"I watched my parent's marriage fall apart Edward. My mom, she gave up everything to be with Charlie, _everything_. She wanted to be a dancer, and she could have been; she really was that good. But she met Charlie and they fell in love… The Seattle Ballet gave her a position, it was in the chorus but there was some kind of understanding that she would make principle in a year, maybe two. She gave it all up because of Charlie and then she got pregnant before she was going to leave for the first time. I kept my parents together when they should have just separated. I destroyed my mother's dreams, and I crushed my father's heart. The thing is, I won't do that to you. I'm not going to hold you back with your career and dreams of writing music. I want you to succeed because I don't want you to commit to me and find, one year, three years, hell, maybe ten years down the road, yourself wondering about what could have been. I'm terrified that if we're together, everything is going to end for you and the band and I don't think I could handle being responsible for that."

"Can I talk now?"

Bella nodded but averted her eyes to the sheets, not sure she could stomach this conversation. Two days ago she had voiced her concern to Charlotte and that had been hard enough. What was still unsettling for her was Charlotte's positive enforcement that Edward wouldn't care. She was certain of Edward's love; she would have had to have been blind to not see it. But she knew that there had also been a time when her parents had been in love. When lifelong dreams become part of the equation things change, fundamental foundations of relationships shift and her heart couldn't take it if he one day regretted them.

His hand cupped her face, pulling her eyes to his. "Thank you."

"For what," she stuttered.

"For wanting what's best for me…"

"Even though I've had a shitty way of showing it, that's all I've ever wanted."

"Then know that all I'll ever want is you."

"You don't know that."

He shook his head. "I know enough to tell you that nothing will ever change the way I feel about you, even if music doesn't work out. I think we've been through enough to prove that."

"Things change, people change. Don't promise me things that you can't be certain of Edward."

He frowned for a moment, unsure where all this talk was coming from. The night before he was certain that she had said she loved him and that they would find a way to make this work. She was back peddling again and it startled him. Was all of this a result of Jacob? He feared that all this press coverage was merely making thing worse, no, he knew that all this coverage was making things worse. Could they ever go back to the couple who was blissfully happy? Yes, they could… If she would allow him to do the one and only thing he knew he had to do.

Rolling onto his back, he reached towards the nightstand, his hand groping for his phone.

"What are you doing?"

He could hear her talking but shook his head, listing not to her but to the ring tone.

"Hey… I need a favor."

__________

It was a three page article. It had been last minute. Still, the editor in chief didn't mind, in fact, she jumped at the chance to publish the story. It was a numbers game, but at least the magazine was reputable and it wasn't too intrusive: Waking in the Fire was already on the cover. Emmett and Rose encouraged the move, it was Bella's reaction that had worried him. Immediately following the interview she had closed off just as he had expected her to. For three weeks now she walked around, neither fully acknowledging him nor fully ignoring him. He didn't know what to do and it bothered him but instead of making a bigger deal of it, he suggested they leave London for a while and she had agreed, her entire demeanor suddenly changing. She was light again, she smiled again, and best of all, she seemed to forget about it all.

That was how, two days before the magazine would hit news agents, they were lounging in the Cullen's villa just outside of Florence.

But now the bubble that they had created in Italy was suddenly gone as the glossy covered stared up at them. It was, in theory, unassuming if it wasn't for the words that the two of them knew existed in the pages. Thankfully, as per Bella's request, any mention that they were going to come out with their relationship on the front cover was kept to a small block of letters that hung on the left page near Jaspers hand.

"Ready?" he asked softly, turning to wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her close to him. Her body was tense and he rubbed her bare arm with his finger before leaning in to kiss her temple. "I know you're afraid but it will be okay."

She nodded into his chest and curled her body closer against him as he began to flip through the pages. And there, on page two hundred and seven it was.

_Tucked away in a quiet corner of the Carmel Room at The Berkeley in London is a fairly unassuming couple. From the entrance they are barely noticeable but drawing closer to them, it becomes obvious how deep their connection flows. He's dressed in dark fitted jeans and a black tee shirt worn under a button up oxford. His messy hair is tucked under a black beanie but it doesn't do much to tame the frays that still stick out. His arm is draped across the shoulders of a small girl, her body tucked closely into his as he leans down to whisper something into her ear that lights a big, bright smile and they both giggle. She's lovely; dressed casually in a dark blue blouse, jeans and flats. "She's terrible in heels," he jokes after I sneak a glance at the Chanel flats that I've been eying for months now. "She's the biggest klutz I've ever seen," he pauses to glance at her, dropping a sweet kiss to her cheek as she flushes. "But I wouldn't have it any other way."_

_He's become one of the most talked about celebrities in recent months but not for the right reasons. Edward Cullen, the Waking in the Fire front man with the haunting voice and ability to turn words into beautiful poetry that speaks straight from the heart and his amazing talent of taking simple notes and creating evocative chords, isn't finding fame because of these talents but rather, because of the messy love affair that has been splattered across tabloid rags for the past two months. It's a shame really because at 26, Cullen is finally seeing his dreams come true. The band's freshman album, Can't Let Go—named for the first single, and rumored to be written about the woman currently on his arm—has sold nearly 750,000 copies since its release two months ago and is currently poised to outsell that record when it is released in the US at the end of next month. _

"_It's hard," he says, "to know that people are enjoying the music but for all the press to be about something else. It's not fair for the other members of the band. I'm not a one man show…" That something else that Cullen is referring to, is the love affair that he has been involved in with former AEG executive, Jacob Black's wife, Isabella Swan—or Bella as she insists that I call her. _

"_I never meant for it to happen, you never intend for something like this to happen," she finally says and Edward reaches over and takes her hand into his and you can see just how hard this has been on the both of them. "When I met Edward, I fought every romantic feeling I had for him. I was married and infidelity was never an option. I thought I loved Jacob and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him."_

_Bella met her husband in her hometown of Forks, Washington when they were young. Jacob, three years her senior, asked her out when she was a sophomore at the local high school and they had been together ever since. "It seemed so natural at the time. I had just moved back to live with my father and he was the only person I knew. The town was small but that familiarity was there and when I was with him it felt right."_

_They were married right after he graduated and while she attended the University of Washington in Seattle, they shared an apartment in the city while he took a job with AEG. "The first year or two of the marriage was very difficult… I lost a child one night when I was in a car accident and it was a very dark period of time for me. He took care of me and kept me somewhat sane when all I wanted to do was die." She reaches up and rubs her eyes with her fingers as Edward looks down at her, his hand rubbing her back to attempt to sooth her obviously frazzled nerves. It's obviously a difficult subject for her to talk about, and I feel like an intruder as I watch Edward lean over and whisper into her ear which she nods along to. "I'm sorry," she finally begins again. "I haven't told very many people this story but it's important to know everything… Even my best friend didn't know until a few months ago."_

_Cue the move to London. Bella smiles when she talks about the move, though I assume that was probably not always the case. "I didn't know a soul here but ended up meeting the three people who have helped me turn my life around." It's obvious who she is talking about: best friend Rose McCarty, her husband, another AEG executive Emmett, and of course, the man sitting next to her. _

_When Jacob was transferred to the city, Bella says that they were in a bit of a rough patch and she was looking forward to the move "I thought that if we moved to a new place together, it would be like starting over… I thought that was what we needed more than anything." The move turned out to be anything but helpful. Instead it seemed to only drive a wedge between them even further. "He was a completely different person in London and I just assimilated into the person that he needed me to be. I lost myself and became numb to everything around me." _

_The story is so different to the one that Jacob Black has been saying to the press. "Bella was very apprehensive to even being my friend in the beginning," Edward adds, a wistful smile appearing on his face. "I'm not completely proud of it, even if I am glad I did it, but I was pretty persistent for a while." She grins back at him and slaps his arm playfully. "I fought every romantic feeling in my body that I was feeling for him, but the truth was when I was with him, I had never felt more at home before."_

_The couple met after Bella and Jacob had been living in London for three years. "I spilled her coffee on her and I bought her a new one and we talked all afternoon," Cullen says. "It was the greatest afternoon of my life and it changed me completely." Edward claims that he was never interested in relationships before he met Bella. "My life was a string of one nights stands. I'd be lying if I said I never took advantage of being a musician… It always seemed to get me what I wanted but after Bella… I don't know," he shrugs, "I lost interest in everything else. I knew what I wanted and if I had to wait, I would."_

"_I cheated on Jacob," she finally blurts out, her eyes casted down to the table for a moment before she looks up and meets mine. You can see the months, maybe even years of pain that she had been carrying around, pain that even I hadn't been aware of until one day later when I met with her best friends—more on that later. "I'm not trying to hide that and I'm never going to deny it because it did happen but I think, even if I was unable and maybe a little unwilling to admit it at the time, my marriage had been over for a long time. We weren't the same people and I couldn't live my life being what he wanted me to be… I needed to be my own person and Edward let me be me and he loved me, he always loved me." _

"_It was hard, the hardest thing I ever went through," Cullen replied softly his eyes briefly catching hers and it's almost as though I'm interrupting something personal between them. "But we both knew, I think, that what we were doing was wrong and we did end it." The couple was only together for a short while in relationship language, only seven months, before they both mutually ended it. Emmett and Rose McCarty were very open about that time of their friend's life. _

"_Edward became a member of our family. We'd known Bella since she moved and had seen such a change in her… It was astounding and we knew that it was because of him," Rose told me over coffee in Belgravia the next afternoon. "She almost immediately reverted back into the shell that she was before they met and it was so difficult after the vibrant girl she was when Edward was around." _

_During their time apart, Bella spent a great deal of her time with a therapist. "I didn't know what I wanted anymore and even though Edward made me feel better about myself… I was still a horribly broken person." She is talking about the miscarriage that happened some years before the move to London even took place. "I never let myself deal with the consequences of the miscarriage. When it happened, Jacob insisted that we would get through it together and I didn't need therapy… I've never been happier that I've gone… I needed to face those demons and it gave me the strength to leave my marriage so I could finally be happy."_

_Jacob's story is infinitely different than what Bella told me that afternoon, but there is a sincerity there that makes me believe her completely. Though he was not reachable for comment, Jacob claims that he and Bella have been in communication and have been trying to work out their differences. "Absolutely not true," she says. "We've both hurt each other too much and…" she pauses to look at Edward who is smiling down at her, "I'm too in love with him to consider anything else… For the first time in my life I feel like I'm in the right place."_

_Though Bella wouldn't elaborate on how Jacob had hurt her, I did manage to meet the missing party. Enter Leah Clearwater. _

"Did you know they talked to Leah?" Bella asked, looking away from the article, having read enough to know that it was okay… It was all she needed; there was no need to rehash every single thing that they had said.

"Emmett had told me she wanted to be a part of it, to help back up our word but I never knew what came of it. I didn't think there was enough time."

Her eyes drifted to the window that was in front of them and she let herself take in the countryside, the warmth of the sun heating her skin. Realizing that they were done, he closed the magazine and tossed it on the table before pulling her close to him.

"Are you okay?"

"Better than okay."

"Are you glad we came here?"

"I think we needed it," she smiled and snuggled her head against his chest. "But Edward?"

"Hm?"

"I'm ready to go home."

__________

She looked down at the papers that were delivered to Edward's flat, her flat now that she was officially living there. Six months later and they were finally there, it was finally over. Once she touched the pen to the paper and scribbled her signature, she would be divorced. She felt Edward's hand on her shoulder and she smiled as she looked up at him. For anyone else, she knew that this act would be difficult, to sign away the past ten years of your life with one person but it wasn't. She was exactly where she was supposed to be, with exactly the right person.

"This is what you want right?" he said.

"What? My divorce?"

He grinned, "No… I know you want the divorce… I mean, are you sure you're finally ready to move in here?"

Without responding she scribbled her name on the line and stood up to face him, her hands planted firmly on his cheeks. "I've never been more certain of anything… I probably shouldn't have waited as long as I did."

"I understand why you did."

"I just wish now that I hadn't," she sighed running her fingers down his neck and settling her hands on this chest. "All that time wasted."

"It's not wasted if it makes us stronger."

Stronger… It was a poignant word in their relationship now. They really had been through more in two years than most couples go through in a lifetime. After the _Vanity Fair _article, Jacob had nearly disappeared, and it was probably because for the first time, everyone was able to see the truth behind the relationship. That isn't to say that there wasn't some backlash. Still, it was much easier than she had anticipated and even when things got hard, Edward had been there to reassure her that no matter what they would make it through it. And they had.

It wasn't an easy six months, but it wasn't nearly as hard as she had been anticipating. Edward and his band had ended up touring the US and she hadn't been able to take the time off to follow him even if it was what she wanted to do. Those two months had been extremely difficult but she had grown close with his family and Esme was a constant source of comfort for her. It also helped that Edward left Hudson in her care. There was always a reminder that he would be coming back and they would be okay.

"What time does Charlie and Sue's flight get in tomorrow?"

Bella sighed against his chest and held his waist tighter. "The plane is supposed to get into Heathrow at ten… He said to send a car because he didn't want you to have to deal with paparazzi."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to pick them up at the airport."

"I'll wait in the car…" he smiled, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead. "It will be good to see the two of them again anyways… Unless you want to go alone."

"No, I want you there ad even though Charlie won't admit it… He does want you there too."

The first time he met Charlie had been when the band was in Washington. It was the one part of the tour that Bella had been able to join him on. The prospect of meeting the man was more terrifying to him than getting up on stage, but the moment he met him, he was instantly at ease. Though they were two completely different people, they did have one thing in common and it was enough to bring them close: Bella. It was unspoken between them, but they both knew that they would do anything for her.

"_Bella's been through a lot…" Charlie mused aloud as the two men sat on the couch. The television was set to the game and Charlie popped the tab of his beer, glancing once at the door as they heard the women leave to go to the grocery store._

"_I know. You have a strong daughter, sir."_

"_I can't take full credit for that… I know that I'm partly to blame for her relationship with Jacob and since then I've vowed to make sure that she's okay. I never should have pushed her towards him."_

"_You only did what you thought was right for her. I know you thought she loved him enough, that he loved her enough."_

_They were silent for a moment, the sound of the game blaring through the room._

"_What are your intentions with my daughter?"_

_Edward twisted his hands in his lap. This was a conversation that he was planning on having with Charlie, but not this soon into meeting him. He wanted to get to know him a bit and before he had to leave town, he planned on asking his permission._

"_I love her, very much."_

"_I gathered that much."_

"_I know the divorce isn't finalized yet but I know what I want and I do want to spend the rest of my life with her if she'll have me. I've lived without her for long enough and I can't go through that again. When she's ready, I'd like to ask her to marry me… With your permission of course."_

_Charlie starred at him for a moment, his eyes hard and narrow before they softened when he had determined that the man before him was telling the truth. For him it was so different than when Jacob had asked him the same question. He knew back then Jacob had loved his daughter but now, looking at Edward, he knew Jacob never loved her enough. Edward would. That much was blatantly obvious to him. _

"_Do you have a ring?"Edward nodded. "On you?"_

"_It's back in London… It's been in my family for ages and I want her to have it."_

"_I trust you Edward… I don't know you very well but I think you can make her happy… But if you ever hurt her, I swear you'll regret it."_

"_I won't hurt her Chief. I couldn't."_

"_Good boy."_

He watched as she pulled away and put one of the copies of the divorce papers into another envelope and sealed it up, ready to send it back.

"Are you packed to go to the edge?" He asked as he walked into the kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge while his free hand fingered the ring that rested deep in the bottom of his pocket. He had just picked it up from the jewelers and was now sized to perfection.

"Yes… I guess we can leave straight from Heathrow if you want… We can take the Volvo, there's plenty of room."

"That sounds perfect love," he smiled.

__________

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Charlie asked, sipping his beer and staring out at the English countryside. When Edward had called three weeks ago and said that he was ready to propose and he wanted him there, he knew that the trip would be worth it. Besides, he had never been to England; even in all the years that Bella had lived there with Jacob. It was time to make that trip, and he couldn't think of a better reason to do it.

"I've never been more sure of anything else… I know the divorce was just finalized but I can't wait any longer and I don't think she'll want to either."

Charlie smiled at him. "When?"

"I'm taking her for a walk at the edge… There's a place there that I want her to see… Then."

"Today?"

"Today," he grinned.

"Good luck son," he replied, pulling Edward into a hug. "Welcome to the family."

__________

He was thankful that it was a beautiful day: the sun shining and peaking through the clouds casting a golden glow on the dirt and grass covered ground. His heart was racing but he was more excited than nervous. He knew Bella, knew her well enough that she would say yes to him. This was right, neither wanted to wait any longer before starting a life together.

"Where are we going?"

"Just around the corner," he replied, tightening his grip on her waist as she stumbled on a rock. "Careful love."

She couldn't remember going this deep into the path the other times that they had been here which had been more frequently lately. Edward claimed that he wanted to purchase a house in the area for the future, for their future, but she was appalled by the high prices and was trying to convince him to buy a home someplace cheaper. He had yet to be deterred saying that he always wanted to raise a family where he had grown up, that it was the perfect town for them.

His sudden stop jerked her from her thoughts and she felt him turn her body into his, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek before he leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"See that?" he asked when they pulled away and pointed to an engraving on a rock. She nodded.

"What is it?"

"It's the Wizard's Well."

"I've never heard of it."

"It was formed by a spring sometime back when Paganism was prominent in the area… The face was carved sometime ago; they think it's older than 200 years old… But the water," he said as he moved them closer and bent down, letting it slosh through his fingers, "the water is said to have magical powers."

Bella grinned but leaned down and mimicked his movement with the water. It was cool against her warm skin, sending a shiver down her spine.

"The water," he continued, "was thought to cure infertility."

"Edward…"

"No wait…" he continued, pulling them both up. "I don't care if we can't have children of our own but I do want a family with you… Bella… I want everything with you and I don't want to wait any longer. I've spent so much time waiting for the right woman and then you came into my life and it was filled with a vibrancy that had never existed before. And when you were gone, everything was in the same place as it had been before but so much was missing… My heart was gone because you had it. I can't live through that again… I need to know that you'll be with me forever." Reaching into his pocket he pulled the small black box and dropped to his knee. "Marry me Isabella Swan, spend forever with me, start a new life with me."

She looked at the ring, the delicate platinum setting. So different than her first ring, so much more of what she would have imagined wearing for the rest of her life. Her heart was beating in her chest but not because she was scared like she had been the first time she was placed in this position, she had never been more excited. This was exactly where she was supposed to be and this was exactly the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with.

"You're leaving me hanging here love," he smiled nervously, causing her to blush.

"Edward… I've never wanted anything more… Yes, with all my heart, yes."

He slipped the delicate ring on her finger before standing back up, pulling her into his arms and pressing his lips against her own. Elation. There was a sense of happiness that filled him up that he had never known before and he savored in it as he kissed her softly until they both needed to come up for air.

"I love you Edward Cullen," she said softly, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she panted, trying to catch her breath. "Thank you."

"For what?" he grinned, reaching up to cup her cheek.

"For finding me."

"I've never been more thankful that I did."

He pulled her back into him, not kissing her but just feeling her pressed against him. They both stood there savoring each other and enjoying the moment.

"And Edward?"

"Hmmm?" he mumbled against her hair.

"I didn't need the Wizard's Well after all."

__________

**Did I mention there's an epilogue? It's been started… I hope to have it up soon. **

**As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**


	24. You Make My Dreams Come True

**Thanks for sticking out for this short blurb guys… Purely fluff… A short 1,500 words but should provide closure… Surprise coming in the authors note so don't get angry with me for the way I've ended it.**

**You Found Me  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

_**Epilogue**_

_What I want you've got  
But it might be hard to handle  
Like the flame that burns the candle  
The candle feeds the flame yeah yeah  
What I got – full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter  
And you pull them all together  
And how I can't explain oh yea  
Well well you  
You make my dreams come true  
Well well well you  
Oh yeah you make my dreams come true  
Hell yeah_

_On a night when bad dreams become a screamer  
When you're messin' with a dreamer  
I can laugh it in the face  
Twist and show my way out  
And wrap yourself around me  
'Cause I ain't the way you found me  
And I'll never be the same  
Hmmm hmmm You make my dreams come true  
Oh yeah  
Well well well you  
Oh you make my dreams come true  
Oh yea  
Listen to this_

_I'm down on my daydream  
All that sleepwalk should be over by now  
I know  
Well you, hell yeah, you make my dreams come true  
Oh yeah  
I've been waiting for, waiting for you girl  
Oh yeah you make my dreams come true  
Me you, me and you  
I've been waiting for waiting for you girl  
All my life  
You make my dreams come true  
Whoa whoa I've been waiting for, waiting for, waiting  
for waiting for waiting  
for waiting for waiting for  
I've been waiting for you girl_

"You Make My Dreams Come True," Hall and Oates

__________

For two hours he had been watching her sleep next to him, amazed that in less than forty eight hours, she'd be walking down an aisle towards him, ready to give herself to him forever. Because this time, it would be just that, forever. It was impossible for him to imagine his life without her now, knowing full well that if they were to be separated again that he would never make it through it again.

His hand brushed the curves of her body before settling on her stomach, now harder than it had been nearly four months ago. Per her request, they kept the news of the baby a secret but rushed the wedding so they could announce it when they came back from their honeymoon. He knew that the sole reason she wished to keep it quiet was because her fear that she would lose it in the first trimester. It was the hardest month of his life; living in the constant fear that something could happen, but now, two months later, she was nearly in the clear, the doctor no longer concerned about her losing the child invitro. That wasn't to say that there couldn't be complications, but both refused to think negatively about it.

The soft knock on the door caused him to scowl, knowing full well it was his sister ready to pry his soon to be wife from the warm bed and into the chaos of the last day before the wedding. He wanted nothing more than to keep her in bed with him, naked, and enjoy the day, enjoy their day. It was bad enough knowing that he would have to share her with their guests the following day, was it not fair that he have just one more with her?

He carefully extracted himself from her embrace, pulling the covers up to cover her naked body and the small bump that was barely visible to anyone but the two of them. His boxers had been cast on the floor and he fumbled around before finding them and pulling them on just as the door swung open with a gusto he believed was unnecessary.

"She's still sleeping!" Alice, eyes wide, stated as she took in the surroundings of the messy room. "She has appointments to get to! Final dress fittings and hair appointments and you're letting her sleep!"

"Alice." His voice was a warning. He knew better than anyone how badly her body needed the rest. The last thing he wanted was for her to get over excited, to get stressed and for that stress to harm their child. "A few extra minutes of sleep never hurt anyone."

"Easy for you to say! You don't have to accomplish as much as we do today!"

Taking a deep breath, he found his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "Please, Alli, just let her rest a bit… I don't want to stress her out too much."

"Why? Anything the two of you aren't telling us?" she grinned and his eyes widened slightly.

"No."

"Sure… That's why the dress had to be let out an inch."

"Please Alice… Not now."

"I hate it when you keep things from me. And I can't believe you think I wouldn't find out," she pouted. "Besides, I need to start shopping for the tyke and how can I do that if you don't let me know?"

"I'll have her ready in an hour and a half… Until then, no comment," he grinned, pushing his sister out of the doorway with little struggle before starting to close the door in her face.

"I hate that you've had publicity training now…" he heard her grumble before her little feet could be heard stomping down the hall to find someone else to bother.

__________

"You seem surprisingly calm this time around."

Bella turned from the window where she was watching the planners finish setting up the backyard just as Esme and Alice had ordered them to, to find her childhood best friend standing behind her with two shots of tequila in her hands.

"Thought you might need one," Angela smiled, extending one of the glasses to her.

"It's different this time around… It feels right. I can't really explain it."

"So no tequila?"

"No tequilla… I want to really remember everything. I don't feel scared… It's so hard to explain."

"No it's not sweetie… I know exactly what you are feeling. When it's right, you just know."

__________

She never imagined getting married a second time. In fact, she never imagined her first marriage ending. The fact that it had, was still sometimes a surprise to her. But when she looked back on everything, when she took the time to really see her life for what it had been and what it had become, she knew that everything happened for a reason. No longer could she bring herself to hate Jake, not when he had brought three people, the most important people, into her life: Emmett and Rose, the two pillars who kept her strong and believed in her from the very beginning and most importantly, Edward. She couldn't imagine a life without him now, and thankfully, she knew that she never had to.

Brushing the white chiffon with her hands she let them linger on the small bump of her stomach. A child, her child, their child, slowly growing inside of her, something she never imagined she could be capable of. It thrilled her to no end. Edward had changed everything: he made her believe in herself again, showed her how to love again, and had proved to her that miricles do exist, that sometimes, you do get everything that you could ever want.

"Ready Bells?" She looked to her father, standing proud and tall and looking handsome in his tux. He was comfortable here, and he seemed to fit in well with the Cullens, something she had once feared. He welcomed Edward so easily, another concern she had once had. He had loved Jake so much she was certain that he could never love another son inlaw that way. He was disproving her in every single sense of the word. If anything, she saw a bond stronger than ever between Edward and Charlie. The had common ground and she knew that she was it: she didn't worry about their love anymore, she knew that those men loved her more than anything else in the world.

"Never been more ready dad," she smiled at him, letting him take her hand into his.

"You look beautiful and truly happy."

"I am dad, I really am."

__________

The wedding was small. Just their closest friends and family. Held at the Cullen family home in Alderly Edge and kept so quiet that the press had not caught wind of it. The backyard had truly been transformed and both Edward and Bella had Alice to thank for that. It was something out of a fairytale: flowers everywhere, the aroma surrounding the guests and themselves. Small, delecate lanterns hung from the trees casting a soft glow during the sunset. They couldn't have planned it better themselves.

When the toasts had been made and the food had been eaten, Edward smiled, brought the hand of his wife to his lips and kissed it softly before standing up.

"Bella and I, we'd just like to thank you all for coming and sharing this day with us. I never imagined such a wonderful woman in my life and now I can't imagine a life without her. I don't know what I've done to deserve her but I promise that I'll spend the rest of my life proving myself worthy of her love," he paused for a moment and looked down to smile at her softly while she just grinned and shook her head at him. "Alice, thank you for putting this together so quickly, you might have been a pain in the ass in the process, but you've truly outdone yourself. Mum, Dad… thank you for welcoming Bella so warmly… Thank you for supporting us, even when things were difficult… And Renee and Charlie, thank you for raising such a wonderful, beautiful daughter and for giving me a chance. But most of all," he smiled and pulled on Bella's hand, raising her to her feet and wrapping his arm around her while cupping her face with the other, "I love you Bella Cullen and thank you for giving me the greatest gift of all."

Bella's eyes went wide and he just smiled and nodded at her, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "We were going to wait to announce this until we got back from our trip but with Alice finding out and all…"

"Thank god!" Esme shouted from the table off to the side. "I've been waiting for you both to just come out with it!"

Edward grinned widely, "Thank you mum, and you've finally gotten your wish. Bella and I just want to let you all be the first to know that we are expecting and in five months we'd love it if you'd be there to welcome into the world little baby Cullen."

__________

"So…" Edward smiled as he peppered kisses along his wifes neck.

"So?"

"Was it everything you imagined it would be?"

"No," she deadpanned, causing him to sit up and look at her before a smile lit her face. "It was more"

"Don't scare a man like that, you nearly gave me a heart attack darling," he pulled her closer to his body, his finger trailing over her bare arm. "Ready for forever?"

"I've never been more ready for anything else."

__________

***Hides* I know it was short guys but I don't want to give up on the idea of a sequel… So I left you with the important information: They did get married, and they ARE pregnant. This does mean, I have every intention of revisiting these characters… I love Londonward too much to leave him alone (Karlotita09 know my obsession with him haha)… I hope that you enjoyed this short blurb into their happiness… I do plan for more in the future… But I have something else in the works right now, something I am SO EXCITED to share with you all!**

**Thank you though first and foremost for sticking with me throughout this… If you've made it through the angst you are all truly amazing because this one was full of it. The sequel will have it, but not as much… Still… The sequel is a bit of a way off… I hope you have enough of a conclusion for the time being. **

**Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this endeavor, you know who you are. Your kind words are loved and appreciated. **

**And I leave you with a sampling of the new story, OUT SOON!**

"**Jumping Off The Page"**

_**Arotrosy Volturi was still alive and like the man before me, hiding. I found the details hazy, only able to piece together the major points. Volturi wanted to release classified information regarding certain US interest in the wars waging in the Middle East, information that would destroy the morale and heart of the country, information that was worthy of starting WWIII. Anthony Masen, alias of course, officially named Edward Cullen, was the agent assigned to take out Arotrosy. He obviously couldn't pull the trigger. What Masen didn't know, what his superiors had failed to inform him of, was that he wasn't the only one on the job and when the shot shook the opera house where the assassination was to take place, it was him they spotted with the gun, and him running for his life. Edward Cullen was CIA no longer. He was black listed, a rogue. And only **__**I, Bella Swan **__**knew the truth and the critical piece of information that would eventually, if we were lucky, save his life.**_


End file.
